life is so unfair

[Arthur Little]

I think people are going over the top suggesting women's refuges and things like that. Maybe some time, but I'm sure thats not what the lady wants right now and its certainly not an easy way forward.

... Do YOU have any BETTER ideas? If so, then let's hear them, please!

[Ann07]

Just a few *caring words, Ann ... but I'll bet they will mean so MUCH to Allyn!
Thank you for your thoughtfulness and sensitivity my friend.

Thanks Arthur

Allyn is a good friend of mine. And shes knows that i am always there for her
Love you beauty xxxx

[pennybarry]

I am looking forward for your decsion asap Allyn!

[South-east boy]

I know your husband isn't in the ideal position between uou and his family, but every single time he has taken their side and not yours. He hasn't tried to understand things from your point of view either. You are not just a newcomer to the family, but a newcomer from another country and culture which he hasn't considered at all. What reason has he got to say that you were rude?! I think that it was terrible that he spoke about you like that in front of his family.

it seems like his brother will never be moving out. I though it was only meant to be temporary until he had enough money to move into his own place? If his gf is working too, why can't they get their own place together? You mentioned that his gf had a misscarriage, so if that hadn't happened would the baby be living with you too?! They'd be more of them than you in your own place!

Did he not promise in his marriage vows to love, comfort, honour and protect his partner?! He doesn't seem to be doing much of that! He sounds immature, unable to stand up to any of his family and puts all of them before you.

Ok, some of the things that have been said by other members of his family might have been jokes but as they are about you, you don't get them and what they are about is not so nice, they are pointless and hurtful to you.

I hope that you take up Annes offer and can sort this horrible situation out somehow.

[Sophie]

i think imho, that as i read on a website elsewhere that if you are not ready to defen your lady in the face of prejudice if you cannot be bothered to learn about the culture and to respect it then you should not get involved with a filipina i have already had to put my so called "friends" down the gym in there place for comments like lbfm and which catalouge did you buy her from was she number 1289 or 6789 etc... unfortunatly there are some very ignorant and shallow people around usual the one who have closed minds and have not travelled a little...i think this lady's husband has not had the strength to defend his lady rather going along with his family...he now needs to make a choice his wife or his family at the risk of losing one or other i know i would choose my wife to be over my family and friends hopefully i can have both but i will always defend my girl and everyone else can either get with the program or %&*£ off.

regards

j and a

very well said jonathan

[Sophie]

I know your husband isn't in the ideal position between you and his family, but every single time he has taken their side and not yours. He hasn't tried to understand things from your point of view either. You are not just a newcomer to the family, but a newcomer from another country and culture which he hasn't considered at all. What reason has he got to say that you were rude?! I think that it was terrible that he spoke about you like that in front of his family.

I totally agree

[September]

what kind of status visa u had? ILR ? if so, that is very easy to decide allyn, dont let other people make your life miserable, life happen only once, dont let them knock u down dear

[Ann07]

what kind of status visa u had? ILR ? if so, that is very easy to decide allyn, dont let other people make your life miserable, life happen only once, dont let them knock u down dear

She's got ILR now.

[Florge]

She's got ILR now.

that's good news... should she decide to leave her husband..

Allyn... I want to hug you... I feel your desperation and sadness... I agree to what most of them say... but bottomline is, the decision is yours to make... just keep in mind that no one has the right to hurt you unless you have given them the permission to do so...

Suffering is optional... keep your chin up... and think of the best way to solve this dilemma... I'll pray for you iha....

[dave63]

I am not ashamed to say that when I read about your troubles. Yes, I cried. How another human being can treat another so poorly is so sad. I can not add much to what other threaders have said. But all I can say is that it is a big world with a lot of people out there. Get yourself out of this relationship the best way you know how and with the least of hurt and heartache. My thoughts and prayers and best wishes go with you. Please, Please look after yourself. You have a lot of friends out here on this forum who love and care about you.

