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15th February 2014 #61
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This is interesting reading, especially as I now have had 2.5yrs in a relationship with a Pinay.
Its been a pretty difficult time, often difficult times over trivia things.
Sometimes, I have found myself describing my experiences as similar to "dating an immature teenage girl", no offence meant to the filipinas.
As a reasonably confident and secure chap, with a very stable life, perhaps what I haven't always realised or understood that things are so different for her. Unsure about her future, unsure if I will ever commit. These two things, combined with a very emotional nature, have been at the centre of many things being blown out of all proportion.
But understanding has to be both ways. She says I don't understand her ( her stress, how it affects her etc)...perhaps, but I also remind her that its her misunderstanding me that plays an equal part in the problems. I once stopped texting for an afternoon once, just simply getting on with my life, and she became overcome with sense of abandonment and thought I had forgotten all about her. My mistake? I normally texted a lot with her, then suddenly that afternoon I didn't. She jumped to all silly conclusion and in her mind she was totally justified.
Many many silly times like that, made me cautious and fear that the future would be difficult.
Now, she's been asking for me to make a commitment, decide about future, for eight months ( well from early days infact). I totally understand after this time with her.
I havent yet got rid of all my reservations, although I have grown more confident in recent weeks that I could commit, but not quite there.
I think my problem, is if I wana get married, I want to make that decision, when not under pressure. And unfortunately with her situation here, that pressure is always there.
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15th February 2014 #62
the most important thing is being happy with yourself first, after 2.5 years with the same person you will have some idea what you are wanting,
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15th February 2014 #63
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She had enough of waiting today, and left.
I just couldnt quite do it, I'm not 100%. Not yet.
I know some will say that I should know after this time. But a year ago, there were times I found it very hard to believe we could be happy together. I certainly feel a lot more confident that we could be happy and okay, not quite there yet.....after no contact with her perhaps things will be clearer in my mind.
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16th February 2014 #64
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Things won't change. .what it is in 2.5 years is what it will be in 25 years. She's left then fine. ..don't be bullied into submission. You'll be making a rod for your own back. You mark my words.
They are not all immature Jealous or childish although my last one was
The wedding band didn't change a thing, not even the tattoos. The insecurities persist. It was going from one drama to the next ..like living in an a Eastenders set
Consider it you've had a lucky escape
Trust your gut instinct.
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16th February 2014 #65
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I've said the very same things to her. I also said that if I married her out of pity, to "help her"", I know she'd be initially so relieved, being able to work and earn the money she needs......BUT in a matter of months that elated feeling would be replaced with feelings of insecurity worrying if I had regrets marrying her...and we'd be back to square one....
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16th February 2014 #66
Oh well of course yeah, you have culture as well but it doesn't mean that you can take her away from her family once you get married, remember I am not saying that she doesn't want to move in to UK but if you will look at the bigger picture, you are almost taking away half of her life and she is up to sacrifice it for you (of course she also wants to have a better life and opportunity) it is not you guys who always do sacrificing (unless, you're spoiling your lazy woman so much),
. If you are thinking about the financial, I guess it is already given that you have to do it for her because even if she works 24/7 she can never earn the same amount of income that you are earning, you are 70 times richer than your woman, to make it worse,what if your woman here only earns lower than the minimum wage? and she still has to help her family? It won't be really enough for her, you guys have the wider abilities to do such stuff, and bottom line, if visa doesn't exist there will be no such a study like that. I know you can get what I am pointing out, I am thinking that you are just basing the judgement to your woman because of her financial capability. If you gonna moan about it and use it as attack against filipinas, then the fault is really with you at the very first place. In my case, as much as I want to help my fiance to sort finances, I cannot (but just in small stuff, yeah). And to make it always better, if you are a member of an online dating site, you should have put on your profile that you are not up to give perfumes and lotions to your woman's whole clan. That article is clearly an attack against us, author did not even consider the effect of every thing to us (relationship with a foreigner, visas, adjusting in UK etc.) I would say, those things really affect us, physically, emotionally, psychologically and even financially.
And still about the article, that is a very selfish and self-centered write-up from a person who cannot accept his faults, probably a man who fell in love and got fooled by a filipina.
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16th February 2014 #67
Hache ................... Gwapito is right, trust your gut instinct. From what you say, you'd be marrying for the wrong reasons which is a receipe for disaster. Sounds like it's time to be brave and move on as continuing your relationship feeling the way you do is unfair to you both............
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16th February 2014 #68
Hi Hache! I think you should ask for a space to think and decide what step are you going to take next.
The relationship doesnt look good but who am i to judge. To be fair with your pinay gf, waiting for 2.5 years is like waiting for forever especially in LDR. Cultural differences is a big factor thats why both of you should try to learn and understand each other.
Try to seriously discuss this to her again and see if it will get better. If not, and you still have some doubts, then both of you has to make a decision.
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16th February 2014 #69
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16th February 2014 #70
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16th February 2014 #71
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It's not about percentages Jen. ..like I said. .pooling the money together. I remember my first wife saving her money for the annual holiday to Cyprus. ..or helping out when the car went unexpectedly wrong.
