Break In !

[Doc Alan]

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: " Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes ! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you ! Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you ! This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you ! "
His wife responds: " He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too ! "

[Englishman2010]

[Terpe]

[Peanutz]

Good one!

[les_taxi]

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: " Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes ! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you ! Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you ! This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you ! "
His wife responds: " He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too ! "

Doc you a a joke nicker
Get your own
http://filipinaroses.com/showthread....-Prison-escape

[Doc Alan]

Doc you a a joke nicker
Get your own
http://filipinaroses.com/showthread....-Prison-escape

Sorry Les, didn't see your post - this joke is going the rounds, I received it by e mail today - anyway, it's good enough to be repeated .

[les_taxi]

I must be on the ball it's a great joke though

[Doc Alan]

Interesting question - who owns a joke ? Presumably whoever tells it first - and can prove it, if they are so inclined. Jokes like this one which are clearly in the public domain - my forwarded e mail had already been sent to multiple recipients - shouldn't be a problem . Neither Les nor I are claiming it's "ours" .

[les_taxi]

I have one which I'm convinced is my own as I made it up it's totally crap but I'm not proud.
When I worked in an office if anyone new started I would tell my Ahem joke.
I would walk up to who-ever had a stapler and ask for a few staples.
I would then say I eat these
Puzzlement was on their faces til the groans arrived when I said my Doctor told me to follow a staple diet
Yes I know it's awful but I think it's truly my own

[mickcant]

I have also seen it before, but it is a good one well worth repeating
Makes my eyes water thinking about it
Mick.

[sars_notd_virus]

[Arthur Little]

I received it by e mail today - anyway, it's good enough to be repeated .

Indeed it is, Alan ... it's good also, to have jokes like this on record; all too often - when I'm told a real gem - I think: "must remember that one for sharing with others" and never do!