About my husband!

[skysisi]

Hi all! It's been a while posting here but almost everyday I'm reading here.
I badly need advices guys..

We are not ok with my husband in past months, we always fight and he always threatens me about my visa as he knows that I'm on spouse visa at the moment!!

I'm fed up or I've had enough of him, he is not working for almost a year now and I'm working full time!

My problem is, we had one child and I want to leave or move house as he is always saying that to me that I need to go back to Philippines and leave the house, but I can't because of my daughter! And he won't let me to take my daughter with me!!

What should I do if I want to leave him, coz I'm so tired already living with someone very selfish!!

Then recently, I found out he was texting to my Filipina friend! It's already too much for me that he doesn't know how to respect at me at all!!

I really don't know what to do as I need a peace of mind with my daughter with me!!

What should I do please??

[joebloggs]

Sorry to hear about your problems

What I would do, is get evidence of the threats he makes, record them on your phone, most have an audio recorder.

Is he the father of your daughter?

I take it you're on a 5yr spouse visa? If so, how long have you been in the UK ?

[SimonH]

Make an appointment with the local Citizens Advise Bureau and tell them everything, it's free and they're there to help.

Sorry to read of your troubles and your ungrateful and disrespectful husband.

[skysisi]

Sorry to hear about your problems

What I would do, is get evidence of the threats he makes, record them on your phone, most have a audio recorder.

Is he the father of your daughter?

I take it you're on a 5yr spouse visa? If so, how long have you been in the UK ?

Yup, he is the father and I got a audio record all of his threats to me!!
I'm on 2 years' spouse visa and my ILR is next year!!

I am thinking this already since he start to threaten me but because of my daughter's sake, I need to stay but its not working out because every fight he always threatens me about my visa and that I need to go back to Philippines without my daughter!!

[skysisi]

Make an appointment with the local Citizens Advise Bureau and tell them everything, it's free and they're there to help.

Sorry to read of your troubles and your ungrateful and disrespectful husband.

I will try to go in there so I will know my rights to my daughter! Everytime we fight I'm scared of my safety because his family is only down the road and every time we fight his sister interferes and is texting bad at me!!

[stevewool]

How old is your husband, and why has he not worked for over 1 year? Also this so called friend whom you say your husband is texting, what has she to say about all this?

You say you work full time, who looks after your daughter?

[joebloggs]

Yup, he is the father and I've got an audio record of his threats to me!!

I'm on 2 years spouse visa and my ILR next year!!

I am thinking this already since he start to threaten me, but because of my daughter's sake I need to stay, but it's not working out because every fight he always threatens me my visa and that I need to go back to Philippines without my daughter!!

I would get as much audio evidence as possible or other evidence. Does he hit you ?

As the child is British - and also possibly this might be classed as domestic violence - you could have options to stay in the UK if you wanted to, so his threats of using the visa could be useless.

Domestic violence
http://uklgig.org.uk/?page_id=87

I would try your local law centre first give them a call, as you probably would see a solicitor there, or if not maybe CAB. who could give you better advice and what rights you have.

http://www.lawcentres.org.uk/about-l...alphabetically

Good luck

[skysisi]

How old is your husband, and why has he not worked for over 1 year? Also this so called friend whom you say your husband is texting, what has she to say about all this?

You say you work full time, who looks after your daughter?

He is 52, he lost his job last December, he is not trying to apply for another one and he chooses to look after my daughter while I'm out working. But it's not a good idea, as we are always fighting about money. He always wanted me to pay all the bills and he is controlling me!! The Filipina is my friend, who's separated from her husband. I used to help her and I didn't know that he got my friend's number. It's all complicated!

[skysisi]

I would get as much audio evidence as possible or other evidence. Does he hit you ?

As the child is British - and also possibly this might be classed as domestic violence - you could have options to stay in the UK if you wanted to, so his threats of using the visa could be useless.

Domestic violence
http://uklgig.org.uk/?page_id=87

I would try your local law centre first give them a call, as you probably would see a solicitor there, or if not maybe CAB. who could give you better advice and what rights you have.

http://www.lawcentres.org.uk/about-l...alphabetically

Good luck

Thank you so much.

This helps me a lot, coz I need to know my rights, and I want to teach him a lesson for treating me like rubbish!

[Ako Si Jamie]

He sounds like a right wimp running to his sister after an argument.

Needs to man up and find a way to support his family too.

[Michael Parnham]

I find it rather strange he offers to look after the child when he is fighting with you. You would think he wouldn't want to help in any way. Mmm???

[joebloggs]

I find it rather strange he offers to look after the child when he is fighting with you. You would think he wouldn't want to help in any way. Mmm????

What's even stranger is, this lady is the breadwinner, the child is his daughter, but we don't know how old the child is

[skysisi]

My daughter is only 1 year and 2 months. Every time we fight he grabs my daughter straight away and won't let me carry her. then he goes to his family saying bad things about me! It's really too much. He is good at making up stories, that's why I can't leave him because I feel I can't take my daughter with me.

