family problem

[bhem_bhem]

i'm having problem with my husband and my son (they do drive me mad).. they seem to like each other in the morning but when it comes at night time, they argue..

i know few of the members here have children with their previous relationship, just want to ask did your husband and children get on well right away and if not how did you resolve it and manage to cope with it?

[grahamw48]

How old is your son ?

I found it difficult to accept my stepson, for quite a long time.

It is a very challenging position to be in for anyone, and understanding is needed from all parties involved. I don't think there can be any hard and fast rules, except for the adults to remember that that is just what they are...ADULTS. Therefore use that experience and maturity to moderate your behaviour and try to see things from the point of view of the child, who finds himself in a situation not of his choosing.

The turning point for my stepson and myself came when he was early teens and I was responsible for taking care of the kids as a single parent for around a year, in the Philippines (while their mother had returned to the UK because of her visa restrictions).

That period allowed me and the kids to have more 'fun' times together, and individual responsibilities handed out to each child, so they were able to take pride in their contribution to the daily family routine.

No wife for me to moan to, or the kids to run to. We had to sort things out together, and just get along. Since that time I've felt so much closer to them (stepchildren), and I believe they feel the same way about their 'dad'.

[alan_mac]

I think you'd need to give more info if you want a reply. How old is your son? What do they argue about? Have you discussed it with either of them?

[sars_notd_virus]

i'm having problem with my husband and my son (they do drive me mad).. they seem to like each other in the morning but when it comes at night time, they argue..

is it not a pretend argue/fight ??

..tell them not to talk to each in the ''evening''..with their werewolf tendencies.

[bhem_bhem]

my son is 7 years old.

our situation is like this: my son is not used of sleeping on his own, he always slept with my parents when he was still in philippines so when he arrived here he refused to sleep on his own in his room. i sleep with him whenever i'm at home but since i do work at night, my husband has to sleep with him sometimes. the problem is my son do snore loud and sleep like a star fish and that wakes my husband. what my husband did is sleep with him until he is fast asleep but every time he woke up and realised he is alone, he starts crying. every morning after work, all i hear is their moan. my husband moans he didn't have enough sleep and then my son moans that he's dad left him on his own again.

it hurts me to see my son upset but i do understand my husband as well. it affects his work whenever he's lack of sleep. i tried some techniques for my son to overcome his fear of sleeping on his own but it didn't work.

[stevewool]

why dont you let him have a pet in the room like a hamster, that will give him a friend and help you all come to better sleep

[bhem_bhem]

why dont you let him have a pet in the room like a hamster, that will give him a friend and help you all come to better sleep

we're not allowed to have a pet.. my son loves animals but i won't trust him to look after it as he can be peevish.

[stevewool]

can he not sleep with the door open or even a small light on in the room and a favorite ted or soft toy

[grahamw48]

Ah, I have to say that in this case some 'tough love' is needed.

At 7 years of age your son should be able to sleep in his own bed at least...and preferably in his own room. Time to leave the old ways behind now.

I also don't feel it is fair for your husband to be expected to share his bed with an unrelated child. In fact, not at all acceptable.

[stevewool]

Ah, I have to say that in this case some 'tough love' is needed.

At 7 years of age your son should be able to sleep in his own bed at least...and preferably in his own room. Time to leave the old ways behind now.

I also don't feel it is fair for your husband to be expected to share his bed with an unrelated child. In fact, not at all acceptable.

i was waiting for someone older and wiser them me to say what i was thinking mr clint eastwood

[imagine]

sometimes you have to be tough and stick at it, the habit has to be broken sometime , maybe by the time he's 18 what then

i think myself that at 7 yrs old its way time to change this, thats my opinion others may think differently

[imagine]

Ah, I have to say that in this case some 'tough love' is needed.

At 7 years of age your son should be able to sleep in his own bed at least...and preferably in his own room. Time to leave the old ways behind now.

I also don't feel it is fair for your husband to be expected to share his bed with an unrelated child. In fact, not at all acceptable.

ah graham you got in before me

[joebloggs]

what time does your son get up and go to bed?
he shouldn't be waking up in the night

[alan_mac]

I'd certainly not allow my son to share a bed with my ex's new partner - not that it would ever happen.

I also agree with the others: he needs to learn to sleep in his own bed in his own room. However, if space allows maybe making up a small bed in your room as an interim option may be worth considering.

[joebloggs]

However, if space allows maybe making up a small bed in your room as an interim option may be worth considering.

he needs to be moved in his own room slowly or it could traumatize him

[grahamw48]

That's what we did with our own boy.

(The ex had already re-trained her son and daughter before they joined us in England).

[bhem_bhem]

can he not sleep with the door open or even a small light on in the room and a favorite ted or soft toy

I tried not turning the light off, we don't close our door and his door, my in laws gave him stuff toys to sleep with but none of them works.

