Old chestnut with a twist of lemming

[Sketco]

***WARNING*** "Am I being scammed" theme follows, I wont blame you if you grab a Horlicks and have a nap. but if you read on..this one gets tricky to identify, and I could use some fresh eyes on it.

There I was on the Instant Messenger happily fielding Ghanaian 419ers with the unlikely names of Demi Moore and Courtney Cox ( at least i hope it wasn't really them) and rapidly deflecting the amourous advances of nigerian princesses with oodles of loot just waiting to be shipped off to ME!!..if only I... and so it goes.

Then, out of the blue comes a "Hi" from a respectably good looking lass from the Philippines. Her name both first and last were plausible (of course you know where that got filed), her manner was polite and friendly (ever met a scammer who wasn't , to start with?), but as the conversation wore on and the obligatory dying university fees and unpaid aunt didn't appear, I began to warm to her.
The age difference, a quarter of a lifes worth, was duly pointed out and I moved inexorably to friendship but no romance mode. The economy size salt shaker was sprinkled liberally on the protestations (mild), that older men are appealing for their stability both familial and monetary( ah ha..new it I crowed).
but the conversation ambled on amiably and she told me about Lucena City (Quezon) where she lived and about her family and so it goes...Pleasant goodbyes and I enjoyed the chat etc etc amen.

Well this caper continues for a few more chats and Bugger me if i can't help liking the girl.

Here I digress.. I had a good friend of long standing, but alas now deceased, whose filipino wife had made it her lifes mission to get me hitched and fed and god knows what else whenever I tried to sneak into the house to chat with my mate Ken. Subsequently there is not an island, province, condominium, cave, hut or paddock in the Philippines from whence I have not at some time or other had an introduction. Pardon the analogy, but if being a prospective filipino bride was ebola, I'd be immune.

back to the story...
I hope you're still with me as it gets tricky from here on in.

The feeling of bon homi continues to grow and no six foot meat eating bouncers appeared to be coaching from the backstage of the webcam and the family waves and it's starting to look like an episode of the Waltons.
Well at this point the armour is starting to get a little loose around the chest, and, well, nevermind..
So being the former darling of my old C.O. I called in your tax dollars for a favour (please don't tell anyone, it's so secret i'd have to kill myself).

Here's the tricky bit.
1)She is who she says she is.
2)She does live where she's meant to (she doesn't know I know this as it hasn't been mentioned).
3)Didn't bat an eyelid when I said that if i come to visit I would stay at a hotel I know to be only two blocks from her home.
4) Has discussed her relatively low income in general conversation, but never hinted (that i can tell) of wanting some support.
5) has been quite up front and most of the information can be sort of evaluated to be approximating the truth (sheesh, even I tell social lies--whoppers too, but you didn't hear that from me and anyway the fish was only a shade under legal size.)
6)Her web prescence (again she doesn't know I know)as far as can be determined is inocuous bordering on boring.

So basically i'm the one with egg on my chin for being a dirty little spy.

Or am I?
She claims to have fallen in love with me. (and we aren't talking about years of chat here)
She will not let me reference the age difference again, although we had discussed it at length.
Is excited at the prospect that I may visit (and friends, I'm thinking about it)
Wants me to meet the family and all that that entails.
While being upfront she does say that if I come it must be my treat because of the income issue

Either she is genuine, and perhaps naive in her frankness, or the best of the breed of scammers.
I'm really stumped and in danger of becoming cynical to a detrimental degree, but I don't want to leap Lemming like, off the next cliff to quezon.
Am I being scammed?
fresh eyes and an insight would be nice please.
Thanks for hanging in until the end.

[aromulus]

She hasn't asked for money upfront.....

She wants you to meet the family....

The reason given about the age difference is kosher in most Pinay's mind.... Security....

She doesn't hog the internet....

She warns you before hand that if you go it will be your shout to pay for incidentals....
Normal occurrence.
We all done it, we got the hat, T-shirt, read the book, wrote the movie script and passed out on the bog because the imodium didn't work too good.....

She says she loves you..... Mhhhhhhhhh... She might be attracted for now, in her mind love will come later..... And it will in abundance....

At the present moment as the story goes, it looks as kosher as a rasher of smoked turkey breast...

By all means go, visit, meet the lady in question.

The worst that can happen is that you will have an unforgettable holiday...........

