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  1. #1
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    Need outsiders' perspective

    Hi all

    My first post here after browsing for a while. I've read some of the relationship threads with interest as I try to work out if my relationship with a Filipina has the future that I hope it does. I've taken quite a bit from the discussions here, but I thought my best bet might be to describe my own situation and get an outsider's perspective on whether I'm a complete idiot or not.

    Okay, so the background. I met my girlfriend through an online dating site about 4 months ago as I was planning a short trip to the Philippines. We had some great conversations and began spending hours every day chatting right up to when I arrived there 6 weeks ago. I was only there for a week and we spent every available moment together and the feelings that I'd already started to develop grew into something much more real once we'd had that face to face time. By the time I left, I was in love and it seemed she was too. We were saying the words and officially became boyfriend/girlfriend (just ask facebook).

    When I got home, we chatted even more on yahoo and began making plans for her to visit me. She had been employed right up to the time I arrived, but quit her job so that she could spend the week with me. She's from a poor family but as the youngest daughter, she was supported through university and received a degree, although she hadn't found work in her field and had been employed in a call centre.

    I'm not a wealthy guy. I'm a single father of two girls and live frugally in order to save the money to travel at least once a year. But I am obviously in a better financial position than her, and I began sending money so that she could begin putting together a visa application. So far, I've sent a lot more than the actual cost of the visa as there were always new expenses that I hadn't anticipated. She needed to have some teeth extracted, for example, and obviously I hated the thought of her in pain, so I sent money for that. Then her sister borrowed some of her money and didn't repay it, so I had to send some more. Although it was stretching me financially, I was fine with that. I just wanted to get her over here.

    During this time, she began working through an online employment site, doing data entry etc. She was offered employment by a businessman who wanted to contribute to some Filipino charities and needed an assistant to act as a go between. The job sounded a little fishy to me from the beginning, but she needed the money, so I didn't make an issue of it when the guy wanted to meet her for dinner to discuss the job. Privately, I was thinking that this guy had seen her profile picture on the website and fancied her, so he was basically inventing a job for her as an excuse to get to know her. When she came back from the dinner, she told me that the guy was really nice, reminded her of me and had been very flattering. They met several times over the next few days and she told me that he was taking a romantic interest in her. She said she'd just do the job for him and then that would be it, knowing that I was uncomfortable with a wealthy businessman courting my girlfriend while I was all the way over here.

    But as time went on, they remained in contact, chatting on yahoo often and exchanging text messages. I know this because she was telling me about it, and that fact made me try to rein in my jealousy. If she was planning to cheat she wouldn't tell me any of that. But still, I was concerned that they would continue getting to know each other better and that he might steal her from me. Yes, I realise that seems very insecure. But from my point of view, the job had been completed and now she was simply socializing with a man who had obvious intentions, despite the fact that she is in a relationship with me. I asked her to stop seeing him and eventually she said she understood and agreed to do so.

    The guy continued to contact her and invite her places, including on a trip with him to Hong Kong. She declined, but when he asked her to accompany him to dinner again while he met with his godchild (that he apparently sponsors), she told me she would go. I wasn't happy about it and eventually she said she wouldn't. The next day, she lodged the visa application and texted me afterwards saying that she was really exhausted and was going to go straight home and sleep. We chat every night, so I thought it a little odd that she wouldn't want to get online and at least briefly talk about what had happened with the visa. I texted back and asked her to just get on for 15 minutes before resting. No reply.

    About an hour later, while she should have still been on her way home from the embassy, I called her phone and she didn't pick up. Over the next few hours, I called and texted several more times. By this time, I was starting to suspect that she'd decided to meet this guy after all. I guess my texts made it clear what I was suspecting even though I didn't make accusations (more along the lines of simple "where are you?" and "what's going on?"). Still no response until eventually, her phone stopped ringing and I was unable to connect at all.

    I had convinced myself by that point that she was with him. I didn't expect that she was cheating, but the fact that she'd lied about not seeing him and then made a lame excuse and gone anyway...I was upset. But as the hours ticked by without word from her, I began to feel genuinely worried that something had happened to her. By the next day, i could see only two possibilities: she'd been in an accident and was dead or in hospital, or she'd stayed with the guy all night.

