life is so unfair

[allyn]

last night my brother in law and his girlfriend who move in with us a couple of months ago, sit with me and my hubby in the living room, the girl was so extra nice to my husband and seemed intrested with all he do, my brother inlaw said she fancy my husband, then he said i only married my husband coz i thought he have money and when i got here i found out that he have no money...:yikes:

all i was able to say is i already know that my husband have no money even before i married his brother...

i tried not to say anthing but deep inside i feel like im in a point of breaking down...

its so unfair for him to think that way towards me... i know about his brother situation and i did everything to help him as much as i can,,,and this is all i get...

woke up this morning crying when i open my eyes and remember all the things my brother in law said...

its so unfair....so unfair, i did all i can to support my husband,,i did everything.....its just so unfair...:bigcry:

[aromulus]

Time to tell your husband to choose who he wants to share his life with.....:NoNo:

Looks like that you aren't having much support from him at all.....:NoNo:

I suggest you have a heart to heart with your husband, without the lodgers present, and explain how you feel and how bad they make you feel.

Continuing to suffer in silence will only make you feel worse and unfulfilled.

[joebloggs]

:doh how does his brother know why you married your husband ? have you told him ?? :NoNo:

either his brother said it as a joke ( scouser type of humour not always funny :D)

or he is jealous of you and/or your husband. even his own g/f is more interested in your husband than him :D or he is jealous of his brother having a wife like you :xxgrinning--00xx3:

it looks like he's the one with a problem, i wouldn't even waste 1 second thinking about it Allyn :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Sophie]

last night my brother in law and his girlfriend who move in with us a couple of months ago, sit with me and my hubby in the living room, the girl was so extra nice to my husband and seemed intrested with all he do, my brother inlaw said she fancy my husband, then he said i only married my husband coz i thought he have money and when i got here i found out that he have no money...:yikes:

all i was able to say is i already know that my husband have no money even before i married his brother...

i tried not to say anthing but deep inside i feel like im in a point of breaking down...

its so unfair for him to think that way towards me... i know about his brother situation and i did everything to help him as much as i can,,,and this is all i get...

woke up this morning crying when i open my eyes and remember all the things my brother in law said...

its so unfair....so unfair, i did all i can to support my husband,,i did everything.....its just so unfair...:bigcry:

Hi Allyn, looks like you're problems with your husband's family is piling up....
Last time you're father in law, now your brother inlaw accusing you unjustly, not to mention his gf being extra nice to your husband
and for him to even admit in your face, that his gf fancy your husband :omg::omg: Talking about demented people :NoNo:
Allyn, as what mod dom just said, its time to tell your husband to choose who he wants to share his life with....and do not suffer in silence....

Looks like your husband's family doesn't give you the respect they ought to give you and instead, they treat you like a joke in the family.....
And to get such a strong accusation from your brother in law, which is way out of line...:NoNo:
You seem like a very nice and smart girl, do not allow them to intimidate you, ridicule you and to just push you around.....
Do not let them treat you this way, put a stand and demand a little respect...
You know you deserve better than this and you can put a stop to this, people can only push you as far as you let them.....

[Ji&Ma]

:iagree: with Sophie :gp:
Looks like you have some very serious issues with your hubby family and in my opinion you have to address them A.S.A.P. otherwise they might grow into something much more sinister. :NoNo:
As others said - you should have very deep and long talk with your man about all this stuff.
Do it soon even if it will be painful for you and for him, later it just might be too late...
Wish you good luck girl...

[Sim11UK]

allyn you seem to have married into a family, that shows you little support.
Right now, this must be making you feel very lonely.

Is your brother in-law, going to be living with you for long?...as it sounds like he's not happy with his life, to say something spiteful like that?...You two need your own space, but just make sure your husband, is kept fully aware of how you are feeling.

What an insensitive lot they are. :NoNo:

[jonathan47]

i agree and to be honest i dont know what to say they are a bunch of ignorant people ...i said before and i will repeat now you have choices you always have a choice and if this is like this now well i wonder where it is going.....it may be you are treated like this because they dont think you have a choice well you do maybe you should have a heart to heart with your husband and tell him its not working and if things dont improve you will go home ...you might find this wakes him up...you sound young and smart you know theres problems and you did the right thing to share on here, do you hae a friend you can talk to a family member ...i know you love your husband but maybe its time to give him up ...you will always find someone else and maybe there are important leason to learn from this experience ....i hope i not speaking out of turn .. i feel for you just trying to help


regards


j and a

[bornatbirth]

Time to tell your husband to choose who he wants to share his life with.....:NoNo:

Looks like that you aren't having much support from him at all.....:NoNo:

I suggest you have a heart to heart with your husband, without the lodgers present, and explain how you feel and how bad they make you feel.

