Just been lied to

[triple5]

So I've been chatting with this girl for about 4 months now, and it seemed things were going well, we get on great and I was planning to visit her in october.. until today that is.

When we chatted a few days ago she asked me if I had a Facebook account, I did before but deleted it. I asked her if she was on there and her answer was no, that she didn't have time for it with having friendster as well. I did a little check today on facebook and there she was. It looked like she had only recently joined as her pic was the most recent one she had added on fs. She only had the 2 friends on facebook, two handsome looking foreign guys

I really can't stand lies in a relationship. At the moment I just feel like dropping her. What would you guys do?

[Tawi2]

We are not the ones in the situation,your the one in the hot-seat,relax and dont take it personal,she is just playing collect and select,doesnt mean she likes you any less than the other guys,she is just spreading her bets.

[LadyJ]

So I've been chatting with this girl for about 4 months now, and it seemed things were going well, we get on great and I was planning to visit her in october.. until today that is.

When we chatted a few days ago she asked me if I had a Facebook account, I did before but deleted it. I asked her if she was on there and her answer was no, that she didn't have time for it with having friendster as well. I did a little check today on facebook and there she was. It looked like she had only recently joined as her pic was the most recent one she had added on fs. She only had the 2 friends on facebook, two handsome looking foreign guys

I really can't stand lies in a relationship. At the moment I just feel like dropping her. What would you guys do?

GIve her a chance to explain. That's all I can say.

[Tawi2]

Is she exclusive?The only women your chatting to online?Have you made any form of commitment to her whatsoever?If the answer is yes then that changes the situation,if the answers no then relax,she really is looking around just like a guy would do,no shame or harm intended on her part,you have to sift a lot of mud to discover a diamond.

[Northerner]

Tawi is correct my friend. She could have a number of reasons for this. One is that these men each sent her an invite to facebook. So when she does actually join, with the same email address - they are automatically her friends!

And if she is still talking to them, what does it mean? Are you engaged? You say you have been talking for 4 months and you plan to go over in October! Does she take you seriously?

Remember, she has more to lose than you do at this stage in the relationship. Speak to her but try not to get angry with her. Just ask and she will explain.

I know the girl I am seeing now had at least 2 other guy's interested in her. So what! Take a look below at her picture, a lot of guy's should be interested in her She also had a myspace page she never told me about.. Again, so what. It is old and only 1 friend on it with littl else. Probably forgotten about in the last so many months.. In all seriousness, Go to see her in October! Spend time with her and see how things pan out, if it is not meant to be, you had a nice holiday with a pretty lady. It's all good!

[triple5]

Yes she is the only one I've been chatting to online. Since I first met her I dropped all contact with any others. I haven't made any commitment to her except telling her how much I like her and will visit her. I've made it clear I'm looking for a long term relationship/wife. Not sure how you commit to somebody you haven't met in person yet

[Northerner]

Yes she is the only one I've been chatting to online. Since I first met her I dropped all contact with any others. I haven't made any commitment to her except telling her how much I like her and will visit her. I've made it clear I'm looking for a long term relationship/wife. Not sure how you commit to somebody you haven't met in person yet

You just answered your own question in a way. Think about it! Your not making any commitment to her until you see her first So she is still on a tightrope in a way. And, yes.. From your side you are correct in taking things slow, but so is she by keeping penpals who may or may not come to some use later

[Matt7]

You want to dump her because she lied to you about having facebook?

[triple5]

Does she take you seriously?

The fact that whenever I mention going to visit her, she nearly always asks the same thing, "Are you serious?" So maybe she doent believe me.And I have postponed once already, but that was because she graduates in oct and I thought it would be better to wait till then when we can spend more time together.

You want to dump her because she lied to you about having facebook?

I guess because I enter into a relationship being honest I expect the same.

