anti social boyfriend?

[dave63]

my point is there may be no respect here. But with my experience in the philippines, It is a big thing where my wife is from. Maybe he does not want to do or say the wrong thing as to offend.

[GaryFifer]

my point is there may be no respect here. But with my experience in the philippines, It is a big thing where my wife is from. Maybe he does not want to do or say the wrong thing as to offend.

Like Ireland, don't say the f word. Don't fart, don't take the lord name in vein. Maybe he's deeply religious. Hey the Irish went over the world and made a lot of noise&babies

[rayofLight]

If you wish to observe life and humanity, what better man than Dave Allen, I always thought his intelligent observations on us are great. Makes you laugh too. I would recommend watching some of those clips about our culture and the way we live. See what you think. I hope you enjoy

Dave Allen on supermarkets

thanx for sharing Dave Allen clips....it made me laugh......

[Tawi2]

He has been here for a year already?Plenty of time to settle in and feel comfortable I would have thought?Ask him how he would feel if you didnt make any effort to chat to his mum or family when you visited them in pinas Maybe he is comfortable within his own circle?Does he have self esteem issues?Just throwing ideas around,because to be honest a year is stretching it a little

[liane]

Hi
anyone have any ideas as to why my filipino b/f is very quiet in front of my friends and family? He is very talkative with his own filipino friends etc. Have been in a relationship with him for two years and he has been living in U.K. for 1 year already but always seems not to make any effort with them? He says it is the language barrier but his english is fluent! When I try talking to him about it he dismisses it. He isn't shy at all and will only answer them when spoken to. Obviously to the outsider this can appear rude and anti social. Even if one's english was very basic, anyone can have a simple conversation. But as I say there is no problem with this. What do you guys suggest I can do? Very difficult to talk to him about it.

I think he's not comfortable around your family and your circle of friends. My assumption is that, he can't be himself around them because of some issues he doesn't want to open up with you because you might end up arguing with him. Maybe he's just being safe of not offending anyone from your friends or family that is why he's acting like that (just answering when spoken to). There is something he doesn't like with your family or with the friends you got. Give him a time.

[Jay&Zobel]

He must be feeling very shy? intimidated? insecured? or just couldn't bother to talk to anyone? or simple he isn't comfortable talking to anyone who's not in his own race?
Not sure though... but give him time to adjust and let him be himself for all you know it, he'll give up his attitude and talk to everyone hehe. Just don't push him too hard, he's not liking it you know.

[James Hubbard]

r simple he isn't comfortable talking to anyone who's not in his own race?

Maybe he's racist?

[Jay&Zobel]

or simple he isn't comfortable talking to anyone who's not in his own race?

Maybe he's racist?

You don't need to shout it loud James hahaha

[James Hubbard]

You don't need to shout it loud James hahaha

I'm nothing if I'm not maalam! I'm nothing

[Sis Suze]

Hiya
My personal opinion is let him be! If that is the way he feels most comfortable with your family and friends and he's not downright rude to them, then let him be himself. Just stop mentioning it and let him come round on his own. Just say to friends and family that he tends to be a little quiet in company and leave it at that. In time, if things are going to change, then they will otherwise just accept that that is the way he is.
xxxxx

[James Hubbard]

Hiya
My personal opinion is let him be! If that is the way he feels most comfortable with your family and friends and he's not downright rude to them, then let him be himself. Just stop mentioning it and let him come round on his own. Just say to friends and family that he tends to be a little quiet in company and leave it at that. In time, if things are going to change, then they will otherwise just accept that that is the way he is.
xxxxx

But what about the hapPiness of his girlfriend?

[Sis Suze]

Well she says that any other time he is fine, that their relationship is fine, its just when then socialise with her family and friends. She is happy, no need to change the boy she loves if he isn't offending anyone. Relationships are give and take, if everything else is OK, why should he change that ONE thing? If she loves him and their relationship is keeping them both happy, there's no problem...but there may be if she pursues this one small thing.
xxxx

[Arthur Little]

The older generation here will recall the respect, but nowadays I would say that is out the window. Look at our heroes, it was Vera Lynnn before. now it's Jade Goody and Jordan. Is it me or is TV just crap.