Continuing to suffer in silence will only make you feel worse and unfulfilled.

:xxgrinning--00xx3:

tell your husband how you feel and the way his family say and do things to upset you...have you ever seen the movie "the hills have eyes" looks like you married into them :Erm:

time to have a tantrum :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[whiteraven]

with your previous thread and this one together i think you are wasting your time with this bunch of idiots. have a talk to your husband about all of the issues you have,if he doesnt start to act like a man and stand up for you then i think its time to get out. noone deserves to be treated like a doormat:cwm23:

[South-east boy]

I agree with what the others have said, especially that they don't really seem to be treating you seriously. Also what your brother-in-law said to you was quite hurtful and especially so considering that they are living with you. Did you say to your husband what he said to you? If you have or do and he doesn't say much or stand up for you, then he doesn't sound much of a good husband! :NoNo: Also strange is that your brother-in-law said that his gf fancies your husband! If I was him and I did think that, then I would not be wanting to live there anymore, unless he is saying that to try and wind you up?

Like Jonathan says, do you have anyone close that you can talk to about it all (preferably someone who lives near to you or at least in UK as they will understand how things/people are in UK more)?

A big hug to you!

[Tawi2]

Your father-in-law kicks your ass and slaps your head :Erm:your brother-in-law verbally abuses you :Erm:Your husband seems indifferent to his families insensitivity and ignorance :Erm:Allyn,to be honest with you most people wouldnt,couldnt,and shouldnt stand that sort of abuse for the rest of their lives,take a firm stance with your husband,tell him your feeling insecure and alone,because the actions of his family are causing you distress :NoNo:

[allyn]

helo every one....

thank you very much for your post...

for an update of my thread,,,
i talked to my husband after i post my thread, told him what i felt, and not in my surprise he told me im rude...and too emotional...
He said he's brother is just jocking when he said that "when i married his brother i never thought his brother have no money,but when i get here i found out that he have none")
he said specifically, that his family cant make a joke without insulting me, he said i always feel like insulted whenever his family talked to me and i cant understand proper english, he said my comprehension with english is really bad...
And about the girl, he said im rude to her, he said im not making an effort to make her feel at home, that i should understand that girl because she is somehow having psychological problem after got miscarriage a month ago...(actually its 2nd time my husband said that to me:Erm:)....and my husband is just being nice to her, and if the girl fancy him he cant do anything about it...
oh my, im already paying our rent and that girl is not even paying any cent, cant even buy a toilet roll even tho she have a fulltime job, i smiled at her and even cook once for her and she just walk out on me after eating the food i made...dont understand what kind of effort my husband still want me to do....

then my husband youngest brother, mum and dad came and knock in our door, they pick us up to go to my husband's grands parents for dinner
(my husband grand parents are very nice and very supportive, i love them so much:)) but when we got there i cant even make my self smile, everytime i tried to open my mouth i wanted to cry, but i tried to shut my self up and granda and gran notice me being very quiet....then out of the blue my husband said to his mum that im a rude person...i wanted to cry in that moment...

then after the dinner and we went back home we started to argue again,,,but this time the couple is in their room...and my husband is telling me out loud that im a very rude person....im in the point of walking out...
cant take it anymore...

if only i have another place to go to...

i want to run as far a way as i can...

life is so unfair:ARsurrender:

[Sim11UK]

Alyn you are really starting to worry me now.
Seems like you are there, only to work, pay the rent & look after everyone....For this, you have been rewarded with physical & mental abuse. :NoNo:

From what you are saying, things are really not going to improve. You need a plan, I don't know how possible it is, but you really need to think about going back home.

Please stay in touch on this forum.

[pennybarry]

Hi Allyn! You have had enough carry on with his family. Year ago you had rant with his brother. http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=7530 and with your Dad in Law.
Why not give him ultimatum? Or this may be the right time to leave them and move on. If you think you will not able to do it, YES you can! Rather than than you are suffering from their behaviour and attitudes. Your husband loves his family, that's fine. But love yourself Allyn. You are young and beautiful. I don't wanna see you one day full of wrinkles. So wake-up! Pack your things before it's too late. It looks like, if you gave them your left hand, they are wanting your right hand now. I know you have loads of patience, but they will not stop until you're on the floor! I'm afraid.