[Tawi2]

Her problem isnt with her hubbie i dont think,he just seems a little weak and lets his dad and brother push him around,if he actually stood up for his wife and told his dad and brother to curb their tongues and be civil to his wife then things hopefully will take a turn for the better,read her words,she cant be expected to just leave the guy,she is in a strange country,but the husband sounds like he is unable to stand up for himself or his wife

[South-east boy]

But he did say that she was rude and said that again in front of the whole family with her there.

[Tawi2]

But he did say that she was rude and said that again in front of the whole family with her there.

Thats true enough,but is that grounds to end a marriage?He is spineless but she still loves him,the family are the problem,not the guy himself,if he learnt to stand up to them problem solved no?

[jta]

She's got ILR now.

Hi Allyn,

I'm following your thread, touched about your situation and now relieved to know that you've got ILR. You should weigh things now, be strong to show your right as wife and give ultimatum to your husband, you have nothing to worry you've got a job and ILR already. Enough is enough, don't be a martyr! You are still young, can still find a better guy and deserves a good life....Goodluck!

[September]

She's got ILR now.

Thanks Ann, I feel pity to her when I read her post, if she is just nearby w/ me I will offer our house as well, thats what filipina are..nagdadamayan

[September]

Thats true enough,but is that grounds to end a marriage?He is spineless but she still loves him,the family are the problem,not the guy himself,if he learnt to stand up to them problem solved no?

The husband is problem as well tawi, being rude to speak to wife in front of other people isnt a problem to you?

[Tawi2]

The husband is problem as well tawi, being rude to speak to wife in front of other people isnt a problem to you?

Did I say that Methinks not,the last guy to speak rudely to a woman I was with moved out of his apartment a few days later,I said the real problem are the family,the guy is weak,he needs to learn to stand up for his woman,but a family disagreement isnt something to walk out of a marriage for,the guy is at fault,sure he is,but mainly because of his weak nature,if she didnt love him she wouldnt be married to him would she?And what do pinays always say?Love conquers all

[Tonet]

I dont think the problem here is his weakness, the problem is HE DOESN'T LOVE HER ENOUGH, him flirting back to this woman, telling her rude is NOT weakness, its lack of respect to his WIFE

And for you Allyn, i know its not that easy to just leave your husband coz u probably still love him despite the way he treats you,, but you should love yourself first before you can share love to others.

Sabi nga ni nanay kay Philip," ipinagbuntis ko yan, iniluwal, pinalaki, minahal at inalagaan, kung aabusuhin mo lang at sasaktan isoli mo na lang sya sa akin, dahil walang SINUMAN ang may karapatan saktan sya."

Did I say that Methinks not,the last guy to speak rudely to a woman I was with moved out of his apartment a few days later,I said the real problem are the family,the guy is weak,he needs to learn to stand up for his woman,but a family disagreement isnt something to walk out of a marriage for,the guy is at fault,sure he is,but mainly because of his weak nature,if she didnt love him she wouldnt be married to him would she?And what do pinays always say?Love conquers all

[Tawi2]

If thats the case what attracted her to him in the first placeThe father-in-law obviously a bully and a thug when drunk,the bro-in-law a bit of an idiot,as for the hubby only the OP and the guy himself know 100% what happens between them once the door closes,everyone baying for her to leave him must sleep on a bed of roses and have perfect harmonious marriages with never a cross word said between them and their partners,marriage is a rough road at times,remember the typical western guy married to a pinay has already failed at one marriage,look at the statsYou have to work at marriage,you dont just fling in the towel the first time your against the ropes,thats waaaayyyyyy too drastic,if everyone who has told her to leave him ASAP has never once had a cross word with their partners,never argued etc then I respect their opinions But surely she loved him to marry him and still loves him to be with him,therefore its worth working out together,dont make a hasty decision allyn,communication between a couple is uber-important,talk,its always better to repair bridges than burn them behind you.

