Marrying and living in the Phils

[fred]

Finlay..
Most forum members browse posts and respond without doing in depth research...
Its not always possible to know whats happening behind the scenes and at first glance,certain messages may come across as insulting to some which results in opposing views..
As Steve has mentioned,the people now viewing and replying are better informed and I think you will now see a difference in the general tone... on both sides..
Leave it at that please..

[Steve.r]

All you are doing is disrespecting his daughter by continuing your personal rant.
How about this for me being mature ... you are gone!!

[raynaputi]

finlay32..if you are a friend of their family, help them to recover from this tragedy in ways that would ease their pain..if you're one of the people passing on stories to them about how awful my country is and what a big mistake her dad did, then you're not helping them..you just build up her anger and resentment until she cannot move on...like what i've said from my earlier posts, we do not condone what happened to her dad and no one wanted that..and crimes do happen in every country..not just the Philippines alone..so just help their family to recover and be a great friend to them.

[Arthur Little]

NO, Finlay ... what happened to Jim Bolton was a tragedy. There's no disputing that! He and Melissa were the unfortunate victims of a fatal shooting in the wake of a robbery gone horribly wrong. Similar incidents occur worldwide - not least, here in the United Kingdom - and, sadly ... until human greed on a global scale is stamped out - which seems highly unlikely, as YOU are well-aware - the pattern will continue.

So please ... GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT before "jumping on the bandwagon"!!! As pointed out, what's happened CANNOT be undone. The most sensible thing you can do right NOW for Jess and her two siblings is to be as supportive as possible. I mean ... surely - in your heart of hearts - you, yourself, must realise that absolutely NOTHING can be achieved by ranting and raving at people who are bending over backwards to lend a sympathetic ear to the bereaved family. Together with the counselling she receives from CRUSE and the help WE are prepared to offer - which YOU can choose to be an integral part of as a close friend of Jim - Jess can gradually move forward.

[northampton_gir]

maybe u might like to see dad on this video

[Arthur Little]

Jess ... what a beautifully- poignant and touching tribute to a much-loved dad and grandad. so much for sharing it with us - your friends here.

[stevewool]

we all jump to quick sometimes,i do it all the time i am told , well after reading what has be said on here i cant add much more but sorry northampton_gir, there are lots out there that just jump onto the band wagon about the phils and the people, me being married to one i would defend her for ever, well i jumped onto you without knowing the facts, so please forgive my ignorance, time does heal most things

[KeithD]

I am just shocked at some of the responses i ve seen. Some of you have said some really horrible things to northampton girl when some of YOU dont know all the facts!.

All responses were based on the facts of the thread, of which the input from Gir was nothing short of abusive on this forum, and she got the response people showing the same disrespect would get no matter who they are. She returned today with an open mind, and gave the thread further facts so we all understood her situation, and that is when members switched to supporting and offering help to her. They are the FACTS.

[Steve.r]

I beautiful tribute to your Dad, Jess.

Thank you for sharing

[grahamw48]

Thank goodness we are all fully aware of the situation now, and able to extend our sympathy and understanding to this poor young lady.

It is natural for us to be on the defensive though, as we too have loved ones who just happen to be Filipinas. Our motivations for marrying them are of course our own business.

It does need to be pointed out (for those whose impressions of the Philippines and the Filipino people are perhaps less than accurate) that murder and robbery are crimes committed the world over. Yes, it perhaps is a little less safe in certain parts of the Philippines for a Foreiigner, but the dangers are magnified out of all proportion by the media and by ignorant people who have no first-hand knowledge of life there as an ex-pat.

I have been visiting and living with my family in the Phils for more than 20 years.
Also I have lived in Angeles City for a total of 5 years...the last time from 2000-2003.

The town is very much a tourist town, and has a large 'girly bar' district, being formerly (for 70 years) the location of the largest US airforce base outside the United States.

My wife was not a bar worker in Angeles or anywhere else for that matter, and many of the expats are attracted to the town because of its westerner-friendly environment, and in many cases because they are US veterans who have chosen to retire there with Filipina wives they met while still in the armed forces.

My 3 children all went to school there, and we led a happy, peaceful and contented life.
Both my wife and I ran businesses totally unconnected to the 'bar scene'.