[Tawi2]

Yes she is the only one I've been chatting to online. Since I first met her I dropped all contact with any others. I haven't made any commitment to her except telling her how much I like her and will visit her. I've made it clear I'm looking for a long term relationship/wife. Not sure how you commit to somebody you haven't met in person yet

I am not sure how to commit to someone you havent met in person yet either But some guys promise the moon,the stars,and a universal eternity together after only a few weeks chatting Mind boggling but thats how it goes She is just keeping her options open,she hasnt burnt any bridges yet,dont blame her for that,things mightnt work out if you meet her in person,she is just being sensible

[Matt7]

I guess because I enter into a relationship being honest I expect the same.

People lie all the times, white lies, lies of omission. Perhaps she overlooked it as she only has 2 friends and in your own words "it looks like a new account", and you don't have facebook yourself?

I could understand if she lied to you about a guy on the side or a baby etc, but if you're going to get so pissed off over a lie about facebook I doubt your LDR has much hope

[Sophie]

Is she exclusive?The only women your chatting to online?Have you made any form of commitment to her whatsoever?If the answer is yes then that changes the situation,if the answers no then relax,she really is looking around just like a guy would do,no shame or harm intended on her part,you have to sift a lot of mud to discover a diamond.

I agree on this one

[Northerner]

Get to know her, get to know her friends and her family. They will be your best support ever. My ex was lying to me and scammed me! Her Aunt told me rather than have the shame of covering up for a trickster

Although my case is extreme in a way, the white lies you have been told really do seem small by comparrison.

Relax dude... Go to see her in October! Book the flights, send her a copy of your itinerary and stuff. Let her know your serious and watch how things change

[Matt7]

Wait, I need to get my head around this

Are you actually in a LDR with this girl? Has she said she wants to be in a LDR with you? Have you both spoken about it, or are you just assuming youre in a relationship? Does she know shes in a LDR?

[Sophie]

Yes she is the only one I've been chatting to online. Since I first met her I dropped all contact with any others. I haven't made any commitment to her except telling her how much I like her and will visit her. I've made it clear I'm looking for a long term relationship/wife. Not sure how you commit to somebody you haven't met in person yet

Is she fully aware of how you really feel about her? If you've been upfront with what you just mentioned above,
then she's probably not yet so convinced you are for real,
for all you know, she might be thinking you're just telling her exactly what she wants to hear as what most men normally does, lol.....
I guess you have to prove your words, and one way to do that is go and visit her and see how it goes.....
meeting in person makes a lot of difference.....it could either validate and substantiate how you feel for her or it could also refute and contradict....

[triple5]

Wait, I need to get my head around this

Are you actually in a LDR with this girl? Has she said she wants to be in a LDR with you? Have you both spoken about it, or are you just assuming youre in a relationship? Does she know shes in a LDR?

How do you want to define a LDR? For me it doesn't really start until you've met them in person and returned home. It seems a little pointless to me promising the earth before I've even met her. We could meet in person and find we're not at all compatable. When we were chatting recently we talked about me meeting her family, so I figured we were heading in the right direction.

Is she fully aware of how you really feel about her?

I have told her, but she said something similar to what you said - that guys just tell you what you want to hear.

[Sophie]

I have told her, but she said something similar to what you said - that guys just tell you what you want to hear.

LOL, just as i thought Well, if you're really interested then go and visit her and prove to her you're for real......
but if you were put off with her lying about the facebook stuff and change your mind, then i guess you're also entitled to that...

[Northerner]

She is being as cautious as you are by the sound of it all! Let it go, forget about the facebook thing.. She has not actually done anything wrong and now you know there are 2 hansome guy's with her in mind... Time to outpace them

Get to the Philippines and just enjoy yourself. Don't try to use her and don't make her think you only want sex. If it happens it is because it will happen, not because it was coerced You have to prove yourself to her as well, just because you are a westerner do not think she is in the bag! If she is pretty (and I suspect she is) then there will be a fair amount of interest in her if she made herself available on dating websites..

Get over there and sweep her off her feet if she is the one for you

[triple5]

You have to prove yourself to her as well, just because you are a westerner do not think she is in the bag!

