Co - Sleeping with kids

[jake]

Do your kids sleep in your bedroom?
The next question is more for the Filipino's on this site but may include some others. What age did you stop sleeping next to your parents?
Will be interesting to here your answers. Thanks.

The first time i witnessed family's sleeping together was on my first visit to the Philippines 27 years ago. My first thought was maybe there house was to small but i realized this wasn't the case as there were bedrooms that nobody slept in. My wife's family home had 3 bedrooms and they all slept next to their parents until they left home.
When we first had kids my idea was the kids should sleep in there own room. My wife won that one and they slept with us until they were 7 or 8 years old. Never really put a damper on as we always found other opportunities If anything it made it more exciting!

[Michael Parnham]

It's very unwise to sleep with your children especially babies!

[jake]

It's very unwise to sleep with your children especially babies!

Have to disagree with you michael. In most cultures sleeping with babies is normal. There are very few cultures in the world that would ever think of letting a baby sleep on its own.

[Iani]

I wouldn't say unwise as Michael said. Well it certainly could be with babies - there have been instances of adults smothering babies not noticing whilst they were sleeping.

There is also a strong theory that sleeping next to your baby NOT necessarily in the same bed mind, can help prevent "cot death". Some medics think the sound of another breathing next to the baby, can prevent the baby "forgetting" to breath.
Some think it's a throwback to old times (caveman times?) when the tribe would of course all sleep together.

Sleeping with your children, well that I guess is a cultural thing. Can't see any harm in it, and it's company in the night for the kids, and the adults know the kids are safe with them.

Personally I wouldn't like it, I am too fond of my own space really Maybe that's cultural though - we all think we should have our own rooms

[stevewool]

a long time ago we did but now who knows, its nice to bring them into your bed once everyone is awake

[purple]

My little Ace still sleeps next to me even though he is 16 months now. Even if we go home to Naga.
The cots and his expensive mattress (99 pounds) hasn't been used though it was his grandad who bought.

I love it and enjoying it.

I believe that they will grow out of it. Like my 14 year old son, he just wants to do what he needs with school and that. So its better to make the most of it while they are still young, when they grow up.. that's it.

Well, that's the culture talking.

Though I must admit that I admire the western culture as well for teaching self reliance at very young age.

[stevewool]

Though I must admit that I admire the western culture as well for teaching self reliance at very young age.

well that could be because some parents dont give a damn about how or where there kids are later on in life

[grahamw48]

My little Ace still sleeps next to me even though he is 16 months now. Even if we go home to Naga.
The cots and his expensive mattress (99 pounds) hasn't been used though it was his grandad who bought.

I love it and enjoying it.

I believe that they will grow out of it. Like my 14 year old son, he just wants to do what he needs with school and that. So its better to make the most of it while they are still young, when they grow up.. that's it.

Well, that's the culture talking.

Though I must admit that I admire the western culture as well for teaching self reliance at very young age.

You are so right about that. It's sort of sad when they are no longer cuddly little ones.

My son slept with us from the being a tiny baby. He was being breast-fed, so I suppose it was easier that way. The beautiful new cot bought for us by my sister was never used.

We had a Kingsize bed, so space wasn't a problem, and pillows could be used to keep the baby safely where he needed to be.

This arrangement continued right through to him being about 4 years old, when I built him a 'custom' bed of his own. He still started off in our bed each night though, and was gently transferred to his own when it was time for us to sleep.

He got his own room when he was about 7 years old and we had a much bigger house in the Phils, but was always welcome to snuggle in with his mum and dad.

I couldn't bear to think that my little boy would ever feel 'shut out' from the physical warmth of his parents.

[stevewool]

Graham you big softychange your avatar to mr softy

[grahamw48]

hahaha.

My cuddly little boy...

.

[raynaputi]

I can't remember how old I am when I stopped sleeping next to my parents. Probably when I started going to high school, around 12-13 years old. Like what the OP said, the house we live in is just small so there's no option but to sleep all together..ahaha.. Anyway, our 2nd floor was a whole room, and when my siblings and I were approaching teen years, my parents had to put dividers and doors so my 2 brothers can have a room of their own and me and my sisters as well. My parents had to sleep outside the rooms on a sofa bed. Then they changed it again so we could have 2 rooms instead of 3 as our 2nd floor is only small. My siblings and I had to sleep on 2 double deck beds all together. It's just to maximize all the space we could have. Same as our house in Cavite, one big bedroom where as much people as possible can sleep, although my siblings and I still have double deck beds and the others can sleep on the floor..LOL! Although there were still times that we transfer from our beds to my parents' bed to sleep. Not sure why. Probably just got used to.

