Am I just being paranoid or is something wrong?

[triple5]

Hello everyone.

Just got round to registering, and am hoping to get your thoughts on my story.
I've been lurking in the background for months, reading many threads, taking on advice. Especially the sticky thread about girls with baggage, so I was pretty sure I'd made the right decision about my filipina.

I met my girl online a year ago this month. We took things very slowly and built a good friendship first. In september I decided to take the plunge and go and meet her. I stayed for 2 weeks and we had the most perfect time. I met her friends and family and everybody made me feel very welcome. I even moved in with her family the last few days and they threw a leaving party for me. Good memories.

When I left she was very sad, and barely said a word all morning and on the way to the airport. When I returned to the UK we would chat online everyday and I would phone almost every day. Some nights she would stay awake all night to talk with me. We made plans for our future, and it all seemed good.

Then she went away, she says to stay with family in the province. When she returned a week later things were different. No more long chats. I couldn't phone her because her brother had borrowed her phone. A few weeks later and I heard nothing from her for a week. She had been to the province again, and when I asked why she hadnt told me she just said it was a rush decision.

Christmas and she went there again. Last week she came back and we havent had a proper conversation since. I keep getting left messages on msn from her just asking, "are you there?" There's no sweetness like before. We did have pet names for each other, but she just uses my first name now. I tried calling today, it rang twice then died. I tried again and straight to the "cannot connect" message. That's happened before, like she sees my number and just disconnects.

Before she went away for christmas I asked if she would be making any new years resolutions. She said, "to stop being selfish". That seemed a strange thing to say so I asked what she meant by it. She said. "I have to consider my partners feelings more?" Again, I asked what she meant, and her answer was, "I'm getting bored of long distance relationship"

She apologised later and said she was just frustrated because she wants us to be together. Maybe that's the reason why she's being so stand offish now. She's getting bored of this. I don't know. The plan was to go and visit again in 2 months, so I would have thought she'd be happy and looking forward to that.

I feel like I've done something wrong, but have no idea what it is. I've been kind, sweet and considerate, so am left scratching my head.

I'm hoping some of the more experienced members here have some tips for me. Feel free to ask any questions.

Thanks for reading.

[aromulus]

Doesn't look too good.

Be ready to move on, I don't think that the lady in question is too bothered about the relationship.

I don't want to jump the gun, but her absences and reluctance to answer the phone may be because she is probably with someone else.

I hope I am wrong.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

[triple5]

Thanks, I'm ready to move on if needs be once I know its over. If she has somebody else why keep me hanging on? Also, having met her family I'm sure they'd all be very disappointed in her if she had 2 guys on the go.

I'm pretty sure this is not a money scam. One of her reasons a few months ago for not coming online was that they'd been disconnected for not paying the bill. I offered to help and she said no.

I agree, though, things don't look good.

[joebloggs]

could well have a local b/f that her family might not even know about.

i don't think she would have let you meet her family if they knew she had another b/f.

a year is along time, like any ldr, its great for 2wks of the year, then you realise its back to your normal life in your own world. and it could be another 6 months b4 you meet again .

[triple5]

True. Maybe she met the other bf after I left. Things will come to ahead soon I'm sure. Just writing her email now.

[Mrs.JMajor]

OK,here is my honest opinion,please don't get upset,trying to be realistic here,might some members will disagree to me,but ,come on lets face the fact....
Don't you realize the other way that when she said she moved to the province,shes lying...(sorry about that) why she didn't go to any internet cafe the time she was there,if she really care,Mod Aromulos was right....
2nd reason,its often that we let anyone either member of the family borrowed our mobileanother trick
3rd,the way she talk to you really sounds no feeling at all.......
And you know what is the worst,she either met some foreign guys the time she in and out of communication with you ,shes just trying to get a visa,and it may the best man win ,i know i am filipina,i just feel pity to those guys who have sincere feeling ,but women cheated them

Move On,find new one,there are loads of genuine filipina in every corner,keep trying you can feel their honestly in some ways

P.S you might appreciate that she let u met her family,but it is normal you know,usually parents/relatives are just accepting any one who introduced by a member of the family,a way of being polite to visitors especially if he/she is from another country ,well in general even he/she is filipino

[Alan]

The many hundreds of posts on here that cite situations similar to yours have often indicated that something is wrong.