[bigmarco]

Sad to read of your predicament Skysisi.
As others have said you need to collect as much evidence as possible to help yourself.
Has he been violent ?
If there is violence then you need to speak to someone urgently to get you and your daughter out of this situation.
I wish you well.

[jonnyivy]

You know, it makes me cringe whenever I read of things like this happening to a couple who are "bound together" by a child or children. It can and does happen either way .. the woman threatens the man with the baby or, in this case, the father threatening the mother. Do you know that there would be a much higher chance that you would be awarded custody of your baby rather than the unemployed father should it end in court? It must be a hellish thought, coming home from work wondering what arguments or fights are awaiting you, especially when I'd imagine all you want is a loving cuddle from you man.

Men are all different, some love, some hate, some fight, some don't care .. unfortunately it's only when he brings you back to his "home territory" that you find out what the true personality is.

Don't live like this Skysisi! Maybe they're just empty threats, but do try to talk to him in a quiet, peaceful manner and tell him it's not the way you want to be treated after you have given him a daughter.

I feel sorry for the way things have turned out for you and hope you find happiness real soon.

Jonny

[marksroomspain]

Cannot comment on this as there are always two sides to a story but wish an amicable outcome for all...

[skysisi]

Sad to read of your predicament Skysisi.
As others have said you need to collect as much evidence as possible to help yourself.
Has he been violent ?
If there is violence then you need to speak to someone urgently to get you and your daughter out of this situation.
I wish you well.

He tried to hit me once but because I was carrying my daughter he stopped and what he did was chuck my clothes outside the door! I work 12 hours then when I get home all I hear from him is moaning and he is only treating me nicely if he knows my salary is near! Such a wise man!

Thank you Big Marco

[skysisi]

You know, it makes me cringe whenever I read of things like this happening to a couple who are "bound together" by a child or children. It can and does happen either way .. the woman threatens the man with the baby or, in this case, the father threatening the mother. Do you know that there would be a much higher chance that you would be awarded custody of your baby rather than the unemployed father should it end in court? It must be a hellish thought, coming home from work wondering what arguments or fights are awaiting you, especially when I'd imagine all you want is a loving cuddle from your man.

Men are all different, some love, some hate, some fight, some don't care .. unfortunately it's only when he brings you back to his "home territory" that you find out what the true personality is.

Don't live like this Skysisi! .. maybe they're just empty threats, but do try to talk to him in a quiet, peaceful manner and tell him it's not the way you want to be treated after you have given him a daughter.

I feel sorry for the way things have turned out for you and hope you find happiness real soon.

Jonny

Thank you

We tried many times to talk in a quiet place like in a resto about our marital problems. He only changes for about a week then it's back to normal again if he's annoyed and always threatens me, making me hurt so badly.

All he wants from me is my salary, coz he's always saying that he helped me a lot before in the Philippines and I had nothing, so what he wants I pay him back!! It's really awful and I can't believe it!!

I also support my family back home.

[Terpe]

Hi Skysisi,

So very sorry to be reading this thread of yours.

You must somehow find the time to meet with your local Citizens Advice Bureau.
They will be able to help in a number of ways including mediation.

From the information you've shared you really should be talking to the experts.

[Michael Parnham]

You know, it makes me cringe whenever I read of things like this happening to a couple who are "bound together" by a child or children. It can and does happen either way .. the woman threatens the man with the baby or, in this case, the father threatening the mother. Do you know that there would be a much higher chance that you would be awarded custody of your baby rather than the unemployed father should it end in court? It must be a hellish thought, coming home from work wondering what arguments or fights are awaiting you, especially when I'd imagine all you want is a loving cuddle from you man.

Men are all different, some love, some hate, some fight, some don't care .. unfortunately it's only when he brings you back to his "home territory" that you find out what the true personality is.

Don't live like this Skysisi! Maybe they're just empty threats, but do try to talk to him in a quiet, peaceful manner and tell him it's not the way you want to be treated after you have given him a daughter.

I feel sorry for the way things have turned out for you and hope you find happiness real soon.

Jonny

I agree Jonny, another well written post!

[stevewool]

Men are all different, some love, some hate, some fight, some don't care .. unfortunately it's only when he brings you back to his "home territory" that you find out what the true personality is.

Don't live like this Skysisi! Maybe they're just empty threats, but do try to talk to him in a quiet, peaceful manner

wise words indeed

[imagine]

you never really know your partner untill you live together,
and as far as there always is 2 sides to a story, well no one knows what goes on behind closed doors

i had a really good friend, we worked together we drank together, he lived with my x wifes sister,

a really nice guy,

we often stayed over at their house,
it was quite a few years before i heard the story from the sister,that many times that we stayed , while we were in our bed sleeping ,he was abusing and hitting her,she would be silent and suffer not wanting us to hear what she endured,
so you see you never really know someone untill you live with them,
to everyone else he was a good guy and well respected

Skysisi, be strong get help and get this sorted, as far as your child is consernd you as mother have more rights than you husband,

always the mother is faverable in court to get legal custody, there is all the help out there for you