Yeh I realise that, and said I would do exactly that - go there and prove myself

[Northerner]

Yeh I realise that, and said I would do exactly that - go there and prove myself

Good luck with her Hope she's the one for you

[Arthur Little]

GO for it ... and I DON'T mean "hanky-panky" ... and Good Luck!

[Sophie]

Yeh I realise that, and said I would do exactly that - go there and prove myself

good decision

[joebloggs]

I did a little check today on facebook and there she was. It looked like she had only recently joined as her pic was the most recent one she had added on fs. She only had the 2 friends on facebook, two handsome looking foreign guys

I really can't stand lies in a relationship. At the moment I just feel like dropping her. What would you guys do?

maybe she's telling the truth, she created the account and never bothered to use it, but since then 2 guys have added themselves to it

it doesn't look like much to worry about, if she had many more friends, then you might get suspicous, but for 2 guys i wouldn't


like everyone said , go and see the gal

[trader dave]

Yes she is the only one I've been chatting to online. Since I first met her I dropped all contact with any others. I haven't made any commitment to her except telling her how much I like her and will visit her. I've made it clear I'm looking for a long term relationship/wife. Not sure how you commit to somebody you haven't met in person yet

as northerner just said you have answered your own question there is no commitment yet on either side stay cool play the same game collect then select

[ginapeterb]

The Changing face of Western Filipino courtships online.

Triple5,

I have been watching these situations now for some 5 years and lest we all forget, that finding someone to spend the rest of your life with (because thats how a Filipino views relationship and marriage) is by and large a very hit and miss affair, in fact its a miracle.

Thousands of guys meet ladies online year after year, and are lucky in one sense, since these young girls take a big chance by consenting to travel over 6000 miles to the far side of the world, hoping and praying that their relationship they entered into is going to be long lasting and happy.

Listen to a popular song by the viva hot babes "Kung ako'y magkakjowa" or similar (forgive spelling), the singers basically say this:

If I have a boyfreind, he does not have to be good looking, he does not have to have money, he just has to love me, exclusively, and all I wanted is for a happy life together.

When a Filipina tells a westerner online, when he promises to come and visit them, "Are you serious" ? is because they hear it so often, i.e. empty promises, there are Filipina's who know that words are sweet, sweet to hear, i.e. the phrase binobola mo lang ako, comes to mind, you are making bola, or going around in circles, yes those are the words, nice to hear, sweet, but if the words are not backed up by swift action, they soon get used to hearing it all the time.

Filiipina's by nature have heard every promise in the book, boyfreinds who let them down, make promises they do not keep, some of these girls have had chat freinds before online, maybe you are not the first man she has had this from, don't be too upset, some of the girls will not tell you about previous online chats, because they think it may offend you.

If it were so, you would never find out, the fact is, some American guy might have promised to come and see her, then for one reason or another, i.e. the credit crunch, state of U.S. economy, has not followed through with a visit.

Many girls are being let down in this way in last few months, its not uncommon, also, if you went back about 3-5 years, it seemed easier then to get a girl to consent to come and be your wife, now it seems the girls are being careful, maybe a pit choosy, and as someone else said, just because your western, does not mean this one is in the bag.

You have to work at it, you have to win her over, the only way you can do that, is to get yourself out to Philippines when circumstances allow, chat relationships over internet maybe the start of something real in the future, but that is only a preliminary start, meeting a girl is so important, because it does not take long to see whether you are going to hit it off.

Some guys find out the hard way, when they did not invest enough time getting to know the lady, then they find out, it would have been better to wait, they get back to UK and find, actually, this is not the one I would want to be with, then it all goes sour, and problems start, because the relationship is not founded on a fine foundation of love, mutual respect and friendship.

My advice is always, before you start thinking of a rip roaring sexual relationship with a Filipina, unless of course your in town for that very purpose, find out if you like each other as close freinds.

Making close freinds with a girl, and wanting to be with her morning noon and night, because you get on so well, and cant bare to be parted, is a sure sign, that the relationship is going to have the best chance of success.