[allyn]

hello every one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you very much for all your post and advice....
i also take note arthur little the information you share...
thank you everyone for all your sympathy and kind words....
i have red some of your post this morning at my work and i have been crying and touch with all the kind words you all said...my officemates and nurses was been alarmed tho when they saw me crying..

this evening my brother in law approach me with a box of chocolate, he said he apologize for the rude joke he told me the other night, he just thought its funny and didnt thought ill take it seriously and he also said he have talked to his co worker who is also a filipino and the filipino said filipina like me have pride .... my brother inlaw also said here making rude joke is only joke

i tried to explain my brother in law why im hurt with his joke and why me and my husband is arguing last night but he said, its none of his business and he said he just apologizing for what ever he said and next time hell just say helo and good bye to me...

even tho my brother inlaw already apologize to me i already called a private landlord this morning and im going to move out in 4 weeks time (notice to my current flat) i have told that to my husband this evening,,,

i know this will sound corny or weird,,,but when my husband propose to marry me i already know he is not rich and he also told me he have nothing, but i told him i really dont care if he have money or not, i can work, and i can do anykind of job, if theres two of us working, nothing will be impossible...i love my husband, i know he have lots of shortcomming and me too, but i love him and as much i can ill keep on pushing my title as wife to him and to them....like my mom said,,,,im a GREAT IDIOT (dakilang tanga) coz i already know what they are doing and i just keep on accepting it...just bcoz i love my husband.....im still hoping just maybe, maybe one day he'll understand me more (he understand me sometimes) and stand up for me and for our relationship but as for now ill hold on to my breath..:Help

hope next year will be new life for me and for my husband....i hope...cross finger

again thanks everyone for all your sympathy,,,,
i dont think i will still need another group of filipino, for me people here are enough for me, i got all the support i can get....

i love this site...and i love all the people here....

[allyn]

I dont think the problem here is his weakness, the problem is HE DOESN'T LOVE HER ENOUGH, him flirting back to this woman, telling her rude is NOT weakness, its lack of respect to his WIFE

And for you Allyn, i know its not that easy to just leave your husband coz u probably still love him despite the way he treats you,, but you should love yourself first before you can share love to others.

Sabi nga ni nanay kay Philip," ipinagbuntis ko yan, iniluwal, pinalaki, minahal at inalagaan, kung aabusuhin mo lang at sasaktan isoli mo na lang sya sa akin, dahil walang SINUMAN ang may karapatan saktan sya."

Your mum words makes me cry...
and remind me of my mum

When my mum came here to visit me last december, she saw my situation...
She know me more than anyone, she is my best friend, my sister and my mom..
my mother inlaw tried to confront her and tell her that im so sensitive, shy and always cry....my mom talked back to her and told her, "you dont know anyting about my daughter, my daugter is a very friendly girl, wherever she goes she always have friends, if your good to her shes double friendly to you, but if you hurt her shell walk back and cry and thats the time those people who hurt her see me"
whenever i talked to my mum on the phone she always remind me about this conversation with my mother inlaw...
she even tell me im a dakilang tanga (a great idiot) coz even tho people hurting me i still smile back and just keep it, just because i love my husband...

i know im hurting my mum, and i have been apologizing to her almost everyday, she asked me to just go back so many times, but i want my marriage to work desame way my mom and dad marriage work...

she said if i cant take it anymore i have a family to fall back...
i missed them so much,,,also missed my dad...