Of course, it is your decision what you ultimately decide to do, however, the members on here are wise and give true, honest opinions.

Good luck, but be careful!

Al.

P.S. Her sadness could, of course, mean that she is an Oldham fan!!

[triple5]

Thanks for your thoughts Mrs.JMajor. With fear of sounding like a naive fool I'm going to argue some of your points.

Don't you realize the other way that when she said she moved to the province,shes lying...(sorry about that) why she didn't go to any internet cafe the time she was there,if she really care,Mod Aromulos was right....

It was my understanding that this "province" is very remote. There are no internet cafes and barely any phone reception there. She has shown me pictures and it does look rather primitive there. Or am I wrong? Are there no such no places there and everywhere has internet and phone access?

2nd reason,its often that we let anyone either member of the family borrowed our mobileanother trick

I'm not sure what you're saying here. Is it that this is a common trick filipinos use when they don't want to talk to somebody?

3rd,the way she talk to you really sounds no feeling at all.......
And you know what is the worst,she either met some foreign guys the time she in and out of communication with you ,shes just trying to get a visa,and it may the best man win ,i know i am filipina,i just feel pity to those guys who have sincere feeling ,but women cheated them

I agree, no feeling there, and it has crossed my mind that I am just one of many. But it's definitely NOT about the visa with her. I've asked her a few times her thoughts on coming to the UK and she's quite set on staying there and me going to settle over there (or at least that was the plan).

The "Move on" advice I get. That's not a problem. But having put a lot of heart and effort into this it'd just be nice to get a few answers first. This wouldn't be the first time a woman's sulked with me and I have no idea what I've done wrong lol.

Well, I sent the email, which read like a charge sheet of things that have been annoying me. All I've got back is the same I've been getting all week, a left message on messenger. Just says, "Are you there?"

The many hundreds of posts on here that cite situations similar to yours have often indicated that something is wrong.

Of course, it is your decision what you ultimately decide to do, however, the members on here are wise and give true, honest opinions.

Good luck, but be careful!

Al.

P.S. Her sadness could, of course, mean that she is an Oldham fan!!

Thanks Al, having read some of the similar stories on here I guess I don't have much reason to be optimistic, and I'm taking on board all the advice given to me.

Thanks. I appreciate your time in quick responses.

[ginapeterb]

I have read this post this morning and I have very little to add, other than, this.

If a Filipina wants to be with you, she is contactable anywhere in the Philippines - if she doesn't she can fade away quicker than fog !

Going to provinces, being out of contact, her brother borrowed her cellphone, can't connect ! my brother fell off his motorcycle and hit the Police car, Their was a typhoon and the roof has blown off, no load !,

These are all the signs of a Filipino boyfriend in tow....

finding your life time companion in cyberspace is a miracle, entering into any relationships using the method we have used is at best a Gamble ! needless to say, there will be some winners and an awful lot of loosers.


Next !!!!

[aromulus]

It was my understanding that this "province" is very remote. There are no internet cafes and barely any phone reception there. She has shown me pictures and it does look rather primitive there. Or am I wrong? Are there no such no places there and everywhere has internet and phone access?
.

We could show you photos of extremely remote areas about 3 miles out of Cebu City..... If not less.....

As Peter said, if she wanted to be in touch she would have done without any problems.
If and when a Pinay embarks on an LDR she will be invariably 100% committed and will worry herself to a frazzle if you are not contactable yourself....

Move on friend, at least you come out without loosing money to a scammer, or......???