    She finally contacted me at around midday Philippines time the next day, saying she was sick and had come straight home, taken some medication and passed out for 14 hours. I was relieved that she was okay, but I'm not buying the story. At best, she went out and met him, got home late and slept until midday. At worst, she spent the night with him. I don't want to believe the worst because why would she be so open and honest about the guy if she had any intention of sleeping with him? But then, I'm still upset if she saw him at all because it means she completely disregarded my feelings and lied to me.

    We still haven't spoken properly today, just a few text messages in which she's let me know that she didn't appreciate the tone of my early messages (in which I clearly suspected she'd lied). She's mad at me apparently, even though I'm the one who had a sleepless night wondering if she was dead, injured or screwing some other guy.

    Sorry about the length of this post but I wanted to get it all off my chest. There's still some things I could continue babbling about, but based on the information above, am I being paranoid and possessive or is it likely that I am being deceived and used?


  2. #2
    Respected Member shrek48's Avatar
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    what do i know so please feel free to totaly ignore me trust is trhe corner stone of any relationship and it would seem you do not trust her. i would be suspicious that on the night of the supposed meet with her boss she became ill and no contact with you after all the previous contact ! be wary and make sure you get to the truth. and stop sendiong money until you are certain its love and forever.hope this helps.


  3. #3
    Respected Member purple's Avatar
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    Hi ranger74,

    As I was reading your post. I have some conclusions but only your instincts can tell you that. Either she is sailing between two rivers or passing out for 14 hours is the best you could possibly buy from your gf. I've been to VFS twice this year to apply for visa and it had been declined because the entry clearance officer is not convinced that I will come to Phils. (need to show money in my bank and properties of my own) which I don't and second application is wrong visa application because it should be spouse visa.
    Back to your concern, ask her in details as to what happened. Ask probing questions and explain to her that you are only concerned which is true. Ask what her parents/family did when that happened.
    I work remotely as well as Internet Marketer/Data Entry/Article Writer and for business/work ethics I don't go on a date with my boss. Yes, I think going on a dinner is considered as a date I think. When I was dating/online dating with my then husband. I never see anyone because I am fully committed.
    I am not sure how you two come to terms with your relationship.. are you two dating exclusively? or does she allow you to date or go to dinner with someone else?

    Express your feelings to her, that you care about her and you want her for yourself if she wants the same from you.

    A filipina or anyone is trustworthy when she will genuinely feel for you. If not, like everybody else knows how to play the game like every body does.

    I don't want to prejudge her, but to me it seems like she is sailing on two rivers and trying to keep afloat either for personal or financial motives.

    I know this doesn't help but just pointing out my view.


    Best,
    Rohany
    Life as we make it


  4. #4
    Trusted Member stevewool's Avatar
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    its hard to be so many miles away but if you have these thoughts now act on them, take time away from each other and wait for her to reply first , then if she does tell her your thoughts and be truefull, reading what you have said you are saying this man and your partner went away and he either had sex or tried too, you must ask her this only to clear your head, good luck, but remember there are lots of other people that are waiting for someone to love who ever they are


  5. #5
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    shrek: I have trusted her in all respects except when it comes to this particular guy. She has many male Filipino friends and often goes out with them to movies or whatever and it's never bothered me in the slightest. But because I suspected this man's motives from the beginning, it's been a sensitive subject and the fact that she continues to communicate with him, even though she tells me about it, has made me uneasy. Last night's events have me really questioning for the first time whether she's as committed to me as I am to her. And yes, I won't be sending any more money. The visa application has been lodged and my finances stretched to their limit.

    Rohany: Yes, we did agree to see each other exclusively. She actually became jealous over a harmless comment I left on another Filipina's facebook wall (someone I have never had any romantic interest in, just a casual acquaintance). I deleted the girl from my friend list to satisfy her.

    I think I've already made my feelings to her clear, but it seems like she doesn't think those feelings are valid, even though she said she understood me.

