long distance relationship problem! need advice

[stevewool]

funny aint it, so many good men looking for just love and romance but cant find it, and you get this person who wants to rule over his partner, get a grip ghee, look beyong this person, lots out there will love you so much more then you have every experianced

[gWaPito]

Like I said, the guy must be sending shed loads of cash back to her. I cant for the life of me, see any other reason to 'stay' with him. Thats how people like that keep control. Many here Ghee are giving sound advise, its only you who can act on it. If you need strength, think of your Daughter's safety and well being, think what your father would be thinking about this nonsense. I too have been where you are at now. You got to dig deep Ghee. You will do the right thing.

[Arthur Little]

Like I said, the guy must be sending shed loads of cash back to her. Thats how people like that keep control.

... not necessarily, Mark ... but ... it does seem like Angelica's (dare I say, "toyboy"?) IS some kind of 'control freak'!

[stevie c]

Ghee please take the members advice all i can see for the future in your relationship is heartache & pain get out before it is too late because once you are in too deep then it becomes so much more difficult to escape from a bad relationship

[Arthur Little]

im not allowed to mingle with youngsters coz i would look like im trying to be young,

Angelica ... YOU are [still] young ...

[Arthur Little]

it always comes back and haunt us. now he gets jealous of everything. im not allowed to be touchy anymore when ive been that to all my friends, im not allowed to be close to guys, not even allowed to put on make up like i would be flirting left and right oh well...

when we get together, he can keep his eyes on me. that's when i can relax and be myself...

... that's the whole problem ... and it's all so, sooo wrong! Don't you see? Believe me ... you can happily do without this guy in your life, Angelica!

[ghee101]

hey everyone. i dont wanna quote anymore because you're all right. you just cant help who you love.

i just came back from bohol with him. everything was so good starting with last saturday when he met my family. we flew to bohol last sunday. he proposed in the middle of the ocean. the day was so good. we started monday all so good then we head out the country side tour. thats when things started bad. everything turned nasty. i tried my best from monday till today to fix it. im so exhausted. he still got 2 days here but i dont think i can still make it work. i have given all i can, stripped of all my pride. he was perfect except the part where he is "balat sibuyas" always sensitive of little things and he makes it big. i did everything alone where he seek help from pinoy friends.

you're all right. i just cant help myself coz i love him so much. my mom told him she thought an older man can tame me. he replied that i'll just play the older guy and be bored after. he maybe right there. i had the time of my life, fulfilled some fantasies.

it's time to surrender. im all f**ked up to be good for anyone. so i'll just be here to monkey around. im useless at the moment. im paralyzed. my work gave me enough time and space till my vacation leave will be over this saturday. i just told them to understand if im not my jolly self.

i welcome all the i-told-you-so's. i need all the friends i can have right now. im still praying for guidance. i know there is a plan for me.

[raynaputi]

Oh Ghee, I'm so sorry to hear that.. But at least I'm glad that your mind has been opened about the things you need to know..I won't tell you the "I told you so" things that you expect us to say.. coz I've been there done that in the past too, and a lot of times if you don't know..We all have fantasies when it comes to love and relationships, but what we must know is how to live in reality and act wisely when we already see the faults in every situation..It is really a hard battle when your mind and heart aren't on the same pace...But eventually everything will be alright (just like what your quote says)..I know it's hard but only time can heal everything. Always let yourself be surrounded with your family and friends. They can really help in times like these. We're all just here if you need friends to talk to..

[malditako]

oh gee...hugs for you

everything will be alright dear at least now u have opened up your mind. I been in the situation as well once where heart and mind dont go in same direction. yes you love him..but heart cant always be right. sometimes we have to let go the things we most value in our life to set things back again in line...love suppose to make person happy not to suffer and get crazy.

[sars_notd_virus]

Just be good to yourself Ghee

[ghee101]

thanks girls. i'll give myself some time, probably a few months. im not religious but i will give it another novena to St. Jude who granted me my prayer last year.

you may not believe me but i always ask for a sign when i decide on something.

[ghee101]

Like I said, the guy must be sending shed loads of cash back to her. I cant for the life of me, see any other reason to 'stay' with him. Thats how people like that keep control. Many here Ghee are giving sound advise, its only you who can act on it. If you need strength, think of your Daughter's safety and well being, think what your father would be thinking about this nonsense. I too have been where you are at now. You got to dig deep Ghee. You will do the right thing.

you may have not seen my post from before. i never, not even once, asked him for anything. that in a year and a half we've been together

but once he's into the relationship, he is the most generous person coz i know how he takes care of his parents and his mates. he made sure he got "pasalubong" to all my family members last week when he arrived too.

he's perfect in a way that everything we do, we click. even a single line, we understand each other. he lectures me all the time, i teach him things everytime. he picked up all the things i told him so easily. the only thing that really made it hard on me is his pride. that hurt the most.