In a country where there is much poverty and deprivation, of course one has to be careful about personal security, but only in a low-key common sense sort of way.

I certainly felt safer there than I would on a Saturday night out in the average city in the UK.

From what knowledge I have of the case, the perpetrator was not a desperately poor robber, but from quite a well-off family. He simply appeared to have been mentally deranged.

It is no comfort to the victims I know, but this kind of crime can occur absolutely anywhere.

Tragically Jess's father was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
There are several thousand foreigners living in Angeles as expats, quite apart from the tourists passing through.

It is very very sad that your dad's life was ended in this way Jess (and that of his girlfriend), but I can assure you that both the local Filipino people and the expat community have been truly shocked by the heinous crimes of this lunatic.

As for the 'justice' system in the Phils, well that is something that unfortunately none of us have any control over. The locals suffer because of its inadequacies more than we could comprehend.

Our home in Angeles:

[gWaPito]

I for one was not offended by any of Northampton girl's posts. There was much truth in all of it, be it slightly slanted.

My baby boy won't getting his willy messed with, that's been decided and cut in stone

T hank you for sharing your video with us.

God bless

Mark

[KeithD]

My baby boy won't getting his willy messed with, that's been decided and cut in stone

That sounds ironic

[gWaPito]

Can't beat a bit of irony

Far from Jess's initial comments being ignorant I would say the opposite is more true. In fact she showed a lot of insight. The description fitted my ex wife to a tee.

I don't understand why the family friend was banned, Fred told him to let it go, in so many words then steve. R jumps in and bans him. Even after explaining that he was a friend of Jim, cut no ice.

Bereavement is tough, unless you've been through it, you will never understand it, we say and do things totally out of character.

I would of thought, given the circumstances, more tolerance and understanding would of been shown.

Just the opinion of a simple truck driver

[joebloggs]

All these women are trained from birth to prostatute themselfs, so You all need to take one big look at yourselfs open your eyes your being used,
As for now they tell u they love u yea till your dead they can take all ur belongings and move on to the next uk man

99 percent of these women work in the Bars and sell themselfs everynight

Far from Jess's initial comments being ignorant I would say the opposite is more true. In fact she showed a lot of insight. The description fitted my ex wife to a tee.

Bereavement is tough, unless you've been through it, you will never understand it, we say and do things totally out of character.

I would of thought, given the circumstances, more tolerance and understanding would of been shown.

Just the opinion of a simple truck driver

a truck driver with 50yrs of experience, tolerance and understanding gwapito

sometimes we all say and do things without thinking, and time is a great healer

[Steve.r]

steve. R jumps in and bans him.

Just the opinion of a simple truck driver

Well it was the opinon of myself, a simple filipine/Uk Moderator to remove someone who was being inflammatory. I know you like a good argument, but his comments were not helping anyone. I hate banning people, but I have my hand on the button, and will use it

[grahamw48]

Well it was the opinon of myself, a simple filipine/Uk Moderator to remove someone who was being inflammatory. I know you like a good argument, but his comments were not helping anyone. I hate banning people, but I have my hand on the button, and will use it

I'm not surprised certain members have left of their own accord or post less often then, with that aggressive attitude....seemingly pointing the finger at all of us.

May I suggest that you are in danger of coming across as a megalomaniac.

I don't think that is helpful either....to the whole forum.

That is why I no longer participate in any kind of debate on here.

[gWaPito]

a truck driver with 50yrs of experience, tolerance and understanding gwapito

sometimes we all say and do things without thinking, and time is a great healer

You've taken my last post a bit too literal

O fcourse I didnt mean those particular things she said

Yes Steve your the man with the finger on the button

[bornatbirth]

Yes Steve your the man with the finger on the button

its only a mouse button

[Steve.r]

i guess leaving everyone to beat the hell out of eachother is far more civilised.

[aposhark]

Hi northampton_gir

Sorry to read here of your loss.

Perhaps one day you will visit the Philippines and see for yourself why so many people love going there.

It really is hard to forget such a terrible thing that you have had to endure, but time is a healer.

Many people here do have younger wives and are very happy (me included) and indeed have children too.

My wife here looks after our baby and the home (the hardest job) while I work every hour I can to bring money home.
It is our lot and we do everything we can to live a happy life.

