whats my chance of long term success??

[jakeob]

I'am here again looking for possible pitfalls in my masterplan. At this stage i am chatting with a young woman who has a child shes 23 and i'am 42. Shes totaly beautiful and i'am at best mr average. I can live with the family support thing to a certain degree. I would treat her very well when she comes to the uk, treat her kid as my own, "I cant have kids" but this would be sorted at the beggining.

Obviously i we think we have fallen in love get married, shes from what i can see is from a decent familly, shes not the bar girl type ect ect,,

From what you members have learned about mixed couples in my possible cinario, and taking into account the girl is very beautiful, and the man is not rich, what would be a guestimate of long term success???

I hope that made sence?

[JimOttley]

I'am here again looking for possible pitfalls in my masterplan. At this stage i am chatting with a young woman who has a child shes 23 and i'am 42. Shes totaly beautiful and i'am at best mr average. I can live with the family support thing to a certain degree. I would treat her very well when she comes to the uk, treat her kid as my own, "I cant have kids" but this would be sorted at the beggining.

Obviously i we think we have fallen in love get married, shes from what i can see is from a decent familly, shes not the bar girl type ect ect,,

From what you members have learned about mixed couples in my possible cinario, and taking into account the girl is very beautiful, and the man is not rich, what would be a guestimate of long term success???

I hope that made sence?

I've not been here very long to be giving out advice jakeob, but sucess is up to both of you, it's really no different to a relationship anywhere else in the world.

What would you think your chance of success might be if you lived in London and you met a lassie online in Glasgow? A lot of the issues might be very similar.

From what you are asking I guess you have not met yet, I think the first thing is to make a point of actually meeting her in person, I'm really not sure that people can truly fall in love in front of a computer screen

You might be more attractive than you imagine but really looks are not everything, much more important that she is a genuine honest loving person (and that you are too ).

The age gap is a bit big to be honest, I had serious qualms about a 14 year gap for me and my partner but at 18 or 19 years and you are really into the "old enough to be her dad" territory and there is a good chance that you might be treated that way.

I was lucky, my partner is quite headstrong and had already had a tough life in a foriegn country and by god has she got a temper she can be terribly childish at times but she is a wonderful person to have around.

How rich is rich? I was a lot richer a few years back and I wont pretend that being a lot poorer now is making me any happier, it's not but we are still here together and still going through hell to try to get our family together five years after we met.

Really beauty has nothing to do with it, money should have little or nothing to with it and if you are very lucky you might meet a lassie that becomes the best friend you ever had.

Then again you might not, it's luck of the draw the same as it is anywhere mate!

Just keep in mind that she is very young if you reach 50-31 it's not so bad a gap, 60-41 is almost ok, 70-51 it will be getting hard for her, you will need a lot of care and she will still be strong and will still probably look like she's 43

You have to ask youself 'what really is the long term for me?' and 'what really is the long term for her?'

Best of luck sir!

Jim

[Florge]

I agree with Jim... best that you meet her in person more than once (if possible) and guage if you can truly live with her... being together in person is a whole lot different with with just getting to know each other online... you are a wise man and can clearly decide on what's best for you... just don't set aside logic when dealing with the affairs of the heart..

best of luck to you.. enjoy the getting-to-know-each-other stage ... good luck!

[jakeob]

Thanks Jim / Florge for your input. I am by no means saysing were in love now before we have met, i am thinking what might happen in princaple if i go over there a couple of times and persue this young woman. I am wondering if anybody will come forward and say "I married a Young Beauty and its going great"" thats after they have lived together here in the uk for some years. Or myabe people know couples that have success taking into account my cinario off course. Also if she was in Glasgow i wouldt be to worried about anything becuase we wouldt have to get married then we could live together for years here.
Just a question Jim? when you say your still trying to bring your family together after 5 years,, does that mean your still trying to bring the wife over to uk??

[aposhark]

I'am here again looking for possible pitfalls in my masterplan. At this stage i am chatting with a young woman who has a child shes 23 and i'am 42. Shes totaly beautiful and i'am at best mr average. I can live with the family support thing to a certain degree. I would treat her very well when she comes to the uk, treat her kid as my own, "I cant have kids" but this would be sorted at the beggining.

Obviously i we think we have fallen in love get married, shes from what i can see is from a decent familly, shes not the bar girl type ect ect,,

From what you members have learned about mixed couples in my possible cinario, and taking into account the girl is very beautiful, and the man is not rich, what would be a guestimate of long term success???

I hope that made sence?

The difference in years is greater in my marriage and my wife is a beautiful Filipina. We are both very happy, except for her "tampo" at times
It is how you both try to keep the relationship going when you are finally together that counts.
Getting her visa is a difficult process but if you both love each other, anything can be achieved in life.
What you put in is often what you get out

[miss.piggy]

I am wondering if anybody will come forward and say "I married a Young Beauty and its going great"" thats after they have lived together here in the uk for some years.

