My wife wants me to leave our home.

[gWaPito]

Best of luck. It must be a nightmare when things go toxic like your situation. Hopefully in time things will settle down a bit.

Thank you Highlander. ..it's definitely one of those living types of nightmare. ..I'm lucky I got loving family ( family i thought I lost ) rallying around and good friends I never knew I had. ..God bless them all.
For me, this is where my faith plays a blinder....Not to say I don't have bad days because i do. The sun's been shining today..If only for 365 days!

Cheers
Mark.

[Neu75]

Hello Junior,
Thank you for taking the trouble to share.
It's good to see you are still around on here.
Since Mother in law has been here it's been a whole lot better. ..she does so much. .even in times of trouble, things still need to be done around the house. .especially with our boys in the house, normality and routine is key.
On the contrary Junior, Mother in law is worth her weight in gold. ..hence my anxiety for when she has to leave August 14.
I understand about 'normal' jealously Junior. ..even though I hate that emotion, what I'm experiencing goes beyond all of that. ..I could give you a catalogue of instances of insane jealously that I experience that would make your teeth curl.
This has nothing to do with the Filipino mindset.
Cheers Junior

Mark.
Btw...I didn't get to see my boys again today, let alone kiss them. ...she took them out.
At least I wasn't bad mouthed. .I feel good about that.
I find this bad mouthing destroys the soul. ..it does mine.

Have a good day all...the sun is shining

I think your wrong.
I had a Philippino girlfriend and her jealousy was the worst.
Understand this and your halfway there i think
Take time off and talk it through for the kids sake.

[gWaPito]

I think your wrong.
I had a Philippino girlfriend and her jealoussy was the worst.
Understand this and your halfway there i think
Take time off and talk it through for the kids sake.

Thanks for the advice neu75.

Im doing everything for the greater good of my little chomperlots God I am

[gWaPito]

Hello again
Just an update. .I met with solicitor on Monday and basically he confirmed what you guys have already told me ..ie I'll be taken to the cleaners if i left my house.
I would be paying her 20 % of my income plus mortgage and insurance also I'll be paying her maintenance as well.
I could stop the maintenance payment if I divorced her. The divorce, going by the solicitor's estimation would cost me around 7k. All the other payments would continue.
He said my only hope is she goes back with her mum to the Philippines.
He added that if she's being troublesome with child access now, imagine what's it's going to be like when or hopefully not, gone. ...you'll be spending a fortune on trying to enforce access etc. ..your life will be intolerable.
The solicitor advice was hard to swallow but he was talking from experience. .experience of getting guys like me through his doors most weeks of the year.
I posted last night but removed it. .too emotional. ..I slept better last night so not feeling as awful. .the night time is the worst.

Cheers
Mark.

[tone]

Hi Mark
I've not been in here for a while too and was dismayed to read your headine post, I've been ground down to being left with nothing (in my last marriage) and I too echo some of the wise words by others having speed read a lot of the posts.
Its good to hear you have at least got some legal perspective now - its never good news hearing what the solicitors say, in hindsight, and I've been through court action for contact and maintenance reviews a few times - these can become very protracted and the estimates of costs needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.
I wish you very good luck and I'll keep an eye on your posts - if there is any titbit of data that would help I'll post it up.
Good luck - keep a level head record everything - any interaction you have with her you should record - my ex was a very good story teller until I produced recordings. There may be some data issue there so openly tell her you may record your interactions, especially with the points about attitude to the children.

Best wishes mate.

Tone

[grahamw48]

Nice to see you back Tone.

[tone]

Nice to see you back Tone.

Hi Graham
Thank you - really lovely to hear!

Tone

[fred]

Hi Mark
I've not been in here for a while too and was dismayed to read your headine post, I've been ground down to being left with nothing (in my last marriage) and I too echo some of the wise words by others having speed read a lot of the posts.
Its good to hear you have at least got some legal perspective now - its never good news hearing what the solicitors say, in hindsight, and I've been through court action for contact and maintenance reviews a few times - these can become very protracted and the estimates of costs needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.
I wish you very good luck and I'll keep an eye on your posts - if there is any titbit of data that would help I'll post it up.
Good luck - keep a level head record everything - any interaction you have with her you should record - my ex was a very good story teller until I produced recordings. There may be some data issue there so openly tell her you may record your interactions, especially with the points about attitude to the children.

Best wishes mate.

Tone

Good advice Tone!! Reps on way.
Gwaps.. Get yourself a recorder man!!

[Terpe]

.... There may be some data issue there so openly tell her you may record your interactions, especially with the points about attitude to the children...

I stand to be corrected but as I understand it you would be highly unlikely to be breaking any privacy or data protection law.

Section 36 of the Data Protection Act states that:-

Personal data processed by an individual only for the purposes of that individual’s personal, family or household affairs (including recreational purposes) are exempt from the data protection principles and the provisions of Parts II and III.