[eagles]

hi allyn, Enough is enough... pack your things and move out. Am sure you got some friends who can help you out, give you shelter for a couple of days till you can plot your next move. please dont make yourself be abused. Go to proper authorities, half way home, shelters and seek their counsel and help

[KeithD]

hi allyn, Enough is enough... pack your things and move out. Am sure you got some friends who can help you out, give you shelter for a couple of days till you can plot your next move. please dont make yourself be abused. Go to proper authorities, half way home, shelters and seek their counsel and help
:Erm: ...or she could just discuss it with her husband!!

[bornatbirth]

:Erm: ...or she could just discuss it with her husband!!

hasnt she already done that?

why dont you find a local bed and breakfast and go there for a few days and let your husband stew...leave him a note saying your going back to the philipines :xxgrinning--00xx3:

now he blames you because you dont understand what they really saying to you,so now your being rude :icon_lol:

why dont you go and talk to your grandparents as they have a degree of itelligence and let it all out,your husband as a duty to sort out the problems in your marriage and is just saying its your fault as a easy way out.

watch this and dont worry be happy :xxgrinning--00xx3:

:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU

[New Shoes]

Hello Allyn.

The more I read about your situation, the more I'm worried about you. I think that you will be wasting your time trying to talk to your husband and his family. They are too ignorant to understand how you are feeling.
The situation seems to be getting desperate, so you need to do desperate actions.

Do you have any filipino friends near to you who can provide you with a place to stay?

I think you need to do the following things:-

1) Get some money saved in secret, money your husband doesn't know you have, so that you have money in your pocket ready to use to get away.

2) Arrange to have somewhere to stay that your husband doesn't know about, a friends house.

3) Pick your time to go when there is nobody around your house, or make an excuse to leave the house and have a freind pick you up to take to to a place of safety.

You need to look after yourself and make sure you are safe. There are lots of guys who would treat you well, it seems that you've just picked the wrong guy this time.

Ingat ka lagi

[IanB]

Allyn,

So sorry to hear your sad story. It does take a very special kind of guy to understand how hard it is for someone to move to a completely different country. There are many of these guys on this forum. If you don't get the support you need then life here can be pretty horrible. There is also a suspicion that your brother in law may be a bit racist in his attitude to you.

I think the people who say "get out" don't really understand your situation - I am sure that you want to be loyal to your husband.

What kind of life do you have away from him? Do you have friends or colleagues you can talk to? Can you get out and around and do things on your own? It would really help to get away from the bad atmosphere at home - you could involve your husband too.

Good luck.

[IainBusby]

last night my brother in law and his girlfriend who move in with us a couple of months ago, sit with me and my hubby in the living room, the girl was so extra nice to my husband and seemed intrested with all he do, my brother inlaw said she fancy my husband, then he said i only married my husband coz i thought he have money and when i got here i found out that he have no money...:yikes:

all i was able to say is i already know that my husband have no money even before i married his brother...

i tried not to say anthing but deep inside i feel like im in a point of breaking down...

its so unfair for him to think that way towards me... i know about his brother situation and i did everything to help him as much as i can,,,and this is all i get...

woke up this morning crying when i open my eyes and remember all the things my brother in law said...

its so unfair....so unfair, i did all i can to support my husband,,i did everything.....its just so unfair...:bigcry:

Hi Allyn,
It seems to me that you've had a long history of mis-treatment from your husbands family ever since you've been a member here and I think it's time you done something about. It seems to me that they have no respect or affection for you and as he seems to go along with it all, neither has your husband.

You really need to put your foot down about this and insist that your brother in law and his girlfriend move out and come round only if invited.

Iain.

[Ann07]

helo every one....

thank you very much for your post...

for an update of my thread,,,
i talked to my husband after i post my thread, told him what i felt, and not in my surprise he told me im rude...and too emotional...
He said he's brother is just jocking when he said that "when i married his brother i never thought his brother have no money,but when i get here i found out that he have none")
he said specifically, that his family cant make a joke without insulting me, he said i always feel like insulted whenever his family talked to me and i cant understand proper english, he said my comprehension with english is really bad...
And about the girl, he said im rude to her, he said im not making an effort to make her feel at home, that i should understand that girl because she is somehow having psychological problem after got miscarriage a month ago...(actually its 2nd time my husband said that to me:Erm:)....and my husband is just being nice to her, and if the girl fancy him he cant do anything about it...
oh my, im already paying our rent and that girl is not even paying any cent, cant even buy a toilet roll even tho she have a fulltime job, i smiled at her and even cook once for her and she just walk out on me after eating the food i made...dont understand what kind of effort my husband still want me to do....