My older sister has 2 kids of her own, aged 7 and 3 (both boys), and they too still sleeps with their parents. I don't think that it would prevent them being self reliant as my nephews are so independent that they want to do stuffs all by themselves at such a young age. They're not afraid of sleeping with lights off too. It's probably just gives them comfort that their parents love them so much and would always be at their side no matter what. But like you guys said, it's also the culture.

[Steve.r]

Our Vincent sleeps with us in our bed, I don't see anything wrong with that. I think in the UK everyone in the hand wringing brigaide and wooly jumpers revel in the stories of the parent who smothered their baby. How often has that actually happened??? who has actual figures??
When a baby needs feeding in the middle of the night or is restless, being next to the parents' is the best thing, less disturbance and better sleep as well as better bonding.

Like Graham, take advantage while you can, they grow so fast.

[MissAna]

i sleep with my parents when i was little because that time we only have two bedrooms. one is for my parents, me, my sister & my brother and the other is for our youngest brother & for his second mom (our helper)
by the time we finally have a big-ish house, we have our own bedrooms but the problem is we are too scared to sleep on our own so we still end up sleeping with our parents. believe it or not after i graduate in college, when i go back home, i sometimes sneak in to my parents bed, they don't mind anyway (well i think they don't )

[jake]

thanks for sharing all your different stories.
Even though i tried to resist having them with us in bed at the start i'm glad it turned out the way it did. Was always comforting to know they were safe with us.
Never had any negative affects and if anything it has given us a special bond.
As steve said there's always some 'professional' that will say this and that.

[Steve.r]

MissAna comes up with another strange point in this subject, that even though you might have enough bedrooms for all to sleep in, there is a countrywide reluctance to go into a room becaause it might have a ghost in it...... really? I want to say 'grow up ' but if ghost stories scare you dont ever go to sleep

[RickyR]

Both my little ones have there own rooms and full size beds, Josh who is 2 and a half does have a habit of sneaking into the bed in the middle of the night, but honestly I couldn't cope with them sleeping with us full time.

[Michael Parnham]

I don't know whether it's to do with the generation I was born in or what, but until I started going to the Philippines in 1989 I had never come across anyone who slept with their child and I found it quite shocking being aware of the dangers of babies being in the same bed as their parents, I now find it more disturbing that it happens in this country. I remember a number of years ago it was recommended on national television not to sleep with small children due to uncertainty of what was the cause of cot deaths!

[jake]

I don't know wether it's to do with the generation I was born in or what, but until I started going to the Philippines in 1989 I had never come across anyone who slept with their child and I found it quite shocking being aware of the dangers of babies being in the same bed as their parents, I now find it more disturbing that it happens in this country. I remember a number of years ago it was recomended on national television not to sleep with small children due to uncertanty of what was the cause of cot deaths!

We all have different ideas Michael. Im sure before any of us were born it was common practice for families in the UK to sleep together for various reasons.

Japan has the lowest number of cot deaths in the world and it is common practice for children to sleep with parents.

This may be of interest to you.
http://www.naturalchild.org/james_mc...ing_world.html

[MissAna]

MissAna comes up with another strange point in this subject, that even though you might have enough bedrooms for all to sleep in, there is a countrywide reluctance to go into a room becaause it might have a ghost in it...... really? I want to say 'grow up ' but if ghost stories scare you dont ever go to sleep

in the philippines we believe on ghost storries,paranormal activities,'barang' etc. because IT IS PART OF OUR CULTURE. i admit i am scared sleeping on my own sometimes but that was the time i was living with my parents. now that i am married, i learned to face up to my demons because i need to. marriage made me gown up as a person and i am thankful for that.

and oh... i like to watch thriller, horror movies at night. so i am not a scaredy-cat after all.

[fred]

Agree with Jake and Steve..
Its absolutely beyond me how parents can put their young babies and kids in a cot and sometimes in a different room!!
My wife could not sleep at night if the kids were not next to her..
When my eldest was born the nurse put him in a cot..
My Mrs took him out of the cot and with her..An hour later the English nurse put him back..
Poor kid was treated like a yoyo but the Mrs always won in the end..
There was a couple of times when the kids got into difficulties at night.. If they were in a cot I cant say for certain how things could have played out.