    I think you're both probably right. She's keeping her options open. I don't know whether that's a huge problem for me or not. If she's sleeping with him, then obviously it's over, as much as that would hurt after the emotional investment I've made (not to mention financial). If she's still not 100% sure if I'm the one, then that's understandable, but if her indecision results in a loss of trust between us....

    The thought of breaking up with her tears me apart, so I want to believe she's doing nothing wrong. I just don't want to end up feeling like a fool, broken hearted, humiliated in front of friends and family and significantly out of pocket.

    Thank you both for your input.


  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by stevewool View Post
    its hard to be so many miles away but if you have these thoughts now act on them, take time away from each other and wait for her to reply first , then if she does tell her your thoughts and be truefull, reading what you have said you are saying this man and your partner went away and he either had sex or tried too, you must ask her this only to clear your head, good luck, but remember there are lots of other people that are waiting for someone to love who ever they are
    They didn't go away together. He invited her to do that but she said no. But they've had dinner on several occasions. As far as I know, he hasn't blatantly tried to seduce her but is constantly flattering her and often texts her telling her that he's thinking about her, misses her etc. I only know this because she tells me, which gives me some confidence that my fears are unfounded. But I still think it's inappropriate that she should meet with him over dinner and I still suspect that I haven't been told the truth about last night.


  7. #7
    Respected Member purple's Avatar
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    I am sorry to hear if it breaks you apart. I only hope that everything will be cleared between you two.
    Life as we make it


  8. #8
    Moderator joebloggs's Avatar
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    did you met any of her family while you was with her in the phils?

    you've known her 4 months, sent her money, met her, she told you about another guy - was this before or after you talked about a visit visa ? , applied for a visa and starts avoiding contact with you??

    looks fishy, but you have met her thou..
    http://www.filipinouk.com/forum/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=870&dateline=1270312908


  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by joebloggs View Post
    did you met any of her family while you was with her in the phils?

    you've known her 4 months, sent her money, met her, she told you about another guy - was this before or after you talked about a visit visa ? , applied for a visa and starts avoiding contact with you??

    looks fishy, but you have met her thou..
    Damn. Lost my post.

    I didn't meet her family, but I was only there a short time and so didn't think much about that. I never sent any money until after I'd met her and we began working toward the visa. This guy came on the scene just after I left the Philippines.

    Other than the series of problems we've had about this guy, everything else is going really well. She has communicated with my kids and they are very excited to meet her. My mother sent a letter to her parents, assuring them that she would be well looked after here and she told me they really appreciated that. It's all been great except for this one problem and it doesn't look like that problem is going away, in fact, it seems to be becoming a bigger problem.


  10. #10
    Respected Member Sim11UK's Avatar
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    LDP Long distance paranoia...it eats away at all of us at times. Have had my fair share of it in the past & it's almost a rite of passage.

    We don't know the full story, but I'd be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt...I would feel uneasy about this other man though? But I can also see why she might be mad at you.

    Hang in there


  11. #11
    Moderator Steve.r's Avatar
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    I am no-one to judge, but it does sound a little odd. I think you may just be a 'cash cow' for her right now and maybe this other guy is too. Being so far away, she can spin you any tales of what she is doing, you can't know for sure, and will never know. Warnings like losing money to a relative/friend, or medical treatment appear to be classic signs of scamming because it plays on your emotions. I would play it a bit cool for now, stop sending money immediately. I am not sure if there is any way you can check up on the visa application she has made, again, how do you know that she has done this??
    Sounds too suss for me, and I am sorry about that. You have fallen in love, and looks like you are being used.
    Keep us updated
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  12. #12
    Administrator KeithD's Avatar
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    So she gets jealous of what you do, but gets annoyed if it's the other way round.... it has to be equal.
    Keith Driscoll - Administrator
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  13. #13
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    Hi,

    I understand how you think and the concern you have about the events around your girlfriend. I have felt the same concern a few times when love is 8000 km away from me.
    It is important to you now clearly explains how you feel and that you do not feel so good about the situation she is in. If she does not understand, she makes you feel bad, I would not bet a penny more on her.
    But you have to give her the chance to show who her heart belongs. If her age is 20-25 so she might not be so experienced to handle a relationship. Maybe she needs to learn?