then my husband youngest brother, mum and dad came and knock in our door, they pick us up to go to my husband's grands parents for dinner
(my husband grand parents are very nice and very supportive, i love them so much:)) but when we got there i cant even make my self smile, everytime i tried to open my mouth i wanted to cry, but i tried to shut my self up and granda and gran notice me being very quiet....then out of the blue my husband said to his mum that im a rude person...i wanted to cry in that moment...

then after the dinner and we went back home we started to argue again,,,but this time the couple is in their room...and my husband is telling me out loud that im a very rude person....im in the point of walking out...
cant take it anymore...

if only i have another place to go to...

i want to run as far a way as i can...

life is so unfair:ARsurrender:

MY love you are always welcome in the house just give me a ring anytime:)
Love you mwahhhhhhh x

[adam&chryss]

helo every one....

thank you very much for your post...

for an update of my thread,,,
i talked to my husband after i post my thread, told him what i felt, and not in my surprise he told me im rude...and too emotional...
He said he's brother is just jocking when he said that "when i married his brother i never thought his brother have no money,but when i get here i found out that he have none")
he said specifically, that his family cant make a joke without insulting me, he said i always feel like insulted whenever his family talked to me and i cant understand proper english, he said my comprehension with english is really bad...
And about the girl, he said im rude to her, he said im not making an effort to make her feel at home, that i should understand that girl because she is somehow having psychological problem after got miscarriage a month ago...(actually its 2nd time my husband said that to me:Erm:)....and my husband is just being nice to her, and if the girl fancy him he cant do anything about it...
oh my, im already paying our rent and that girl is not even paying any cent, cant even buy a toilet roll even tho she have a fulltime job, i smiled at her and even cook once for her and she just walk out on me after eating the food i made...dont understand what kind of effort my husband still want me to do....

then my husband youngest brother, mum and dad came and knock in our door, they pick us up to go to my husband's grands parents for dinner
(my husband grand parents are very nice and very supportive, i love them so much:)) but when we got there i cant even make my self smile, everytime i tried to open my mouth i wanted to cry, but i tried to shut my self up and granda and gran notice me being very quiet....then out of the blue my husband said to his mum that im a rude person...i wanted to cry in that moment...

then after the dinner and we went back home we started to argue again,,,but this time the couple is in their room...and my husband is telling me out loud that im a very rude person....im in the point of walking out...
cant take it anymore...

if only i have another place to go to...

i want to run as far a way as i can...

life is so unfair:ARsurrender:

hi allyn!
sorry to say this but i think your husband doesn't really love you... if my husband say something bad about me in front of his parents or family, i will never forgive him. your husband must care and protect you not dishonor or disgrace you... he should prioritized you first and be more understanding about your feelings.
if i were in your place.. I'll pack my things and leave my husband.. and tell him he should have married his family not me.
have a heart to heart talk to your husband and in case he still wouldn't listen to you then there's no way he will ever will... it will be hard but you have to leave him and move on...

[Tawi2]

How did you meet your husband?How old is he?As a family group they sound pretty dysfunctional,with lots of issues :NoNo:You can buy cyanide and strychnine online if you know where to look:icon_lol:

[triple5]

Sorry to be so blunt but your husband is insensitive and spineless. From reading your posts it comes across as though he would put his family before you. If you're already paying the rent on that place try finding somewhere new to live and give him an ultimatum - "Either show me some respect or we're finished."

Be strong & good luck :)

[jonathan47]

ann07

thats so kind of you i hope she takes up the offer

regards


jj

[RickyR]

It's a difficult situation and your husband needs to put his foot down. I'm lucky that most of my family absolutely adore Marvie, however the only person I had trouble with was my Dad, who had his concerns.
He made a few comments that probably stem from the 'Daily Mail' / White Man-Thai Bride Stereotype, before he event met Marvie and didnt really make much of an effort with her the first time they met. We cut off contact for about 3 weeks, and the rest of my family gave him a lot of stick and since then he's taken the time to actually respect her as an individual. It wasn't easy for me to do that to my Dad, and it won't be easy for your husband to do that to his brother, but he has to make his views clear. If you are the one arguing etc with his brothers, they'll just use that as more ammo against you.

[Arthur Little]

Allyn, like everyone else who has responded to your posts in recent times, I'm absolutely horrified to learn of the physical and mental abuse you've suffered at the hands of your husband's family. :cwm24: Enough is already much MORE than enough! For me, alarm bells started ringing when I first read of the "treatment" meeted out by his father [after his drinking session] a few weeks ago ... and it's bothered me ever since!