[KeithD]

It's sometime difficult making contact with my wife......and she's in the same room

[Tiggers0608]

i think most of the them are right ... i think she have a new bf in the province if its really in the province hey your 7,000 miles away she can say anything and u can't prove it.

we all go through long distance relationship but it worked so means she just dont want long distance coz she have a new bf either a pinoy or a new foreigner thats we dont know.

am i bad to say that , we'll u post it here so means its open for all of us to do comment

that just what i think ok.... not of pinay are good like some of us

[Sconnie]

Hi Triple5,
Having read your post I ahve to agree with the general opinion here, I don't think she is interested in you and she might well have another guy over in Phils. prepare to leave this relationship.
Have you tried going quiet, not making contact to see how she reacts ?

[PeterB]

It was my understanding that this "province" is very remote. There are no internet cafes and barely any phone reception there. She has shown me pictures and it does look rather primitive there. Or am I wrong? Are there no such no places there and everywhere has internet and phone access?

There are definitely some very remote areas where there is no phone service or Internet. Whereabouts is her home, and where is the 'province'?

All I've got back is the same I've been getting all week, a left message on messenger. Just says, "Are you there?"

This makes it sound as though she is trying to contact you - how does she always manage to pick a time when you're not there?

Perhaps there is another guy in her life - and that restricts the times when she can get online?

I guess that if you cannot get to talk to her then the relationship is over.

However, filipinas have a very different attitude to relationships compared with most western women and their reactions may well be very different to anything we're familiar with ... there may be some logical explanation.

[triple5]

Have you tried going quiet, not making contact to see how she reacts ?

I did try that just before christmas for 3 days, then I got a message from her asking why I'm not talking to her and am I growing tired of her. I just laughed at that coz she can disappear for a week and not say anything.

There are definitely some very remote areas where there is no phone service or Internet. Whereabouts is her home, and where is the 'province'?

I'm not exctly sure. She's from Davao and says its about 4 hours away by bus. I did believe her about the phone reception/no internet thing because when I was there for the first week her parents were away in the province and she said she didnt know when they'd be back because there was no way of contacting them. One day her mum and dad walked in and everybody looked surprised and excited.

This makes it sound as though she is trying to contact you - how does she always manage to pick a time when you're not there?

That's it, almost every day I'm getting the same message - "are you there?" but its usually at a time just before I get up in the morning. Which is kind of annoying as she knows the time difference and when's a good time to catch me. We did speak briefly when she got back, almost a week ago. I had just woken up, we had a little chat and I asked if she could give me 2 mins to freshen up before I put the cam on. She said ok, that she'd go for dinner and try and get back online later. She never did, and its just been these short messages ever since.

Perhaps there is another guy in her life - and that restricts the times when she can get online?

They have 2 PCs there in her house, and she always blames her sisters using them and not letting her get on. Like I said before she knows the best times to catch me, so in my mind there's no excuses.

I guess that if you cannot get to talk to her then the relationship is over.

I actually left her a message earlier saying I haven't got the patience for this anymore, trying to guess what the problem is, and that I'm growing bored with the whole thing. No reply yet.

However, filipinas have a very different attitude to relationships compared with most western women and their reactions may well be very different to anything we're familiar with ... there may be some logical explanation.

That's the only thing that's been holding me back from calling it a day till now, that there maybe some factor involved that I don't understand. If there is somebody else why she's still leaving me messages? I know its not about the visa or the money. I've only sent a three thousand pesos on her birthday (call me stingy if you like lol) so it's not like she'll be wanting to keep me on as a cash cow.

My gut instinct has always been that she's a really good girl and not the sort to cheat and lie, but hey, just 2 weeks together and from the other side of the world you never really know.

I really appreciate all the advice been given here. Thank you all. I'll keep you posted on how things turn out.