[Doc Alan]

I’m a professional, medic, occasional wearer of woolly jumpers and slippers, and father of two !


Common sense is of course needed with “ co-sleeping “ … as with anything else. It’s a cultural necessity as well as choice for many parents in the world.



• It includes placing your child on their back to sleep, in a cot - preferably but not necessarily in your room - for the first few months. If you choose to sleep with your baby in the same bed, don’t smoke, make sure you’re not drunk, and be careful if you’re on medication. The baby should not be too hot, and even more care taken if they’re not well – for example, with an infection / fever.


• “ Sudden Infant Death Syndrome “ ( “ cot death “ / “ crib death “ / SIDS ) is – by definition – not a disease, but an event which usually occurs in the first few months of life and – after very careful investigation including post mortem examination -is unexplained. It’s commoner in boys, single parent families, and occurs most often during sleep. It’s thought to result from a combination of factors – risks including not following the “ common sense list “ above.



• SIDS is RARE ( about 300 cases / year in the UK ) and decreasing in frequency – partly due to applying common sense, but also to careful elimination of other causes in reaching that diagnosis.



• It does appear less frequent in certain parts of the world such as Japan and Hong Kong, but it’s an unexplained event, with different standards for diagnosis, therefore difficult to compare the true variation in incidence. It should also be pointed out that a pathologist would have enormous difficulty distinguishing SIDS from smothering ( imposed asphyxiation ), whether accidental or otherwise, without knowing all the circumstances leading up to such an event.



• Obviously distinguishing a natural ( SIDS ) event from an unnatural event requires expertise, and careful but sensitive investigation. The VAST majority of families who are thus bereaved are entirely innocent. Even more important, for most families, co-sleeping is not associated with adverse events.

[Steve.r]

Good info Alan

[jake]

tut tut what a bad father!!

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[jane2009]

Hi,
My son ain't sleep night when he was a baby, I ended up awake all night and sleep all day but when i put him in our bed he slept well. My husband ain't happy and moan everyday but after few years he used to it.Now i want our son to sleep in his own room but my husband said if we can wait for more years and asked him why? he said we can not sleep with him when he is teenagers. lol....

[grahamw48]

That's a good point.

From the start our son slept right through the night when with us, apart from when he wanted a feed from his mum. Even then he didn't cry.

[Michael Parnham]

Most babies cry for attention and once they get the attention they will cry again when they want attention. Grandmother always used to say if you ignore the crying the child will learn that it won't recieve any attention and eventually stop crying and go to sleep and it works! There always will be the odd occasion that the baby has tummy ache or teething pain, It's those occasions when baby will need attention because the sound of the cry of pain is different!

[angellegwen]

I can't remember exactly as to what age my parents stop sleeping in our room. think i was 8 yrs old. We used to have 2 bedrooms and we just use 1 room. My parents sleeps in the middle sometimes my younger brother on the middle and im right next to my father (bec my mother doesn't wan't me next to her). It's funny remembering those times, I used to fidget so much and I can't sleep without my set of pillows(at least3-max5) so if i woke up and lose even just one, ill do anything to get one even if that means taking from whoever is right next to me thats why me and my brother next to each other is a or else we fight in the middle of the night. I miss those times, then me and my brother will recite a prayer which my father made and afterwards we listen to radio drama until we fall asleep or if no drama my parents would be telling stories when they were small .

[mickcant]

Slightly relevant
my Dog Charlie played up every night when I had him sleeping in his basket in the Kitchen, so to ovoid noise problems with the flat above me, I put his bed in my bedroom.

He soon moved onto the bed, and after his last walk nighttimes goes straight there, he stays above the covers, and waits for me to finish reading and put the light out and then moves so he is tight beside me, we both sleep ok with no problems.

If he ever goes into the bedroom during the day, he then always tries to get under the covers, but he does not try it when I am there!
Mick.

[jake]

Slightly relevant
my Dog Charlie played up every night when I had him sleeping in his basket in the Kitchen, so to ovoid noise problems with the flat above me, I put his bed in my bedroom.

He soon moved onto the bed, and after his last walk nighttimes goes straight there, he stays above the covers, and waits for me to finish reading and put the light out and then moves so he is tight beside me, we both sleep ok with no problems.

If he ever goes into the bedroom during the day, he then always tries to get under the covers, but he does not try it when I am there!
Mick.

Better watch out Mick some do gooder might report you to the RSPCA

[grahamw48]

I wouldn't want animals on my bed...sorry.