so what happens when it all goes wrong

[sparky]

a friend of mine has had is wife in the UK now for 2 years and soon the ILR is due.

he doesnt want to be married to her- they married in the Philippines- the marraige has broken down they both agree that

but she is refusing to go back to the Philippines and makes it very difficult for him as she is using emotional stuff as a powerful tool

so what are his options?

[lastlid]

Nice bike. Greetings from the Isle of Man.

[grahamw48]

Have they been to 'Relate' yet ?

Maybe the marriage can be saved....just cultural differences needing ironing out.

[sparky]

fraid not too far gone for that

[ConfusedMe]

Is there any chance that they can fix the marriage? If not, I guess when the lady applies for ILR, they needed the signature and proof coming from the guy that the relationship is still intact. He'll just have to wait.

[mickcant]

If the marriage really has ended, he can divorce her in the UK
I had to do the same recently.

She would then be allowed to remarry in the Philippines when and if she ever wanted to so much better for her than needing an anulment.
Mick

[Iani]

Well he must still have some feelings for her somewhere, otherwise the emotional blackmail would not be working.

Married in Phils he may be, but he's in the UK. At a guess she wouldn't sign a divorce agreement, so it would have to be a two year separation, if he wants to divorce her that is. If he's still living with her, then this isn't going to happen, but being married to someone you aren't in a relationship with anymore isn't the biggest of big deals, I know plenty of people this applies to, they just can't be bothered doing anything about it.

As for when the ILR comes up, it's going to be up to him if he will play ball, paying for this (let me guess, he will be expected to pay huh) and signing it and the proof it is a relationship.

If he won't do it, she becomes I guess an illegal immigrant, not that this seems to matter to many of them, it's not like despite the threats, she will get bundled on the next plane out.

Got a strange feeling this guy is going to end up agreeing to signing the ILR, THEN eventually there will be a divorce, and then she will be here for good, will get a good solicitor, probably using legal aid and take half his house, his cd collection etc.

I am not having a go here one little bit, it's just - if he will fall to the emotional blackmail so easily, then he should see this coming.

Reading between the lines, I suspect she doesn't want him anymore (Well this is confirmed) but she sure wants the UK settlement visa, and he is the tool to get this.

As a footnote, this story is another example of how the visa system is in this country, as I bet he's like some others on this forum (and yes - me included) who take a risk and go for early marriage as it's the way to be together, rather than getting to know her for longer and actually being able to live with her for a number of months and REALLY get to know each other.

[grahamw48]

Soooo much worse when children are involved, and the possibility of losing contact.

Now that IS a nightmare....from my own experience.

Property, money, expense,divorce...all meaningless by comparison.

[joebloggs]

unless they've got kids she probably have to go back to the phils if they're marriage is over, are they still living together ?

[CBM]

A divorce by way of separation is two years with consent; five years without consent. There are other grounds of which the most popular is "unreasonable behaviour". Grounds such as "adultery" and "desertion" are best avoided as they have unexpected consequences.

Seems to me that your friend is in fact married, and will in fact need to get a divorce, regardless of where his wife is. Her entitlement to a share of his property will not depend on where she is but on whether there are children and who has custody.

There are UK divorce lawyers who maintain process servers in the Philippines for cases where a wife returns to the Philippines and refuses to co-operate.

I am not sure that the Philippines will recognise a UK divorce of a Philippine citizen. But I'm not an expert here.

[sparky]

thanks for that- i will pass it on

it is in fact him that wants out - she still wants the relationship but its not been made clear to me whether she cares for him or the visa

but as an example here- he told her this week that his job was at jepordy and has a meeting later in the month to see how things lie with his employers

her first words were- what about my visa

[grahamw48]

To be fair, we're only hearing his side of the story.

Have you met or spoken with her ?

[sparky]

G

yes know them quite well - she plays a victim a lot and has had a go at him before with a knife

not saying its all her fault in fact i would say its 50/50 and he readily admits this but its gone past the point of no return as far as the relationship goes

no kids involved so no drama on that score

[grahamw48]

Ah, ok.

Thanks for clarifying.