I didn't see this coming!

[English Rose]

The visa documents finally arrived in the Philippines after 3 or 4 weeks in the post. Then I got a message via a third person that my b/f had changed his mind about coming because he was ashamed of his poverty. I haven't heard a word from him since.

[stevewool]

so sorry to hear that , english rose , when nwas the last time there was contact with your partner and ashamed of his poverty, in what way

[pennybarry]

We, Filipinos are not ashamed for being poor. Some people just hide it.
We are more ashamed to commit very serious sins.



Goodluck

[KeithD]

Oh dear.... so sorry about that news, hopefully someone on here will be able to help you contact him.

[joebloggs]

We, Filipinos are not ashamed for being poor. Some people just hide it.
We are more ashamed to commit very serious sins. :xxgrinning--00xx3
:Goodluck

yes excuse.

have you ever met any of his family ?

i might have got you mixed up with someone else, but doesn't he have a child in the phils ?

why get someone else to tell you when he gets the visa app papers? is it possible he's already/still married ? or in a relationship with someone else ??

[English Rose]

We chatted on Facebook last Wednesday. Unfortunately the connection kept disappearing. He said he was ashamed that I was having to shoulder all the expenses. I replied to that but then had to go and get ready for a gig I was doing. I wish now I could have chatted some more but he'd mentioned his financial problems before and said he had to swallow his pride because of the love he had for me.

It is awful to be given this message by a third party and to not know whether I will ever hear from him again.

[pennybarry]

He is nearly there and he must be happy.

I wish you can convince him or other party to tell you the truth.

Tell him that is the thing he need not be ashamed of.

To tell the truth! to set you both FREE.

[joebloggs]

He said he was ashamed that I was having to shoulder all the expenses so, he would be earning if he came to the UK.
i dont think that is the real reason
i got my wife thru med school for years and myself in debt, now she is earning twice my wage, its never been a problem for us who earns what

[kalabasa]

thas so sad to know but if you meant to each other he will come back. no matter what
having pride is pretty normal but that will go as time pass by we both have pride

[bornatbirth]

i thought filipino men had there pride to protect, as everything is payed for, let him know it will all be wasted if he doesnt use it.

btw who was it who contacted you, did he ever show signs of not coming before?

[Sim11UK]

We, Filipinos are not ashamed for being poor. Some people just hide it.
We are more ashamed to commit very serious sins.


Goodluck

I don't know? When we got married, we invited some neighbours who we wanted there, as they are really nice people...I heard afterwards, that they felt ashamed being there?

Some times, I don't think us westerners understand? I couldn't comprehend why? They were valued guests.

I hope you can sort this out.

[pennybarry]

I don't know? When we got married, we invited some neighbours who we wanted there, as they are really nice people...I heard afterwards, that they felt ashamed being there?

Some times, I don't think us westerners understand? I couldn't comprehend why? They were valued guests.

How do you know that they are poor? Maybe they are just shy type of people who are ashamed to attend social occassions and gatherings. They might just think you are rich and they are just thinking they are poor. But in reality, they owned big land

[English Rose]

Thanks for your messages. To answer your questions: nothing has been paid for yet, I had only just sent my documents and the application to him. I am retired, and he is 74, so he wouldn't be working when he came here. He has always been embarassed about not having any money but never shown signs that he didn't want to come. The third party was a lady I write to in the Philippines who my partner knows. My partner is not married, his wife died a few years ago. I know his daughter and English son in law who live here and have been over to the Philippines and met his family. I see no reason to doubt that he is telling me the truth. He probably thought I was worse off than I am, because I am on a low income, but I have savings. He knew this but didn't know the details until he got the visa application from me. I guess this tipped him over the edge.

[bornatbirth]

How do you know that they are poor? Maybe they are just shy type of people who are ashamed to attend social occassions and gatherings. They might just think you are rich and they are just thinking they are poor. But in reality, they owned big land

never admit theres poverty in the philipines

[aposhark]

The visa documents finally arrived in the Philippines after 3 or 4 weeks in the post. Then I got a message via a third person that my b/f had changed his mind about coming because he was ashamed of his poverty. I haven't heard a word from him since.

