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Thread: Fred's 2014 joke thread.
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10th August 2014 #91Moderator
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I had sex with my mum's sister the other day.
Just thought I'd up the Aunty.
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10th August 2014 #92Moderator
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I met my Thai girlfriend for sex at her place.
She said, "You have condom?"
"Yes," I replied, "But this time, can I wear it?"
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10th August 2014 #93Moderator
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"You only love me for my legs" she said.
"No...but they go a long way towards it!"He said.
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10th August 2014 #94Moderator
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10th August 2014 #95Moderator
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10th August 2014 #96Moderator
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I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish.
"I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "but I am not allowed to grant that type of wish."
"Fine," I said, "then I want to die when England win the World Cup."
"You crafty b…..!" said the fairy.
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10th August 2014 #97Admin's Assistant ^_^
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Originally Posted by fred
Originally Posted by fred
-=rayna.keith=-
...When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible...
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10th August 2014 #98Moderator
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10th August 2014 #99Moderator
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Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them.
Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"
Sister Mary turns and moans, "Oh God, mine does!!!"
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10th August 2014 #100Moderator
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Three nuns cycling along a cobbled path one says to the others,,I've never come this way before.
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10th August 2014 #101Moderator
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Sylvester Stallone has converted to Islam.. He is now known as Ramadambo
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10th August 2014 #102Moderator
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My wife carries a can of pepper spray in case she gets attacked by a rapist.
Which is a bit like me carrying a flag in case England win the world cup.
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10th August 2014 #103Moderator
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10th August 2014 #104Moderator
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10th August 2014 #105Moderator
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My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate
I was so shocked I almost tripped over mi willy........
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10th August 2014 #106Moderator
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I was having sex with a bird last night when she said, "Do you think I'm tight?"
"Yes." I panted, "You're the tightest I've ever had."
"You really think so?" She gushed.
"Yes." I replied, "None of the other women I've been with wore Primark knickers."
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10th August 2014 #107Moderator
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My wife has recently decided to try her hand at cooking and today handed me one of her freshly baked cookies, "Now be brutally honest." She smiled, "I'm open to criticism."
I said, "They're quite nice, you fat bitch.
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10th August 2014 #108Trusted Member
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Hahaha !
Thanks Fred.
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10th August 2014 #109Admin's Assistant ^_^
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Originally Posted by fred
Rooney was already getting bald as a kid?!
-=rayna.keith=-
...When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible...
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10th August 2014 #110Moderator
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10th August 2014 #111Moderator
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WINDOWS: Please enter your new password:
USER: “cabbage”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: “boiled cabbage”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: “1 boiled cabbage”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: “50bloodyboiledcabbages”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: “50BLOODYboiledcabbages”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: “50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: “ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow”
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
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10th August 2014 #112Moderator
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I'm thinking of sending my wife out to Malaysia to help find missing flight MH370.
She has an extraordinary ability to bring stuff up that every other **** forgot about months ago.
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10th August 2014 #113Moderator
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10th August 2014 #114Trusted Member
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Little Johnny asked his grandad if he (his grandad) could sound like a frog? His grandad snapped back with "yeah , sure young johnny of course I can but why do you want me to sound like a frog ?". To which Johnny replies... "because my Mum reckons when you croak she'll take us all off to disneyland" .
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10th August 2014 #115Moderator
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My wife was reading the paper and said, "Tut tut, that's terrible. Another woman in India has been gang-raped and hung."
I replied, "Actually it's 'hanged'. In India, women are hanged. In Thailand, women are hung."
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10th August 2014 #116Moderator
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10th August 2014 #117Moderator
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10th August 2014 #118Moderator
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My Nan has found a lump in each of her breasts.
Turns out it was just her knees.
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10th August 2014 #119Moderator
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what did the slug say to the snail?
"Big Issue mate?"
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10th August 2014 #120Moderator
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