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  1. #1
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    love at a distance

    Hello everyone , i have posted here before to introduce myself and to report on my recent trip to Davao City, but now i am looking at a lengthy separation from my fiancee due to circumstances beyond our control , and i wonder how people deal with the situation? - firstly the lady in question is Fretche , or che-che , who posts here as ApoEagles ( thanks to all the kind responses to che-che's postings , from both of us ) - we had spent about 6 months getting to know each other on the web and the on the phone before i visited Davao in March , and the most important thing is how perfectly our first times together went , as well as how warmly welcomed by che-che's family and friends i was - now i think is the hard bit as i was laid off from my job last month and i am unable to make the plans for che-che to come and live in the UK until i am back in steady work , also lack of money has restricted our phone chats and internet access so this is a testing time indeed. However frustrating things are , i tell myself to think how lucky i am to have met che-che as she is gorgeous , loving , clever and funny and i truly am crazy about her and i believe that she feels the same way - the only problems we sometimes have are communication breakdowns , because although che-che has excellent english ( and i am learning tagalog word by word very slowly !) , we have problems with instant messaging which can sometimes be confused , but also with our different approaches and outlooks - basically i think that the english and filipinos are very different in our emotional outlooks , and che-che sometimes mistakes things i say for coldness or being unsure about my feelings , which could not be further from the truth - i wonder how people get over the obvious cultural differences in their relationships , and also survive the separation from their loved one? , i have to say that we had no disagreements or misunderstandings when i was in the Philippines so i hope that it is the distance which is the main problem , anyway i do love che-che very much and just hope we are both strong enough to see it through , many thanks , Calvin


  2. #2
    Respected Member keithAngel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by calvin72 View Post
    Hello everyone , i have posted here before to introduce myself and to report on my recent trip to Davao City, but now i am looking at a lengthy separation from my fiancee due to circumstances beyond our control , and i wonder how people deal with the situation?

    - Firstly the lady in question is Fretche , or che-che , who posts here as ApoEagles ( thanks to all the kind responses to che-che's postings , from both of us. -

    We had spent about 6 months getting to know each other on the web and the on the phone before i visited Davao in March , and the most important thing is how perfectly our first times together went , as well as how warmly welcomed by che-che's family and friends i was .

    Now i think is the hard bit as i was laid off from my job last month and i am unable to make the plans for che-che to come and live in the UK until i am back in steady work , also lack of money has restricted our phone chats and internet access so this is a testing time indeed.

    However frustrating things are , i tell myself to think how lucky i am to have met che-che as she is gorgeous , loving , clever and funny and i truly am crazy about her and i believe that she feels the same way - the only problems we sometimes have are communication breakdowns , because although che-che has excellent english ( and i am learning tagalog word by word very slowly !) , we have problems with instant messaging which can sometimes be confused ,

    Also with our different approaches and outlooks - basically i think that the english and filipinos are very different in our emotional outlooks , and che-che sometimes mistakes things i say for coldness or being unsure about my feelings , which could not be further from the truth -

    i wonder how people get over the obvious cultural differences in their relationships , and also survive the separation from their loved one? , i have to say that we had no disagreements or misunderstandings when i was in the Philippines so i hope that it is the distance which is the main problem , anyway i do love che-che very much and just hope we are both strong enough to see it through , many thanks , Calvin
    With Apologies


  3. #3
    Respected Member Piamed's Avatar
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    Welcome back calvin72.

    I can't yet comment on cultural differences as I've not yet experienced anything of note. Perhaps what you have been experiencing could also be based on the differences between men and women.

    Regarding the separation? My goodness it's so hard at times. It's par for the course. Just have to keep the end in sight and count each passing day as being a day closer to being together again.

    I hope you will be be able to see it through. An infinite supply of patience and understanding is required by you both.

    But in the end it will be worth it.

