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Thread: The CFO

  1. #1
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    The CFO

    Hi all,

    First off I'm a septic... but I voted for Obama, and I have been an ex-pat since 1996... just wanted to get that out of the way - and for good reason, the US sucks... but its marginally better than the Philippines...but slowly reaching some sick sort of equilibrium...

    Anyhow enough of that...

    Here is the latest CFO nightmare....

    First off, after a lot of digging around on the net because of course the CFO phone was busy for hours due to the lack of cheap labor in the Philippines, this is the list of requirements that we came up with :

    Requirements for Registration

    1. Original valid passport;
    2. Original and photocopy of visa;
    3. One (1) 2x2 or passport-size photograph;
    4. One (1) valid identification card with photograph;
    5. Original and photocopy of Confirmation of Permanent Residence (for Canada-bound emigrant);
    6. Original and photocopy of Immigrant Data Summary (for USA bound emigrant);
    7. Photocopy of Certificate of Eligibility (for Japan bound emigrant);
    8. Original and photocopy of letter of approval for Work to Residence visa (for New Zealand bound emigrants);
    9. Photocopy of employment contract (for immigrant workers);
    10. Duly completed registration form (downloadable a XXXXXXXXXXX
    11. Payment of P400.00 registration fee; and
    12. Attendance in the PDOS or peer counseling session;


    ________________________________________________________

    Outstanding Scotty, get that dried up old matron a SMB, and beam her up for a rectal exam, she has a brain tumor...

    Now... armed with this information, my fiancee spent the entire day travelling to MAYnila, all the way from Baguio. Nice trip on a Philippin Rabbit. Sweet.

    She gets there the night before, spends the night in a hotel, and makes it to the CFO 1 hour early.

    I got a call at about 11 am her time, fortunately as it were, because she was at the CFO and she needed to know my mother's last name. NOT her married name, but her MAIDEN name. Hmmm.. that was not in the requirements...


    Then she asked me for my father's MIDDLE name... again, that was not in the requirements... I can only imagine the bitter feeling that this bitch who was interviewing her must have felt when my fiancee was actually able to reach me and answer the questions.... BUT WAIT the crusty old matron was still to have her day....

    I later found out that after attending this boondoggle of a "seminar" that the following was also asked for :

    again, note that this was not posted on the CFO website....

    1. The name of my grandfather (dead now for 17 years)
    2. My course(s) of study in college - which she knew but was afraid to answer because she was worried that she might call it "Engineering" instead of "Engineering Physics"
    3. The birthplace of my first wife.

    I was LIVID when i heard about this, needless to say. So I propose the following checklist for any fiance(e)s who are going to this last ditch effort for the Philippine government to gouge their citizens....

    ___________________________________________

    1. Evidence of any termination of a previous marriage. They do NOT list this on their website, and according to my fiancee, there were multiple people turned back on account of not having this. In spite of the fact that the completely paranoid US State Department has obviously checked this before issuing the visa....And in many cases the petitioner sends only one set of notarized documents which the embassy may or may not keep. This could set you back 2 weeks if you have to get another set. And of course you have already booked the tickets so that will cost you as well. Just remember, the CFO, like the RCMP, "The CFO will always get its pesos."



