just been given too much truth......

[bystander09]

She again saw him and accepted his proposal again to stop at a hotel because, she said, she wanted to "assess her feelings". But she realized she still missed her husband and feared for her reputation and that of her children so after being intimate with him twice she refused to see him again and stayed away from men until now. She also told me she confessed to a priest and repented.

OK please tell me that this is from a Monty Python script..!!!

bystander

[britishdetained]

You are lucky as she is being honest with you. There are things that hurts us but we have yo accept it as it is the truth

[Arthur Little]

Under some circumstances sharing a secret comes down to imposing a burden to someone else. You enjoy instant relief and afterwards can face long-term embarrassment. Should I tell her that as a kid I looked under my schoolmistress' skirt??? (yes I did..) I believe that if you really want to look towards a bright future you should refrain to dig too deep into the past and when honesty means throwing old stuff on the table which will in no way make the relation deeper or richer, no thanks!

Anyway we will be face to face in three weeks and I guess we'll have other topics to discuss....

with what others have said in this instance. The woman is poised on the brink of a new relationship with YOU ... whom she evidently believes she cares about - as deeply as it's possible for two people who've never actually met, to feel about one another. Moreover, to my mind, she has been totally upfront with you about something that happened in the dim and distant past ... something which, given her fragile emotional state at the time, is completely understandable.

As a widower for almost 17 years, I found myself especially prone to making MANY "mistakes" (some far more worrying - to ME and my immediate family at least - than what your lady has divulged) due, in no small part, to my sheer vulnerability [some might even call it naivity!] before I began engaging in an online correspondence with my present [also widowed] Filipina wife, in September 2007.

Those "misdemeanours" of mine (trivial, no doubt, in the eyes of the uninvolved observer) preyed on MY mind sufficiently enough to prompt ME into "confessing all" shortly after Myrna and I first met 12 months later. Did they affect OUR relationship? No! On the contrary, if anything, they bonded US even closer together; indeed, as far as Myrna was concerned, these things belonged to the past, and we have since been able to settle down to a happy and contented life together.

We're ALL human, mate ... we've all DONE things we later regretted. So PLEASE, for both your sakes, put this matter behind you NOW. Don't let it invade the present, and cloud what otherwise promises to be a rosy future for the pair of you.

[MarBell379]

In love, its very easy to get hurt. I'm sure most of us would have liked to be the only person our partners ever fell for, and likewise I'm sure most of them would have like to be the one and only for us.

1 relationship in 13 years? I'd think myself lucky, and wouldnt have been at all surprised at this story. I'm sure it hurts, but not for any logical reason, merely emotions and pride coming to the fore, and they are running high at the moment as they always do when we fall in love.

I'm not sure if I understand you statute of limitations reference. Surely that applies to ability to prosecute (or, in this case, feel bad about it), rather than brushing it under the carpet.

In her shoes, I might well have told the story as well. It shows the value she puts on her reputation and how she behaves as much as shows she is mortal and has needs as we all do.

In my current relationship I have felt happy, sad, hurt, honored, proud and dismayed, and sometimes most of them at the same time. I know Ive made her feel pretty bad at times as well as pretty good, but we've always felt in love, and we've known for a long time we want to be together.

I'm rambling now, but in a nutshell -
Sometimes love hurts - get over it.

[jencha8569]

come on man get over it !!!
its history and no big deal.
you are making too much out of it.
it happened before she met you.
cant change the past.
personally i dont think its gonna work out between you two
unless you banish these thoughts of negativity.
i know im being harsh on you but she has done
nothing wrong in my eyes.

[Matt7]

I had a reply written out, but I'm pretty annoyed about this and it probably wouldn't have helped much so I decided against posting it. I will however say I think you've overreacted and were massively out of line for asking her to take an STD test. I think you need to give your mentality a complete overhaul

[pacificelectric]

I think you've overreacted and were massively out of line for asking her to take an STD test. I think you need to give your mentality a complete overhaul

We discussed that extensively and decided that for our mutual peace of mind we should both do it and this is what we did. This type of precaution is meant to avoid painful aftermaths.

[Matt7]

We discussed that extensively and decided that for our mutual peace of mind we should both do it and this is what we did. This type of precaution is meant to avoid painful aftermaths.

So what precaution could you take for not making mountains from molehills? Only fair really


I just don't understand, were you posting for sympathy? You're over twice my age and you find it so hard to accept a widow having sex with a separated man, over 8 years ago? Primary school stuff

[Sim11UK]

Pacificelectric, you're a complex character.
I don't get this thread at all?...You've actually made me feel quite angry...As for sending her your blood tests & sending her to the clinic, that's just downright weird.
She's a grown mature woman, regardless of her nationality or culture, we're all humans with the same emotions.
I wouldn't have batted an eyelid, if I was you & had been told this story. It's just a small part of her distant life.

I really feel, if you carry on like this, you will drive her away from you...& you haven't even met yet.

Stop these thoughts, & this controlling behaviour...she sounds like a nice woman.

[tiN]

i dont really understand where ur coming from
I think you should be proud of her as she is being honest with you, she thinks that she can trust you as she feels secured in the relationship?

Oh well ur off to see her in three weeks time, hope u enjoy ur holiday, and just chill eh? U worry too much for what is happened 10 years ago

And lastly appreciate her for who she is

Goodluck

[joebloggs]

i think pacificelectric has got the message now

no need to him

go and see her, and have a great time, and don't think tooo much about it or you'll go

goodluck

[Northerner]

Life is too short to fret over this! Forget about this whole thing and perhaps think of saying sorry to your girlfriend who did nothing wrong! If she came out and told you something like this it is a good sign she cares about you and truly wants you to trust and love her. Don't throw that away..

