Disclaimer: By posting on this web site it is accepted that you have agreed to our Terms. Please DO NOT publish copyrighted material/pictures without the owner’s permission, you are liable for any costs incurred.


Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    Newbie (Restricted Access)
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Beckenham, Kent
    Posts
    3
    Rep Power
    0

    Reverse money worries...

    Hi Folks,

    We have all read about the risks involved with Internet dating and the pitfalls associated with unscrupulous girlfriends asking for money early on. My problem is quite the opposite!

    Money is a really big deal to my Mahal because she is incredibly financially independent. She and her sister have toiled at college and subsequently in work to raise themselves and their family to the point where they can afford to live a simple life in a modest house. Previously they were living cheek by jowl with every aunty and uncle and cousin under the sun in a shanty in Caloocan. My Mahal is not ashamed at all of her background, but is justifiably proud of what she has been able to achieve. I too am proud of what she has done.

    We are to be married in October (prep is a nightmare, but we're getting there). I've advised her that she should resign from her job at a suitable time so that at the beginning of October she can be free to organise the final wedding arrangements with me (wedding is 23rd). This will obviously stop her ability to contribute to the monthly running of the house. She basically hands over 75% of her salary to her mama every fortnight (paid fortnightly), the remainder is her allowance. Her sister does the same. Neither her mother or father work, and I understand that this is a fairly common situation in the Philippines.

    I have offered to help (and I genuinely want to, her family are lovely and I love them too) during the period between her resignation and whenever she can start to earn for herself in the UK. I'm prepared for this to be in perpetuity, but I know her instinct will be to still provide for her family herself. So I'm also looking into the possibility of her starting an eBay business or the like... I know the reality is she will be pregnant fairly quickly (fingers crossed) so any ideas of her working a regular job are not really practical. She has already told me she would never consider childcare other than her own and I agree that this is the best way to raise a family, so I will support her in that. Anyway, I'm digressing slightly...

    The crux of the situation is that she is having a hard time accepting that I will be taking her role temporarily to support her family. A really hard time. She told me she has been thinking and stressed about it all last night. Obviously I find this distressing too, that something that is trivial to me from a financial point of view (my contribution would represent only around 7.5% of my take home pay) should be causing her this pain. Obviously I understand that it's a big psychological hurdle for her to get over, and having to rely on someone else for financial assistance is something she has not had to do for 4 years now.

    I'm struggling to find ways of helping her deal with this, but I want her to be as happy as possible at the moment in the run up to our wedding (stressful enough as it is). Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can deal with this?


  2. #2
    Admin's Assistant ^_^ raynaputi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Denbigh, North Wales
    Posts
    7,464
    Rep Power
    150
    Most independent Filipinas are really worried when the time comes that she would stop working and won't be able to help or contribute to the family. I know because I was like that before I got married. Before I got here to the UK, I am working since I graduated from college and earning quite above the average wage in the Philippines. Imagine the worry I had when it finally sink in that I have to resign from my work and go here to the UK without the possibility of getting the job that I love. I have bills to pay and I want to continue helping my parents with the house bills. I even told hubby to postpone everything until I can finish all my bills and still help my family a bit longer. But he refused and told me not to worry about it. Hubby had offered to help me paying the bills I left in the Philippines but up to now, I still think that one day, I can repay him for that (although he said it doesn't bother him because it's just money and we're married).

    Anyway, I think the best thing you can do is to reassure her that a married couple share everything, even when it comes to money. Tell her that taking the responsibility temporarily is expected since she is starting a new life with a husband now. That this time, it's not only her that can help the family. You are very lucky that she's not someone who wants money from you, you know. If she's still hesitant of you doing her role temporarily, maybe you can tell her that it would be a loan from you for now. That she can repay you when she gets work here in the UK. That might ease her mind a bit. I know I would, hence I'm still thinking I can someday repay my hubby.
    -=rayna.keith=-
    ...When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible...



  3. #3
    Respected Member tone's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Northants
    Posts
    1,003
    Rep Power
    72
    Its always such a difficult topic this, but from what you have said I see that your wife to be is very sincere and if She can trust you to bring her to the UK and look after her she should accept the "void" period as a transitional period. We all go through it in different ways.
    I'd try and explain that the future is brighter and she can help out when here (even though you may not want/need.expect) but it will help her feel she is maintaining some self worth.
    I've helped my wife out and she always says she will pay me back. I always say that what I earn is ours, I will never say its "mine" this is a sure way to build walls - something am very sensative about..

    The fact my wife has given me her life here in England, born an amazing child is enough paybackfor what we have done but its always a two way street..

    Wish you the best in handling it!

    Tone


  4. #4
    Trusted Member sars_notd_virus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Wiltshire,UK
    Posts
    4,955
    Rep Power
    150
    Quote Originally Posted by mpkayeuk View Post

    I'm struggling to find ways of helping her deal with this, but I want her to be as happy as possible at the moment in the run up to our wedding (stressful enough as it is). Does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can deal with this?
    We all got different cases but It is good sign and a good read that both of you talked and sit down about your finances/money matters ''before'' the marriage.

    My husband and I did the same (talked and sit about our money matters before the marriage)...we both agreed that he is the ''provider'', even if I work or not it doesnt matter , sometimes he is the one to remind first if i want to send money for my family( no particular amount just a gift for my mum and ''not'' to support all the family) and even when I started working here in the UK my salary hasnt been touch to pay big amounts of expenses (its always his account that carries all the bills) my account is our savings ...when you get married you ''share' everything its just down to both of you to manage your finances.

    My only suggestion is to ''remind'' your Mahal's family that ''it will not be the same'' as it used to be when she provided for her family as she is going to start a family of her own soon.
    ''Don't be serious..Be Sincere''


Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. UK Visa Worries
    By nitrox in forum UK VISA/British Citizenship
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 16th July 2013, 15:46
  2. Reverse Culture Shock
    By jake in forum Loose Talk, Chat and Off Topic
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 1st April 2013, 18:41
  3. family worries...
    By aromulus in forum Loose Talk, Chat and Off Topic
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 27th November 2007, 11:01

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Filipino Forum : Philippine Forum