[Malleus]

you may have not seen my post from before. i never, not even once, asked him for anything. that in a year and a half we've been together

but once he's into the relationship, he is the most generous person coz i know how he takes care of his parents and his mates. he made sure he got "pasalubong" to all my family members last week when he arrived too.

he's perfect in a way that everything we do, we click. even a single line, we understand each other. he lectures me all the time, i teach him things everytime. he picked up all the things i told him so easily. the only thing that really made it hard on me is his pride. that hurt the most.

Ghee I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It must be very difficult for you right now.

I have to say my take on your situation is quite different from other posters here. I am not so pessimistic about your chances for success as others seem to be.

For a start I dont necessarily agree that if someone is distrustful and controlling from a distance then they will be worse when they are with you in person. In some cases yes, but often no. The few long distance relationships I experienced also had more than their fair share of jealousy and control problems. But these stemmed from the fact that we were away from each other, and distance really magnifies problems. Small little things like gestures, voice tones or even language miscommunications would be easily overlooked when we are together. But when were so far apart they can take on a whole new character and can really seem quite alarming and even sinister, prompting some huge arguments at times. But while the storms were ferocious at times, they always blew over because we loved each other.

My own view is that there are certain things such lies, deceit, infidelity and physical abuse that spell doom for a relationship. Likewise, while most relationships will require you to compromise some values and modify your behaviour in order to be compatible, if you find your fundamental principles need to be compromised then there is no way it can succeed either. It doesnt strike me that that is the case here.

Most other things can be worked through, including jealousy, pride and control issues. These behavioural traits have their roots, and once found they can be addressed and overcome. It takes a lot of patience, honest communication and determination but it can be done. I have done it myself. Of course it can be utterly exasperating at times and a lot of work, so the relationship really has to be worth it. If everything else is perfect as you say, and you really love each other, I would definitely not give up. But of course, only you can decide whether its worth it or not.

Whatever happens I really wish you good luck. Love and relationships really can be a cruel rollercoaster. When they are going well, you are on cloud nine. When they are going badly, you feel like you are in the lowest level of hell

[ghee101]

Malleus, I think this is the first time I saw you post here...but thank you. Things kinda turned out okay the past few days. No matter what happens, no matter how we fight, we also acknowledge that we need each other, that we love each other so much, so we patched things up. We just had an agreement to fix a few things before we take the big step. On my end, I will need to fix a lot of things. The moment we parted ways, it didnt take a few minutes but we're already wishing to go back the last 2 wks and repeat everything and be stuck in time. He wished he's taking me back with him or staying with me here.

Small little things like gestures, voice tones or even language miscommunications would be easily overlooked when we are together. But when were so far apart they can take on a whole new character and can really seem quite alarming and even sinister, prompting some huge arguments at times. But while the storms were ferocious at times, they always blew over because we loved each other.

My own view is that there are certain things such lies, deceit, infidelity and physical abuse that spell doom for a relationship. Likewise, while most relationships will require you to compromise some values and modify your behaviour in order to be compatible, if you find your fundamental principles need to be compromised then there is no way it can succeed either. It doesnt strike me that that is the case here.

You're right there. It was on this trip that my boyfriend learned some things that we argued before were just some normal language here. He thought I was rude in some of our chats then later on learned that the sounds I am always making are just fillers here.

I would definitely not give up. But of course, only you can decide whether its worth it or not.

...it is.

I respect all views and it is always good to have many and not just people saying what members here just want to hear. That is the reason why I love this forum.

Prayers do work. Just dont be in such a hurry to get answers. I learned that the hard way. I always ask for specific signs and no matter how mind and heart fight, everything will fall into its places in the end. I just love them all here coz they embrace me even if I'm a hard case

Whatever happens I really wish you good luck. Love and relationships really can be a cruel rollercoaster. When they are going well, you are on cloud nine. When they are going badly, you feel like you are in the lowest level of hell

Thank you.

[stevewool]

love is blind,but get some new glasses , there are lots and lots of good men who are grown up, forget this person glee, yes it wll be hard but you know its for the best for you and for him also, your friends are all still here praying and thinking of you

[grahamw48]

I have to say that even though we separated after 12 years, my ex-wife and I only exchanged harsh words maybe a couple of times a year, and then only because we were severely stressed by something or other.

No relationship is perfect, but surely it should be about enjoying one another's company, and feelings of love and affection, not a constant battleground.