    Personally, I have very difficult for girls who do not show respect. If disrespect is due to lack of understanding, I can forgive, but the disrespect is due to selfish behavior with no concern for me, well then it's worse.

    Good luck


  14. #14
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    Update: She is really quite mad at me and I think it's very much disproportionate to my "crime". The only explanation I can think of is that she did see the other guy last night and something happened between them. Now she's deflecting her guilt onto me, making me feel like I've done something wrong, maybe trying to push me into saying something or doing something that will give her a reason to call things off.

    I haven't given her that excuse and I hope I'm wrong, but that's what my gut is telling me. I'm still confused and kinda numb, but I feel like it might be over. To be honest, I don't know if I could trust someone again after this. Devastated.


  15. #15
    Trusted Member sars_notd_virus's Avatar
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    hello ranger74 welcome here!!!

    ''long distance and short distance relationship should be treated the same as far as feelings are concern both partners should be honest,faithful,trust each other its just the distance that makes the difference..''
    like what ive said in my thread about it '''You only get out of the relationship what u are prepared to put in ...so if u dont make much effort, dont be surprised if u get dumped!!!''


    my perspective:

    money = She needed to have some teeth extracted....her sister borrowed some of her money and didn't repay it....she began working through an online employment site, doing data entry etc. The job sounded a little fishy to me from the beginning, but she needed the money,

    **obviously,ur gf wants more money from u and my question to you,.. are u prepared to keep her because of money???***

    honesty and trust= a businessman who wanted to contribute to some Filipino charities and needed an assistant to act as a go between.... she came back from the dinner, she told me that the guy was really nice, reminded her of me and had been very flattering..They met several times over the next few days and she told me that he was taking a romantic interest in her,..time went on, they remained in contact, chatting on yahoo often and exchanging text messages... the job had been completed and now she was simply socializing with a man who had obvious intention... The guy continued to contact her and invite her places,I had convinced myself by that point that she was with him....hours ticked by without word from her..she was sick and had come straight home, taken some medication and passed out for 14 hours

    ***although all of us have insecurities,it shouldnt be mistaken for being stupid (i hope u get what i mean?)

    ***in my view ur gf is seeing this man with or without ur approval becoz u said u trust her and in return ,to avoid guilt feeling in the future like if she was tempted and fall for this guy u wouldnt blame her becoz you already knew about it.



    in the end..it will have to be 'you' or 'her' say...so goodluck!!
    ''Don't be serious..Be Sincere''


  16. #16
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    ranger74
    I'm really sorry to hear that your new found relationship is being affected by some uneasiness.
    Anyone in long distance relationship potentially faces a hard time staying emotionally connected.
    Personally I feel it's important to communicate in some way every day. These need not always be long, in-depth conversations, but establishing and maintaining that emotional connection is key.
    I think that certain lack of communication on her part has played on your mind.

    As has been said already trust is one of the keystones of a relationship!
    Try to remind her that you DO trust her, but since you have never met this other guy and don't know him, that it is HIM you can't trust and that you feel afraid he may try to make a move on her. I am sure that if she cares about your feelings she'll understand this and find a way to put your mind at ease.

    If however you discover that she does not deserve your trust then you will need to re-evaluate the relationship. anything for you to take that trust away.No real way of knowing for sure if she has let you down either by lying or cheating. But.. I do feel that
    you do need to clear this up in you own mind.

    In fact this is the time you need to show her you trust her.

    I also feel that you both may need to make some decision and set some parameters.
    All through life, we will keep meeting new people, or even suitors, and this current
    situation may not be the last time it crops up.
    You just need to trust that she has chosen you, and wants you, and not someone else.
    So try not to get poisened by jealousy, but believe in the love you share.

    We love each more when we care for each over anything else.
    If the love is pure then distance should not be a concern.
    There is no place of boundaries and distance in LOVE.