[pacificelectric]

i think pacificelectric has got the message now

Yes.....

no need to him

too late!!!

go and see her, and have a great time, and don't think tooo much about it or you'll go

goodluck

I am sure we'll be doing great....

[Pepe n Pilar]

Hi Pacificelectric,

In my opinion your gf has done nothing wrong. She had a relationship with a man 2 years after her husband's demise. That was not done during the marriage, hence she didn't cheat at all. Some women in the same situation as your gf's had a relationship right after they lost their husband say after 6 mos or a year but, your gf after 2 years. You had asked from her a test just so to make sure she has no VD is really offensive.

It is worth bearing in mind that there are not many Western women that have only had 2 relationships in their entire lives.(no offence pls)

Goodluck on your trip to the Phils. Wish you and your gf will have a wonderful meeting this coming month. All the best.

Cheers!

[JimOttley]

You need to move into the 21st century sir!

This lassie shared something special with you, it is quite mean of you to see that as an instant high for her, she is being open honest and putting herself on the line..... waiting for an understanding and loving response from you!

You are old school you are very much in the minority these days, good lord you were pretty much in the minority thirty years ago.

Give her a break, you cannot judge her future behaviour on what happened over the space of a few months 11 years ago.

She was single, she was free to do as she liked and if that meant seeking comfort well fine, people need that sometimes!

All you have is evidence of a faithful wife who lost her husband and who feels obliged to be open and honest right up front with a possible future partner, that's a pretty strong lady in my mind.


Jim

[bornatbirth]

i have to agree with everything everyone else as said.

you are aware she only told you this because she feels she can trust you and you both have a relationship.

did you expect her to be a virgin?

if she never told me about her relationship with him,i would be more angry and hurt because she feels she cant trust me enough.

count yourself lucky and dont let silly nonsense get in the way of your life together!

[joebloggs]

i have to agree with everything everyone else as said.

you are aware she only told you this because she feels she can trust you and you both have a relationship.

did you expect her to be a virgin?

if she never told me about her relationship with him,i would be more angry and hurt because she feels she cant trust me enough.

count yourself lucky and dont let silly nonsense get in the way of your life together!

are you sober bornabirth
you've started giving good advice out

i nearly gave you a green blob

[Tawi2]

are you sober bornabirth
you've started giving good advice out

i nearly gave you a green blob

I think he plagiarised it,just copied and pasted,unless he is undergoing some form of mid-life crisis

[bornatbirth]

are you sober bornabirth
you've started giving good advice out

i nearly gave you a green blob

I think he plagiarised it,just copied and pasted,unless he is undergoing some form of mid-life crisis

hey,this is all my own work!

this moment wont happen too often

[Northerner]

hey,this is all my own work!

this moment wont happen too often

You tell 'em mate

[JimOttley]

i nearly gave you a green blob

Hey I just got one, how did that happen don't know how all this rep thingy works and I was pretty much plagiarising what everyone else had already said

[bornatbirth]

i already went through all this with my wife.

after chatting online,meeting several times,getting to know my wife enough so that she will trust me more and more until she will tell me everything about herself,even stuff about her family and why does she do this?

because she loves me!

[eagles]

being human is not being perfect.. we got flaws, failures.

Personally, I admire the character of your gf pacific.. She managed to tell you the truth. However, if you felt that you cant accept the as truth being said, don't force yourself into accepting, otherwise it will an emotional baggage to you

[miss.piggy]

i already went through all this with my wife.

after chatting online,meeting several times,getting to know my wife enough so that she will trust me more and more until she will tell me everything about herself,even stuff about her family and why does she do this?

because she loves me!

Awww...

[New Shoes]

Pacificelectric; Reading some of your posts I feel that you are very insecure, possesive and mistrusting. This a grown woman you're talking about not a young girl. Personally, I think that this relationship will not last and the woman in question would be better with someone more trusting and respectful.

[pacificelectric]

Pacificelectric; Reading some of your posts I feel that you are very insecure, possesive and mistrusting.

I may be all that and even worse but at least I am open to criticism as I was not dumb to the point of expecting roses when i posted that message on this forum and I express my sincere gratitude to all those who opened my eyes on the various aspects of the issue discussed and helped me understand my flaws. I will do my best to work on that relationship and make it successful..

Personally, I think that this relationship will not last and the woman in question would be better with someone more trusting and respectful.

thats for her to decide and she'll have the opportunity to decide in three weeks when we meet in Davao. So far she is not discouraged....

[Tawi2]

Thats true actually pacific,you will often find its the lady behind a relationship,its the female half of the duo who is the dynamic and the impetus that keeps the couple going,not because the guys not capable of keeping the relationship together but the lady is moreso,good luck,your going to enjoy your trip,thats the main thing,not long now

[New Shoes]

thats for her to decide and she'll have the opportunity to decide in three weeks when we meet in Davao. So far she is not discouraged....

Oh well that's good news. Have a good trip and enjoy your time together. Let us know how things turn out. Good luck.

[pacificelectric]

I just talked to her on the phone and when I told her "mahal na mahal kita" she answered "I kaw rin" so the situation is not hopeless yet... and I also apologized for my rudeness and dumbness....

[mickcant]

Hi all,
When I first met my now wife online I was upfront that I had been married twice before, as I thought it best her to know from the start.
When after two visits to the Philippines to see her and I asked her to marry me, I did offer to have myself tested, "I" knew that I had not had sex outside of my marriages, but thought that as she was younger it would reasure her.
But she never spoke of it again, and we went on to marry.
At no point did I ask her to take any test.
Mick.