[Mrs.JMajor]

However, we still wishing you the best of luck 555

[aposhark]

Hi triple5,

I have only had one Filipina girlfriend, who became my wife, but I think I would really worry if the giggles, girly shrieks and endearments went away over the phone.

Filipinos are so respectful and kind by nature and culture, she could possibly be a little ashamed that she has met someone new but wants to stay friendly, maybe even to hedge her bets for the future.

Either way, be careful and back off for a while and let the dust settle, to see how the lay of the land looks in a couple of weeks.

It just appears dicey to me....

Hope it works out for you

[pennybarry]

Hello everyone.

Just got round to registering, and am hoping to get your thoughts on my story.
I've been lurking in the background for months, reading many threads, taking on advice. Especially the sticky thread about girls with baggage, so I was pretty sure I'd made the right decision about my filipina.

I met my girl online a year ago this month. We took things very slowly and built a good friendship first. In september I decided to take the plunge and go and meet her. I stayed for 2 weeks and we had the most perfect time. I met her friends and family and everybody made me feel very welcome. I even moved in with her family the last few days and they threw a leaving party for me. Good memories.

When I left she was very sad, and barely said a word all morning and on the way to the airport. When I returned to the UK we would chat online everyday and I would phone almost every day. Some nights she would stay awake all night to talk with me. We made plans for our future, and it all seemed good.

Then she went away, she says to stay with family in the province. When she returned a week later things were different. No more long chats. I couldn't phone her because her brother had borrowed her phone. A few weeks later and I heard nothing from her for a week. She had been to the province again, and when I asked why she hadnt told me she just said it was a rush decision.

Christmas and she went there again. Last week she came back and we havent had a proper conversation since. I keep getting left messages on msn from her just asking, "are you there?" There's no sweetness like before. We did have pet names for each other, but she just uses my first name now. I tried calling today, it rang twice then died. I tried again and straight to the "cannot connect" message. That's happened before, like she sees my number and just disconnects.

Before she went away for christmas I asked if she would be making any new years resolutions. She said, "to stop being selfish". That seemed a strange thing to say so I asked what she meant by it. She said. "I have to consider my partners feelings more?" Again, I asked what she meant, and her answer was, "I'm getting bored of long distance relationship"

She apologised later and said she was just frustrated because she wants us to be together. Maybe that's the reason why she's being so stand offish now. She's getting bored of this. I don't know. The plan was to go and visit again in 2 months, so I would have thought she'd be happy and looking forward to that.

I feel like I've done something wrong, but have no idea what it is. I've been kind, sweet and considerate, so am left scratching my head.

I'm hoping some of the more experienced members here have some tips for me. Feel free to ask any questions.

Thanks for reading.

Sorry to say but in my honest opinion, she sounds guilty and playing safe. Why? Because in the Philippines we have an old saying goes "Pag ayaw may dahilan, Pag gusto may paraan" (If you don't like, you always have many reasons but if you really want, there's always a way ) She might still some confusement thats why she can't tell you the real truth.

Try to send her text message : "Pag ayaw may dahilan, Pag gusto may paraan"

Goodluck!

[triple5]

@aposhark
@pennybarry

What you both says makes a lot of sense. If she has met somebody else she probably feels ashamed after always telling me she'll love me forever and wait for me.

I won't be sending her any text messages now. In the last message I sent her I said I wouldn't trouble her anymore.

[pennybarry]

@aposhark
@pennybarry

What you both says makes a lot of sense. If she has met somebody else she probably feels ashamed after always telling me she'll love me forever and wait for me.

I won't be sending her any text messages now. In the last message I sent her I said I wouldn't trouble her anymore.

That's great! Be braveI am 100% sure you can find your ideal honest, loving, loyal and lovely filipina.
Cheer Up!

[tiN]

Hi triple 5,

I'm the Brit half answering your question as to the why's an what's?