    On the subject of money.
    You will no doubt receive lots of advice on sending money.
    It's really a personal decision we all make based on how we feel instinctively about a relationship and how much we trust our partner.
    But, you certainly need to be aware of the pitfalls and potential outcomes.(not always good)

    Again, my own view is to never send money that you cannot afford to lose.
    Personally I tend to err on the side of compassion rather than being cold.(maybe a negative aspect of me) but only within certain limits.
    Never send money that will place you and your family in a financially difficult position. Be aware it can and does happen. protect your family.

    If she will ask for more money, just explain how your family also needs money and you cannot manage it just now. The truth.
    If she is really cares about this relationship she will fully understand that you need to care for your children.

    As for me, I would not send more at this time.

    No offence intended ranger74
    Just my own personal views on your situation as I see as an outsider.


  17. #17
    Respected Member tomboo's Avatar
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    This makes for sad reading, it's so hard to have a long distance relationships, and hard for her too, but you proved you are serious by committing to a visa application. My view is its her turn now, she needs to show you she wants you and will do right by you. even if she went out with the guy for dinner i would not let it be the end, but for sure i would make it clear that NO EMPLOYER should expect his employee to have dinner with him. Once i could understand, twice i wouldnt. I would give her a little space, see how she responds to it. I dont see you making any crime here. You did what most people would do, you looked for reassurance.

    Do you have proof she applied for the visa? Thats what id like to see if I was you..

    why not see how the coming days or weeks go. seee if she makes a habit of not responding, if she does, well there are many good girls in Phils, however sad this experience is, theres always a silver lining ahead


  18. #18
    Moderator joebloggs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ranger74 View Post
    Damn. Lost my post.

    I didn't meet her family, but I was only there a short time and so didn't think much about that. I never sent any money until after I'd met her and we began working toward the visa. This guy came on the scene just after I left the Philippines.

    Other than the series of problems we've had about this guy, everything else is going really well. She has communicated with my kids and they are very excited to meet her. My mother sent a letter to her parents, assuring them that she would be well looked after here and she told me they really appreciated that. It's all been great except for this one problem and it doesn't look like that problem is going away, in fact, it seems to be becoming a bigger problem.
    you've chatted hours a day to her for months, she quit her job to spend 1 week in the phils with you and you didn't met any of her family, she must have told her family about you ? you go 6,000 miles and you don't see any of them, i would be a bit suspicious why ? . i hope i'm wrong thou but as sim as said LDP Long distance paranoia
    http://www.filipinouk.com/forum/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=870&dateline=1270312908


  19. #19
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    Thank you everyone. It's good to get some viewpoints from the outside from people who have a good idea of what I'm dealing with. Your advice is very much appreciated. I've dealt with long distance before but never in a situation like this where it's unsure just how long we'll be apart. For example, we don't know if the visa will be granted or not (and yes, she gave me the tracking number for the application, so she definitely lodged it).

    After my last update, she sent a message that she loves me and to give her some time. I'm not really sure why she needs time, but I guess I must be coming across a bit intense and she's not used to that. She's 24 and has never been in what I would call a serious relationship (I'm 36 and divorced). I'm not sure what to think at the moment, but I'll give her the time she asks for and hope for the best.


  20. #20
    Trusted Member stevewool's Avatar
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    time is best for you both, its great to be in love but love happens over time and thats what you both have lots off,


  21. #21
    Respected Member somebody's Avatar
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    Ok a few things

    When you met her did you meet her friends and family? I doubt you would meet them all as Phill familes and social networks can be huge but did you?

    With Facebook has she had the account for long what friends and family are on her account? Most young Filipinas (even the wifes aunts Maids Daughter who lives in a shack with no leccy has an account with hundreds of friends) will have an account which they will use regularly did it seem the usual suspects were on there ie her best friends brothers sisters possibly parents or hi tech aunts or uncles?

    What im getting at is did she seem to announce you to everyone back there that is not saying for definte it means no issues but a good indicator..

    You do need a lot of trust its possible she got ill and some of the meds in phill are not the best from experience..

    She may well also be a little navie and possibly found this guy she thought was just an employer tried it on and she possibly maybe felt quite upset and embrassed due to that.