Hi Jakeob,

I was 24 and my husband's 41 when we got married. I won't tackle about how we are physically as I didn't really think about it at the time.

I commend Florge's post. My husband and I spent a lot of time together before we decided to marry. It made a big difference at the time of the wedding because we both didn't have any hesitations that what we're doing is right. We were both comfortable, and looking forward to a lifetime of being together.

Philip and I are getting stronger together . We never discussed our age at all. It's just a number (or numbers) -- what's important is your level of thinking. Beauty? It's good to be beautiful but physical beauty is superficial, what's important is the person within.

You are not rich. If that's an issue for her, then don't marry. Please don't ever believe that you have to be rich to be able to marry a Filipina and have a lasting relationship. On your own way, you can show her that you are not exactly Mr. Branson. If she's true to you, then this won't matter.

Wishing you all the best!

[Tawi2]

.

[britishdetained]

A lasting relationship does not depends on the age gap between a husband and wife. It is how both of you can stay truthful, loyal, loving and have TRUST and RESPECT to each other.

[IainBusby]

I can live with the family support thing to a certain degree.

what would be a guestimate of long term success???

You are not rich. If that's an issue for her, then don't marry.

Firstly, you say that you can live with the family support thing to a certain extent, but does she know what level of monthly support you would be comfortable with? This is something that you would have to iron out with her and have set in stone if your not going to be constantly arguing about it in the future.

Regardless of how much you say you are prepared to send, she will probably have it in her mind that on top of that, she will work when she gets to the UK and that she will send the bulk of her earnings home. Many Filipina's talk a lot about "family" but when the marry a foriegner and come to the UK, I have never managed to find out when that change happens, when they decide that she and her new husband are also a family and that they should combine their incomes as is common in the UK, so that the can afford the good things in life, nice home hloidays etc. If you are not rich, as I and many others on this forum are not, then you will need to let her know how things normally work in this country and that she will also have to contribute towards the household bills and outgoings.

With regard to your guesstimate of how long this might all take to be successful, it depends on so many things. You say she has a child, but is she married. Some Filipina's have a tendency to brush little details like this under the carpet at the chatting stage and if she is married, she will need to go through an annulment which is a long and expensive process.

With regard to her child, I would assume that she would want to bring the child to the UK with her. What you need to know with regard to this is, is the father of the child named on the birth certificate, does he support the child and does he have contact with the child, regular or otherwise. If the answer to any of those questions is yes, it may take longer to get the visa application sorted out and you may find that you will have to pay off (bribe) the father of the child to do so.

If there are no flies in the ointment, with regard to her marital staus or the childs father, then I would suggest you go and visit her for at least 2 weeks, longer if possible and if it all works out, start making preperations for a second visit and the wedding.

Iain.

[aposhark]

Filipina....filipina....filipina She is a woman not an ethnicityNot a fashion accoutrement,if you have any doubts stop,catch your breath and think things through,if your having doubts this early in the game do you want to go onto the pitch and play?As for the age difference,well,thats between the two of you to work out,if you dont feel comfortable with it ask yourself what would a 42 year old in the UK have in common with the typical 23 year old kid that could sustain a marriage Every situation is different,every couple are different,no two are even remotely the same,good luck in your quest whatever happens I am sure it will work itself out in time

I'm not really sure of the relevance of what I highlighted in your reply
The woman he is concerned about is a Filipina.

[Sim11UK]

If you both really want it, you can have it.

You really need to get over there & pay her a visit....You also need to see that you like the Philippines too. Regardless of whether you bring her to the UK, you're always going to have a relationship with the Philippines.

It's possible, the age gap could cause problems, but it is down to individual circumstances. I think jimottley makes a good point, in a few years, when you are old and she is still relatively young. I think this is a point often overlooked....I'm not criticising, I'm just stating a fact.

But get over there and see for yourselves.

[jencha8569]

Firstly, you say that you can live with the family support thing to a certain extent, but does she know what level of monthly support you would be comfortable with? This is something that you would have to iron out with her and have set in stone if your not going to be constantly arguing about it in the future.

Regardless of how much you say you are prepared to send, she will probably have it in her mind that on top of that, she will work when she gets to the UK and that she will send the bulk of her earnings home. Many Filipina's talk a lot about "family" but when the marry a foriegner and come to the UK, I have never managed to find out when that change happens, when they decide that she and her new husband are also a family and that they should combine their incomes as is common in the UK, so that the can afford the good things in life, nice home hloidays etc. If you are not rich, as I and many others on this forum are not, then you will need to let her know how things normally work in this country and that she will also have to contribute towards the household bills and outgoings.

