Your help and advice please

[patchouli]

Hi everyone, I am here to ask your advice and opinions.

My son is engaged to a Filipino lady. He has been to her home and spent a month with her and her extended family. He has been home for over 2 months now and his fiancee is still in the Philipines.

Since he came home, he has sent a lot of money over to her (way more than he actually has, and he told her so). I am beginning to think he may be getting scammed. I am sorry if this post offends anyone who has asked for help genuinely, but this is how his last 2 months have gone..

She said she was ill and needed money for hospital visits ... a lot of hospital visits ... following which, she eventually said she was pregnant, then not, now is? Then she said (even though my son had said her symptoms sounded like anaemia and told her what meds to get to get to help) she initially said she was diagnosed with Leukaemia! Then a week or so later changed this to anaemia, and needed more money for meds that maybe wouldn't be given (in this country anyway) She also said she had her phone stolen from a family member's home whilst she was sleeping, borrowed £100 from someone who then threatened to take the engagement ring if my son didn't repay by a certain day (my son did not ask her to borrow money or offer to pay initially but did repay after the threat).

Now she says she needs money for a scan on her head as she has been involved in a bike accident. This has all taken place during the last 8 weeks during which time my son has had lots of excuses as to why she has not yet even got her passport. My son is quite distressed by all of this as he desperately wants to spend the rest of his life with his fiancee but is also becoming suspicious of all the demands for money. Please advise, and sorry for the long post x

[raynaputi]

Oh no...what you've told really doesn't sound very good. Looks like she's a scammer. Ask your son to be very careful and wary about giving more money to her. Tell him to say no to her from now on and see what happens. Also, ask proofs about these medical troubles she is having. Ask for doctor's prescriptions, receipts and even ask which hospital and what's the doctor's name. She'd be able to provide everything if it's real. Your son can also do research and probably contact the doctor just in case she gives any name.

I'm sorry but I don't see this relationship as something serious other than your son being seriously scammed.

[joebloggs]

As he spent a month with her family, I would have thought that would make it less likely he was being scammed, unless they are not aware of the requests for money

If she has been ill and visited hospital then she will have hospital bills, get him to ask her to scan some in and email them to him, maybe he could email the hospital and confirm the details ?

Being pregnant, having anaemia, leukaemia and then a scan and having her phone stolen have to be warning signals he might have been scammed

Why no passport? Maybe she doesn't have a birth cert, or possibly she is already in a relationship with someone or married? Does sound something is not right that after 2 months she hasn't got one. What's her reason? Has she applied??

[patchouli]

Thank you for your replies. She has not applied yet for her passport, and given lots of reasons for not having one. She needs to go to her home Island from Manila, then to somewhere else, then back to Manila once she has all of her required papers. She still does not have the paperwork required but with no real reasons why. I must admit that I think something is not right.

[Terpe]

It's always tricky to give definitive answers without knowing all the facts.

Based solely on what you've described I see huge red flags saying scam.

Your son is not the first and will not be the last.

The difficulty now is that he has strong emotional ties and may find it difficult to form objective views.

Whatever the truth he must not send any more money. Period.

Previous advice regarding direct contact to Doctors, hospitals etc is crucial but he must be sure the contact numbers and details are genuine.

I'm very sorry to learn about this.
It's always sad whenever such things happen.

He should just stop sending money and clearly state he does not have any more to send

The resulting discussion between them will gradually reveal clues as to what's going on.

All you have described as happening within that short time is not normal at all.

It would be a costly mistake both financially and emotionally to continue to the point of marriage and UK visa.

We do have members here who have personal experience.
Why not have you son join our community and hopefully be guided both those who have travelled the same path?

[grahamw48]

Sounds like a scammer to me, or at least like someone who is using your son as an ATM. Sadly getting rather common now.


Cut her loose. She and her family managed before.

[Michael Parnham]

Sorry to say, but a big from me!

[stevewool]

Like many have said, it does not sound very good.

Time to give this a break I would say, yes very hard if he feels that he is in love with this lady, but love has to be a two-way thing. Somehow this does not seem like that.