[pacificelectric]

Basically I am in about the same situation, and so far no scam in sight.... even if sometimes the age difference (I am 53, she is 28) makes me feel a bit worried for the remote future, but she is exactly the one she says she is, and never asked for money.... even if I know she is in the same situation as 90% of the Filipinos. I sent her money for Christmas and much to my amazement she sent me a photo of the shoes she had bought asking me whether this was OK. I must say that I never expected that! So I guess you can go ahead.....

[somebody]

Well as you say visit as a friend, she probably cant afford to treat you. You come from the land of neighbours, mel gisbon and rolf harris so are well off to a level she can only dream of.

You did well checking out her background any person who meets someone on line who does not check out the other just a little is taking a huge risk.

Enjoy the trip and see how things pan out

[aromulus]

I sent her money for Christmas and much to my amazement she sent me a photo of the shoes she had bought asking me whether this was OK. I must say that I never expected that! So I guess you can go ahead.....

When I went back to get married in Feb 2007, she presented me with a shoebox full of receipts......

[Jay&Zobel]

Well as you say visit as a friend, she probably cant afford to treat you. You come from the land of neighbours, mel gisbon and rolf harris so are well off to a level she can only dream of.

You did well checking out her background any person who meets someone on line who does not check out the other just a little is taking a huge risk.

Enjoy the trip and see how things pan out

yep... i agree with SOmebody! When time is right, visit her as a friend then you will be able to evaluate whether she is genuine or not...

Also, regarding the treating thing: it is but common that women are to be treated by men (in our oldish culture) but if she insists of paying some of the bills, then let her...

Just make sure she hasnt got plenty of chaperones (family members, friends) with her all the time while you are dating coz you will surely be expected to be paying for them also...

With money issues: Just be ALERT all the time... Your relationship has just started, hopefully all your conversations are more on the "getting-to-know-more-stage" not the "I-have-no-money-my-family-is-poor-send-me-phone-credits-via-westernunion-my-family-is-starving-type-style-thing"...

Pinays are really genuine and loving but there is always an exception to the rule: NOT ALL ARE!!

Just be very careful... Best of luck!

[Sketco]

G'day aromulus, pacificelectric,somebody and J&Z,

Thanks for the comments. All well noted and appreciated.
Sometimes it takes another look at a problem to add some perspective.
My contact with filipino culture has been limited as I mentioned to the well meaning "arrangements" of my late mates wife, and the fleeting contacts as I MAC flighted my way through clark and Subic enroute elsewhere, so your experiences are invaluable.
It is difficult to explain why this particular person has slipped through the cordon, but I guess some of this at least can be regarded as a pleasant and flattering change from the bevy of Fair, Fat and Fifties that I encounter routinely. But lets face it, the average 25 year old in Brisbane wouldn't remove the ipod earbuds long enough to say g'day to a 50 year old.
Duly noted however, the comments that age is viewed differently in the phils.
I am aware that I am dealing with the emotions of another in this situation, and it isn't all just about me. Which makes it so important that I get it right.

Naturally, my mates think I've gone mad to even consider it and advise a good dose of barbeque and booze therapy.

Which brings me to another question. I have the strength of character to absorb the inevitable jibes and inuendo that I'm pretty sure will accompany a commitment, but would this be a fair thing to place upon her. After all, it is not a usual arrangement by our standards. This is a concept that I am trying to convey to her without a great deal of success right now.

Although, she has stated that she would be just as happy if we lived together (after marriage if there is one, a little forward to think about this at this stage i thought) in the phils (not sure about that one).
It isn't all beer and cricket in Oz, and the land of the long weekend does have its share of bigots.

Has anyone experienced the effects of a wide age gap in partners, and what did that look like from the womans perspective?

of course on the upside, she will get to experience the wonders of diesel fuel injection on skid steer loaders, learn the correct ordering of expletives and volume required to expel kangaroos from the veggie patch, and marvel that cardboard and rocks can in fact be cooked, we call them fish and chips. How could a girl resist?


I'm pretty sure I'm going to visit, and as was suggested if nothing else it will be a great holiday. Bugs me to think that this experience has reduced me to the vacuous uncertainties of my youth.

So, anyway, thanks for the support of the forum, I knew this was the right place to come for external objective experienced advice

[PeterB]

Hi Sketco, and a big welcome to the forum.

Perhaps you should read my tale here.

It seems to me that there are some similarities with your situation. Although my tale there is far from complete, I should tell you that I've been living here in Philippines for a little over a year, Ruby and I celebrate our first wedding anniversary later this month, and our first baby is due to put in an appearance within the next 3 - 4 weeks!

[Sketco]

Hi Sketco, and a big welcome to the forum.