With regard to your guesstimate of how long this might all take to be successful, it depends on so many things. You say she has a child, but is she married. Some Filipina's have a tendency to brush little details like this under the carpet at the chatting stage and if she is married, she will need to go through an annulment which is a long and expensive process.

With regard to her child, I would assume that she would want to bring the child to the UK with her. What you need to know with regard to this is, is the father of the child named on the birth certificate, does he support the child and does he have contact with the child, regular or otherwise. If the answer to any of those questions is yes, it may take longer to get the visa application sorted out and you may find that you will have to pay off (bribe) the father of the child to do so.

If there are no flies in the ointment, with regard to her marital staus or the childs father, then I would suggest you go and visit her for at least 2 weeks, longer if possible and if it all works out, start making preperations for a second visit and the wedding.

Iain.

Totally agree

And I think you should visit first the girl to see for yourself if its worth pursuing to. It will be good too if you and her should talk things that will affect the relationship. Build a strong relationship first and see how it goes.
If u think she is the one then plan ahead after the visit prepare things for the visa. Foreign relationships can be tricky coz alot of things to consider, try to be more open. Any way you are taking my good luck and wishes to you

[trader dave]

hi jakeob glad you are making progress

some think the age gap is a problem others dont LIKE ME THE AGE BETWEEN MRS T AND ME IS 29 YEARS THE OLD SAYING IS YOU ARE AS OLD AS YOU FEEL i have never felt old my mind is very young we are so compatable in every sense we dont have a problem with the age gap i have learnt more from my young wife than i ever did from other older wifes

as for the age gap in future years i am afraid that is out of our hands someone else makes that decision live today gone tomorrow who knows

if it feels right jakeob do it go there and for want of a better word

TEST THE WATER

[aposhark]

hi jakeob glad you are making progress

some think the age gap is a problem others dont LIKE ME THE AGE BETWEEN MRS T AND ME IS 29 YEARS THE OLD SAYING IS YOU ARE AS OLD AS YOU FEEL i have never felt old my mind is very young we are so compatable in every sense we dont have a problem with the age gap i have learnt more from my young wife than i ever did from other older wifes

as for the age gap in future years i am afraid that is out of our hands someone else makes that decision live today gone tomorrow who knows

if it feels right jakeob do it go there and for want of a better word

TEST THE WATER

[JimOttley]

Also if she was in Glasgow i wouldt be to worried about anything becuase we wouldt have to get married then we could live together for years here.
Just a question Jim? when you say your still trying to bring your family together after 5 years,, does that mean your still trying to bring the wife over to uk??

I'm pretty new here, I told our story in my "Hi" thread http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=17988

long story .

I met my partner by accident and had fallen in love long before I knew the laws of either the Phils or the UK concerning immigration and marriage. My partner had told me her story almost immediately so she did not try to hide anything, I just didn't know how hard it would be to fix things for her.

If my business had survived, I personally would have wanted to live with my partner and the kids in Manila, but to do that I would have had to changed the way my business worked and I failed to do that :(.

Anyway Ana wanted to come here for the kids benefit, she thinks they would get a better education here, we just had so many things to fix before we could get her and the kids over here.

Neither of us are desperate to get married, had I met her in this country we would probably just have lived together.

I used to go over to Manila very regularly but now because of changing circumstances I can't and for us to have any kind of life, we have to be where I can work and that is going to be the UK for the foreseeable future.

Right now I'm pretty scared about our future :( although we have had some very good news recently as you can read in my thread.

[Matt7]

Personally I think your outlook on this whole thing is very silly and naive. True love generally doesn't come around by having a "masterplan", you're just looking to have your **** handed to you by a scammer, especially considering the time frame this apparent "masterplan" seems to have

I'm sorry if I've been blunt and people object, I don't mean to offend...but to me it seems like you're in love with "filipina", and nobody in particular. When you draw such distinctions your relationship is pretty much doomed from the start


Why not chill, take your time, get to know lots of people, Do the same as you would if you wanted to date an English girl. Maybe become friends first before getting serious. Don't treat this as if you're buying a car from a dealer, it doesn't do anybody any good

[Tawi2]

.

[jakeob]

Personally I think your outlook on this whole thing is very silly and naive. True love generally doesn't come around by having a "masterplan", you're just looking to have your **** handed to you by a scammer, especially considering the time frame this apparent "masterplan" seems to have

I'm sorry if I've been blunt and people object, I don't mean to offend...but to me it seems like you're in love with "filipina", and nobody in particular. When you draw such distinctions your relationship is pretty much doomed from the start

Well i am not in love with anybody at this stage, i am in the early stages of finding somebody, i am just trying to find out even if i have a chance with the cinario i put forward.

