How is it with your western Families?

[beth18]

I would like to cut this story short.

I was so touched last Christmas of the christmas cards we recieved, my daughter's name, (who is still in the Phils.) was included and my in- laws had written from "grand dad and grand ma" my sis in law had wrapped small presents as well.

And had asked my mother in law if I can call her mother for I can't really call her on her first name. Now I call her MOTHER and I love it.

I am so lucky and proud to be part of my new British family.

[Steve.r]

You know Beth, that is lovely.

My Mahal has never met my parents, only via webcam as she is in Singapore right now. But whenever she refers to my parents, and in messages to them, she calls them Mum and Dad. My parents love her for that, and always reply from Mum and Dad too. It really makes her feel like part of my family already. It feels good.

Steve

[maria_and_matt]

I would like to cut this story short.

I was so touched last Christmas of the christmas cards we recieved, my daughter's name, (who is still in the Phils.) was included and my in- laws had written from "grand dad and grand ma" my sis in law had wrapped small presents as well.

And had asked my mother in law if I can call her mother for I can't really call her on her first name. Now I call her MOTHER and I love it.

I am so lucky and proud to be part of my new British family.

that is very nice, i remember when my husbands parents were alive, they found out that my nephew had a heart problem and they helped us send him to New Jersey for his heart operation. i will never forget the kindness they showed me my son and my family back home.
we are so lucky to have such a in-laws.

[beth18]

You know Beth, that is lovely.

My Mahal has never met my parents, only via webcam as she is in Singapore right now. But whenever she refers to my parents, and in messages to them, she calls them Mum and Dad. My parents love her for that, and always reply from Mum and Dad too. It really makes her feel like part of my family already. It feels good.

Steve

Thanks Steeve, That is a good start, when my husband first visited me in the Phils he came back to UK with bunch of presents for the family that I sent. It was well receprocated the first time I came here.

Your Mahal is so pretty I should say.

[Steve.r]

Your Mahal is so pretty I should say.

Thank you Beth

[Florge]

great thread! i will be asking my future parents-in-law if i can call them mum and dad as well... i can't say their names.. so when they phone.. i'll just say: heya...but still sounded disrespectful for me though... hehehe

[somebody]

great thread! i will be asking my future parents-in-law if i can call them mum and dad as well... i can't say their names.. so when they phone.. i'll just say: heya...but still sounded disrespectful for me though... hehehe

Worth doing my wife is so nervous in my parents company its untrue as they the age of her lola and lolo. But they look after well which im so proud and happy of. Last Christmas when she was Ill they drove over so they arrived exactly at lunch time to drop off some food they could not come in due to the bug she had just in case and had to drive back.

This year again they made agreat fuss of her and her Lill Bro, Sis and family who they discretely pass cheques to the Wife before christmas so they can celebrate like us with nice foods and gifts

The Wife still does not call them Mum and Dad yet but like you say far more easier than first names and would hopefully make her feel more at ease

[beth18]

great thread! i will be asking my future parents-in-law if i can call them mum and dad as well... i can't say their names.. so when they phone.. i'll just say: heya...but still sounded disrespectful for me though... hehehe

It was easy Florge, I used to say "The parents", but you know where you can find a chit-chat with women is in thier sanctuary, the KITCHEN, when ever we visit the family I always go away from my husband and go straight to the kitchen asking if I can do anything to help.

So last Christmas (it was the first time we saw each other after the wedding) we were alone in the kitchen and I asked her if I can call her mother. And she said of course I can cos we are friends.

We wifes/partners/gfs should make one step forward or else we will be left sulking beside our husbands in a family gathering.

Hold on I haven't told this story to my husband yet!
Good night!

[Florge]

lol.. thanks...

will go shopping with "mum" tomorrow... yaips! will try to ask her that question though...

[somebody]

It was easy Florge, I used to say "The parents", but you know where you can find a chit-chat with women is in thier sanctuary, the KITCHEN, when ever we visit the family I always go away from my husband and go straight to the kitchen asking if I can do anything to help.

So last Christmas (it was the first time we saw each other after the wedding) we were alone in the kitchen and I asked her if I can call her mother. And she said of course I can cos we are friends.

We wifes/partners/gfs should make one step forward or else we will be left sulking beside our husbands in a family gathering.

Hold on I haven't told this story to my husband yet!
Good night!

I bet your Husbands Mum was truely happy and proud you asked her

[Steve.r]

I was just thinking about my trip to Phils and the people I met. Because I was with Charie and she called her mother 'Nanay', I also used this way to refer to her too which I think went down well, her sister I called 'ded chi' which I think is a more personal way to refer to her.........please correct me if this is not the case, but my Mahal said to use this term.
We spent a lot of time in the company of her uncle too, and because of the way we go on together, I called him Uncle.
I think for me and the way I tried to fit in with all of the family I met, it was not out of character for me to use these terms of familiarity, I think it was appreciated that I 'want' to be part of their family and so I was made to feel at ease all the time.

Steve

[pennybarry]

When I first met my husband personally in Holland, I wanted to speak to my Mom over the phone and it was seldom happened. I feel she's not yet ready to accept me as daughter.
Or maybe not ready for her boy to marry.

But months later, she chat with me at yahoo and that was the start she seems to like me. When I first arrived in UK, I did mano po. and I feel I am really welcome in her house.