NOW, lass, it's time for YOU to make a move. And I suggest you start by contacting Glasgow Womens Aid. The address is 30 Bell Street, G1 1LG ... telephone: 0141 553 2022. Explain the stress you've been subjected to; staff there, will be only too pleased to lend a sympathetic ear ... and offer whatever guidance/refuge is needed to extricate you from this intolerable situation. But I urge you to act quickly, my friend ... in order to prevent anything similar happening again. :rolleyes:

[IanB]

I think people are going over the top suggesting women's refuges and things like that. Maybe some time, but I'm sure thats not what the lady wants right now and its certainly not an easy way forward.

[Arthur Little]

MY love *you are always welcome in the house just give me a ring anytime:)
Love you mwahhhhhhh x

Just a few *caring words, Ann ... but I'll bet they will mean so MUCH to Allyn!
Thank you for your thoughtfulness and sensitivity my friend. :)

[jonathan47]

i think imho, that as i read on a website elsewhere that if you are not ready to defen your lady in the face of prejudice if you cannot be bothered to learn about the culture and to respect it then you should not get involved with a filipina i have already had to put my so called "friends" down the gym in there place for comments like lbfm and which catalouge did you buy her from was she number 1289 or 6789 etc... unfortunatly there are some very ignorant and shallow people around usual the one who have closed minds and have not travelled a little...i think this lady's husband has not had the strength to defend his lady rather going along with his family...he now needs to make a choice his wife or his family at the risk of losing one or other i know i would choose my wife to be over my family and friends hopefully i can have both but i will always defend my girl and everyone else can either get with the program or %&*£ off.

regards


j and a

[Arthur Little]

I think people are going over the top suggesting women's refuges and things like that. Maybe some time, but I'm sure thats not what the lady wants right now and its certainly not an easy way forward.

:Erm: ... Do YOU have any BETTER ideas? If so, then let's hear them, please!

[Ann07]

Just a few *caring words, Ann ... but I'll bet they will mean so MUCH to Allyn!
Thank you for your thoughtfulness and sensitivity my friend. :)

Thanks Arthur

Allyn is a good friend of mine. And shes knows that i am always there for her:)
Love you beauty xxxx

[pennybarry]

I am looking forward for your decsion asap Allyn!:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[South-east boy]

I know your husband isn't in the ideal position between uou and his family, but every single time he has taken their side and not yours. He hasn't tried to understand things from your point of view either. You are not just a newcomer to the family, but a newcomer from another country and culture which he hasn't considered at all. What reason has he got to say that you were rude?! I think that it was terrible that he spoke about you like that in front of his family.:NoNo:

it seems like his brother will never be moving out. I though it was only meant to be temporary until he had enough money to move into his own place? If his gf is working too, why can't they get their own place together? You mentioned that his gf had a misscarriage, so if that hadn't happened would the baby be living with you too?! They'd be more of them than you in your own place!

Did he not promise in his marriage vows to love, comfort, honour and protect his partner?! :Erm: He doesn't seem to be doing much of that! He sounds immature, unable to stand up to any of his family and puts all of them before you.

Ok, some of the things that have been said by other members of his family might have been jokes but as they are about you, you don't get them and what they are about is not so nice, they are pointless and hurtful to you.

I hope that you take up Annes offer and can sort this horrible situation out somehow.

[Sophie]

i think imho, that as i read on a website elsewhere that if you are not ready to defen your lady in the face of prejudice if you cannot be bothered to learn about the culture and to respect it then you should not get involved with a filipina i have already had to put my so called "friends" down the gym in there place for comments like lbfm and which catalouge did you buy her from was she number 1289 or 6789 etc... unfortunatly there are some very ignorant and shallow people around usual the one who have closed minds and have not travelled a little...i think this lady's husband has not had the strength to defend his lady rather going along with his family...he now needs to make a choice his wife or his family at the risk of losing one or other i know i would choose my wife to be over my family and friends hopefully i can have both but i will always defend my girl and everyone else can either get with the program or %&*£ off.

regards

j and a

very well said jonathan :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Sophie]

I know your husband isn't in the ideal position between you and his family, but every single time he has taken their side and not yours. He hasn't tried to understand things from your point of view either. You are not just a newcomer to the family, but a newcomer from another country and culture which he hasn't considered at all. What reason has he got to say that you were rude?! I think that it was terrible that he spoke about you like that in front of his family.:NoNo:


I totally agree :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[September]

what kind of status visa u had? ILR ? if so, that is very easy to decide allyn, dont let other people make your life miserable, life happen only once, dont let them knock u down dear

[Ann07]

what kind of status visa u had? ILR ? if so, that is very easy to decide allyn, dont let other people make your life miserable, life happen only once, dont let them knock u down dear

She's got ILR now.

