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Thread: Fred's 2014 joke thread.
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5th January 2014 #1Moderator
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Fred's 2014 joke thread.
I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my ....... fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for. And what happens Christmas morning? That fat ...... with a beard gets all the credit!!
Still I suppose its my fault for marrying her.
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5th January 2014 #3Moderator
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Well it's January the 5th and I must admit I've yet to see a Bulgarian.
But in all fairness, I've only been in Bulgaria for three Days.
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5th January 2014 #4Moderator
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The Mother Superior announced "Sisters, I have something very serious to tell you. One of the nuns has broken her vows. We know this because we have a case of gonhorrea in the convent."
An elderly nun at the back said to the young nun next to her "What did she say?"
"She said we have a case of gonhorrea in the convent."
"Thank Goodness" replied the elderly nun, "I'm sick to death of that Beaujolais"!
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5th January 2014 #5Moderator
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Coming home in a taxi after a late night we were travelling through a rural area on a moonlit night. We passed some cows in a field and she said "don't they get cold - do they stay out all night". I said yes. She said "God they must have skins like leather."
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5th January 2014 #6Moderator
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5th January 2014 #7Moderator
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What do you call a lesbian dinosaur ?????
Lickalotapuss
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5th January 2014 #8Moderator
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GIRL : I have sinned a great sin. I called my boyfriend a B@STARD.
PSYCHIATRIST : Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL : Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST : You mean like this?
GIRL : Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST : Well that's no reason to call him a B@STARD.
GIRL : But, he put his hand in my bra.
PSYCHIATRIST : You mean like this?
GIRL : Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST : Well that's no reason to call him a B@STARD.
GIRL : But, he took my cloths off.
PSYCHIATRIST : You mean like this?
GIRL : Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST : Well that's no reason to call him a B@STARD.
GIRL : But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST : You mean like this?
GIRL : Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST : Well that's no reason to call him a B@STARD.
GIRL : But, he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST : The B@STARD
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5th January 2014 #9Respected Member
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Originally Posted by fred
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5th January 2014 #10Admin's Assistant ^_^
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Nice start of the year Fred!
-=rayna.keith=-
...When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible...
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5th January 2014 #11Banned
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Fred - Careful - You'll upset Les & Joe Bloggs Originally Posted by fred
Great pic
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5th January 2014 #12Moderator
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Great start fred
They all tickled me no end.......................
but #8 brill
Nearly spilled my beer
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7th January 2014 #13Trusted Member
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Hahaha...a bunch of good ones there Fred.
Can I just slip one in ?
.
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office
.... but she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give
you $100 if you let me have sex with you.'
The girl looked at him and then said, 'NO.'
Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor
, you bend down 
, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend, She called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He wont even be able to get his pants down.' She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend's call.
Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks,'What happened?'
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The
had all quarters !' 
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7th January 2014 #14Moderator
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Ha ha.. Nice one!!
Depends where you want to slip it..Can I just slip one in ?
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27th February 2014 #15Moderator
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27th February 2014 #16Moderator
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Meanwhile in Holland. They Are Raving to Benny Hill.
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27th February 2014 #17Trusted Member
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Brilliant !
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12th April 2014 #18Moderator
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Put this up before I think 3/4 years ago but well worth repeat ..
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12th April 2014 #19Trusted Member
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13th April 2014 #20Respected Member
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Just had to post this in case no-one has ever seen it classic
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1st May 2014 #24Moderator
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1st May 2014 #25Moderator
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1st May 2014 #26Moderator
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My mate asked today, "What's the possibility of Oscar Pistorius being found innocent?"
I said, "There's more chance of him getting athletes foot."
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