    2. Provide a notarized document providing the following :

    a) your mother's maiden name and original birth certificate
    b) your college transcripts
    c) a complete CV including jobs and domicile for the past 20 years - if you are too young to have had a job for the past 20 years, proceed to item J
    d) your birth certificate, your blood type, your father's mother's maiden name, your first dog's name (if you have never owned a dog proceed to K), and your favorite car (if this car is pre-1970, proceed to L)
    e) the name of your first crush
    f) the name of your fourth grade teacher
    g) your favorite flavor of cake
    h) you must blow a bubble and e-mail a scan of it to them
    i) you must insert a candy cane (sugar free) up your **** and send that UPS (DHL will not be accepted)
    j) you must disrobe from the waist down, sit on a copy machine, and photocopy your anus. Digitize it and send it to them. BMP not accepted, only JPG
    k) lick a stamp, send it to santa claus, then forward the invitation to CFO
    l) learn how to speak Hittite, record a message stating your name and DOB, then email it to them
    m) do the splits, tear your ligaments, then have a doctor send a DNA sample from your biopsy
    m) an imprint of your tongue on a potato chip (Walkers Crisps if UK, Lay's if US)
    n) send them a lollipop licked by Madonna (after giving MC Hammer a BJ), then have it blessed by the Pope
    o) a pair of your gramma's worn underwear
    p) the valve stem from a 1992 Nissan Stanza (LX edition)
    q) a pair of socks worn in a 23k marathon
    r)the "K" key from your computer keyboard
    s) a pillow case that you have sneezed on
    t) a picture of you and either a) Steven Tyler or b) Paula Abdul playing badminton
    u) proof that the Philippines is not a backward cultural cesspool
    v) 1000 peso note slipped discretely into an envelope


    Note - your milage may vary. In recent surveys we have found that requirement U has been the most difficult to comply with, however that proceeding directly to requirement V has mitigated this.

    please reply if you will t XXXXXXXXXXX


  2. #2
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    That's really weird..

    I just been asked about my mother's-in-law maiden name. But not the others that you'd mention.


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    Relax. CFO doesn’t know any of the answers, so be inventive.

    I must admit I was a 'little annoyed' too by the CFO saga, which seemed to be conducted by people who were upset that they were still in Phil, when the interviewee was getting out!

    My initial reaction (I am a former senior police office from UK and a believer in the rights of the citizen) was to ask what right they had to ask the questions and which particular piece of legislation authorised it. My wife did not let me do that though, which I guess was just as well.

    It seem unfortunate that when the idea of the CFO seminar is to advise citizens going to other countries of their rights in those countries, that their rights in their own country are not better protected. It also means the values of the seminars are diminished.


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    I feel for you agroberts, i was just as annoyed when i went through that CFO stuff. First of all, they asked you to go to the so-called orientation seminar and pay a fee for that, but funny, coz there's nothing discussed there about your life in the uk or anything of that sort. There is orientation alright - BDO or Banco De Oro remittance orientation It's funny you pay and waste your time for an orientation you thought will be about uk and the life in the uk, only to get recruited by BDO to open an account for them so you can remit money from uk through them. Then after that, i thought everything's done (submitted all the requirements, id picture taken, a little interview, etc) only to find out that i need to give them my MOTHER IN LAW'S MAIDEN NAME How in hell would i know???? Since it's not a common practice for brits to show or use their middle name, even on my hubby's passport, only his first name and last name is shown there. So i told the staff there that i will try to call but i might have a hard time since its only around 2:30 AM in uk and i kept ringing my hubby's celphone for several times and he just won't wake up, (of course, who would expect a call at such unholy hour ) So i went back to the staff and told her that it's just impossible for me to get to my hubby because its only 2:30 am in uk, and she told me if i don't get my mother in law's maiden name,SHE WON'T GIVE ME MY CERTIFICATION and i need that to claim my CFO stamp I was so pissed off like hell! I cannot believe they won't give me that stupid so-called orientation seminar certificate just because i cannot give my mother in law's maiden name And that was nearly 1 pm, meaning i will not make it in time to get my CFO stamp, so i need to go back the next day. How ridiculous is that! Anyway, to make the story short, i was able to contact my hubby after trying to call him again and again many times over, i even dialled my mother in law's phone out of desperation Anyway, i was able to make it in time at CFO and finished everything at 5pm, then that's the only time i was able to eat my lunch What an ordeal huh?! Over a stupid senseless piece of paper
    "10% of life is made up of what happens to you, 90% is decided by how you react"
    "The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost"


  5. #5
    Respected Member Tawi2's Avatar
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    Any 3'rd world nation you ever visit has the same "Bureaucratic procedures",though I must admit pinas sometimes makes my blood boil like Mayon on a good day


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    Sos

    Thanks for that reply Sophie. I am not surprised that multiple hordes of humanity have suffered the slings arrows and outright corruption and jealousy of the CFO.