[Florge]

She's got ILR now.

that's good news... should she decide to leave her husband..

Allyn... I want to hug you... I feel your desperation and sadness... I agree to what most of them say... but bottomline is, the decision is yours to make... just keep in mind that no one has the right to hurt you unless you have given them the permission to do so...

Suffering is optional... keep your chin up... and think of the best way to solve this dilemma... I'll pray for you iha.... :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[dave63]

I am not ashamed to say that when I read about your troubles. Yes, I cried. How another human being can treat another so poorly is so sad. I can not add much to what other threaders have said. But all I can say is that it is a big world with a lot of people out there. Get yourself out of this relationship the best way you know how and with the least of hurt and heartache. My thoughts and prayers and best wishes go with you. Please, Please look after yourself. You have a lot of friends out here on this forum who love and care about you.:love18:

[Tawi2]

Her problem isnt with her hubbie i dont think,he just seems a little weak and lets his dad and brother push him around,if he actually stood up for his wife and told his dad and brother to curb their tongues and be civil to his wife then things hopefully will take a turn for the better,read her words,she cant be expected to just leave the guy,she is in a strange country,but the husband sounds like he is unable to stand up for himself or his wife :NoNo:

[South-east boy]

But he did say that she was rude and said that again in front of the whole family with her there.

[Tawi2]

But he did say that she was rude and said that again in front of the whole family with her there.
Thats true enough,but is that grounds to end a marriage?He is spineless but she still loves him,the family are the problem,not the guy himself,if he learnt to stand up to them problem solved no?:Erm:

[jta]

She's got ILR now.

Hi Allyn,

I'm following your thread, touched about your situation and now relieved to know that you've got ILR. You should weigh things now, be strong to show your right as wife and give ultimatum to your husband, you have nothing to worry you've got a job and ILR already. Enough is enough, don't be a martyr! You are still young, can still find a better guy and deserves a good life....Goodluck!

[September]

She's got ILR now.


Thanks Ann, I feel pity to her when I read her post, if she is just nearby w/ me I will offer our house as well, thats what filipina are..nagdadamayan :cwm38:

[September]

Thats true enough,but is that grounds to end a marriage?He is spineless but she still loves him,the family are the problem,not the guy himself,if he learnt to stand up to them problem solved no?:Erm:

The husband is problem as well tawi, being rude to speak to wife in front of other people isnt a problem to you?:doh

[Tawi2]

The husband is problem as well tawi, being rude to speak to wife in front of other people isnt a problem to you?:doh
Did I say that :Erm:Methinks not,the last guy to speak rudely to a woman I was with moved out of his apartment a few days later,I said the real problem are the family,the guy is weak,he needs to learn to stand up for his woman,but a family disagreement isnt something to walk out of a marriage for,the guy is at fault,sure he is,but mainly because of his weak nature,if she didnt love him she wouldnt be married to him would she?And what do pinays always say?Love conquers all :)

[Tonet]

I dont think the problem here is his weakness, the problem is HE DOESN'T LOVE HER ENOUGH, him flirting back to this woman, telling her rude is NOT weakness, its lack of respect to his WIFE

And for you Allyn, i know its not that easy to just leave your husband coz u probably still love him despite the way he treats you,, but you should love yourself first before you can share love to others.

Sabi nga ni nanay kay Philip," ipinagbuntis ko yan, iniluwal, pinalaki, minahal at inalagaan, kung aabusuhin mo lang at sasaktan isoli mo na lang sya sa akin, dahil walang SINUMAN ang may karapatan saktan sya."