    Toks
    Be responsible with little so that you can be trusted with much!!
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  4. #4
    Respected Member bornatbirth's Avatar
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    u know the problem i have?

    is that when theres something on my gfs mind she keeps quiet until either i make her so mad or she cant control herself anymore and lets it all out!

    like my gf your gf is alot more sensitive than us english men and silly little stuff will wouldnt even think about as a big effect on them and can make them have there little tantrums.

    i get my gf accusing me of being insensitive,emotionless and thoughtless and clueless when shes having a bit of a tantrum and sometimes i dont even know what started it? lol

    my gf as a habit of not telling me certain stuff and when shes worried and concerned im supposed to guess whats wrong,when i dont do i get it in the neck!

    so what do i do to find out whats wrong?
    well ifs shes quiet on yahoo then i know something is bothering her,so to get it over with and as she wont tell me wats wrong,i just start a fight and get her mad,she does get more mad at me but at lease i know wats wrong with her.

    you just have to get used to her being more sensitive over the silly little things that may hurt her like its the end of the world?

    just try to be more understanding to her and the way she thinks and even try talking to her on the reasons she gets hurt then at least u get to know her more?

    i guess ur having problems just now like u mentioned in ur post,just think whats going on in her mind,her brain is spinning with different stuff.

    so tell her what ur plans are to reassured her how u want her here with you,and most important tell her that you love her!!


  5. #5
    Respected Member Piamed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bornatbirth View Post
    u know the problem i have?
    when theres something on my gfs mind she keeps quiet until either i make her so mad
    silly little stuff will wouldnt even think about as a big effect on them
    can make them have there little tantrums.
    i get my gf accusing me of being insensitive,emotionless and thoughtless and clueless
    when shes worried and concerned im supposed to guess whats wrong,when i dont do i get it in the neck!
    Quote Originally Posted by bornatbirth View Post
    so what do i do to find out whats wrong?
    i just start a fight and get her mad,she does get more mad at me but at lease i know wats wrong with her.
    you just have to get used to her being more sensitive over the silly little things that may hurt her like its the end of the world?
    Hehehehehehe! This is a joke, right!

    just try to be more understanding to her and the way she thinks and even try talking to her on the reasons she gets hurt then at least u get to know her more?
    most important tell her that you love her!!
    I agree with that.
    Be responsible with little so that you can be trusted with much!!
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  6. #6
    andypaul's Avatar
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    Instant messaging is totally different to a face to face chat or phone calls.

    Make sure you save your chats one for

    1 Evidence for any applications.

    2 For memories.

    3 Review the conversations.

    Do you reply instantly or near enough? You may be rushing around the house sorting things out for the next day but if the person you are speaking to is just sitting to you waiting for a reply its not a smooth conversation and will wind you up.


    Are your mesages clear do you use

    Are you aware of LOL, Lmao, BRB and other examples?

    like texts messages its hard to tell the tone in text chats.

    Dont think of instant messaging like writing a letter, an email or even a telephone conversation.

    If this chats are limited then im sure you are aware you need to spend maxium time and effort on them to get the maxium result.

    Make sure you are relaxed and got any important tasks out of the way its so easy to let your mind wander if things are bugging you.

    You say you both are having problems with instant messaging?

    Are they just with the chat or are there technical problems? Can we help?


  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by bornatbirth View Post
    u know the problem i have?

    is that when theres something on my gfs mind she keeps quiet until either i make her so mad or she cant control herself anymore and lets it all out!

    like my gf your gf is alot more sensitive than us english men and silly little stuff will wouldnt even think about as a big effect on them and can make them have there little tantrums.

    i get my gf accusing me of being insensitive,emotionless and thoughtless and clueless when shes having a bit of a tantrum and sometimes i dont even know what started it? lol

    my gf as a habit of not telling me certain stuff and when shes worried and concerned im supposed to guess whats wrong,when i dont do i get it in the neck!

    so what do i do to find out whats wrong?
    well ifs shes quiet on yahoo then i know something is bothering her,so to get it over with and as she wont tell me wats wrong,i just start a fight and get her mad,she does get more mad at me but at lease i know wats wrong with her.
    !
    No, mate, you will not know what is wrong for a while, until things cool down in her head....

    By being confrontational, you just exacerbate her "tampo".

    She will come out of her moods by herself, and she will eventually tell everything you in her own time.

    All you have to do is just be there and be understanding, listen to her talking, don't ask too many questions about her mood at the time.

    "Tampo" is a Filipina's weapon of choice......






  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by aromulus View Post
    No, mate, you will not know what is wrong for a while, until things cool down in her head....

    By being confrontational, you just exacerbate her "tampo".

    She will come out of her moods by herself, and she will eventually tell everything you in her own time.

    All you have to do is just be there and be understanding, listen to her talking, don't ask too many questions about her mood at the time.

    "Tampo" is a Filipina's weapon of choice......

    We in the UK and the west are very confrontational, in phill people are not as a rule.

    Worth reading up about the diffences in cultures or one day things will go to far.


