Meeting the family

[cheekee]

Hi.

I'm sorry to ask but I just wanted your opinions on something.

I am preparing to meet my Filipino girl for the first time and the subject of meeting the family was discussed as I would really like to meet them.

She has told me that she would rather I didn't meet her family on the first visit as the first time we are going to meet face to face and she wants to make sure the relationship is real and solid first.

Is that normal in Filipino culture. Do I have anything to worry about.

Maybe I am just worrying over nothing.

Thanks guys

[Stuart]

I think it's a matter of personal choice... Not a culture thing. I met my future wife's parents when I first went there. But I made sure she was O.K. With this. Make sure your lady is happy and secure. That's the most important thing. Don't worry!

[blessed_ekim0826]

Hi.

I'm sorry to ask but I just wanted your opinions on something.

I am preparing to meet my Filipino girl for the first time and the subject of meeting the family was discussed as I would really like to meet them.

She has told me that she would rather I didn't meet her family on the first visit as the first time we are going to meet face to face and she wants to make sure the relationship is real and solid first.

Is that normal in Filipino culture. Do I have anything to worry about.

Maybe I am just worrying over nothing.

Thanks guys

It's your girl's choice. Maybe she just worried if you will meet her family for your first meeting then your relationship will not be good after the meeting. She just want to make sure that you are really serious so she can show to her family for the second meeting that your relationship is genuine. But in my case, My partner meet my family during our first meeting coz I know he is serious to me.

[tiger31]

my advice is to wait and see what happens on your first visit .once you meet face to face and she feels comfortable she may change her mind and want to show you off.what she won,t want to happen is for you to meet mama and pappa then you don,t come back she will lose face its a big thing out here.all she is saying is that she wants to make sure you are the ONE before introducing you to the clan.take a box of chocalates just in case you get to meet mamma lol.just relax and go with the flow ,I had no nails left by the time the plane landed haha its quite nerve wracking meeting someone for the first time as i was a shy boy it made it worse .

[anonymous]

It is indeed your gf's personal choice. As for me, i decided to let my bf meet my family on our first meeting. I am confident enough to show my boyfriend and introduce him to my family especially to my parents

[Rhose]

In my case, my husband first visit in the Philippines was one of his great memories because not just only my parents he met the whole congregation of our church,which he was really proud. Supposed to be I'm the one who will ask him if he want to meet my parents but I was surprised when he told me that he wanted to give respect to my parents. We always talk about it, ''mano'' one of the culture of the Filipino to respect the elder, on skype.
For him the best thing to know better your girlfriend is to know her family and those people around her.
I'm not saying you will stay with them for your whole vacation, after meeting them let yourself explore and know personally your gf. Get to know each other.
Good luck to your journey!!

[mendoza82]

same thing with me,my fiancee met the whole clan our first meeting,its his idea,and as filipina we appreciate the kind of man who likes to meet the family,and we used to do "bless"or mano to parents aunts uncles to any elders in the family,whats funny about my fiancee when i introduced my younger sister to him he made mano and everyone
's laughing,well it was my fault i think coz i didnt told him that only make
'mano
'to the elders,.
goodluck to your vacation!!

[lastlid]

I met the whole family quite soon into my first visit. And my wife's mother came back from holiday early to meet me. I took a big group of them out on a day trip to Tagaytay as a way of getting to know them.

[Terpe]

First meeting face to face.
Take it slow and let your gf decide how to handle friends and family.
Tiger31 makes s very valid and important point.

[lastlid]

And , like Tiger says, I took plenty of prezzies for the same purpose - took her mom a bottle of Body Shop perfume.

[stevewool]

see who turns up at the airport, could be just her and a sister or aunt or friend, but also could be the whole family all 15+ of them, , you have to remember its trust that is important, the family have never met you and also your girl, what ever feelings you are having they are having too, just take it as it comes, i wanted to meet emma before the family just to make sure we are doing the right thing for us first, when you do meet the family take some cake with you, your partner will now what to get and again dont be flash in buying everything remember in england we are poor but to many over there we are rich

[MissAna]

dave was eager to meet my family when he first visit me as well as my family! it just means my family accept dave , he was not a stranger anymore even if it was his first visit. we had a good time.

[softmallowgum]

Depends on the girl really Just make the best out of your time together and I'm sure when you meet, and she becomes more secure and comfortable with you, she'll introduce you to her family. Good luck!

[CBM]

Umm.

Sorry to cast a damper on proceedings, but I think you are right to be a little careful.

I should preface this by saying that of course I don't know you or the lady. Much depends on how you met, of course.

The advice given above is good, but you may like to bear in mind that it is possible that she has another reason for you not to meet her family, other than her uncertainty about you.

She might have what has been referred to by senior members of this forum as "baggage" - she may be married or she may have children by a previous relationship.

If, after you have met face to face, she still does not want you to meet her family, you might be well advised to be a little cautious.

[jlags90]

I agree with CBM on being a "little cautious". My husband had a filipina gf way back 2007 and he visited her. He did not meet the gf's family because she did not want him to. And he said he "got cold feet" as he thought she might have been hiding something.

[cheekee]

She hasnt been married before and no children as far as I know.

The reasons she gives is that she was really hurt by a past relationship and her family gave her a hard time about it. She doest want to face that again until she feels secure enough with me.

I think that is a good reason. Or at least i hope it is.

I really like her.

[cheekee]

Her ex was unfaithful to her. She caught him taking a girl back to their place. I think she really wants to make sure I am trustworthy before meeting her family.

[bikeinbatangas]

my first 2 gf's were keen that i meet every family member available, my current gf didnt want me to meet her fathers side as they are very strict about relationships outside marriage and she has, like your girl ,already had relationships gone bad and she lost some face to her family
i did meet the other half of her family though. mum was great.

i can agree with CBM too, you need to go in with eyes wide open. i had a chatmate who said her niece has a mexican and korean bf at the same time and a filipino bf too. this is similar story to my own 1st pinay. she had a japanese guy she was chatting to and met behind my back.

my 2nd gf's cousin was married but hid her husband when her swedish boyfriend visitted. when swede went home her hubby moved back in. you do need to be aware there is a lot of this kind of stuff goes on. families will benefit from a white guy being in the family so don't expect any of them to warn you if she has 2 or 3 other boyfriends abroad or indeed a filipino husband or bf.

you still have to trust your girl, as i do with my 3rd one despite being shafted twice i am just more careful now, and i advise you to enjoy yourself but don't drop your guard too much. oh and don't make the mistake of buying property for your future there unless u make some legal document so you can get your money back should you break up. it doesnt sounds very trusting but it really needs to be done

[cheekee]

Its ok. She is happy for me to meet the family now. I have already met some of them online on skype

[sars_notd_virus]

Its ok. She is happy for me to meet the family now. I have already met some of them online on skype

Woow Cheekee, so happy to read the good news!!
have a safe trip and keep us updated with lovely pictures when you get back

[andy222]

Just relax mate just be polite and use your NHS charm . You will be ok.