You're right, Gary. As one of that 'older generation', I can well recall the respect we had for our elders. But nowadays, there's no such thing ... or so it would often appear! It's all gone down the drain ... or, as YOU put it, out the window.

You mention television. At least half of the programmes ARE just CRAP! So-called "Reality" Shows' like 'Big Brother' and 'I'm A Celebrity' &c., with the likes of Jade Goody [God rest her soul] Jordan, and other non-entities hogging the limelight and passing for entertainment. My God, it MUST be bad when people of your age are complaining about it ...

[Arthur Little]

my point is there may be no respect here. But with my experience in the philippines, It is a big thing where my wife is from. Maybe he does not want to do or say the wrong thing as to offend.

Dave. Respect [particularly towards older people] is ALL-IMPORTANT in the Philippines. Witness the usage of respectful terms by many of the ladies on THIS forum alone, in addressing other Filipinas ... more advanced by even a few years than themselves ... as Ate, Manang, etc.

[JimOttley]

Dave. Respect [particularly towards older people] is ALL-IMPORTANT in the Philippines. Witness the usage of respectful terms by many of the ladies on THIS forum alone, in addressing other Filipinas ... more advanced by even a few years than themselves ... as Ate, Manang, etc.

The first Filipino I ever met was a young programmer who came to the UK back in 1997 the poor lad was totally culture shocked for the entire time he was here it actively interfered with his work.

He was a smart talented guy but found it so hard to communicate with these loud extrovert westerners (us), eye contact was hard, head was always bowed and he just could not stop calling everyone sir

I think they are getting more relaxed now but it's still ingrained.


Jim

[pumpkins]

Hiya
My personal opinion is let him be! If that is the way he feels most comfortable with your family and friends and he's not downright rude to them, then let him be himself. Just stop mentioning it and let him come round on his own. Just say to friends and family that he tends to be a little quiet in company and leave it at that. In time, if things are going to change, then they will otherwise just accept that that is the way he is.
xxxxx

Well she says that any other time he is fine, that their relationship is fine, its just when then socialise with her family and friends. She is happy, no need to change the boy she loves if he isn't offending anyone. Relationships are give and take, if everything else is OK, why should he change that ONE thing? If she loves him and their relationship is keeping them both happy, there's no problem...but there may be if she pursues this one small thing.
xxxx

i agree
just give him time to adjust

[dave63]

Thank you Arthur Little for your kind comment. After seeing Panorama the other night. I would prefer the young gentleman with his shyness,Respect and quietness than those yobs!!! Things could be worse....he could be like them!

[nparvus1202]

I am a Filipino and I know I am shy with other race, but that has been overcome when I started working outside Philippines. I worked mostly or totally with no other Filipinos. So now I get along with all of them. In our studio here in Cambridge we are 230 staff and 99% are British. I joked with them, played video games with them (during lunch, I work as an animator in a video game company) and also play table tennis with my boss. He likes playing ping pong with me as I can match him up. Even my Spanish friends came to visit me in Nottingham. They like being friends with Filipinos.
If you can get him working in an environment with a lots of locals, he will change his perception, shyness will disappear. Poof, gone.
He is shy because you are the one working. He doesn't know what your other folks are thinking. Filipinos love to work. Well, not all but at least most of them.

[Jay&Zobel]

I am a Filipino and I know I am shy with other race, but that has been overcome when I started working outside Philippines..

If you can get him working in an environment with a lots of locals, he will change his perception, shyness will disappear. Poof, gone.
He is shy because you are the one working. He doesn't know what your other folks are thinking. Filipinos love to work. Well, not all but at least most of them.

Wise words nparvus.

[Sophie]

Wise words nparvus.

I second to that