    I would be wary but it does seem odd to mention a guy if a "love rival" but Sars and other Filipinas have and can explain the Pinay thought processes a 100 percent better than i ever could.


    Your mind will be racing and she will have lots of doubts and worries. Remeber if she gets Visa she will have to enter an alien world away from the world she has known all her life where traveling to the nearest big town/city possibly was a massive adventure..
    Oh lord why did you make so many clothes and shoe shops


  22. #22
    Moderator joebloggs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somebody View Post
    Ok a few things

    .
    Tottenham are still yet to beat United this century

    http://www.filipinouk.com/forum/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=870&dateline=1270312908


  23. #23
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    I didn't meet her friends and family as it was such a short stay and we didn't consider it a real relationship until after we'd spent that time together. It was just the two of us for the whole week. But her facebook account has all her friends and her sisters on it, so it's now common knowledge to everyone that we're together. I've had friends of hers contact me through facebook and chatted with them briefly on yahoo. To those people, she's with me and I think it would come as a surprise if she was suddenly with someone else.


  24. #24
    Trusted Member sars_notd_virus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by joebloggs View Post
    Tottenham are still yet to beat United this century

    ''women are not allowed to play in fields''
    ''Don't be serious..Be Sincere''


  25. #25
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    Hi Ranger

    Im very sorry to hear of your situation. I really understand what its like for you. I have recently ended an LD relationship with a filipina girl because of trust issues.

    Like everyone else who replied to your original post, I can only offer an outsiders opinion, based on what you have told us here.

    I debated whether to add my tuppence worth, as Im afraid its pretty bleak and I don’t want to discourage you. But it really helped me when other members here kindly offered their views on my predicament, so I will reciprocate in the hope that it will at least help you to clarify your own thoughts on the issue (notice I said thoughts not feelings ) Its gonna be a bit long winded too, so you might want to put the kettle on first .

    To begin with, your post raises a lot of red flags to me.

    Firstly, you met on a dating site. Nothing wrong with that, however it also means you are almost certainly not the only guy she has met. You have no idea how many other guys she has met or is talking to. Even if her profile is no longer on the site, you don’t know if she is still keeping in contact with other suitors or even if she is meeting up with them. You don’t know what she is doing when she is not online. In fact, you don’t know ANYTHING for sure. All you know is what she chooses to tell you. That’s your sole source of information. So that brings us to the question of whether you can trust her or not.

    Looking at it rationally, you have only spent a few months chatting online, and only a few days with her in person. This is far too little time to get to know someone well enough to trust them. Trust takes time to build, and must be earned. Its not an entitlement. Unfortunately, the advent of the internet, messenger chats and social media creates a false illusion of intimacy. We feel because we chat and interact with someone online that we know a person, but its really not the case. The only way to know someone well is to spend time with them in person, over a long period.

    Think about it. Would you trust a person you met here in the west, after only having known them for a week? More to the point, would you send them your hard earned money? Of course not. Just because (or perhaps ESPECIALLY because) this person is from different country and culture etc. should not change your behaviour. You should be just as reticent, if not more so.

    Remember words are the cheapest commodity in the world, so don’t pay any attention to them. You must evaluate this girl based on her ACTIONS, not on her words.

    For me, she should absolutely NOT be going for dinner with this guy if she is in a relationship. I know, you may think “oh but she told me about it, when she could have hidden it, so I can trust her”. This is a classic mistake. The truth is you don’t know her motivation for telling you. It could be that she is genuine and wants to be open, or she could be playing games to get you jealous and try harder to keep her, she could be trying to make you feel you can really trust her, or a myriad of other reasons. In addition, as I mentioned above, you have no idea how much of this story is true, or even if any of it is true. All you have is her word, which you should disregard completely when making up your mind here. Actions are all that matter. So lets look at her actions.

    To begin with the job he was offering her sounds very fishy to me too. Also, as you quite correctly pointed out, she should not be socialising with a man who clearly has amorous intentions towards her. The fact that she wanted to continue to do so speaks VOLUMES to me. At the very least, she is keeping her options open. Unfortunately she may well be doing more than that. She grudgingly agrees not to meet up with this rich suitor, then promptly (and uncharacteristically) vanishes for the whole night, conveniently getting sick and passing out for the night. This should really be setting off alarm bells.