I'm living with them for 3 years now and all I can say is they are lovely people. We can easily sorted our misunderstandings but that is very seldom. I am so happy I still have in-laws whom I can talk to oftentimes whilst my husband is on the road most of the time. When I first arrived here, hubby goes home only twice a month. Sometimes if lucky, once a week.
That's why he preferred me to be with my in-laws.

For me, IMHO, elderlies are the nicest people in Britain!
Most of them are sincere, real polite and lovely!

[johncar54]

My wife 38, occasionally (with tongue in cheek) calls my sons, now 42 and 46, 'son'

[Ping]

It is only right to call our in-laws Mom and Dad. No need to ask them. We have to do the Filipino way. Respect the elders and we have to address it correctly.

I call my in-laws Mom and Dad and they are very happy and proud of it. I also call my elderly neighbor Mr. and Mrs. not their name. I only call a persons name when the age level is the same as mine and the younger ones.

And if I'm not sure of their age I just call them Sir/Madame. And in Singapore we call the elderly Auntie and Uncle all the time. And thats the right thing to do.

[Steve.r]

And in Singapore we call the elderly Auntie and Uncle all the time. And thats the right thing to do.

Yes, I noticed that when I first met my Mahal in Singapore.........I thought 'Wow', she has a big family !!!!

[South-east boy]

When I was young, I used to call friend's Mums & Dads and my adult neighbours Auntie and Uncle etc, then their name, so for instance Auntie Pam and the more elderly neighbours (pensioner age) Mrs. or Mr. then their surname. Now I'm adult, I've found that my own neighbours prefer me calling them by their first names as Mrs. or Mr. seems a bit too formal and I guess a little less friendly.

[eagles]

the twist, my bf calls my parents " mama and papa" thought its bit strange for him coz he called his parents by their first name. though i havent meet his parents , as i am in pinas this time, i will surely call them as mama and papa.. the same way he respected my parents here in pinas.. (dont know if they like being called as mama and papa) But i will explain to them that its my culture to call the parents as such as a respect, i will also do "mano po..." maybe you can try mano po..

[South-east boy]

the twist, my bf calls my parents " mama and papa" thought its bit strange for him coz he called his parents by their first name. though i havent meet his parents , as i am in pinas this time, i will surely call them as mama and papa.. the same way he respected my parents here in pinas.. (dont know if they like being called as mama and papa) But i will explain to them that its my culture to call the parents as such as a respect, i will also do "mano po..." maybe you can try mano po..

It seems very strange to me to call your mum or dad by their first name-I just wouldn't be able to do it!

[justchecking]

I have the problem that my filippino husband wants to call my english parents 'mum and dad' - but they would not like that at all - they want to be called by thier names and he finds that awkward, but maybe when he hears my sister-in-law calling them by thier first names he won't feel so uncomfortable - on the other hand he would like me to call his father papang - but I don't feel comfortable, when we were little we discouraged from calling neighbours or non-family by family terms such as aunty and uncle - when i first met my husbands father, before I was in a relationship with my now husband, I referred to him as 'tay' from tatay and still call him this -however we have managed to get our daughter to use all the right terms according to filippino culture as she is so young......

[johncar54]

Names, titles, positions.

There is a difference. I am my children's father (dad) but my name is John.

When I was a policeman, I did not expect people to call me 'policeman.' That was what I did, it was not my name.

Although my children call me dad, they also refer to me when they are speaking to others as John.

The hang-up most of us have is that we get 'conditioned' by our parents, local customs, traditions, etc., thus it 'feels' uncomfortable to use other epithets.

[beth18]

I was just thinking about my trip to Phils and the people I met. Because I was with Charie and she called her mother 'Nanay', I also used this way to refer to her too which I think went down well, her sister I called 'ded chi' which I think is a more personal way to refer to her.........please correct me if this is not the case, but my Mahal said to use this term.
We spent a lot of time in the company of her uncle too, and because of the way we go on together, I called him Uncle.
I think for me and the way I tried to fit in with all of the family I met, it was not out of character for me to use these terms of familiarity, I think it was appreciated that I 'want' to be part of their family and so I was made to feel at ease all the time.

Steve

That is all fine Steve, Filipino culture are too seriuos about being respectful especially to someone older than you, but normaly you can call anyone older than you by thier names, but not her parents. For that your mahal will be well credited if you give respect to the elders.

Its okay for the parents to be called, Nanay, mama, mom. all my friends call my mother mama. For relatives if you think they are older thatn you, you can call them in thier names.

[beth18]

I bet your Husbands Mum was truely happy and proud you asked her

Sha gave me a hug and kiss.

[pumpkins]

i met my husband family this christmas day. that was the first time i met them all.
my husband came from affectionate family.. hug and kiss here and there. i must admit am little bit uncomfortable with it coz i am not came from family that showing love or affection.althought we love each other but not showing it.
anyway, i am so grateful that they gave me a warm welcome , a new member of their family

[Arthur Little]

Interesting thread! I only ever had a mother-in-law ... but back in the late '60s, it wasn't "quite the done thing" to use her Christian name. Nor, on the other hand, did I ever get around to calling her "Mum". However, once the kids came along, I felt able to address/refer to her as "Granny".

Times have changed, of course ... and nowadays, I'M simply known as "Arthur" by both my son-in-law and future daughter in law.

But yes, Alona, it's really nice that Luke's mum likes YOU to call her "Mother".