Costs of courtship/Marriage to a filipina ?

[fred]

Money cause more problems in Western/Filipina relationships than any other subject, which is why I always tell folk to sort it out as soon as you get serious.
__________________

I bet that is true.

When we tied the knot I was totally skint and so was she..
No pre-nups and nothing of value to argue about.
Everything we have now (or lack of) is 50% hers.
She`s very proud of that and so she should be!!

[KeithD]

NORA!!! You're missing a trick here

If you've been engaged for over a year, that means you've obviously known each other for a good while, he's been to the Phil 3X ........HE LOVES YOU!!

....and if you do not realise what that means in English culture it is simply this....

HE WILL DO WHATEVER YOU ASK OF HIM

You have the power of love.....you ask...he does....simple as that....Men are a pretty DUMB species when it comes to women

Just ask him to send you £50 a month to cover the calls and I bet you it'll be on its way within hours

[mike1]

tell him how you feel , he may have his reasons and they may be genuine, be open with each other- you know him long enough .My fiancee never asks for money I give her some now and again -not as much as id like to as im thinking of the future spending weeding etc, she is not a big spender and tells me if she needs it she will ask . good luck Nora

[nora]

Thank you all for all your advise

[nora]

thank you all for all your advise

[KeithD]

Echo!!!!

Can you Yodel, it'll sound great?

[JennetteG]

Forgive my ignorance but is it really the norm of british guys to pay for the upkeep of their fiancee in the Philippines and is it something that Filipina girlfriends expect?

Although I know that life in the Philippines is a lot harder compared to UK, my parents have taught me not to be beholden to anyone as it may compromise our integrity and our sense of values...

I just feel a little bit alarmed that the expectations raised in this forum in terms of money matters somehow does not paint a good picture of what a Filipina is...

[KeithD]

Forgive my ignorance but is it really the norm of british guys to pay for the upkeep of their fiancee in the Philippines and is it something that Filipina girlfriends expect?

We know full well the value of money in the Phil, and the way the average person lives, so most guys just want to show there affection by improving there girls standard of living, as a sort of adjustment for coming to the UK (or Europe).

We always say that if the girl asks for money, she is probably the wrong one, but they do have to pay for internet and mobile communications to the UK, and we can't expect them to magically come up with that money.

It also shows the girls family that we trust them with our hard earned cash.

The one thing that causes most failure in relationships is money, and it's always best to sort it ASAP, between both parties.

[Tish]

It didn't even cost him £1000 to get me here...lol. Plus we only got married on the registrars' office few months after arriving, which cost him less than £1000 in total and that's everything including the wedding rings!!! (But his paying for it now though...BIG TIME )

Tish

[ginapeterb]

We know full well the value of money in the Phil, and the way the average person lives, so most guys just want to show there affection by improving there girls standard of living, as a sort of adjustment for coming to the UK (or Europe).

We always say that if the girl asks for money, she is probably the wrong one, but they do have to pay for internet and mobile communications to the UK, and we can't expect them to magically come up with that money.

It also shows the girls family that we trust them with our hard earned cash.

The one thing that causes most failure in relationships is money, and it's always best to sort it ASAP, between both parties.

Keith's post is an excellent example of the real truth of the matter, most british guys would want to show you their love and affections by providing some sort of modest allowance, this is to help their fiancee or GF with their living costs, Keith is of course right, in that if a girl asks for money, its not liked, but then if the guy profers an allowance of some sort, no matter how much the amount, this is better, of course we know internet and phone and other things cost money, so a little help in that direction is greatly appreciated by the Filipino GF or Fiancee.

As for sorting out money before she arrives, I think once again Keith is 100 per cent spot on, these matters have to be sorted out in the relationship first, as they can lead to severe problems later on, in any British-Filipino relationship, money arguments cause more problems than anything else, and it has to be sorted first, well done Keith, you said it all.

Pete

[ginapeterb]

It didn't even cost him £1000 to get me here...lol. Plus we only got married on the registrars' office few months after arriving, which cost him less than £1000 in total and that's everything including the wedding rings!!! (But his paying for it now though...BIG TIME )

Tish

Wow Tish, I know of a situation where one of my best friends had a massive Filipino wedding, and it cost him P1,000,000 for that and probably P 1,500,000 in getting her over here, and he is still paying for it big time, hahahahah, go for it girl !

[KeithD]

...... well done Keith, you said it all. Pete

Apologies to everyone, I'll make sure I never post anything intelligent again

[ettennom]

was happy to see this site as i have many qstns in my mind and want to seek suggestions from people who have the same experince

have been in a relationship for 10 months in a guy from ireland...we used to chat and talk on the phone almost everyday may2006..it was ok, i learned his story as he is a lonely man now with businesses and now thinking what is his business for if he doesnt have someone in his life... to make the story short, we became bf/gfs.

it has been 10 months..what are differences now:
1. less communication----his reasons.... he doesnt much time now as he is busy with his businesses....and have new businesses to look up to

2. calls every 2 weeks---as before, he used to call 2 times a week..that was may and june 2006..his reason again is that he is busy with his work..but for me...if u r busy, u have time when u get home to at least make a 30 minute call to ur gf.