[bhem_bhem]

Ah, I have to say that in this case some 'tough love' is needed.

At 7 years of age your son should be able to sleep in his own bed at least...and preferably in his own room. Time to leave the old ways behind now.

I also don't feel it is fair for your husband to be expected to share his bed with an unrelated child. In fact, not at all acceptable.

The thing is my son is still adjusting with everything. I do understand his fears. I don't want him to be traumatised.

I don't want him to think we love the baby more than him. i dont want him to feel left out.

[Arthur Little]

Ah, I have to say that in this case some 'tough love' is needed.

At 7 years of age your son should be able to sleep in his own bed at least...and preferably in his own room. Time to leave the old ways behind now.

I also don't feel it is fair for your husband to be expected to share his bed with an unrelated child. In fact, not at all acceptable.

... I have to agree with Graham's views on this last issue in particular.

I also hope and your domestic situation will soon resolve itself, for ALL your sakes.

[bhem_bhem]

what time does your son get up and go to bed?
he shouldn't be waking up in the night

At first he goes to bed at 7 then gets up at 4am as he is used of getting up early and now he goes to bed at 10 but still gets up at 6am.

He's awake at night coz he always feel the need to pee even if he goes to the loo before going to bed.

[bhem_bhem]

... I have to agree with Graham's views on this last issue in particular.

I also hope and your domestic situation will soon resolve itself, for ALL your sakes.

I hope, as its stressing me out.. I really regret now that I accepted the night shift. It wouldn't be this hassle if I am with them. i can train my son as I know him more than my husband.

[bhem_bhem]

... I have to agree with Graham's views on this last issue in particular.

I also hope and your domestic situation will soon resolve itself, for ALL your sakes.

I hope, as its stressing me out.. I really regret now that I accepted the night shift. It wouldn't be this hassle if I am there. I can train my son as I know him more than my husband.

[grahamw48]

It's time to be firm.

Lots of kids have to cope with new babies in the house.

He'll also sleep better if he's getting plenty of exercise. No fluids just before bed.

Children are very adaptable and soon learn new routines. They also learn to be spoilt if you allow it.

[bhem_bhem]

It's time to be firm.

Lots of kids have to cope with new babies in the house.

He'll also sleep better if he's getting plenty of exercise. No fluids just before bed.

Children are very adaptable and soon learn new routines. They also learn to be spoilt if you allow it.

Hopefully it'll better. I just wish they don't shout at each other as it hurts me hearing them fighting.

[imagine]

how long now has he been in uk with you and your hubby, did he join you later, just thinking his feeling a need to pee, perhaps he is feeling insecure , if so he will need re assurance , but the habit still needs to be broken

[bhem_bhem]

how long now has he been in uk with you and your hubby, did he join you later, just thinking his feeling a need to pee, perhaps he is feeling insecure , if so he will need re assurance , but the habit still needs to be broken

He's been here nearly 3 weeks now.. All his life he slept with someone. his friends in Philippines keep scaring him before about ghosts, monsters and burglars so that didn't help him cope his fears.

[Arthur Little]

I hope, as its stressing me out.. I really regret now that I accepted the night shift. It wouldn't be this hassle if I am there. I can train my son as I know him more than my husband.

I can fully empathise with what you're saying ... and wonder if, perhaps, it might be worthwhile explaining to your employers that you hadn't envisaged the problems it would create at home when you agreed to go on night shift. Hopefully, they'll understand the strain these new working hours are ... ... bound to be putting on family life - most especially on your role as the mother of a young child - and be sympathetic towards allowing you to revert to normal daytime shifts.

[imagine]

i think what graham said about plenty of exercise, if its possible could dad take him a long walk before his bed time tire him out, it might go a long way to helping with the problem

[bhem_bhem]

I can fully empathise with what you're saying ... and wonder if, perhaps, it might be worthwhile explaining to your employers that you hadn't envisaged the problems it would create at home when you agreed to go on night shift. Hopefully, they'll understand the strain these new working hours are ... ... bound to be putting on family life - most especially on your role as the mother of a young child - and be sympathetic towards allowing you to revert to normal daytime shifts.

That's one of my problem, people at work are not that helpful. I am at the point where I'm dreading to go to work. I'm pregnant but I'm still doing the hard work.

I'm sick of the day staff telling lies about me as well. I Can't wait for the day my maternity leave starts and never come back.

[bhem_bhem]

i think what graham said about plenty of exercise, if its possible could dad take him a long walk before his bed time tire him out, it might go a long way to helping with the problem

My in laws pick my son up and take him to the park whenever I've been at work so he's actually worn out when he gets home. I just dunno why he still gets up at night. Probably just a habit that's hard to break.