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  10. #10
    Respected Member keithAngel's Avatar
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    I wonder sometimes if the best thing to do isn't to let her be her and me be me

    If she enjoys a good sulk time by time thats fine but Im not of the view that allowing emotional manipulation is a wise thing to do.


  11. #11
    andypaul's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by keithAngel View Post
    I wonder sometimes if the best thing to do isn't to let her be her and me be me

    If she enjoys a good sulk time by time thats fine but Im not of the view that allowing emotional manipulation is a wise thing to do.
    If my missus sulks i use the time as my time ie pub and football


  12. #12
    Respected Member Eljohno's Avatar
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    You will know when you have annoyed the wife so much when you wake up during the nite and she is leaning over you with a knife lol

    You will learn as you continue in your relationship but as of now just learn from any filipino women on this site and if you dig deep enough they might be honest enough to tell you loads, good & bad!!

    PS of course 99.9% good!!
    PMS the other 0.1%


  13. #13
    Respected Member bornatbirth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aromulus View Post
    No, mate, you will not know what is wrong for a while, until things cool down in her head....

    By being confrontational, you just exacerbate her "tampo".

    She will come out of her moods by herself, and she will eventually tell everything you in her own time.

    All you have to do is just be there and be understanding, listen to her talking, don't ask too many questions about her mood at the time.

    "Tampo" is a Filipina's weapon of choice......
    lol i do know as she as told me,every time she gets mad it ends the same way.
    she takes her anger out on me and i end up saying sorry


  14. #14
    Respected Member lavander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bornatbirth View Post
    u know the problem i have?

    is that when theres something on my gfs mind she keeps quiet until either i make her so mad or she cant control herself anymore and lets it all out!

    like my gf your gf is alot more sensitive than us english men and silly little stuff will wouldnt even think about as a big effect on them and can make them have there little tantrums.

    i get my gf accusing me of being insensitive,emotionless and thoughtless and clueless when shes having a bit of a tantrum and sometimes i dont even know what started it? lol

    my gf as a habit of not telling me certain stuff and when shes worried and concerned im supposed to guess whats wrong,when i dont do i get it in the neck!

    so what do i do to find out whats wrong?
    well ifs shes quiet on yahoo then i know something is bothering her,so to get it over with and as she wont tell me wats wrong,i just start a fight and get her mad,she does get more mad at me but at lease i know wats wrong with her.

    you just have to get used to her being more sensitive over the silly little things that may hurt her like its the end of the world?

    just try to be more understanding to her and the way she thinks and even try talking to her on the reasons she gets hurt then at least u get to know her more?

    i guess ur having problems just now like u mentioned in ur post,just think whats going on in her mind,her brain is spinning with different stuff.

    so tell her what ur plans are to reassured her how u want her here with you,and most important tell her that you love her!!

    Dear Bornatbirth,
    You hit it on the spot!...yes, that's how a typical filipina is...
    Somewhat a bit 'toxic/moody' and times have 'sapi'/senti moods that when you on the spot...World War begins!!!

    But the main point to address this from a point of view of a typical filipina is to let her know how much you care for her, assurance of you commitment to her and this will make her feel in cloud 9 and so the sapi will just vanish like a bubbles in the air...yes!...as if nothing happen hahahhaah...


    just my 2cents....


    lavander..
    Keep moving on...


  15. #15
    Respected Member LEAHnew's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by calvin72 View Post
    ..... we had spent about 6 months getting to know each other on the web and the on the phone before i visited Davao in March..... , .
    You're both lucky, my bf visit me after 24 months and planning to settle in a year or more so much rushing

    Quote Originally Posted by bornatbirth View Post
    my gf as a habit of not telling me certain stuff and when shes worried and concerned im supposed to guess whats wrong,when i dont do i get it in the neck!

    so what do i do to find out whats wrong?
    well ifs shes quiet on yahoo then i know something is bothering her,so to get it over with and as she wont tell me wats wrong,i just start a fight and get her mad,she does get more mad at me but at lease i know wats wrong with her.

    you just have to get used to her being more sensitive over the silly little things that may hurt her like its the end of the world?

    just try to be more understanding to her and the way she thinks and even try talking to her on the reasons she gets hurt then at least u get to know her more?

    i guess ur having problems just now like u mentioned in ur post,just think whats going on in her mind,her brain is spinning with different stuff.

    so tell her what ur plans are to reassured her how u want her here with you,and most important tell her that you love her!!