    The bottom line is that you have some crusty old **** who is just bloody jealous that she is going to spend the rest of her corrupt decrepit life inhaling jeepney smoke, riding busses that the rest of Asia farts out their collective anus to the Philippines, eating "fish" that in more developed countries we call "bait", riding in vehicles called "trikes" that would be road illegal in any country in which at least a substantial part of the population realize that Italy was a German ally in WWII and not just a type of spaghetti, tired of seeing her neices and female cousins lose their virginity to their uncles, watching "Pinoy Big Brother" while pretending to like it, and thinking that "boy" or "girl" is a creative and unique name for a baby.

    As I told my fiancee, this is the LAST chance that the PI has to gouge you.... to suck your blood... its all or nothing. After all, if you are goingto the US, you have already passed the incredible task of going through the US Courts (if divorces is involved), the Department of Homeland Security (and we know what THEY do if they want an honest answer), probably warrantless wiretaps from GWBush and cronies, then the National Visa Center, finally the State Department and the US EMbassy interview. **** thats supposed to be the hard part right ? But the CFO is the last hurdle... you have already breached Hadrian's Wall, well, now you must swim through a mud puddle...and have a swig or two. A 10 month journey filled with turmoil having been accomplished, and your future is to be determined by some dirty old hag who says "For a while" instead of "please hold."


    They realize that the next time you come back you will have a blue or red or purple passport - anything but green - and for that reason they are taking out their petty bureaucratic vengeance on you. If you need to spend an extra 36 hours in a bus, the more joy that they get in their sick twisted minds.

    IT ALL COMES DOWN TO JEALOUSY.

    Finished. End of Story.

    Have a great day...


    As someone once said, "We shall overcome" -

    but they had not dealt with the CFO...

    . but.. we will...

    and we will go to see Robin Trower at the House of Blues in Anaheim...

    - here is a link - if you don't like guitar, don't bother...


  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tawi2 View Post
    Any 3'rd world nation you ever visit has the same "Bureaucratic procedures",though I must admit pinas sometimes makes my blood boil like Mayon on a good day
    Mind you, i almost erupted like mount pinatubo when i was there processing my CFO
    "10% of life is made up of what happens to you, 90% is decided by how you react"
    "The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost"


  8. #8
    Respected Member Tawi2's Avatar
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    You have to understand,its nothing personal with them,but the fact your going abroad and they aint just irritates them,I always said the worst job in Pinas must be sitting behind the immigration screen in NAIA checking passports,they all look miserable,all those people leaving and they are stuck there I am always happy and upbeat when I deal with them,they are normally dead-pan and dour That makes the situation funnier


  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tawi2 View Post
    You have to understand,its nothing personal with them,but the fact your going abroad and they aint just irritates them,I always said the worst job in Pinas must be sitting behind the immigration screen in NAIA checking passports,they all look miserable,all those people leaving and they are stuck there I am always happy and upbeat when I deal with them,they are normally dead-pan and dour That makes the situation funnier
    Exactly
    "10% of life is made up of what happens to you, 90% is decided by how you react"
    "The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost"


  10. #10
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    so much huh.............. Can we write a complaint or something for this kind of requirements not posted on their website??? CFO sort of acted like " finding faults simply to get money under the table" Can this forum find way to report their abuse in proper authority? Such way we help others who are potential victims..