Is your son a member on here and does he know that you are asking these questions??

[patchouli]

Thank you all for your replies. My son is a member on here and is fully aware of my questions. I just needed some unbiased opinions on what is happening, as I feel it's becoming a very unhealthy relationship. But he is smitten so finds it hard to be unbiased. He is reading all your replies and will ultimately make his own decision and, hopefully, seek help from you all if things go the way I expect. Again thank you all for your honesty.

[grahamw48]

Good luck.

[Steve.r]

I also think a scammer too, sorry to say.

Filipina women are so beautiful and I understand why your son is finding it hard to focus on the reality of the situation.

When I was courting my now wife, she also was not rich, but was surviving as millions do. For the two years of our long distance relationship she never asked me for a single penny, and even if I offered she would rather say no to me.

I think this girl and possibly extended family had a great time while your son was with them having treats, eating at JollieBee and the like, but time for reality now. Everything mentioned by our members above are warnings for your son and advice on ways to find the truth. No one can be so accident prone can they? Or fall ill and pregnant?? Did he use protection???

Right now he must STOP any sending of money and see the reaction from her. If she starts acting like a brat and stops communication with him then this will tell its own story. Maybe she has 'other' options in her phone contacts too ... who knows?

Please tell your son to harden up to the fact that this girl is 99% stringing him along. The signs are right in front of you all.

Good luck

[mendoza82]

I feel sad about this. I am a filipina and it's embarrassing but this is reality. I hope and pray that your son eventually realizes that this lady is not genuine..

[mickcant]

I also think a scammer too, sorry to say.

Filipina women are so beautiful and I understand why your son is finding it hard to focus on the reality of the situation.

When I was courting my now wife, she also was not rich, but was surviving as millions do. For the two years of our long distance relationship she never asked me for a single penny, and even if I offered she would rather say no to me.

I think this girl and possibly extended family had a great time while your son was with them having treats, eating at JollieBee and the like, but time for reality now. Everything mentioned by our members above are warnings for your son and advice on ways to find the truth. No one can be so accident prone can they? Or fall ill and pregnant?? Did he use protection???

Right now he must STOP any sending of money and see the reaction from her. If she starts acting like a brat and stops communication with him then this will tell it's own story. Maybe she has 'other' options in her phone contacts too ... who knows?

Please tell your son to harden up to the fact that this girl is 99% stringing him along. The signs are right in front of you all.

Good luck

As one of them that has been through this at a great financial and emotional cost:
I am sure hoping he is not being scammed and thoughts that someone who loves us would not do it to us will be his biggest hope, and of course not wanting to distrust her.

I do not have a answer but it does not look good.
Mick.

[stevewool]

Thank you all for your replies. My son is a member on here and is fully aware of my questions. I just needed some unbiased opinions on what is happening as I feel it's becoming a very unhealthy relationship. But he is smitten so finds it hard to be unbiased. He is reading all your replies and will ultimately make his own decision and, hopefully, seek help from you all if things go the way I expect. Again thank you all for your honesty.

It's very hard for members of a family to understand that their son or daughter could fall in love with someone from the other side of the world. Maybe having met just the once too.

It does happen - look at many of us on here,

Lots have been hurt, I am sure, but if you do find the right one, well life can be so rewarding not only for your son but also for the whole family too.

In time your son may tell us more about what is happening.
Like many have said, good luck.

[patchouli]

I was the one who pushed my son to join a Filipino dating agency as I know there are many loving girls there who would genuinely care for him. Two of my friends married Filipino ladies and both are very happy.

I am as saddened as he may be that this may not be genuine. I was very much looking forward to having a daughter (I have 2 sons) and helping with grandchildren. I hope he does find true love, either with a Filipino or whoever, as long as it is mutual love and they are both happy. Again, thank you all for your replies xx

[Jenky]

You said that two of your friends have married Filipino ladies. So it is a good chance that they will know a relative or friend back home in the Philippines who would be happy to enter into some kind of relationship with your son. And as such they are much more likely to be sincere.

We ourselves know a few couples that have met through the "friend of a friend" route and they are now happily married.