My wife wants me to leave our home.

[gWaPito]

have you any idea what she is wanting, if you can find out that then you will know what to spend, if its within reason , there are no winners in this, pay up say bye for now to all that you thought you had and move on, harsh words but its the words that she and you will understand

Brian and Peter, bear with me please. I'm pushed for time. I will answer you both later Cheers

Steve, what Jane is wanting is for me to disappear from all three of them. She doesn't want me known as our boys father.
Apparently I provide no long term future for them....she's mixing with Filipinas with husbands all roughly the same ages. Jane is the odd one out bein saddled with me.
Plus the fact she doesn't want people thinking she got here on the back of me, where most of her other friends got here because of being co workers with guys from the Honda car factory....they have bases in China and Philippines as well as others. I digress!
Hopefully when cafcass get involved they will prove a good influence over her. I'll pray that will be the case.

Btw. ..I really hope cafcass are the long awaited Genesis in chasing away the devil who's invaded her!

[stevewool]

the cost will only keep going on and on and you will end up broke, is your wife on legal aid, or who is paying for her solicitor,
i may be wrong here and i hope i am, but mums with the children will have the rights over you all the time, yes you may get access some weekends but its down to your wife to bring them and if she does not want to, who will make her , yes the courts and more stress and money all from you,
If she wants you out of there lives forever, you may have no choice, be prepared for a long, long time, i have been there and in the end after years and years of heartache the children will be back in your life if that is what they want, talk to your solicitor ask for his advice and what chances have you, i did and it worked out fine for me looking back on the past

[Dedworth]

is your wife on legal aid, or who is paying for her solicitor,
i may be wrong here and i hope i am, but mums with the children will have the rights over you all the time, yes you may get access some weekends but its down to your wife to bring them and if she does not want too, who will make her , yes the courts and more stress and money all from you,

She won't get it all her own way if it can be shown that she is an irresponsible, scheming waster and that Gwap can provide a stable environment for the boys upbringing. It goes without saying that her leeching lawyer is funded by us but this legal aid will be clawed back upon financial settlement. A mate of mines a headmaster and he took a big financial hit but the ex didn't get it all her own way, the daughters live with him Mon - Fri and her at weekends, which suits him as he can go out then.

[Arthur Little]

A mate of mines a headmaster and he took a big financial hit but the ex didn't get it all her own way, the daughters live with him Mon - Fri and her at weekends, which suits him as he can go out then.

... d'you mean "talent spotting"? ... out on the "ran~dan"??

[HACHE]

Just wanted to say, after reading the goings on in your life mate, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Seems a hell of a lot of unfairness in the whole thing.
Unfortunately I don't have any knowledge or experience of this sort of thing, but I've got to wish you all the best in this awful time. I guess I just need to say, don't give up, and try and believe things, one day WILL be better than they are now.

[gWaPito]

My solicitor gave me a ''rough quote'' on costs just to establish contact and told me what the coming weeks and months will bring in the way of being an emotional time. She even suggested going to my GP for help saying it wouldn't go against me. That wasn't a risk I was prepared to take.

Solicitor told me I needed to reduce my take home pay, which I have done. This led to a problem paying my solicitor's fees.
My mother, with the backing of my siblings is paying my solicitor fees. They know that if I stayed on my previous pay Jane would have 20% of a large amount of money more than enough to finance not only our boys but also her and a boyfriend. ..that was never going to happen.

So I hope this gets back to Jane that my mum. .Our boys 81 year old grandmother is paying out big money for the sake of her not cooperating. ..sleep on that Jane. If you have any crumb of decency about you, you would stop this selfish behaviour straight away.

Please Jane, please cooperate. .the money being spent is coming from my siblings inheritance.

[gWaPito]

She won't get it all her own way if it can be shown that she is an irresponsible, scheming waster and that Gwap can provide a stable environment for the boys upbringing. It goes without saying that her leeching lawyer is funded by us but this legal aid will be clawed back upon financial settlement. A mate of mines a headmaster and he took a big financial hit but the ex didn't get it all her own way, the daughters live with him Mon - Fri and her at weekends, which suits him as he can go out then.

You've summed it up to a tee, Ded.

[gWaPito]

Just wanted to say, after reading the goings on in your life mate, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Seems a hell of a lot of unfairness in the whole thing.
Unfortunately I don't have any knowledge or experience of this sort of thing, but I've got to wish you all the best in this awful time. I guess I just need to say, don't give up, and try and believe things, one day WILL be better than they are now.

Cheers. ...just make sure you pick the right gal.

[HACHE]

Cheers. ...just make sure you pick the right gal.

