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Gingwa
12th February 2006, 19:52
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as "Euro-English" (Euro for short).

In the first year "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will receive this news with joy. Also the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by an "f". This will make the word "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplicated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e's" in the lanuag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year peopl wil be reseptive to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During the fifz year ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve wil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no more trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.