Disclaimer: By posting on this web site it is accepted that you have agreed to our Terms. Please DO NOT publish copyrighted material/pictures without the owner’s permission, you are liable for any costs incurred.


Page 6 of 7 FirstFirst 1234567 LastLast
Results 151 to 180 of 183
  1. #151
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150
    A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, 'But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.'


  2. #152
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150
    I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says 'Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, 'Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck'.


  3. #153
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150
    We went into the local indian restuarant and when eating our meal the waiter came over and said curry ok? To which i said go on then mate one song then sling your hook..........


  4. #154
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Nottinghamshire
    Posts
    11,643
    Rep Power
    150
    Nice ones Fred, keep em coming


  5. #155
    Moderator
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Marikina City
    Posts
    26,785
    Rep Power
    150




  6. #156
    Respected Member cheekee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    East Sussex
    Posts
    1,454
    Rep Power
    144
    I'm going to an afro carribean convention next week.

    I'm dreading it.


  7. #157
    Respected Member SimonH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Pampamga
    Posts
    3,728
    Rep Power
    150
    Q: What's the difference between a voyeur and a thief?
    A: A thief snatches your watch.


  8. #158
    Respected Member SimonH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Pampamga
    Posts
    3,728
    Rep Power
    150
    A husband and wife were shopping in Tesco's when the man picked up a crate of Stella and put it into the trolley.
    'What do you think you're doing?' asked the wife.
    'It's on offer, only Ł10 for 24 cans,' he said.
    'Put them back, we can't afford it,' said the wife, so he did and they carried on shopping.
    A few aisles later the woman picked up a Ł20 jar of face cream and put that in the trolley.
    'What do you think you're doing?' asked the man.
    'That's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she said.
    The man replied: 'So does 24 cans of Stella and it's half the fking price!'


  9. #159
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Nottinghamshire
    Posts
    11,643
    Rep Power
    150
    Quote Originally Posted by SimonH View Post
    A husband and wife were shopping in Tesco's when the man picked up a crate of Stella and put it into the trolley.
    'What do you think you're doing?' asked the wife.
    'It's on offer, only Ł10 for 24 cans,' he said.
    'Put them back, we can't afford it,' said the wife, so he did and they carried on shopping.
    A few aisles later the woman picked up a Ł20 jar of face cream and put that in the trolley.
    'What do you think you're doing?' asked the man.
    'That's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she said.
    The man replied: 'So does 24 cans of Stella and it's half the fking price!'


  10. #160
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150
    A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after a 16-hour shift.

    Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
    and tries to write with it.

    When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and
    without missing a beat, she says:
    Well, that's great...that's just great...
    some asshole's got my pen.


  11. #161
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150
    I was hoovering today and like most blokes i looked at the hose, looked at my penis,looked at the hose,looked at my penis looked at the hose again and thought,why am i hoovering ive got a penis?


  12. #162
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150


  13. #163
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150


  14. #164
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150
    Kick boxing Cat.



  15. #165
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150


  16. #166
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150
    Man went to the doctor's office to ask for a triple dose of Viagra.The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a triple dose.

    "Why not?' asked the man .

    "Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor .

    "But I need it really bad,' said the man .

    "Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor ,

    Man answered, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a triple dose."

    On Monday, he dragged himself in to the doctor's office, his right arm in a sling.
    The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"

    Reply ? "No one showed up."



  17. #167
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150


  18. #168
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150


  19. #169
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150
    Oh well...Seeing it pretty close to Christmas and I`m feeling particularly generous....












































































  20. #170
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150


  21. #171
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150
    A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
    Husband standing around with a fly swatter
    "What are you doing?"
    She asked.
    "Hunting Flies"
    He responded.
    "Oh. ! Killing any?"
    She asked.
    "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
    Intrigued, she asked.
    "How can you tell them apart?"
    He responded,
    "3 were on a beer can,
    2 were on the phone


  22. #172
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Nottinghamshire
    Posts
    11,643
    Rep Power
    150
    You never fail to make me smile Fred


  23. #173
    Moderator
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Marikina City
    Posts
    26,785
    Rep Power
    150
    Quote Originally Posted by fred View Post
    A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
    Husband standing around with a fly swatter
    "What are you doing?"
    She asked.
    "Hunting Flies"
    He responded.
    "Oh. ! Killing any?"
    She asked.
    "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
    Intrigued, she asked.
    "How can you tell them apart?"
    He responded,
    "3 were on a beer can,
    2 were on the phone




  24. #174
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150


  25. #175
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150
    What do you call a Frenchman who wears sandals?

    PHILIPPE PHLOP!


  26. #176
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150
    The ban on smoking in cars when children are present is a stupid idea. My 3 year old twins got pneumonia stood out in the pissing down rain while i had a smoke over the weekend.


  27. #177
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150


  28. #178
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150


  29. #179
    Moderator fred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    South,North East,somewhere.
    Posts
    11,433
    Rep Power
    150


  30. #180
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Nottinghamshire
    Posts
    11,643
    Rep Power
    150
    Love em Fred


Page 6 of 7 FirstFirst 1234567 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Fred's 2014 joke thread.
    By fred in forum Humour
    Replies: 216
    Last Post: 19th December 2014, 00:23
  2. Fred's 2013 joke thread
    By fred in forum Humour
    Replies: 294
    Last Post: 10th April 2014, 11:55
  3. Fred`s P.I construction thread.
    By fred in forum Living in the Philippines
    Replies: 146
    Last Post: 6th December 2013, 22:32
  4. Fred`s 2011 joke thread!!
    By fred in forum Humour
    Replies: 143
    Last Post: 25th August 2011, 07:43

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Filipino Forum : Philippine Forum