Thanks mate.
That's exactly what I'm doing right now. My own story is difficult enough, but I'm single with a GF and in a completely different position to yourself, ie no ties. But it's stories like yours, brings into focus for me, how I am right to be cautious in a relationship that throws up "red flags" too early for my liking.

[tiger31]

She won't get it all her own way if it can be shown that she is an irresponsible, scheming waster and that Gwap can provide a stable environment for the boys upbringing. It goes without saying that her leeching lawyer is funded by us but this legal aid will be clawed back upon financial settlement. A mate of mines a headmaster and he took a big financial hit but the ex didn't get it all her own way, the daughters live with him Mon - Fri and her at weekends, which suits him as he can go out then.

this is fine if his ex is complying like your friends ex is but marks ex is not doing so .like I said mark can get all the access he wants but if the ex don,t play ball then all that happens is back to court more and more money with still the same outcome ive been there like many other fathers have been before me .she sounds like she will obstruct mark at every oppurtunity she gets.

[gWaPito]

Thanks mate.
That's exactly what I'm doing right now. My own story is difficult enough, but I'm single with a GF and in a completely different position to yourself, ie no ties. But it's stories like yours, brings into focus for me, how I am right to be cautious in a relationship that throws up "red flags" too early for my liking.

Not all that shines is gold
Glad I've helped Hache.

Can't find right words so best I be quiet.

[HACHE]

Not all that shines is gold
Glad I've helped Hache.

Can't find right words so best I be quiet.

That's okay. Sometimes we need direct advice regarding our own situation, and other times, just hearing someone else's own story helps in a different, useful way. Helps keep thing in perspective, hearing other's problems and how they're dealing with things.
At times life seems so unfair and difficult. Only consolation, is that it's unfortunately true for many others.

[Terpe]

I disagree it seems that Gwap has no option but to follow the legal route to secure access to his kids - any finances will be dealt with at the divorce stage. He mentioned CAFCASS who are basically "social workers" appointed by the court where kids are involved. They will be looking at both parties' living conditions etc

Yes Dedworth, I understand what you're saying.
And I don't believe anyone would argue against following correct legal process.
My point is though that it's critical to understand, in some detail, about the steps involved in the whole process, the involvement of the solicitor and the likely costs.
It's really important (and sensible) to have the solicitors state the upcoming costs in stages and to give options.

CAFCASS are, as you rightly, mentioned advisors to the courts in family matters.
They only become involved at the request of the court.
The reasons for fully understanding the probable costs are that the case is not yet subject to the courts.
It's still at the early stages.
Even CAFCASS strongly suggest that the involved parties reach some agreement and co-operation as early as possible:-

...rather than going through the often costly and lengthy full family court process.

Each case is different and it's unwise to make comparisons.
It's far too early to talk about prospects after divorce.

To be clear, divorce itself will NEVER happen until the welfare of the children has been settled.
Means, decisions about where the children will live, time and access and full financials.

£3k is already lot of money. But that's nothing compared to just how costs can escalate without care and controls.

Like everyone, just trying to help.

[bigmac]

I hate to say this mark but your going to be spending lots more money and if she keeps duckin and diving its all going to be for nothing .you need to tell her no more money for her and the kids unless she starts to co-operate as you can,t afford to keep feeding the lawyers thats what they want you to do btw ive been through all this crap spent loads of money and still did,nt get to see my kids.court orders are not worth the paper they are printed on m8 no judge will jail a mother of kids for breaking court orders .so you may need another approach but what that is I do not know looks like your in for a rough ride here I feel sorry for you I really do .

100% agree. this was me 30 years ago---and history repeating itself--my son going through the same rigmarole now.

[tiger31]

100% agree. this was me 30 years ago---and history repeating itself--my son going through the same rigmarole now.

maybe staying single is the answer

[gWaPito]

100% agree. this was me 30 years ago---and history repeating itself--my son going through the same rigmarole now.

Sorry to hear this . Your heart bleeds them.
The lunatics certainly have taken over the asylum.

[gWaPito]

Yes Dedworth, I understand what you're saying.
And I don't believe anyone would argue against following correct legal process.
My point is though that it's critical to understand, in some detail, about the steps involved in the whole process, the involvement of the solicitor and the likely costs.
It's really important (and sensible) to have the solicitors state the upcoming costs in stages and to give options.

CAFCASS are, as you rightly, mentioned advisors to the courts in family matters.
They only become involved at the request of the court.
The reasons for fully understanding the probable costs are that the case is not yet subject to the courts.
It's still at the early stages.
Even CAFCASS strongly suggest that the involved parties reach some agreement and co-operation as early as possible:-


Each case is different and it's unwise to make comparisons.
It's far too early to talk about prospects after divorce.