Did I say that :Erm:Methinks not,the last guy to speak rudely to a woman I was with moved out of his apartment a few days later,I said the real problem are the family,the guy is weak,he needs to learn to stand up for his woman,but a family disagreement isnt something to walk out of a marriage for,the guy is at fault,sure he is,but mainly because of his weak nature,if she didnt love him she wouldnt be married to him would she?And what do pinays always say?Love conquers all :)

[Tawi2]

If thats the case what attracted her to him in the first place:Erm:The father-in-law obviously a bully and a thug when drunk,the bro-in-law a bit of an idiot,as for the hubby only the OP and the guy himself know 100% what happens between them once the door closes,everyone baying for her to leave him must sleep on a bed of roses and have perfect harmonious marriages with never a cross word said between them and their partners,marriage is a rough road at times,remember the typical western guy married to a pinay has already failed at one marriage,look at the stats:rolleyes:You have to work at marriage,you dont just fling in the towel the first time your against the ropes,thats waaaayyyyyy too drastic,if everyone who has told her to leave him ASAP has never once had a cross word with their partners,never argued etc then I respect their opinions :)But surely she loved him to marry him and still loves him to be with him,therefore its worth working out together,dont make a hasty decision allyn,communication between a couple is uber-important,talk,its always better to repair bridges than burn them behind you.

[allyn]

hello every one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you very much for all your post and advice....
i also take note arthur little the information you share...
thank you everyone for all your sympathy and kind words....
i have red some of your post this morning at my work and i have been crying and touch with all the kind words you all said...my officemates and nurses was been alarmed tho when they saw me crying..:yikes:

this evening my brother in law approach me with a box of chocolate, he said he apologize for the rude joke he told me the other night, he just thought its funny and didnt thought ill take it seriously and he also said he have talked to his co worker who is also a filipino and the filipino said filipina like me have pride .... my brother inlaw also said here making rude joke is only joke

i tried to explain my brother in law why im hurt with his joke and why me and my husband is arguing last night but he said, its none of his business and he said he just apologizing for what ever he said and next time hell just say helo and good bye to me...

even tho my brother inlaw already apologize to me i already called a private landlord this morning and im going to move out in 4 weeks time (notice to my current flat) i have told that to my husband this evening,,,

i know this will sound corny or weird,,,but when my husband propose to marry me i already know he is not rich and he also told me he have nothing, but i told him i really dont care if he have money or not, i can work, and i can do anykind of job, if theres two of us working, nothing will be impossible...i love my husband, i know he have lots of shortcomming and me too, but i love him and as much i can ill keep on pushing my title as wife to him and to them....like my mom said,,,,im a GREAT IDIOT (dakilang tanga) coz i already know what they are doing and i just keep on accepting it...just bcoz i love my husband.....im still hoping just maybe, maybe one day he'll understand me more (he understand me sometimes) and stand up for me and for our relationship but as for now ill hold on to my breath..:Help

hope next year will be new life for me and for my husband....i hope...cross finger:CompBuster:

again thanks everyone for all your sympathy,,,,
i dont think i will still need another group of filipino, for me people here are enough for me, i got all the support i can get....

i love this site...and i love all the people here....:xxgrinning--00xx3:

[allyn]

I dont think the problem here is his weakness, the problem is HE DOESN'T LOVE HER ENOUGH, him flirting back to this woman, telling her rude is NOT weakness, its lack of respect to his WIFE

And for you Allyn, i know its not that easy to just leave your husband coz u probably still love him despite the way he treats you,, but you should love yourself first before you can share love to others.

Sabi nga ni nanay kay Philip," ipinagbuntis ko yan, iniluwal, pinalaki, minahal at inalagaan, kung aabusuhin mo lang at sasaktan isoli mo na lang sya sa akin, dahil walang SINUMAN ang may karapatan saktan sya."

Your mum words makes me cry...
and remind me of my mum

When my mum came here to visit me last december, she saw my situation...
She know me more than anyone, she is my best friend, my sister and my mom..
my mother inlaw tried to confront her and tell her that im so sensitive, shy and always cry....my mom talked back to her and told her, "you dont know anyting about my daughter, my daugter is a very friendly girl, wherever she goes she always have friends, if your good to her shes double friendly to you, but if you hurt her shell walk back and cry and thats the time those people who hurt her see me"
whenever i talked to my mum on the phone she always remind me about this conversation with my mother inlaw...
she even tell me im a dakilang tanga (a great idiot) coz even tho people hurting me i still smile back and just keep it, just because i love my husband...

i know im hurting my mum, and i have been apologizing to her almost everyday, she asked me to just go back so many times, but i want my marriage to work desame way my mom and dad marriage work...:)

she said if i cant take it anymore i have a family to fall back...:bigcry:
i missed them so much,,,also missed my dad...:bigcry:

[allyn]

again every one thanks for all your post...
and i apologize for being so sensitive or dramatic....