    However for me, the most telling thing of all is the utterly disproportionate anger she is displaying towards you when you are naturally suspicious about what she is doing. I have personally seen this particular over reaction before many times, and it’s a classic symptom of a guilty conscience. If this girl is truly serious about you, she should be doing everything possible to reassure you and build your trust, not get mad at you for questioning her (pretty questionable) behaviour.

    Furthermore, as you mentioned she comes from a poor family, and life can be pretty difficult there when one is poor. So it really raised my eyebrows when I read that she quit her job so that she could spend a week with you. This doesn’t make sense to me. Jobs are not that easy to come by in the current climate, and that is an extraordinary thing to do, when money is so tight, just so that she could spend some extra time with you for a few days. How did she expect to support herself after she quit this job?

    Which brings us to the question of you sending her money. This is a minefield. As you indicated, you are a single father with two kids to support and things are pretty tight for you. You are effectively sending money to someone you don’t know, while you and your family are living frugally. Im also disturbed by the nature of her requests for money, as you point out there is always something else, always a reason to send more.

    To sum up, you are putting a lot of trust in someone who you don’t really know and who hasn’t earned it yet. Furthermore, her actions are HIGHLY suspicious, and in my gut I really feel she is playing you. I hope I am wrong. I would also ask you to reconsider the wisdom of sending money to, and sponsoring the visa application for, a girl you have only spent a few days with in person. This is a HUGE step, and one that should only be taken after a lot of careful consideration. It also goes without saying that you should only do this for someone that you trust and that you know is committed to you. IMHO you are not at that point yet with this lady.

    Your heart is incapable of being objective or rational when you are strongly attached to a person. You have to be rational about this. At the very least, if you still decide to continue, you should reign in your feelings and take things more slowly. If she is the right one for you, this will become clear over time and you can expedite matters at that point. If she is not, then that will become clear too, and you will have saved yourself a whole world of pain and misery.

    I hope my frankness hasn’t offended you. As Rani and sars_notd_virus kindly said to me: everyone deserves to be happy, and so do you. I really wish you the best of luck.


  26. #26
    Moderator joebloggs's Avatar
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    excellent reply Malleus

    also why the ignoring of texts, calls etc and why tell you about the other guy ? either shes been honest with you or trying to get you jealous ?
    http://www.filipinouk.com/forum/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=870&dateline=1270312908


  27. #27
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    Malleus
    Well done, and thank you for posting this reply, which we know comes from the heart.
    Good to see to still here and good to see that you are able to share.


  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by ranger74 View Post
    I didn't meet her friends and family as it was such a short stay and we didn't consider it a real relationship until after we'd spent that time together. It was just the two of us for the whole week. But her facebook account has all her friends and her sisters on it, so it's now common knowledge to everyone that we're together. I've had friends of hers contact me through facebook and chatted with them briefly on yahoo. To those people, she's with me and I think it would come as a surprise if she was suddenly with someone else.
    well thats sounds like good news, so she is probably single, and more likely not a scammer but at worse could be 'using' you, so as sim has already said about paranoia and giving her the benefit of doubt, I could have accused my misses of many things over the years b4 we wed, but i gave her the benefit of doubt, but over the years i found out that most if not all my fears were wrong, so be-careful what if anything you accuse her of without good evidence or you could be sorry for a long time and regret it
    http://www.filipinouk.com/forum/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=870&dateline=1270312908


  29. #29
    Trusted Member sars_notd_virus's Avatar
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    I'm happy you are happy now Malleus!!
    ''Don't be serious..Be Sincere''


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    Quote Originally Posted by Terpe View Post
    Malleus
    Well done, and thank you for posting this reply, which we know comes from the heart.
    Good to see to still here and good to see that you are able to share.
    Quote Originally Posted by sars_notd_virus View Post
    I'm happy you are happy now Malleus!!
    Thanks guys Yep Im still banging around here. Im afraid you are stuck with me now


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