If the relationship akin to a proposal of marriage just because time is short, and you want to get on with the process, and sex is the only thing holding it together, be in for a big shock later on, because when the bedroom activities finish, and you find she is irritating you, or vice versa, then you would wish you had gone through things in a more considered way.

You have to spend time with a girl, get to know her, and the comments about facebook and she has 2 foreigner men on their are not really relevant, so what ?

If she does, she is probably keeping her options open, as any man would, who has 4 to 10 or more girls on his facebook, I have lots of girls on my facebook, they just happen to be freinds of my wife, but its not a big problem, some of the girls would not want to turn down the attentions of a possible suitor just in case one falls through, and remember this, they are not talking to western men on chat or other social networking sites because they are bored, they are doing this because their goal is to secure a nice husband for a happy life overseas.

I can tell you, not all girls in the Philippines are looking for a foreigner husband, I would say, that a small percentage are "! some would rather marry their own kind, so if you do find one who is interested, don't be too anxious to bin her, just because she said she did not have a facebook, she might also be embarassed about the situation, Filipino's would often say no to your question, like if you asked them "Do you have facebook"?

She might be embarassed about it, but say No, this is to avoid you loosing face, they often do this to internalize the feelings of the one asking, in case they don't like the reply, if she had said yes, you might be offended to see she has one, and their is 2 other guys on her page, so what ? as it happens you found out, but it does not make her a liar.

Filipinos by nature often say no to people who ask questions, so that it brings the enquiry to a short stop.

Sometimes they say maybe to someone, as they really mean no, but don't want to offend that one by giving an affirmative answer, so they become vague, this internalizes the others feelings in not wanting to be rejected.

Filipino culture has to be learned to be understood, and guys who are in the first few weeks of meeting these lovely creatures have to take their time and learn, ther will be many nockbacks, many times when you get irritated, many upheavals along the way, sometimes they can be out of contact for some reason, no load, no internet, brownout, no money, visiting someone, it could be many reasons, and they don't think the same way as we do, so one has to forget any notions about time and space...

The fact is, you are going to have to work hard to win this girl over, just as you would do if she lived in UK and was a white anglo saxon english girl, she is looking for your commitment, and you may just find, if you push on ahead and show it, your efforts will be reciprocated, now if she is beautiful and it sounds like she is...stick at it, and forget any petty irritations...the prize at the end is what you need, and best of luck with it.

[angel1231]

just passing by................

[KeithD]

Make friends with the guys on FB.

[triple5]

Thanks a lot, ginapeterb, what you say makes a lot of sense and has also opened my eyes a little to a few things. Cheers

Make friends with the guys on FB.

Why?

[Tawi2]

Forget the guys on facebook,they arent your friends nor your concern,they arent even your rivals,you have known her for four months so she hasnt exactly stolen your heart,always be realistic about meetings like this,there isnt firework displays in the background nor brass bands playing after chatting to someone online for four months,I have been going over there and living in asia for maybe 20 years,seen loads of relationships,some lived happy ever after and danced off into the sunset,some lived in abject misery,some floundered on the rocks or never even got to first base after the initial meeting,your an individual,it plays out how it plays out
"Kung ako'y magkakjowa" if I had a boyfriend?Not me personally Just the title of the sing

[jakeob]

Triple5, i know how you feel but, you should still give the girl a chance, I had a much worse experience with a girl from Ukriane, in short i had met this beautiful girl returned home and wrote to her for 3 months,,, i played it all realy cool never gave her any commitment in our letters, just the fact that i would come back to see her, and i avoided any lovey dovey talk. when i did go back she was with a Canadian, who visited her the week before me, they were engaged. To this day i believe Victoria was a good person, and i hear shes still happly married to that guy. I was pissed at the time but learned a lession. If even you meet a girl but dont give her some commitment, some warmth and loving, then its open season. goes both ways.

Just do your best, and hope it goes well for you

n