We can all give you advise about what we think and/or what maybe going on in your potential partners life? But at the same time we could be clouding your judgement as to how you think, so if you have doubt or doubt's you are the only one who can put your mind at rest, so to speak? Also you will know her a bit better than us lot??

So if you do feel as though your adrift with no wind or paddle, why not ask the girl if she is seeing someone else? Don't get or be angry with her but try to understand her, if she is with someone else, the way in which she replies may give an indication? But try to be calm and understanding when you chat or talk, we have a saying here in Scotland! "What is for you will not go by you?"

Again you may listen to everyone's opinions but at the end of the day it is all down to how to feel and deal with the situation? Hope this has helped even a small amount?

Regards P Livvy

[triple5]

Thank you, Tin, yes that has helped. Most of the folk here are pretty sure she's cheating, just after money or a visa. I'd like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character, and was pretty sure I'd picked a goodun here, so I'm still not a 100% certain there's something dodgy going on.

I have asked her if there is somebody else, albeit in an email. Maybe should have waited till we chatted. I actually have no problem with it if she is. I'll wish her luck and thank her for some good memories and move on. At the moment it's just frustrating not knowing why she's acting this way. Maybe I'll get some answers tomorrow.

[singkit]

Do not just move on, Triple5...Move forward! Hopefully, one day, you and the fairest lady of your dream would meet up. Best of luck!

[nigel]

It's only been 3 or 4 months since you visited her? You've expressed that she doesn't speak to affectionately you no more? I suspect that her involvement with you may have prompted her friends and family to treat her differently and she may have started feeling flat about your relationship, and resentful towards you because of it... It's just my own speculation of course though..

[triple5]

Interesting point, Nigel. That had crossed my mind. Like I said before when I first came back to the UK she was there almost 24/7 wanting to chat, and wanting me to call everyday. All the time she was spending chatting with me made me think how do her family feel about it as she seemed to be just locked in her room all the time, then sleeping all day having been up chatting till 6am. It was only after she returned from the province that things changed, as in only coming online every other day or so.

This made me wonder if others were having some kind of input, maybe telling her that she was wasting her time waiting for me.

I know she'd really like to start a family. Trouble is I have 2 kids from a previous relationship who I see at the weekends (a time that I rarely ever see her online). Maybe another reason for her to feel resentful towards me.

[tiN]

Thank you, Tin, yes that has helped. Most of the folk here are pretty sure she's cheating, just after money or a visa. I'd like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character, and was pretty sure I'd picked a goodun here, so I'm still not a 100% certain there's something dodgy going on.

I have asked her if there is somebody else, albeit in an email. Maybe should have waited till we chatted. I actually have no problem with it if she is. I'll wish her luck and thank her for some good memories and move on. At the moment it's just frustrating not knowing why she's acting this way. Maybe I'll get some answers tomorrow.

Goodluck

[joebloggs]

This made me wonder if others were having some kind of input, maybe telling her that she was wasting her time waiting for me.

could well be, but also her parents could have told her to leave you alone, if they have found out she has a local b/f. honour and respect still means alot to many Filipino families.

when my misses over heard my then g/f chatting to her sister, about marrying a whitey, i got a email from her mom, nicely telling me to bugger off

[jta]

hi tripple5,

my point of view about that lady, It could be possible that the reason behind is "Money". I remember in your post that she said her line was disconnected by not paying bills, then on her birthday u just send 3 thousand, to me as filipino sometimes said "NO" even want YES... Maybe she expects you to offer the payment by not asking her and she expects much than 3T because U as foreigner branded as "RICH" in the Philippines. Usually ( but not all ) in the Philippines if foreigner visiting family should always expense for the party, going out, gifts, etc.... and then the family would say "oh he is nice, he is generous,etc." but u can use your own judgement since u met her and family...Goodluck!

[USA]

To answer your question, no you are not being paranoid.

[Mrs.JMajor]

To answer your question, no you are not being paranoid.

so meaning....something wrong ?