Secret recordings are, in many circumstances, accepted in court even if the person being recorded didn't know it.

Always seek legal advice BEFORE using such evidence and seek proper guidance on how to present it though.

Food for thought

[fred]

Secret recordings are, in many circumstances, accepted in court even if the person being recorded didn't know it.

I should hope so!! If the person knew they were recording they would probably come across as sweetness and light!!
Good common sense and a damned good lawyer..Thats what I think!!

[gWaPito]

Good advice Tone!! Reps on way.
Gwaps.. Get yourself a recorder man!!

I'm on it Fred .....the level headed bit is a big ask. ..I'm at 6s and 7s at the moment.
You know I never for one minute did I think I was set up from the off.
Solicitor said we are getting guys like you, meaning I'm a homeowner and in a steady well paid job. . As soon as ilr and citizenship appears that's when problems start. .he said its a well beaten path. They start giving husband a rough time. .encourage him to leave for the sake of the kids etc. .bingo, they've hit the jackpot. .the house becomes theirs with money, thanks to the government, rolling in from the husband up until the kids leave school. ..so I ain't beating myself up what I've done wrong, ive done nothing wrong except fallen for the wrong person ....sure doesn't make it any easier for me

Tone. ...Thank you so much for your input. ..I really appreciate it.

[imagine]

i suggested a pocket recorder earlier, secret recording of whatever she says will stand as good evidence , be strong you will get through this

[gWaPito]

i suggested a pocket recorder earlier, secret recording of whatever she says will stand as good evidence , be strong you will get through this

You did Stewart and I didn't forget. .I also didn't forget your week of madness when you lost it all. ..I've thought about what you went through then the subsequent illness. .surely would of put many over the top. .God bless you Stewart

[stevewool]

its good that you have seen a solicitor,lots of travelled the road you are on and everyone will have a similar story to say but everyone will have a different outcome,
As long as you stick to your guns you will be fine, but you will lose everything that you loved, the cost will be on going, but you will get over it, maybe what this person has said about her going back to the phils is the best outcome he was telling the truth sorry to say,cant say much more just stick to what you want

[tone]

Guys
I'm really pleased to have offered some useful input.

Terpe - very useful to have dug up the legal point on recordings thanks for looking into that.
Fred thank you for your kind words!
Mark - most welcome, I have literally been through this and I have a good memory! please ask any Q's and along with the great Guys and Gals on here will try and offer some advice.

Smartphones are very useful for recording - I only use apple but I can use iCloud to automatically backup anything on my phone to cloud should the phone be subject to unorthodox experiences!

Again best of wishes.

Tone

[gWaPito]

its good that you have seen a solicitor,lots of traveled the road you are on and everyone will have a similar story to say but everyone will have a different outcome,
As long as you stick to your guns you will be fine, but you will lose everything that you loved, the cost will be on going, but you will get over it, maybe what this person has said about her going back to the phils is the best outcome he was telling the truth sorry to say,cant say much more just stick to what you want

Thanks Steve. .
I did ask him his honest opinion. ..he certainly gave it. .he's been doing this for twenty years so he knows the outcome of these events. .I know they can change the boys names etc but never the birth certificates. .I can even get replacements. ..so no matter where they end up on this globe I'll always be here for them. .my children from my first marriage will look for them too. .I know she will take them away. ...With British passports they can go anywhere. .Thank God for the Internet. .One click of my name. .I'll be there, if only on screen.

[grahamw48]

The children can't go anywhere without your permission Mark....or that of a Judge, if you take out an injunction which costs peanuts and is extendable (as I did) , BECAUSE they have British passports.

[Dedworth]

Gwap - read up here and get a court order for the passports to be surrendered

http://www.pact-online.org/Advice/ad...-of-icmec.html

[gWaPito]

Gwap - read up here and get a court order for the passports to be surrendered

http://www.pact-online.org/Advice/ad...-of-icmec.html

I keep saying thank you thank you thank you but putting nothing into action! .
This is so bloody hard. .honestly I wish the ground would swallow me up. .This is so awful.
I dread when the day comes when I hear no more James and Jobe voices downstairs. .I came home last night and saw a long message on the kitchen table. .my heart sank. .I couldn't read it. .I closed my eyes and turnt it over. It was relief when in fact it was a request for more money. ..I didn't read it until the morning. .I'm talking the big talk here about this and that. ..I'm full of rubbish. .I'll tell you the truth, when it happens she walks with my beautiful wonderful smiling babies, I'm a dead man

[grahamw48]

Mark.

Make an appointment with your solicitor asap, go along to the judge with him/her, and have an injunction taken out to prevent removal of your children from this country.

Take a day off work if needs be. It's VERY important.

That's exactly what I did. I think it cost about £100, and the initial order was for 6 months...renewable.

THEN you can see about sorting out their passports (I'd just pocketed my boy's already).