Perhaps you should read my tale here.

It seems to me that there are some similarities with your situation. Although my tale there is far from complete, I should tell you that I've been living here in Philippines for a little over a year, Ruby and I celebrate our first wedding anniversary later this month, and our first baby is due to put in an appearance within the next 3 - 4 weeks!

Thanks PeterB, I really appreciate the link to your story, very kind of you to share it. I see similarities in the internal battle between what I know and expect in my culture and what she sees as perfectly normal behaviour in hers. I've come to the conclusion that worrying about it is apt to lead to indigestion. So I'm going to let the cards fall where they may, and if I get done, well what's the problem. Even BHP makes a loss occasionally.

[pacificelectric]

Interesting story.... now I have a fairly good idea of what I can expect within a few months from now!! Interestingly in my case it seems there are women only in the picture: my GF is a single daughter (well, two other siblings died as infants) and her father vanished after her birth, she saw him once only and she has been raised by her mother and auntie with whom she currently lives. So it is not a big guess that Mom and Auntie will be the members of the jury... Well she tells me that whenever she gets mail from me her mom is excited like a teen-ager so hopefully things should be OK....

[PeterB]

Sketco, I'm pleased that you followed my tale.

Please don't worry about the age difference - as you can see, Ruby and I have an age difference of just over 30 years, but it really isn't an issue. Ruby's uncle, now 42, is being courted by two girls - one aged 16, the other one 15. I'm not sure about the younger one, but the mother of the 16 y/o is fully supportive.

How long have you been chatting with this girl ... and how soon can you visit? I waited almost six weeks!

[Sketco]

Sketco, I'm pleased that you followed my tale.

Please don't worry about the age difference - as you can see, Ruby and I have an age difference of just over 30 years, but it really isn't an issue. Ruby's uncle, now 42, is being courted by two girls - one aged 16, the other one 15. I'm not sure about the younger one, but the mother of the 16 y/o is fully supportive.

How long have you been chatting with this girl ... and how soon can you visit? I waited almost six weeks!

G'day PeterB,
I think I'm over the age thing, the forum has been replete with similar age gaps, so i'm getting the drift of the thinking here.
Only been chatting for a couple of months on and off (I'm building a new house and for most nights it's early to bed and early to rise). I have been bandying about a June visit, as that's the earliest I can skip out on my business partner. it's only a short hop across the pond from Oz to the phils. to be honest i would go tomorrow if it was feasible if for no other reason than get it sorted. Never been much of a one for putting things off. Something about this encounter has made me start to think about the possibilities for the future, if not with her, then maybe someone else. I've sort of left romance in abeyance for a while, and the locals aren't too inspiring, not for want of trying, so this has sent me for a bit of a loop really.

[Jay&Zobel]

Sketco, I'm pleased that you followed my tale.

I waited almost six weeks!

oh man! i just read ur tale!!! cool


congratulations and i hope you are very very happy now!

[Jay&Zobel]

Hey Sketco...


visit this site! Gina&Pete's site!!! Highly recommended for 1st timers!

http://www.british-filipino.com/

[jackmac452]

Hiya Sketco...Goodness me..when I read your story, I honestly thought I was reading my own way of how things had happened to me...Don't worry about the age difference (I'm 10 year older than you)..they won't..hehehe..My missus is quiet unique...she sends me Money!!!...when she found I was now jobless (bloody NHS) she decided to help me..but I told her to keep the money for Junior (he's 3 months now..but has Measles at the moment..a bit worrying for me) but yes..it seems that you have a real Gem there...There are lot's of them on this forum, so when other people bad mouth Filipino ladies..I tell them to shut up!! Go for it mate..If she turns out what you want..she'll be better than any local girl you would meet...I've found out by meeting quite a few when I lived abroad..Filipino ladies are cracking women..Good luck my friend....

[Sketco]

Hey Sketco...


visit this site! Gina&Pete's site!!! Highly recommended for 1st timers!

http://www.british-filipino.com/

Thanks J&Z....wow, heck of a site, guess it will give me something to do until June. I'm jumping way ahead of the gun here even considering the possibility of living in the phils with her or anyone else for that matter. But I've lived all over the civilised world and some not so civilised over the years, so I'm used to being portable. the property ownership deal is no worse than in Thailand for example, but it's a huge leap of faith to be sure. this forum has been a great help in many ways. It's like being alone in downtown Bulaweyo late at night and suddenly you see a mate from your unit coming up the street...relief!! Sometimes it just takes a few people to go HEY, sure been there done that.. Thanks for the reply and link.
cheers