[allyn]

again every one thanks for all your post...
and i apologize for being so sensitive or dramatic....


thank you

[Sophie]

hello every one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you very much for all your post and advice....
i also take note arthur little the information you share...
thank you everyone for all your sympathy and kind words....
i have red some of your post this morning at my work and i have been crying and touch with all the kind words you all said...my officemates and nurses was been alarmed tho when they saw me crying..

this evening my brother in law approach me with a box of chocolate, he said he apologize for the rude joke he told me the other night, he just thought its funny and didnt thought ill take it seriously and he also said he have talked to his co worker who is also a filipino and the filipino said filipina like me have pride .... my brother inlaw also said here making rude joke is only joke

i tried to explain my brother in law why im hurt with his joke and why me and my husband is arguing last night but he said, its none of his business and he said he just apologizing for what ever he said and next time hell just say helo and good bye to me...

even tho my brother inlaw already apologize to me i already called a private landlord this morning and im going to move out in 4 weeks time (notice to my current flat) i have told that to my husband this evening,,,

i know this will sound corny or weird,,,but when my husband propose to marry me i already know he is not rich and he also told me he have nothing, but i told him i really dont care if he have money or not, i can work, and i can do anykind of job, if theres two of us working, nothing will be impossible...i love my husband, i know he have lots of shortcomming and me too, but i love him and as much i can ill keep on pushing my title as wife to him and to them....like my mom said,,,,im a GREAT IDIOT (dakilang tanga) coz i already know what they are doing and i just keep on accepting it...just bcoz i love my husband.....im still hoping just maybe, maybe one day he'll understand me more (he understand me sometimes) and stand up for me and for our relationship but as for now ill hold on to my breath..:Help

hope next year will be new life for me and for my husband....i hope...cross finger

again thanks everyone for all your sympathy,,,,
i dont think i will still need another group of filipino, for me people here are enough for me, i got all the support i can get....

i love this site...and i love all the people here....

Hi allyn, i'm glad to know your brother in law apologized to you.....
as for your plans to move out, are you moving out by yourself? And what did your husband say about this?

[LadyJ]

Hi Allyn, the members have already mentioned all what I want to say.. all I can say now is be strong! Hope you and your husband will sorted out your problem soon, remember Christmas is coming.

[LadyJ]

Your mum words makes me cry...
and remind me of my mum

When my mum came here to visit me last december, she saw my situation...
She know me more than anyone, she is my best friend, my sister and my mom..
my mother inlaw tried to confront her and tell her that im so sensitive, shy and always cry....my mom talked back to her and told her, "you dont know anyting about my daughter, my daugter is a very friendly girl, wherever she goes she always have friends, if your good to her shes double friendly to you, but if you hurt her shell walk back and cry and thats the time those people who hurt her see me"
whenever i talked to my mum on the phone she always remind me about this conversation with my mother inlaw...
she even tell me im a dakilang tanga (a great idiot) coz even tho people hurting me i still smile back and just keep it, just because i love my husband...

i know im hurting my mum, and i have been apologizing to her almost everyday, she asked me to just go back so many times, but i want my marriage to work desame way my mom and dad marriage work...

she said if i cant take it anymore i have a family to fall back...
i missed them so much,,,also missed my dad...

You made me teary eyes on this.... you remind me my sister who in a bit similar situation of yours... our mum told her just to go back to our mum if she's not happy anymore in her life! Stay strong Allyn.

[allyn]

Hi allyn, i'm glad to know your brother in law apologized to you.....
as for your plans to move out, are you moving out by yourself? And what did your husband say about this?

he said he is going to move out with me, but he have to make sure his brother have a place to stay before he move out...

[Sophie]

he said he is going to move out with me, but he have to make sure his brother have a place to stay before he move out...

Ok, i wish you and your husband all the best allyn and may next year be better for both of you..... cheer up

[Tawi2]

Yup,once you have your own space,and have distanced yourselves from the influences of his family things will get betterJust avoid his drunken father on Hogmanay

[Arthur Little]

i also take note arthur little the information you share...

... yes, please DO! Keep it handy ... YOUR safety and wellbeing are paramount!

[Arthur Little]

i love this site...and i love all the people here....

... and WE CARE about YOU ... we CARE about EACH OTHER! Which is WHY we WANT to see an END to your anguish and turmoil!