[imagine]

as ded and graham said put a stop to her being able to take your children out of uk, get your ass into gear my friend before its too late, fight you have as much rights as her , you must fight to keep your chidren here dont leave it to chance

[imagine]

yes get your hands on their passports, good idea graham

[bigmarco]

Lots of good advice here Mark so it's time to get planning because you can be sure she's planning away.
If I was you I'd be doing my utmost to lay my hands on the boys passports and get rid of them.
Next do what Graham says and get an injunction preventing their removal.
Also read that link that Ded posted I just have and it's interesting stuff.
You've had a low blow mate so it's time to pick yourself up and start fighting back. Once you start her plans up she'll want to talk.
Similar situation some years ago and when I realised what was happening and got over the initial shock, I decided I was more than happy to lose her but I wanted the kids. I was lucky because mine were older but I got what I wanted.
Time to toughen up Mark and that includes the money as well because she'll keep taking if you keep giving.

[stevewool]

lots of wise words from all here Mark, but its you that has to make all this happen, it will not go away and you know you have to.

[Michael Parnham]

After reading all the advice and comments Mark, I sincerely wish you all the luck and success in the world, I dread to think how you must be feeling at the moment, and I'm sure the sun will shine again for you after it's all over, God Bless You!

[DaveyWallis]

I'm really sorry to read of your troubles Gwap, I think that most of us wear that T shirt.

I agree with everyone else about not moving out of your home and can add little but a couple of points.

Solicitors, like everyone else, want to have as easy a time as possible and may not always give the best advice - just the advice that makes it easier for them to earn their money. Seven grand sounds massive by the way, I think mine cost just over one.

Experience shows me that whilst you have a moral responsibility to house your ex and the kids it isn't a legal one. Courts will tend to divide assets in favour of the woman but from what you have said about your mortgage being an interest only one there may not be much to split anyway.

Before I met Grace I dated a woman whose husband had walked out on her and the kids and only paid the interest element on the house for the first 9 months. After that he stopped paying.

The house almost got repossessed, it went to Court twice. Her solicitor said that there was nothing that she could do as he was actually behaving within the law.

The divorce went to Court for the split of assets and at no time did the ex-husband get criticised for his behaviour.

My second point is that when I got divorced I went to see the firm of solicitors who were supposedly the best in Nottingham. The solicitor, who is fairly famous, told me that my house (she hadn't paid a penny toward the mortgage and other bills) was my 'gift' to my ex while me having access to my kids was her 'gift' to me. He then charged me £250.

I ditched him and found a different solicitor. I ended up keeping the house, albeit having to pay her approx £50k to buy her out, and secured a 50/50 shared care arrangement for the children.

My point is that some solicitors serve their own interests ahead of their clients so when yours talks about you paying the mortgage for your wife he could be simply making life easier for him rather than you. Maintenance for her and the kids yes, mortgage no. Let her find somewhere to rent instead. The maintenance that you pay would go towards the rent, the rest she can find for herself.

[DaveyWallis]

One more thing.

Your solicitor is correct about 20% of your earnings - but this is after tax, NI and PENSION CONTRIBUTIONS. Therefore, if you want to reduce the amount you pay set up a pension scheme, if you don't already have one, and put as much as you can in there each month. I'm not sure if there is a maximum amount you can pay in.

Use this site as a rough guide to how much you'd have to pay. Having the children for a night or two each week will help reduce the figure further, and would be fantastic for you and them.

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

Being self-employed helps a lot too. The CSA hate dealing with self-employment cases.

[grahamw48]

Good info' there...some rep on its way.

[Terpe]

One more thing.

Your solicitor is correct about 20% of your earnings - but this is after tax, NI and PENSION CONTRIBUTIONS. Therefore, if you want to reduce the amount you pay set up a pension scheme, if you don't already have one, and put as much as you can in there each month. I'm not sure if there is a maximum amount you can pay in.

Use this site as a rough guide to how much you'd have to pay. Having the children for a night or two each week will help reduce the figure further, and would be fantastic for you and them.

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

Being self-employed helps a lot too. The CSA hate dealing with self-employment cases.

Good info Andy n Grasya
Also your post #116

Rep from me also

[gWaPito]

Thanks Andy. .appreciate the time you you spending the time writing this. .I'll read this page again when with more time. ..my problem is Andy is a wife who refuses me any contact with my kids and im still living there. .the only reason is pure spite. .spite of an evil woman. .This is why my present solicitor said what he said. .God divorce is bad enough without a wife wanting to totally destroy you.
She's had enough of the marriage but wants all what came with it. ..House money and the boys with me kicked out. .very brave isn't she.
'Two sides to every story' you ain't got a clue what you are on about!
By the way, that wasn't directed to any active contributors on here.
Michael. ..Thanks for that ...bigmarco ..I know mate. .daughter said I gotta start getting mean and treat likewise...Thanks imagine. .solicitor wise I can't say anything. .it's getting back.
Thanks for your patience guys

Big kisses for Graham as well :-)