3. rarely communicates because for him, he knows that i love him dearly [admitted to me that he rarely calls bcoz he know i love him so much that i will understand him always]...is that right????? i really love him thats why i cannot stop myself texting him even if he is not replying... and when im mad, he'll make a call and tell that he loves me so much and that he's just busy....

am i on the right track??? i love him dearly but i want a constant communication with him..chatting is what we used to do before...but he is busy and he doesnt have time for it anymore.

hope to hear from you guys soon....

[fred]

ettennom !!


What do you think would happen if you didn`t return his messages for a week?
What would happen if you was out when he phoned you? Would he phone you again and again??
If you know the answer to that question then you are half way there..
The problem is that most women/men are afraid of the answer..

There is a saying here..."Whats good for the goose is good for the gander". There`s another too.."Treat em mean,keep em keen".

Dont tell him I told you that..It will spoil the effect!!

Up to you girl!!

[scotsfiancee]

am i on the right track??? i love him dearly but i want a constant communication with him..chatting is what we used to do before...but he is busy and he doesnt have time for it anymore.

No matter how busy he is, he still going to contact you everyday!
I wish u all the best to him, hope things works out better for both of you.....

[empott]

It is better to be optimistic but then ...

[ettennom]

thanks for your comments.

one time i did that..i did not answer his call and he called again..then he sent me a text asking why i did not anwer his call.

i just hope i can do that to make him feel what i do feel when he ignores my msgs.

i want to accept his reasons for not replying to my texts..but for me, it just takes 3 minutes to type in and send a msg..right????

or if life there really different..and people are really busy in their work to mind sending a text.... thats what he told me..its not like the philippines where u have time for texting..he said uk, u work and work and work.

i try to understand him as i love him.. but i just miss him so much.

hope to get replies from u guys.

thanks

[joebloggs]

when you own a business, it can take all the time you have, just to try to keep it going, something like 9 out of 10 new businesses fail in the first year,

from phoning you 2 times a week, to once every 2 wks, is not a good sign, and hardly texting you, he had the time b4.

it can be very difficult for long distance relationships to work, look at how many break up when you both live local.

have you ever meet each other ?? if not he needs to come and see you, if he has when was the last time he saw you ?

I've been thru all this with my wife, we known each other like 7yrs, i use to go and see her every 6 months, but 6 months is along time, you get use to living your own life

you need to sort it out with him,tell him your worries, he really needs to come and see you, its not a good sign,

as for being optimistic,
i use to get called a pessimist alot
but i think iam a realistic

good luck lady

[ettennom]

he has lots of businesses there. last may, all i know is his coffee shop.. altho he also have buy and sell of cars from japan. he travels a lot also, basically for his business. lately he opened 2 stores, one was last oct then the 2nd this month.

his reasons for texting me almost evryday last year is bacause its may-june time then, where his business is not that busy because of the weather/season in uk.

and lately, he rarely does that because of his newly opened shops and of summer season last july..he was busy until oct.

last nov, he went to pakistan. [by the way, he is muslim..i am catholic ] we were not in good terms then..we broke up because i hate him not having enough time for him. but we became a couple again december. he sent a message christmas time. i was wondering then why he did not come to phil, which is near pakistan..compared to him coming fr ireland to phil.

anyway, he told me he did not come here because at that time, he is having business talks with his friends and have plans of building a mall in that country. and he needs to go back to ireland because his staff are having vacation in china [for chinese new year]

we talked 2 weeks ago about his plans. he told me he wanted to see me soon. asked me if im ready to marry him. he asked how long does he need to stay here if we'll get married and stuff about it. coz he is also bringing his friends for the wedding....

its a long story... hope i did not bore you.

next topic: differences in our religion

hope to hear from you again

big thanks

[ettennom]

by the way, how long before u went to see your wife? and how many times did u fly to the phil to see her before u got married?

where did u get married?

[KeithD]

I run my own business, and yet look at my post count

I need to get out more

My advice. Plenty of nice single Irish men who will give you the time, and treat you with respect.

[timandjudith]

I have to agree with Keith, when i first met Judith i was a National Accounts Manager and i travelled all over the place and worked usually 60+ hours a week.
But always my priority was Judith i always texted her and phoned her, and i flew to see her 2 times in 2 months before i moved here.

If he really loves you he would have time for you!

My advice too if its worth anything find some one who has some real time for you!

