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Thread: A few jokes
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25th August 2016 #31
I was in bed with a blind girl last night , and she said to me,
"That's the biggest dick I have ever held in my hands",
I said , "your pulling my leg"
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26th August 2016 #32
BREAKING NEWS
Man takes airline to court over them losing his luggage.
HE LOST HIS CASE
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27th August 2016 #33
A man was taken to hospital and they found 6 plastic horse's up his bum,
His condition is STABLE
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29th August 2016 #34
A guy goes into a Scottish bakers,
"How much is that cake he asked",
"A poond"
What about that one,
"A poond"
And what about this one too,
"A poond",
All my cakes are a poond the baker says ,
Well how about this one then,
Ach "Thats two poonds"
Whys that,
"Thats Madeira cake"
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31st August 2016 #35
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1st September 2016 #36
That's ma ... Scots' pronunciation of "my" ...
... followed by deira ... how the word "dearer" ... as in this example - twice the price - sounds to others when pronounced in [some] Scots' dialects.
explanation is "straight from the horse's mouth" [mine] Michael!
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1st September 2016 #37
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1st September 2016 #38
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7th September 2016 #39
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8th September 2016 #40
I cannot stand people who think there worst of then everyone else.
I have a friend named Don, he was involved in a bad accident.
He lost his voice and both leg's, but do you ever here or see him make a song and dance of it, " not at all"
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8th September 2016 #41
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
- Location
- Marikina City
- Posts
- 26,785
- Rep Power
- 150
The winner takes it all.............
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8th September 2016 #42
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8th September 2016 #43
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10th September 2016 #44
A friend crashed his car the other day,
Right in between two houses.
On the left hand side lived Mr Smith,
On the right hand side lived Mr Balls,
Luckily he was dragged out of his car by the Smiths
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10th September 2016 #45
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17th September 2016 #46
Emma said to me the other day that she was feeling light headed from a low iron level.
So to help her,
I raised the iron board to a suitable height
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20th September 2016 #47
I opened up a bakery the other day and this lady phoned me for a request, she wanted me to make a cake and sign on it " I SUCK COCKS ", I thought that's weird but I made it anyway.
I delivered the cake the next day and Mrs Cox was not happy also her son Issac was not impressed too
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28th September 2016 #48
I went to the doctors the other day complaining of hearing voices coming from my boxers .
The doctor said " ignore them they are talking .......s "
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28th September 2016 #49
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
- Location
- Marikina City
- Posts
- 26,785
- Rep Power
- 150
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19th October 2016 #50
A red Indian friend introduce me to his wife the other day,
" This is four houses his said " ,
What a beautiful name I replied," what does it mean I asked.
Nag nag nag nag he answered
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19th October 2016 #51
There is a new survey saying that women are the best archeologist now.
Because they are great at digging up sh_ t from the past
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22nd October 2016 #52
Two aerials got hitched, . Whilst they denounced the Service as "rubbish" ... the Reception was BRILLIANT!
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22nd October 2016 #53
Hmm ... police arrested a couple of teenagers yesterday. One was found drinking battery acid, and the other eating fireworks.
So ... ... they charged the first - and let the second off!
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27th November 2016 #54
A Russian couple was walking down the street one night in Moscow , when the man suddenly felt a drop hit his nose.
I think its starting to rain he said to his wife, no she said its more like snow.
No its rain , then they started to argue there and then in the street.
The they saw there local communist party leader walking towards them, they said lets not argue about this but lets ask comrade Rudolph whether its officially its raining or snowing .
The comrade said its raining and then he carried on walking.
The lady insisted its snowing still,
Then her husband quietly replied , Rudolph the red knows rain dear,
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