To be clear, divorce itself will NEVER happen until the welfare of the children has been settled.
Means, decisions about where the children will live, time and access and full financials.

£3k is already lot of money. But that's nothing compared to just how costs can escalate without care and controls.

Like everyone, just trying to help.

I appreciate your help Peter .Thank you.

Cafcass are involved. I'm so glad they are ..it's taken far too long for them to act. .like you said, the court instructs them, no one else.

The trouble is, the weeks of waiting for me and the weeks of poison being pumped into my wife by these grabbing black and tans and men hating lesbians who generally populate these establishments.

I pray to God there's no lasting damage to Jane and Cafcass can point her in the right direction.

I still care, I can't help but care.

I lay in bed thinking a lot. .I think back to the time she wrote on the fruit i took to work.

Look at it now with 2 beautiful baby boys we brought intentionally into this world. This wasn't the outcome expected. Not in my worst nightmare did i expect this.

I was reminded today that when the time comes that i am allowed to see them, they won't be the same boys I held in my arms on June 23. They grow and facial features change a great deal.

No compensation can bring that back. .Jobe will be walking as well now.

[gWaPito]

Found a few sites that may help too Mark

http://www.dad.info/dad-talk-forum

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/

Just been reading through this thread while sat behind a queue of trucks.
Jamie, many forum for guys in my situation. .the reading and participation is way too much for me.
Graham's friend the one who died in a car accident. .well those are common amongst us. .many don't get reported in the main papers especially the ones who OD This is the common get out of jail card.
These are the guys without money and hope of seein theirs kids again.

This forum is bringing me comfort enough.

On Facebook I found an old school chum. ..same age as me. ..he's had 2 strokes and an heart attack. His wife walked out on him 26 years ago with his 10 month old daughter. He hasn't seen them since. His Facebook account is public on the hope his daughter looks for him.

[gWaPito]

I have good news..after 83 days of not having any contact with my 1 and 2yo boys, I get to have them later today. I thought I would never see them again. The pain I have been through, only a loving caring parent can apprecaite.

I wish to express my thanks for the support I've had from you on here and also, thanks to the new chat window, I want to thank the support of a few of the silent majority who's now become good friends of mine.

From the outset my solicitor told me I would be in for a tough 3 months before we get change...she was right. I was told, during that time their would be a chance I would have to under go mental assessment and have to face the fact that I would only be allowed to see my boys through a supervised contact centre for 2 hours at a time, 2 Saturdays a month.

This was what was going through my mind every day, up until my day in court last week.

We were in court for around 3 hours...After going through CAFCASS's findings, the judge was having none of it. It was ordered that I'm to be granted with immediate access, allowing me to bring them home every week from Sunday to Tuesday. This is a contact order to be reviewed in 3 months time.

New laws were brought out last November forcing the resident parent to comply or face prison and or a criminal conviction...I've been deemed a fit stable parent so, I could take them full time if she messes up.

I did say the other day i would PM but, decided to do it like this.

I'm told to expect twists and turns along the way but this time I have the law on my side..It's a tragedy it's taken nearly 90 days with costs of £3000 plus £1500 for my 3 hours in court for something what was morally wrong from the start.

I'm still in the dark as to where they are living all thanks to the refuge system of protection. That can not be reversed no matter what the judge has decided..she will get her house and no doubt be in receipt of benefits for the rest of her days living in the UK.

[tiger31]

well nice to hear the outcome was in favour of you i,m really happy for you but what a cost in money she has put you through which should,nt have happened if she remained on friendly terms .maybe she planned the benifit route from the start knowing how generous it is when you have kids.what ever you do mark don,t slip up with the scheduled visits as she could use it against you when the case is reviewed .happy outcome

[jake]

Very good news Mark.
Enjoy your time with the kids.

[SimonH]

Great news mate, have a fantastic few days with them and then look forward to next Sunday

[stevewool]

enjoy today and many more days will follow, just take it one visit at a time, there will be ups and downs but its a very good start

[Michael Parnham]

Very pleased for you Mark, I can just imagine how happy you must be, great news!

[joebloggs]

good news mark

[Moy]

good news gwapito

[Ako Si Jamie]

Great news Mark.

[Doc Alan]

Happy to read your update, good news indeed Mark, thanks for posting .

[grahamw48]

At last some relief for you Mark, and your babies back in your life.

[Iani]

Great news there, hope this can all work out