wife when unhappy going home

[antchristie]

Hiya all I love here in Cebu,
Did some advice my wife has picked and gone back home with are daughter.Says she needs to earn her own money and prove to herself she can do things herself.

We have been married for two years and she says maybe thing happened too quick baby marriage.

Any one else has the experience of wife not earning her own money being a problem?

Any advice what can do?
Thanks

[Steve.r]

Hiya all I love here in Cebu,
Did some advice my wife has picked and gone back home with are daughter.Says she needs to earn her own money and prove to herself she can do things herself.

We have been married for two years and she says maybe thing happened too quick baby marriage.

Any one else has the experience of wife not earning her own money being a problem?

Any advice what can do?
Thanks

I think there is more going on here than just wanting to go and make her own money and take the child too. She will not 'just' want to do this to make money. I think more underlying problems in the relationship that maybe you need to look at.

Its very sad to hear this though

[stevewool]

dont know all the inns and outs but it must be so hard coming to england and to start life here compared to what it was like the other side of the world,family and friends mean so much for our loved ones they need someone to talk to other then their husband

[grahamw48]

I believe it is important that wives are able to fulfill ALL their needs. This kind of frustration often leads to relationship break up wherever you may be living.

Being away from family and friends (and their support) will be very hard for your wife too, so her feelings are understandable.

Right now she needs someone to sympathise with her and to support her.

[sars_notd_virus]

Hiya all I love here in Cebu,
Did some advice my wife has picked and gone back home with are daughter.Says she needs to earn her own money and prove to herself she can do things herself.

We have been married for two years and she says maybe thing happened too quick baby marriage.

Any one else has the experience of wife not earning her own money being a problem?

Any advice what ca
n do?
Thanks

Its unusual she didn't get over her homesickness for two years of marriage? how old is your wife? does she have any genuine friends to give good advice and go out with sometimes? I have some filipina friends who doesnt earn money, got babies but are very happy because the support of their husband is there all the time.

ps

there is no point of being married and live far away with each other... good luck to both of you and think about what's good for the future of your baby.

[irishman12]

bit confused by the post -are you in cebu or uk? -couldnt she get job in uk if really wanted?

[andy222]

Looks a bit iffy to me.

[blackcat22]

steve.r is spot on.
There is more underlying reason why she made this descision rather than the silly excuse she has given you.

When she first arrived here did you try to ease her into settling here in UK by taking her on regular once every 6 months visits back home in phils to relieve her expected home sickness during the first year or two of the marriage?

Was she neglected in any way here in England during your 2yrs marriage?
The mistake we often make is that, we men think once the marriage is done then job done. We often mistaken that our foreign wife will be happy just to set foot in England and that's it. Infact marriage is just the beginning and the real work starts after marriage.

Think back how you were treating her while she was in UK, did you leave her at home for long time bored at home on her own. did you make effort at weekends to take her out visiting theatres, movies and other places of interest at weekends?

I think after she arrived here everything just felt empty for her but rather than turning to her husband for support, she probably think it's her husband fault why she feeling this way and that's why she making going back home to earn money excuse just to get away from it all.

It's not too late tho, you can still reverse the situation by putting your hands up coming clean to her that you really messed during her stay here and point out how you plan to make changes etc... You will need to convince her you will do things differntly if she come back with you to England.

[malditako]

Hiya all I love here in Cebu,
Did some advice my wife has picked and gone back home with are daughter.Says she needs to earn her own money and prove to herself she can do things herself.

We have been married for two years and she says maybe thing happened too quick baby marriage.

Any one else has the experience of wife not earning her own money being a problem?

Any advice what can do?
Thanks

it will only be a problem if the wife feels restricted to spend on whatever she wanted.

[PAT]

I feel really sad reading this,hope whatever problems will be settle soon...

[antchristie]

Hiya Malditako,
Could not see this until you said.She has felt like i did not trust her as sometimes i would ask what she spent money on.
After saying would not spend 10,000 peso on pictures mood changed and she was off

[antchristie]

Hiya Irishman in Cebu.Was planing on UK after Living in China but wife does not want to leave home.

[antchristie]

Hiya sars_notd_virus
We live in Cebu she 28,genuine friends none that I have meet in 4 years.Wise she did i work 6 days a week all day at work 9am-10pm must days.So would love her to have that support etc on hand.It was very hard on my wife when moved from China went from two days off a week home by 8 or 9.To one month no day off.

[malditako]

Hiya Malditako,
Could not see this until you said.She has felt like i did not trust her as sometimes i would ask what she spent money on.
After saying would not spend 10,000 peso on pictures mood changed and she was off

its hard for anyone who doesn't have any financial freedom. If you can't trust her enough with your finances at least give her an allowance where she could spend to whatever she wish for without being questioned. You'll see things will get better for you both.

[sars_notd_virus]

Hiya sars_notd_virus
We live in Cebu she 28,genuine friends none that I have meet in 4 years.Wise she did i work 6 days a week all day at work 9am-10pm must days.So would love her to have that support etc on hand.It was very hard on my wife when moved from China went from two days off a week home by 8 or 9.To one month no day off.

Hi there!!
find a work -life balance and never sacrifice your marriage for your career. your wife obviously needs emotional support not just financial support from you...do more than your share of working and loving , you shouldnt stop dating your wife and give her little treats now and again...(ie.. a chocolate candy bar or a flower from the garden)

[stevewool]

there is more to life then spending money, maybe hard for people to think i want this and that and i want it now, like anything in life you have to budget, where would we all be if we spent money on that special thing today and what about the special thing tomorrow and the next day, yes have a allowance but once that is spent well life sucks then,its hard to say no to your wife, girlfriend but i afraid you have to sometimes but once you have explained why they might see things different,i wish emma could have everything she wanted but she cant and i hope she understands this, plus if you think this is the only reason for this to happen, well i know what i would say

[raynaputi]

I wanna go home too..but I don't have any money..

[malditako]

I wanna go home too..but I don't have any money..

start walking now rayna lol

[raynaputi]

start walking now rayna lol

no visa yet

[malditako]

no visa yet

hahaha you're not allowed to get out of the country either

[stevewool]

I wanna go home too..but I don't have any money..

shall we start a collection pot

[sars_notd_virus]

no visa yet

yes, no passport no exit !!

[antchristie]

Chefs never have the right work-balance

[Arthur Little]

Chef never have the right work-balance

Hmm ... COULD, well be the root of your problems, I think! Wouldn't it be possible to cut down on the number of hours you're working?

[antchristie]

i wish but thats why they pay me so much more as an expat. do think its part of problem

[sars_notd_virus]

Chef never have the right work-balance

I dont think so, ..chef knows how to balance ingredients in his menu, then you should do it in your marriage as well...


ps
can you please share some of your signature dishes in the culture foods section.

[Arthur Little]

i wish but thats why they pay me so much more as an expat. do think its part of problem

OK ... ... but, to quote MY Filipina wife, "Health is Wealth"; surely fewer hours spent toiling away in the overpoweringly-exhausting heat of your employer's kitchens is likely to be better for your physical wellbeing ... and might, in turn,
prove beneficial to the marriage!

[Arthur Little]

I dont think so, ..chef knows how to balance ingredients in his menu, then you should do it in your marriage as well ...

... , Mari ...

ps
can you please share some of your signature dishes in the culture foods section.

... you chancer!

[antchristie]

Dishes no problem

[antchristie]

True, would like to hear what Filipina wives think.