  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sophie View Post
    I feel for you agroberts, i was just as annoyed when i went through that CFO stuff. First of all, they asked you to go to the so-called orientation seminar and pay a fee for that, but funny, coz there's nothing discussed there about your life in the uk or anything of that sort. There is orientation alright - BDO or Banco De Oro remittance orientation It's funny you pay and waste your time for an orientation you thought will be about uk and the life in the uk, only to get recruited by BDO to open an account for them so you can remit money from uk through them. Then after that, i thought everything's done (submitted all the requirements, id picture taken, a little interview, etc) only to find out that i need to give them my MOTHER IN LAW'S MAIDEN NAME How in hell would i know???? Since it's not a common practice for brits to show or use their middle name, even on my hubby's passport, only his first name and last name is shown there. So i told the staff there that i will try to call but i might have a hard time since its only around 2:30 AM in uk and i kept ringing my hubby's celphone for several times and he just won't wake up, (of course, who would expect a call at such unholy hour ) So i went back to the staff and told her that it's just impossible for me to get to my hubby because its only 2:30 am in uk, and she told me if i don't get my mother in law's maiden name,SHE WON'T GIVE ME MY CERTIFICATION and i need that to claim my CFO stamp I was so pissed off like hell! I cannot believe they won't give me that stupid so-called orientation seminar certificate just because i cannot give my mother in law's maiden name And that was nearly 1 pm, meaning i will not make it in time to get my CFO stamp, so i need to go back the next day. How ridiculous is that! Anyway, to make the story short, i was able to contact my hubby after trying to call him again and again many times over, i even dialled my mother in law's phone out of desperation Anyway, i was able to make it in time at CFO and finished everything at 5pm, then that's the only time i was able to eat my lunch What an ordeal huh?! Over a stupid senseless piece of paper
    True
    When I've been asked about my mother's in law maiden name. I was thinking to just put any names coz I wouldn't want to wake my husband. But then I still did wake him up


  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by adam&chryss View Post
    True
    When I've been asked about my mother's in law maiden name. I was thinking to just put any names coz I wouldn't want to wake my husband. But then I still did wake him up
    I think anyone who is asked any of these stupid questions should just answer "Smith" to all of them, be it mothers maiden name, grandfathers surname or favourite pets name. How the hell would they know the difference anyway.
    Iain.


  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by IainBusby View Post
    I think anyone who is asked any of these stupid questions should just answer "Smith" to all of them, be it mothers maiden name, grandfathers surname or favourite pets name. How the hell would they know the difference anyway.
    Iain.
    I actually tried to trick them but it did not work. My hubby got a second name and i told the staff it's his middle name (my mother in law's maiden name), but the staff said it looks like a second name and not really a middle name and she knows that brits don't use middle names. So in short, i wasn't able to convince her. I guess i'm really not good at lying as she figured i just made it up so i can get out of there and finish my CFO stamp Oh well, lying is not one of my strong points anyway
    "10% of life is made up of what happens to you, 90% is decided by how you react"
    "The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost"


  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by eagles View Post
    so much huh.............. Can we write a complaint or something for this kind of requirements not posted on their website??? CFO sort of acted like " finding faults simply to get money under the table" Can this forum find way to report their abuse in proper authority? Such way we help others who are potential victims..
    I think we have to realise that 99.9 per cent of the "requirements" depicted in such humorous fashion by our correspondent, amount to nothing more than a satirical - albeit grossly over-exaggerated - parody, based on pre-conceived notionsabout the ACTUAL functions of the CFO and, as such, are not intended to be taken seriously.


  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sophie View Post
    Oh well, lying is not one of my strong points anyway
    ? ... Never!


  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tawi2 View Post
    You have to understand,its nothing personal with them,but the fact your going abroad and they aint just irritates them,I always said the worst job in Pinas must be sitting behind the immigration screen in NAIA checking passports,they all look miserable,all those people leaving and they are stuck there I am always happy and upbeat when I deal with them,they are normally dead-pan and dour That makes the situation funnier
    when i went and saw my wife i knew i was only there for a short time and can come back home,so i never got annoyed at much in the philipines and every now and then you will see grumpy filipinos which will make me laugh!

    but the funny thing is that most are often helpful and nice and considering that alot of them are stuck in low payed jobs and usually its the poor who are the nicest and they should have the most to complain about!
    i have learnt to do what my wife says!


