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Thread: Fred`s Joke thread 2015
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22nd September 2015 #121
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Laughter keeps us all in top shape
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22nd September 2015 #122
I challenged myself to a ten second .....
Almost pulled it off!
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22nd September 2015 #123
My new girlfriend says im crap at sex, how can she say that after just 2 minutes?
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22nd September 2015 #124
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we
started swearing.'
The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When
we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear
after me, ok?'
'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants
for breakfast.
'Oh, shiit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops'
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got
up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, ' And what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man?'
'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be f@cking Coco Pops'
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22nd September 2015 #125
Last week my wife caught me cross dressing........
So I packed her things and left.
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22nd September 2015 #126
A teacher asked her third grade class to name nouns ending with the syllable “tor” and which eats things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator." "Very good James, that's a big word."
The second boy said, "Predator."“ Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done. "Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything."
Well my Sister has one and she says it eats fu----g batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
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22nd September 2015 #127
A teacher asked her third grade class to name nouns ending with the syllable “tor” and which eats things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator." "Very good James, that's a big word."
The second boy said, "Predator."“ Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done. "Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything."
Well my Sister has one and she says it eats fu----g batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
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22nd September 2015 #128
Life was so simple before I got married.
I had absolutely no idea there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.
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22nd September 2015 #129
My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe.
Two minutes later he said, "Why haven't you pulled over yet?"
I said, "Because we're still in Manchester"
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22nd September 2015 #130
If a woman has a problem with you masturbateing she either,
A- Has intimacy issues.
B- Is fridged.
C- Needs to sit somewhere else on the bus.
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22nd September 2015 #131
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23rd September 2015 #132
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23rd September 2015 #133
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24th September 2015 #134
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24th September 2015 #135
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24th September 2015 #136
Subject: Guts or Balls?
There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”.
We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.
Do they, however, know the difference between them?
Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I trust this clears up any confusion.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.
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24th September 2015 #137
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24th September 2015 #138
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24th September 2015 #139
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24th September 2015 #140
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24th September 2015 #141
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24th September 2015 #142
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24th September 2015 #143
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6th October 2015 #144
As its..."Quiet"...
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6th October 2015 #145
I used to be hooked on the hokey cokey but then I turned myself around and that's what it's all about.
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6th October 2015 #146
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6th October 2015 #147
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6th October 2015 #148
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6th October 2015 #149
Breaking News:
Potential tsunami detected by new earthquake sensors off the coast at St. Tropez
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6th October 2015 #150
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