It's not a competition to see who earns the most, you are playing for the same team, same cause.
The fact is, Jen you look after your husband first before folks in the Philippines. You will sacrifice by coming over here. .don't you think your husband would of made substantial sacrifices too all for you and your future children? Works both ways. You can't give what you ain't got.
So what if the author has an axe to grind. .I'm afraid there is truth in what he says. .The claimed magnitude is, I grant you, debatable. There's not data!
Apologies. .I'm still at work.
BTW. ..'author can't accept his faults' have seen something I haven't? ?
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16th February 2014 #72
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16th February 2014 #73
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My first wife was a simple, hard working cleaner who could save . Not much in the way of gainful financial capabilities there me thinks
Why on earth would I want to give perfumes and whatnot to the woman's whole clan Or have I missed something? Perhaps it's expected, along with lifetime financial support Strange how the rest of the world finds that concept deeply offensive
Probably the author (Australian litigation Lawyer who spent 6 years sorting out Filipino Visa applications. Scroll down from the story in the link..some interesting reading) did get rolled over after all. You answered your own question, Jen
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16th February 2014 #74
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Thanks for the rep Rosie
I'm very well, thanks ..I hope you're in the same form
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16th February 2014 #75
I probably missed a lot of things in that article but my answers were from my point of view as a filipina who suffered from those negative ideas toward filipinas.
And also you should have been sleeping this time. lol. too late in your time?
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16th February 2014 #76
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16th February 2014 #77
Hi all, I am new on this forum but I have been an expatriate living in French Guyana Chad and France over the last 20 years and working in many other countries, I in fact only ever go back to London my home town for Christmas and such events, so just to add my tuppence to this interesting thread being scammed, screwed, heartbroken etc be it deliberately or not is honestly not a Filipino patented thing it happens as much in England as anywhere else, In my experience in any country if you flash your money around and put yourself on a higher pedestal then you can expect to be the attention of less than honorable intentioned individuals be it from women or everyday people that you may come across.
It's not because you are financially able to retire or move to a tropical paradise such as the Philippines and live the dream that you should leave all common sense fly out the door and again if you have your brain in your pants and use your wallet as muscle it is a guaranteed recipe for disaster no matter what country you live in.
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16th February 2014 #78
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Your replies kept me awake! Hahaha You got me going, girl haha At least we can laugh about it. I must admit, after reading much further into his questions and answers, his views are quite strong which I don't personally hold with. ...my boys are half filipino! ....He seems to be a hater which im certainly not. Anyway 4 hours sleep. .cheers! Must go to work
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16th February 2014 #79
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16th February 2014 #80
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Absolutely.
I said if and when I commit, it simply has got to feel right, and that in my mind I am sure I am making the best decision. If I knew deep down that there was no chance and didnt really see a future with her, then of course I would be guilty of stringing her along and wasting both our times. But more often in recent times I had become a lot more confident that a future could be good.....just not quite there though...
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16th February 2014 #81
Very interesting thread, by the way, have any members married a Filipina who never sends money on a monthly basis to her family?
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16th February 2014 #82
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I did.
Also, my girlfriend (over 2 years now) has never asked me for money.
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16th February 2014 #83
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16th February 2014 #84
The reason for asking Graham is that reading this forum for the past few years and meeting other Filipina's through my ex wife, I notice that some wives who work send a substantial amount of money to the Philippines every month, yet my ex never did and also Maritess doesn't we (my ex and Maritess) just send a box of goodies a couple of times a year, the earnings were paid into our joint account towards our standard of living, eg: savings, holidays, nice home etc!
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16th February 2014 #85
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Like Brits Michael, Filipinas are many and varied.
People always like to stereotype though. It's easy.
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16th February 2014 #86
I don't send money monthly to my family. Not because I don't want to but at the moment, we can't afford to. My family understands that. But we send them gifts when it's their birthday or other special occasions. My family's a bit lucky though because my mum and all my siblings are working and they all have the means to get by every day. My family has never asked us, particularly Keith, of any money. Of course there are times that my siblings do it jokingly but never in a serious manner. So if ever I send them money, it's always because I want to and not because they asked me to.
-=rayna.keith=-
...When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible...
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16th February 2014 #87
My wife sends £100 a month to her parents to cover rent so that's just a small amount.
Her parents have a little shop at the front of the house which they manage to scrape some sort of living out off but the little bit the wife sends helps.
It's very rare that they ask for anything else only once in the 14 months she has been here and that was for less than £200 for medical expenses for her mother.
Now she is working I don't mind as long as she knows family here has to be priority which works well on both sides.
She is happy and so am I, so that's good all round.
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16th February 2014 #88She is happy and so am I, so that's good all round.
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16th February 2014 #89
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16th February 2014 #90
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I do not regularly send money to the Philippines. It is not because my family is financially well off but because I am on part-time employment and I do not want to ask money from my husband. We never know what lies ahead in the future and I do not want to hear any how he helped my family and how many barrels of lotions and perfumes he has given them.
UKBA,UKBA I am dreading to hear from you...
UKBA, a BRP for Christmas will do...
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