Some jokes...

[Northerner]

What do you call a Mancunian in a bank?





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Safe!

[Northerner]

What do you call a Mancunian in an filing cabinet?

















Sorted!

[Northerner]

A scouser goes wandering through North Wales, taking in the fresh air and the scenery. He comes upon a farmer man handling one his sheep.

"Excuse me, mate" say's the scouser. "Are you shearing that sheep?"



"No" say's the farmer, "go and catch your own!"......

[nigel]

A scouser goes wandering through North Wales, taking in the fresh air and the scenery. He comes upon a farmer man handling one his sheep.

"Excuse me, mate" say's the scouser. "Are you shearing that sheep?"



"No" say's the farmer, "go and catch your own!"......

"I'm not shearing this with anybody!"

Hilariously outrageous!

[Tawi2]

Where did you get that punchline Nigel?I am going to use that

[pennybarry]

I don't know the answer

[Northerner]

A man comes home early from work to find his wife in bed with his best friend. He flips out and goes into a rage, beating his naked friend to a bloody pulp and then finally throws him out of the window, severely hurting the naked man.

"Well", his wife say's "If that's how your going to behave, you won't have many friends left!"...

[Pepe n Pilar]

A man comes home early from work to find his wife in bed with his best friend. He flips out and goes into a rage, beating his naked friend to a bloody pulp and then finally throws him out of the window, severely hurting the naked man.

"Well", his wife say's "If that's how your going to behave, you won't have many friends left!"...

[nigel]

I don't know the answer

When he says "What do you call a Mancunian in a bank? - Safe!" He is implying that mancunians are dangerous/untrustworthy in a normal circumstance...but in a bank..safe!

British humour has a lot of irony...you have to consider what we are "implying"

[Northerner]

When he says "What do you call a Mancunian in a bank? - Safe!" He is implying that mancunians are dangerous/untrustworthy in a normal circumstance...but in a bank..safe!

British humour has a lot of irony...you have to consider what we are "implying"

Sorry Nigel, your wrong with the Mancunian joke.. In Manchester, a lot of Mancunians use the word "safe" as a general term for good, trustworthy and stuff like that...

"ee's a friend of ahh kid, so ee's safe. An eel get it sorted, get it boxed off"

[Northerner]

An English man walks into a bar whilst on holiday in America and has a few beers, after a while he notices another man at the end of the bar who has the unfortunate predicament of having a very small head. So he marches over, drunken and eager to speak to this person. And offers to buy this man a drink.

The two men start talking and after a few hours of chit chat the Englishman plucks up the courage to ask his new friend how he came about to have such a small head.

"It's a long story", the man with the small head explained. But shrugged and decided to tell his story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ His Story ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was younger, I used to fly with the US Air Force. Flew in a F16-Falcon back in my younger days, and was pretty good at it too. But got a little sloppy and too cocky for my own good.

Then one day while out on a test mission, I had a faulty engine and had to bail out of this thing. I parachuted down and landed somewhere in the Pacific, a good thousand miles from the mainland. The water was too much for me and I blacked out, finally waking up on this amazing looking beach, on a small island with this beautiful Mermaid next to me.

The Mermaid had saved my life and took me to shore, end cared for me until I woke up.

She then explained that as I had met a Mermaid I was entitled to one wish, anything in the world could be mine. So, I thought about it, and I was the son of a wealthy family so money was not my wish. I still had my transponder so I knew I was going to get rescued by a ship sooner or later. So, my wish was to have Sex with this Mermaid.

However, she explained this was not possible as she was part fish and we could not "connect". And so I then wished for a little head instead....