Hi English Rose,
Sorry to hear about this :(

[bornatbirth]

Thanks for your messages. To answer your questions: nothing has been paid for yet, I had only just sent my documents and the application to him. I am retired, and he is 74, so he wouldn't be working when he came here. He has always been embarassed about not having any money but never shown signs that he didn't want to come. The third party was a lady I write to in the Philippines who my partner knows. My partner is not married, his wife died a few years ago. I know his daughter and English son in law who live here and have been over to the Philippines and met his family. I see no reason to doubt that he is telling me the truth. He probably thought I was worse off than I am, because I am on a low income, but I have savings. He knew this but didn't know the details until he got the visa application from me. I guess this tipped him over the edge.

its a filipino macho pride thing, all the guys have it.

just try to convince him that its ok, get a message through the contact

[joebloggs]

sorry English rose, i have got you mixed up with someone else, its not often that people do 'chicken out' maybe it is the real reason, or maybe he thought he couldn't face a major change of moving to the UK at his time of life ??

i hope he contacts you soon an explains the reasons why ..

[English Rose]

I think it is a question of the money. At one time, he had a great deal of money but gave it all away. When his wife had a stroke, he stopped working to look after her for 7 years until she died, so he got poorer and poorer. Then at the beginning of the year, he came into some money which he was going to put towards our future, but lost it all gambling. I think he's just very ashamed of his foolishness.

[Sim11UK]

How do you know that they are poor? Maybe they are just shy type of people who are ashamed to attend social occassions and gatherings. They might just think you are rich and they are just thinking they are poor. But in reality, they owned big land

Well exactly, thats why I couldn't comprehend it, makes no difference to me, but then I suppose I have my own pride.

Meanings do get lost though, in translation. It's like many Filipinas describe themselves as simple. (which I understand the meaning of)
If you said you were simple over here, they'd think you were thick.

[pennybarry]

Sorry about this English Rose,
Most elderly I have known in our country don't enjoy their stay in other countries. Their generations is really different from younger ones. In many aspects and reasons.

never admit theres poverty in the philipines

Of course I do and we are in third world, corrupt and over populated. But being poor doesn't mean we are sad and lonely. It is the contentment that will makes us happy We just don't really moan.


Will you admit that there's also poverty here? Assuming there's no gov't that gives benefits or even you have loads of benefits?. I am also aware what will happen if the system changed.

[Pete/London]

sorry English rose, i have got you mixed up with someone else, its not often that people do 'chicken out' maybe it is the real reason, or maybe he thought he couldn't face a major change of moving to the UK at his time of life ??

i hope he contacts you soon an explains the reasons why ..

I think you hit the nail on the head, for someone to come here for the first time at 74 would be very hard. If its the winter months he will be spending all his time wrapped up with his teeth chattering and with no money of his own would, maybe, feel trapped.
My wife`s aunt and uncle lived here for 25 years and he took early retirement and they returned to retire in the P.I. They will never come back, so its not appealing to everyone to live here.
Why dont you join him.

[rani]

hi english rose! so sorry to hear the bad news... i believe he is just really ashamed of the situation wherein you are the one who's spending to make everything happen... most of the filipinos used to provide for the family but the world has changed now, maybe he's one of those who was left behind when the world turns...

from what i understand, both of you are not working anymore... what if you move here in the philippines instead of him going to the uk? maybe he's more comfortable living here? well, just a thought

hope everything will be sorted out soon.. take care

[English Rose]

I couldn't face moving to the other side of the world and leaving my friends, family and social life - which is why I can understand it if he changes his mind about coming here. What I can't get over is that he let me find out through a third party, and hasn't contacted me since.

[Englishman2010]

I'm sorry to read about your situation. I don't have any answers or advice that hasn't already been given. However, I really hope that you can sort out whatever the differences are and resolve them, or at worst at least speak to your friend and get the truth out of him. Good luck.

[fred]

I couldn't face moving to the other side of the world and leaving my friends, family and social life - which is why I can understand it if he changes his mind about coming here. What I can't get over is that he let me find out through a third party, and hasn't contacted me since.

English rose..
I see a few red flags here just not the usual ones..(He`s a gambler you say?)
Perhaps the best thing would be just to turn off your PC and come over for a short(ish) holiday.. Have a proper sit down with the ole fella and REALLY find out whats what.!!
Where does he live?

[English Rose]

I've now heard from my partner and it turns out he didn't say he wasn't coming. He was talking about his worries and she seems to have got the wrong end of the stick. He's spent a few days working through his doubts and now is definite that he's coming and nothing will stop him!
Thanks everyone for your support, it helped a lot.

[joebloggs]

good news for you

[English Rose]

Thanks!

[Steve.r]

Good news, but if I were you, keep a strict hand on your purse. If he gambled away his family inheritance, yours could be next.

[Sim11UK]

Woohoo! Steve r does have a point though.