[ettennom]

thanks for ur comments
i know he'll call tom

will inform u about our talk

thanks

[joebloggs]

hmm, i think you should get to know him first, i mean face to face, as everyone knows the majority of filipinos are catholics, and a large number of muslims in the south. my wifes brother has married a filipino muslim, but they are both filipino, while from your messages you say hes muslim from Pakistan? if so you would not only have a possibltiy of problems with different faiths, but different cultures.

the guy i work with, hes from libya and of course a muslim, the things he has told me in the past how women are treated there, their culture is dominated by men, with women are told what to do, and with arranged marriages, their culture and faith enforce this inequality.

lol, the time he told me " when i get home from work, my wife will wash my feet". arghhh

anyway lady, you may have a problem of religion and culture.

wish you luck
anything is possible, look at me and my wife
we gonna face problems soon, as our bb is 3 months old, she wants him to be baptised and a meat eater
i want him to have no religion and be a veggy !! lol,. let the battle commence

[ettennom]

i know about our differences in religion and culture. he knows about it and he is open about it. i just hope evrything will be like this as he promised when we r actually together..coz i read articles in the net, saying muslims will always be muslims.. but evrytime i talk to him, he is different. i just hope, really that it will be the same when i go with him.


or you'll get a post here about my muslims vs catholics...hehehe


he does not believe about arranged marriages.

he went to pakistan last nov, where his auntie asked him to marry her daughter. he refused the offer as he doesn't believe about it, and he told his auntie that he is meeting his future wife who is a filipina. her auntie wouldnt believe him so he showed her my pictures and the msgs i sent to him [texts] then his auntie said she is just excited to meet me soon.


he is 34 yrs old now, and had 1 gf only, which was when he's 18. his ex gf was muslim, his cousin and they broke up because the girl's parents doesn't like him because he was poor then. when he went to ireland at 19 yrs old, studied and worked, he had a small business. the girl wants him back. but he refused to have a relationship with her.

then after 15 yrs, he met me thru the net. he told me that was the 1st time he tried yahoo. that was the day we first chatted.

i just hope evrything will be ok. when we dont talk, i think of all the negative things, our differences...but once he calls me, and texts me, he always assures me that he really loves me and we'll be together soon so i'll understand what his life in ireland is.

thanks for ur info. hope to hear more stories from you guys

[fred]

My mate whose catholic married a Muslim girl but he had to change his religion first in order to get married in a Malaysian ceremony..
Apparently he reckons he can divorce her by saying the word "talaq" just 3 times in front of a witness..
She can`t do the same thing to him however.
That`ll save a few quid on lawyers i suppose!

[andypaul]

Many people in the uk who maybe be a christain,muslim or hindu for example will not be as strong in there faith as people living in there home country pakistan or phill for example.

So he maybe just a muslim by birth, but do meet him to find this out.
I know many people who were either born here or grew up here in the UK who don't really practise their particular religion, but respect it for the sake of the family.

In what religons cermony will you get married or will it be a cvill wedding either in the uk or phill?
If you have children how will they be brought up?
Will he want you to convert?
Will he allow you to go to church either alone or with your kids when you have them if you wish to?

In the UK i know of mixed religous marriages and the ones that work the best seem to be when both are understanding of one anothers faith or beliefs. They have discussed the questions above and others in detail early on so both know what to expect.

Even many white brits when with phill girlfriends need to discuss these matters as many brits will be non catholic christains. So these issues could cause problems with the families etc in the future.

I would make sure you both have these questions clearly sorted out before going any further.

[KeithD]

If it's not an arranged marriage.....then who the hell arranges it?

[ettennom]

thanks andypaul for all your comments.really appreciate them

we have plans of getting married here in a catholic church. he said it is ok to him and he allowed to do that, as for him, he said my and his god is just one, we all have the same one god.


about the children, he told me they can choose whatever religion they would want to have, as for me, i think while they are kids, they are supposed to be attending catholic mass, and as with my bf, he told me he attended catholic masses alrdy, as some of his friends are catholic also. he said how can he say no to someone asking him to pray.


but, im 100% sure, he will not convert. he said one time, we will never know, it might be me converting in his religion. so i think he has plans of making me believe his religion. but its ok. as long as there is no convertion.


we chat to today. i recognized one thing. he is bossy. as what many people say about muslims...maybe because he is a big man in ireland thats why..i dont know..but there are still some qstns in my mind...which will be answered when he comes here.


he told me he s preparing papers for me to go there before he comes here. he just asked about my whole name, date of birth and address. he doesn't want to tell me the whole story. he just said that the "solicitor" will come this week and he wil inform at the end of the week what happened.


hope u can give me more insights..both positive and negative about muslim-catholic relationships


thank u and hear from u soon

[tiger@tigress]

I do believe that religion is not a question in relationship... as long as you meet halfway.. Is it true that Muslims can have other wife as long as he can?... that is scary cuz for me i dont want to share!