Maybe one day you will go to the Philippines.
It will not be easy at first, but I think you will be bowled over when you see the kindness and respect that is all around you when you visit.

There is nowhere quite like the Philippines in my opinion.

If you are lucky one day you will see the beauty of family life there, and you will realise why your father loved it so much

[gWaPito]

Im not argumentative Steve, I just like lively debate

[joebloggs]

You've taken my last post a bit too literal

O fcourse I didnt mean those particular things she said

Yes Steve your the man with the finger on the button

gwapito you get me wrong to, i'm sure your much wiser, more tolerent and eaiser going than when you were younger, i know i am time and experience of living sure changes your views

but if she said those things to my misses face she would be , this is a friendly forum and we dont need people insulting other people

a death is probably the most traumatic experience you can go thru, for that i'm sorry for her fathers death

[imagine]

in uk i am liable to pay tax on rental income from my property if i fall into that bracket,

if i live in phil while recieving this rent, am i also liable to pay tax again on my uk rental income to the phil government,?

does anyone know how this works

[sars_notd_virus]

What a wonderful video thanks for sharing northamptongir!!

I too lost my Dad ages ago and felt so heartbroken ,..tears mixed with anger and hurt when you remember your old times together...but I'll tell you it will help you to be strong and grow up...with the support of your good friends and family and of course time, it will all be healed.
and once your ready ,..you can come and visit the Philippines and see for yourself how beautiful people we are.

[northampton_gir]

What a wonderful video thanks for sharing northamptongir!!

I too lost my Dad ages ago and felt so heartbroken ,..tears mixed with anger and hurt when you remember your old times together...but I'll tell you it will help you to be strong and grow up...with the support of your good friends and family and of course time, it will all be healed.
and once your ready ,..you can come and visit the Philippines and see for yourself how beautiful people we are.

Oh sorry about your dad Was he murderd too?
I have been told by people that losing someone to murder is not grief alone its Sudden and Traumatic Deaths - Trauma I at this moment i only see a bullet in my Dads face and not my dads nice face everytime i close my eyes
Also i think of him lying in his own house dead for 3 hole hot days before anyone found him decomposed
I never got to say goodbye or even the chance to no he was going to die,
Or even the chance to put nice clothes on him for his funeral He was banndaged up like a mummy Not even did they imbarm him so i could have the chance to see him one last time even though we paid the funeral director there 8 and half grand for what?
Also he was robbed off everything I dont even have a pair off his socks left Nothing After he wasnt even berried he was still in police custerdy and people of the public came in and took what was left Even his shoes ffs
So no i most probably will never move on from this I hope to one day be able to understand why I will never no why Dad was murderd But why was me and my family treated so bad

[sars_notd_virus]

Oh sorry about your dad Was he murderd too?

No,its cardiac arrest ...every death for me is traumatic.

[northampton_gir]

No,its cardiac arrest ...every death for me is traumatic.

death is very sad for anyone i no x

[sars_notd_virus]

death is very sad for anyone i no x

sorry, I need to explain myself, I didnt say that death for me is only grief or being sad...I consider every death sudden or not as traumatic....even if you did say goodbye or not to your love one, if it will happen ,it will happen and we cannot get hold of it.

[joebloggs]

Oh sorry about your dad Was he murderd too?
I have been told by people that losing someone to murder is not grief alone its Sudden and Traumatic Deaths - Trauma I at this moment i only see a bullet in my Dads face and not my dads nice face everytime i close my eyes

as sars has said all deaths can be traumatic, wether mudered or not, your imagining what happened to your father and if you had seen the death of your father it would have been more traumatic for you, my stepdad died like SArs father of a heart attack, and i had to try and resuscitate him , something i'll never forget, those minutes til the ambulance came seemed like a life time but i knew he was dead ..

time is a great healer and i wish you well

[northampton_gir]

I totallly understand you What you mean,
But what i mean was that if dad had been ill id be expecting it But he was stolen from us because of one man
I was talking to him the day before he had died I had just had my baby everything was so happy and then 3 days i waited online for dad He never came back Then i was told he was murderd I no if i had had chance to say goodbye i would still be very heartbroken and just as sad But least id have the chance to say the things i need to say if u no what i mean xxxx