    PAGING MY kUKUPOPS U'RE NOT ALONE

    Quote Originally Posted by aromulus View Post
    No, mate, you will not know what is wrong for a while, until things cool down in her head....

    By being confrontational, you just exacerbate her "tampo".

    She will come out of her moods by herself, and she will eventually tell everything you in her own time.

    All you have to do is just be there and be understanding, listen to her talking, don't ask too many questions about her mood at the time.

    "Tampo" is a Filipina's weapon of choice......
    Very well said Mod


  16. #16
    Respected Member kimmi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aromulus View Post
    No, mate, you will not know what is wrong for a while, until things cool down in her head....

    By being confrontational, you just exacerbate her "tampo".

    She will come out of her moods by herself, and she will eventually tell everything you in her own time.

    All you have to do is just be there and be understanding, listen to her talking, don't ask too many questions about her mood at the time.

    "Tampo" is a Filipina's weapon of choice......
    Listen to the Mod..


  17. #17
    Respected Member chino's Avatar
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    all i have to say in TAMPO

    Filipino's are in a world of their own... but this is why we love them


  18. #18
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    thanks everyone for the replies , i am sure that we experience the same frustrations as other couples on here - the comments about instant messaging are in line with my own experience , it is a difficult medium to express yourself well ( important to use the right smileys ) - anyway i hope that che-che and i will exchange thoughts with members here over the weeks and months to come , thanks , Calvin


  19. #19
    Respected Member yam's Avatar
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    You will learn as you continue in your relationship but as of now just learn from any filipino women on this site and if you dig deep enough they might be honest enough to tell you many things regarding with that. Its just kind of trials to your relationships in the long run you'll be able to overcome that. cheers...


  20. #20
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    All i know since i met tomm in my life and i been a member here on the forum i keep saying to all of my close friends and even not close friends lol that i really treasure the way English guys loved their Filipina wife...

    The way i read their post here seems they happy enough, contented w/ their life,,,yeah we know sometimes nothings perfect at all..


  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by kukurokuk View Post
    You're both lucky, my bf visit me after 24 months and planning to settle in a year or more so much rushing





    PAGING MY kUKUPOPS U'RE NOT ALONE


    --00xx3:
    paging kukurokuk kukupops where are you

    dont let just kukurokuk post here huh,


  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by calvin72 View Post
    and just hope we are both strong enough to see it through..............
    Calvin
    Hi Calvin,

    I too am in this long distance relationship. It is not easy.
    If we didn't speak and text all the time on the phone it would be difficult as people expect those things these days in this communicative world.
    My cost is 8p/min to speak and 18p per text so that is not so bad. It still goes over 100/month but we are keeping our love alive, I write once a week also. I think it is worth it, as many others here have found out, a nice Filipina is a treasure and well worth the effort.
    If the phone costs are too expensive at the moment until things improve for you sending letters will help a lot - the way everybody used to do years ago.
    Best of luck and don't give up.
    A positive outlook can do wonders, even with problems along the way.

    aposhark


  23. #23
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    nice words aposhark


  24. #24
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    Long distance relationship needs constant communication,understanding,trust,patient, and strong foundation love


  25. #25
    Respected Member Piamed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by love8888 View Post
    Long distance relationship needs constant communication,understanding,trust,patient, and strong foundation love
    Very true!

    Oh, and preparedness to spend lots of money! I worked it out that between the 4 trips to da phils, allowances, phone calls, etc. over the last 12 months and not including the wedding costs and flights/accomodation for family members, etc, I spent 10K.
    Be responsible with little so that you can be trusted with much!!
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  26. #26
    Respected Member LEAHnew's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jedc143 View Post
    paging kukurokuk kukupops where are you

    dont let just kukurokuk post here huh,
    He is so busy sis.... moving heaven on earth


  27. #27
    Respected Member LEAHnew's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by love8888 View Post
    Long distance relationship needs constant communication,understanding,trust,patient, and strong foundation love


  28. #28
    Respected Member marylen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kukurokuk View Post


  29. #29
    Respected Member marylen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marylen View Post


  30. #30
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    Hi Calvin, this is Cherrie friend of Fretche. Were friends since high school, and we already meet the time you visited here. I know in a relationships, there are misunderstandings, but you better have the open communications, so that things will getting easier for the both of you. Good luck, and i'm happy for the both of you. Hope that your love will last for my best friend, and it will lead into marriage..


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