[Sketco]

Hiya Sketco...Goodness me..when I read your story, I honestly thought I was reading my own way of how things had happened to me...Don't worry about the age difference (I'm 10 year older than you)..they won't..hehehe..My missus is quiet unique...she sends me Money!!!...when she found I was now jobless (bloody NHS) she decided to help me..but I told her to keep the money for Junior (he's 3 months now..but has Measles at the moment..a bit worrying for me) but yes..it seems that you have a real Gem there...There are lot's of them on this forum, so when other people bad mouth Filipino ladies..I tell them to shut up!! Go for it mate..If she turns out what you want..she'll be better than any local girl you would meet...I've found out by meeting quite a few when I lived abroad..Filipino ladies are cracking women..Good luck my friend....

Thanks for that Jackmac...she sends YOU money?...
Do you think it is too early in the relationship to ask my lady to do that?..... I just sent her 3000php out of the blue, so we shall see what happens from here. I will either become a milking cow , an insult to her dignity or what I intended, a very small gesture of faith to show I am not stringing her along in a chat for fun.
Thanks for the supporting words. I'm getting more relaxed about this all the time.
Cheers,
Mal

[jackmac452]

Yes my friend..I kid you not!! whilst we lived in China..she worked and I just got brown..hehehe..I spent most of my time fending off her friends!! but when I came home.she started to send me some money..but I stopped it straight away..She needed it for Junior for when he was born..I am just waiting for my pension from the NHS. and then I'm off !! not bothered where we live...Only thing I'll miss here is the Rugby League and my son..but he has a Chinese G/F so we will not be far away from him...Good luck and go for it mate...( I do send her money now..but being Scottish, born in Yorkshire with a Jewish operation, you can see that it would not be a lot..hahaha) take care..

[Sketco]

Yes my friend..I kid you not!! whilst we lived in China..she worked and I just got brown..hehehe..I spent most of my time fending off her friends!! but when I came home.she started to send me some money..but I stopped it straight away..She needed it for Junior for when he was born..I am just waiting for my pension from the NHS. and then I'm off !! not bothered where we live...Only thing I'll miss here is the Rugby League and my son..but he has a Chinese G/F so we will not be far away from him...Good luck and go for it mate...( I do send her money now..but being Scottish, born in Yorkshire with a Jewish operation, you can see that it would not be a lot..hahaha) take care..

Well good onya, I hope it all works out. Yeah I guess it's easy to get tied to one place. I'm doing some looking around at the perils of expat life in the phils and while it has known to be deadly, by and large it looks like a bit of alright.

Oh yes, an update on the "gift". We spoke tonight and the money remains uncollected (i peeked at tracking and it's true folks). She couldn't get in to collect it because she was looking after her sisters kids. I ve seen them on the cam and the grocery shop they run, and I'm just thrilled to bits that she puts her family way ahead of popping down to the local WU. Bodes well.
Guess I had better get to work and start learning my Abakada.

[PeterB]

I'm doing some looking around at the perils of expat life in the phils and while it has known to be deadly, by and large it looks like a bit of alright.

I can vouch for that!

[Sketco]

When I went back to get married in Feb 2007, she presented me with a shoebox full of receipts......

I might be able to go head to head with you on unexpected photos. I dropped 3000php on my prospective girl, out of the blue, and I'm now in possession of some rather disturbing photos of an apparently much loved food Mati Pigs Head, and the whole family standing around the table saying thanks. Apparently it went down a treat, and i'm pretty pleased that some of the money was used this way. Although I used to dread the notion of Tampo, now I have something more disturbing to worry about.

[Sketco]

I can vouch for that!

Thanks Peter,
I'm doing as much research as I can and where I'm looking in Lucena seems to be pretty good. Of course the upshot of too much research is that I'm reading too much information and now i swear one of the kids in the latest batch of family photos from my lady was giving a crips gang sign..

Ah..time to stop and have a coffee i think.

But it really looks promising. The encouragement here just make it easier, thanks.

Oh and while I'm here..apologies for the tagging the wrong quote in my last post..I should have referenced pacificelectric.

[Ann07]

Hi Sketco I'd been following your thread

Goodluck to you and ur girl

[Sketco]

Hi Sketco I'd been following your thread

Goodluck to you and ur girl

Thanks ANN, I'm starting to relax about the whole thing and chatting to the family on the cam goes a long way to wrapping my head around it. I'm still pretty amazed by the excitement over a pigs head, but it's all good.