Why not chill, take your time, get to know lots of people, Do the same as you would if you wanted to date an English girl. Maybe become friends first before getting serious. Don't treat this as if you're buying a car from a dealer, it doesn't do anybody any good

I simply cant do this just like i would with an english girl because, i dont live in the same country, i think youv got the wrong end off the stick with my question as i am just trying to feel out if what i am imaging, has any chance off success, i have already changed my search to look for a woman with a child, and now i think i should up the age range.

The girl i am chatting with right now probably wont be the girl who i finaly und up going to visit.

no offence taken

[IainBusby]

i have already changed my search to look for a woman with a child, and now i think i should up the age range.

The only problem with that is that if she has a child then the child will have a father, which can cause problems with regard to visas. The other problem is that the childs father may also be her husband which can lead to a lengthy and costly annulment. You must be very careful with things like this. Some Filipina's might not want to admit that they are still married for fear of putting you off.

Because things are only at a chatting stage, they just assume that you don't need to know things like that because you'll probably never come to visit them anyway. We have even had guys on here that have said "their girl is not quite sure if she is still or legally married or not"

The girl i am chatting with right now probably wont be the girl who i finaly und up going to visit.

Very Wise. Take your time, chat to as many as you can and as long as your honest with them and don't lead them on unnecessarily then that's OK. Eventually you'll find one that shines through and if your anything like me, you'll know. Remember the old saying, "you have to kiss a lot of frogs etc etc" just substitute "Chat To" for "Kiss".

Iain.

[aromulus]

The difference in years is greater in my marriage and my wife is a beautiful Filipina. We are both very happy, except for her "tampo" at times

I did warn you.......

What you put in is often what you get out

Unless she developed a set of dentures........

[jakeob]

Yes Ian ,,good point the last thing i want is a married woman, way to messy for me. But might be better to pay off a the kids dad, rather than having to tackle the problem of not being able to gives kids to my 23yr old beauty,,,,hmm not an easy one but having babies is not easy in its self.

But your right, keep talking and see who shines through, best to try and start on the right foot before i even get on a plane.

[aposhark]

I did warn you.......

Looks like no man is exempt from this at times, the 1% tampo is made up for by the 99% bliss.........but it doesn't feel like it at the time.

[IainBusby]

Looks like no man is exempt from this at times, the 1% tampo is made up for by the 99% bliss.........but it doesn't feel like it at the time.

Has no one told you, tampos are subject to an exponential growth rate, 1% in the first year, 2% in the second year, 4% in the third year, 8% in the fourth year etc etc. Of course this projection only holds true if your lucky enough to get away with 1% in the first year, if you start off with 3 or 4% in the first year, well....... just do the maths.

Iain.

[trader dave]

Has no one told you, tampos are subject to an exponential growth rate, 1% in the first year, 2% in the second year, 4% in the third year, 8% in the fourth year etc etc. Of course this projection only holds true if your lucky enough to get away with 1% in the first year, if you start off with 3 or 4% in the first year, well....... just do the maths.

Iain.

TAMPO tell me about it

as regards to the child having a father they are not always on the birth certificate ....... FATHER UNKNOWN

[IainBusby]

as regards to the child having a father they are not always on the birth certificate ....... FATHER UNKNOWN

If that's the case, as it was with my step-daughter, then it's not usually a problem.

[trader dave]

If that's the case, as it was with my step-daughter, then it's not usually a problem.

it was a good move by MRS T to do just that its a pity they never spelt her name correctly as now we have to pay to have it corrected

[IainBusby]

it was a good move by MRS T to do just that its a pity they never spelt her name correctly as now we have to pay to have it corrected

I take it it was her surname that was incorrect, otherwise it would cheaper and easier to just use the name that's on her BC.

[trader dave]

I take it it was her surname that was incorrect, otherwise it would cheaper and easier to just use the name that's on her BC.

her surname was wrong on her birth cert so the name on the childs birth cert was wrong her passport has been corrected and corrected again to her married name now that leaves her name wrong on his birth cert her name was listed as theresa but in fact her name is teresita silly mistakes thank godness here we are a little better

[JimOttley]

I found it incredible the way the Philippine authorities are absolute sticklers when it comes to names.

I wanted to give my daughter two middle names, naming her for my mum and Ana's mum, the family looked at me like I had just completely lost the plot, but it was when I mentioned to our doctor and she also looked at me like I was certifiable that I gave up.

Everyone said your daughter will hate you because she will have to write her full name at the top of every paper and test that she will ever get at school college and University and there often won't be enough space

[britishdetained]

I found it incredible the way the Philippine authorities are absolute sticklers when it comes to names.

I wanted to give my daughter two middle names, naming her for my mum and Ana's mum, the family looked at me like I had just completely lost the plot, but it was when I mentioned to our doctor and she also looked at me like I was certifiable that I gave up.

Everyone said your daughter will hate you because she will have to write her full name at the top of every paper and test that she will ever get at school college and University and there often won't be enough space

All my children have three names...example Charlene Mary Patrice