  17. #17
    Moderator Arthur Little's Avatar
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    CFO? ... wonder if anyone's ever had the nerve to confront them with the initials "UFO"? [] And I'm not referring to 'Unidentified Flying Objects'!!!


  18. #18
    Moderator Arthur Little's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=agroberts;137489]Hi all,

    First off I'm a septic...


    Do you mean you're a 'sCeptic'? ...

    ... welcome to 'The Club'! ... I mean the forum.


  19. #19
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    [QUOTE=agroberts;137536] riding in vehicles called "trikes" that would be road illegal in any country in which at least a substantial part of the population realize that Italy was a German ally in WWII and not just a type of spaghetti, tired of seeing her neices and female cousins lose their virginity QUOTE]


    You forgot to include the word "reluctant" somewhere in between "Italy" and "German".....



  20. #20
    Moderator Arthur Little's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by agroberts View Post
    Hi all,

    First off I'm a septic...
    Are you really? Ahhh, t'would explain the "infectious enthusiasm" for the CFO your post has generated! T[h]anks for that.


  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arthur Little View Post
    Are you really? Ahhh, t'would explain the "infectious enthusiasm" for the CFO your post has generated! T[h]anks for that.
    Arthur.............

    If you try to quote someone, just include the "[/QUOTE]" bit at the end of it, huh...???


  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arthur Little View Post
    ? ... Never!
    Yeah, NEVER But then, i'm actually just lying
    Nah, seriously, i had quite a few share of "white" lies too but mostly i don't pull it off coz i'm not good at it i suppose. It's a skill you develop over time and i never planned to cultivate that skill at all, lol.
    "10% of life is made up of what happens to you, 90% is decided by how you react"
    "The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost"


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    The only annoying thing that Jet experienced at the CFO in Cebu, was for them to screw up the order the documents were in, and to have them all photocopied, even if they only needed a couple....

    Funny tho, that the copying service they recommemded was very close to the CFO office....

    Kickbacks there then.....


  24. #24
    Moderator Arthur Little's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aromulus View Post
    Arthur.............

    If you try to quote someone, just include the "
    " bit at the end of it, huh...???[/QUOTE]

    Sure thing. Must try and remember that. But you know what the memory can be like when you reach a certain age ... oops maybe you don't ... not yet, anyway!


  25. #25
    Respected Member bornatbirth's Avatar
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    wont be long???
    i have learnt to do what my wife says!


  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arthur Little View Post
    " [/B] bit at the end of it, huh...???[/SIZE]
    Sure thing. Must try and remember that. But you know what the memory can be like when you reach a certain age ... oops maybe you don't ... not yet, anyway![/QUOTE]

    I would rather have parkinsons than alzheimers, better to spill some beer than forgetting where it has been left....


  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by aromulus View Post
    I would rather have parkinsons than alzheimers, better to spill some beer than forgetting where it has been left....


  28. #28
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    Same as johncar said we have to be inventive as they`re not gonna hire a detective for this.I had that question as well before and I managed to answer them all as I knew most of the answers.The thing that get on my nerves was I didnt brought any photo of me and my husband as I never thought it was needed and they said we have to come back and bring some photo together we`re from Cagayan de Oro and flewn Cebu to attend this seminar and we have to come back again for a piece of photo to give them evidence that we are really genuine couple I just thought marriage certificate would prove better that we`re genuine couple than a photo and to add one of the worker there advise me to pruchase a top coz am wearing a sleeveless and said its a nun`s place and I should look respectablewhatever respectable my
    to loved and beloved is the greatest joy on earth...


  29. #29
    Moderator Arthur Little's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aromulus View Post
    I would rather have parkinsons than alzheimers, better to spill some beer than forgetting where it has been left....
    ... now what did I DO with that ... ? ...
    ... oh ... er, um ... Cheers!


  30. #30
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    Pardon my ignorance,but what exactly are the "Orientation" classes supposed to be for?Orientation is to emotionally,functionally or intellectually direct someone?Whats the purpose?Just another money-maker for pinas?


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