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2nd July 2013 #1
family problem
i'm having problem with my husband and my son (they do drive me mad).. they seem to like each other in the morning but when it comes at night time, they argue..
i know few of the members here have children with their previous relationship, just want to ask did your husband and children get on well right away and if not how did you resolve it and manage to cope with it?''The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but there still gonna be on it''
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2nd July 2013 #2
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How old is your son ?
I found it difficult to accept my stepson, for quite a long time.
It is a very challenging position to be in for anyone, and understanding is needed from all parties involved. I don't think there can be any hard and fast rules, except for the adults to remember that that is just what they are...ADULTS. Therefore use that experience and maturity to moderate your behaviour and try to see things from the point of view of the child, who finds himself in a situation not of his choosing.
The turning point for my stepson and myself came when he was early teens and I was responsible for taking care of the kids as a single parent for around a year, in the Philippines (while their mother had returned to the UK because of her visa restrictions).
That period allowed me and the kids to have more 'fun' times together, and individual responsibilities handed out to each child, so they were able to take pride in their contribution to the daily family routine.
No wife for me to moan to, or the kids to run to. We had to sort things out together, and just get along. Since that time I've felt so much closer to them (stepchildren), and I believe they feel the same way about their 'dad'.
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2nd July 2013 #3
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I think you'd need to give more info if you want a reply. How old is your son? What do they argue about? Have you discussed it with either of them?
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2nd July 2013 #4
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2nd July 2013 #5
my son is 7 years old.
our situation is like this: my son is not used of sleeping on his own, he always slept with my parents when he was still in philippines so when he arrived here he refused to sleep on his own in his room. i sleep with him whenever i'm at home but since i do work at night, my husband has to sleep with him sometimes. the problem is my son do snore loud and sleep like a star fish and that wakes my husband. what my husband did is sleep with him until he is fast asleep but every time he woke up and realised he is alone, he starts crying. every morning after work, all i hear is their moan. my husband moans he didn't have enough sleep and then my son moans that he's dad left him on his own again.
it hurts me to see my son upset but i do understand my husband as well. it affects his work whenever he's lack of sleep. i tried some techniques for my son to overcome his fear of sleeping on his own but it didn't work.''The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but there still gonna be on it''
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2nd July 2013 #6
why dont you let him have a pet in the room like a hamster, that will give him a friend and help you all come to better sleep
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2nd July 2013 #7
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2nd July 2013 #8
can he not sleep with the door open or even a small light on in the room and a favorite ted or soft toy
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3rd July 2013 #9
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2nd July 2013 #10
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Ah, I have to say that in this case some 'tough love' is needed.
At 7 years of age your son should be able to sleep in his own bed at least...and preferably in his own room. Time to leave the old ways behind now.
I also don't feel it is fair for your husband to be expected to share his bed with an unrelated child. In fact, not at all acceptable.
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2nd July 2013 #11
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2nd July 2013 #12
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3rd July 2013 #13''The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but there still gonna be on it''
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3rd July 2013 #14
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3rd July 2013 #15''The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but there still gonna be on it''
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3rd July 2013 #16''The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but there still gonna be on it''
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3rd July 2013 #17
I can fully empathise with what you're saying ... and wonder if, perhaps, it might be worthwhile explaining to your employers that you hadn't envisaged the problems it would create at home when you agreed to go on night shift. Hopefully, they'll understand the strain these new working hours are ... ... bound to be putting on family life - most especially on your role as the mother of a young child - and be sympathetic towards allowing you to revert to normal daytime shifts.
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3rd July 2013 #18
That's one of my problem, people at work are not that helpful. I am at the point where I'm dreading to go to work. I'm pregnant but I'm still doing the hard work.
I'm sick of the day staff telling lies about me as well. I Can't wait for the day my maternity leave starts and never come back.''The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but there still gonna be on it''
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2nd July 2013 #19
sometimes you have to be tough and stick at it, the habit has to be broken sometime , maybe by the time he's 18 what then
i think myself that at 7 yrs old its way time to change this, thats my opinion others may think differently
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2nd July 2013 #20
what time does your son get up and go to bed?
he shouldn't be waking up in the night
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3rd July 2013 #21''The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but there still gonna be on it''
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2nd July 2013 #22
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I'd certainly not allow my son to share a bed with my ex's new partner - not that it would ever happen.
I also agree with the others: he needs to learn to sleep in his own bed in his own room. However, if space allows maybe making up a small bed in your room as an interim option may be worth considering.
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2nd July 2013 #23
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2nd July 2013 #24
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That's what we did with our own boy.
(The ex had already re-trained her son and daughter before they joined us in England).
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3rd July 2013 #25
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It's time to be firm.
Lots of kids have to cope with new babies in the house.
He'll also sleep better if he's getting plenty of exercise. No fluids just before bed.
Children are very adaptable and soon learn new routines. They also learn to be spoilt if you allow it.
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3rd July 2013 #26
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3rd July 2013 #27
how long now has he been in uk with you and your hubby, did he join you later, just thinking his feeling a need to pee, perhaps he is feeling insecure , if so he will need re assurance , but the habit still needs to be broken
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3rd July 2013 #28''The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but there still gonna be on it''
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3rd July 2013 #29
i think what graham said about plenty of exercise, if its possible could dad take him a long walk before his bed time tire him out, it might go a long way to helping with the problem
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3rd July 2013 #30''The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but there still gonna be on it''
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