thank you

[Sophie]

hello every one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you very much for all your post and advice....
i also take note arthur little the information you share...
thank you everyone for all your sympathy and kind words....
i have red some of your post this morning at my work and i have been crying and touch with all the kind words you all said...my officemates and nurses was been alarmed tho when they saw me crying..:yikes:

this evening my brother in law approach me with a box of chocolate, he said he apologize for the rude joke he told me the other night, he just thought its funny and didnt thought ill take it seriously and he also said he have talked to his co worker who is also a filipino and the filipino said filipina like me have pride .... my brother inlaw also said here making rude joke is only joke

i tried to explain my brother in law why im hurt with his joke and why me and my husband is arguing last night but he said, its none of his business and he said he just apologizing for what ever he said and next time hell just say helo and good bye to me...

even tho my brother inlaw already apologize to me i already called a private landlord this morning and im going to move out in 4 weeks time (notice to my current flat) i have told that to my husband this evening,,,

i know this will sound corny or weird,,,but when my husband propose to marry me i already know he is not rich and he also told me he have nothing, but i told him i really dont care if he have money or not, i can work, and i can do anykind of job, if theres two of us working, nothing will be impossible...i love my husband, i know he have lots of shortcomming and me too, but i love him and as much i can ill keep on pushing my title as wife to him and to them....like my mom said,,,,im a GREAT IDIOT (dakilang tanga) coz i already know what they are doing and i just keep on accepting it...just bcoz i love my husband.....im still hoping just maybe, maybe one day he'll understand me more (he understand me sometimes) and stand up for me and for our relationship but as for now ill hold on to my breath..:Help

hope next year will be new life for me and for my husband....i hope...cross finger:CompBuster:

again thanks everyone for all your sympathy,,,,
i dont think i will still need another group of filipino, for me people here are enough for me, i got all the support i can get....

i love this site...and i love all the people here....:xxgrinning--00xx3:

Hi allyn, i'm glad to know your brother in law apologized to you.....
as for your plans to move out, are you moving out by yourself? And what did your husband say about this?

[LadyJ]

Hi Allyn, the members have already mentioned all what I want to say.. all I can say now is be strong! Hope you and your husband will sorted out your problem soon, remember Christmas is coming.

[LadyJ]

Your mum words makes me cry...
and remind me of my mum

When my mum came here to visit me last december, she saw my situation...
She know me more than anyone, she is my best friend, my sister and my mom..
my mother inlaw tried to confront her and tell her that im so sensitive, shy and always cry....my mom talked back to her and told her, "you dont know anyting about my daughter, my daugter is a very friendly girl, wherever she goes she always have friends, if your good to her shes double friendly to you, but if you hurt her shell walk back and cry and thats the time those people who hurt her see me"
whenever i talked to my mum on the phone she always remind me about this conversation with my mother inlaw...
she even tell me im a dakilang tanga (a great idiot) coz even tho people hurting me i still smile back and just keep it, just because i love my husband...

i know im hurting my mum, and i have been apologizing to her almost everyday, she asked me to just go back so many times, but i want my marriage to work desame way my mom and dad marriage work...:)

she said if i cant take it anymore i have a family to fall back...:bigcry:
i missed them so much,,,also missed my dad...:bigcry:

You made me teary eyes on this.... you remind me my sister who in a bit similar situation of yours... our mum told her just to go back to our mum if she's not happy anymore in her life! Stay strong Allyn.

[allyn]

Hi allyn, i'm glad to know your brother in law apologized to you.....
as for your plans to move out, are you moving out by yourself? And what did your husband say about this?

he said he is going to move out with me, but he have to make sure his brother have a place to stay before he move out...

[Sophie]

he said he is going to move out with me, but he have to make sure his brother have a place to stay before he move out...

Ok, i wish you and your husband all the best allyn and may next year be better for both of you.....:) cheer up :)

[Tawi2]

Yup,once you have your own space,and have distanced yourselves from the influences of his family things will get better:)Just avoid his drunken father on Hogmanay :ARsurrender:

[Arthur Little]

i also take note arthur little the information you share...

... yes, please DO! Keep it handy ... :cwm25: YOUR safety and wellbeing are paramount!

[Arthur Little]

i love this site...and i love all the people here....:xxgrinning--00xx3:

... and WE CARE about YOU :rolleyes: ... we CARE about EACH OTHER! Which is WHY we WANT to see an END to your anguish and turmoil!

[Arthur Little]

Hi Allyn, the members have already mentioned all what I want to say.. all I can say now is be strong! Hope you and your husband will sorted out your problem soon, remember Christmas is coming.

So too, is New Year ... and North of the Border [in Glasgow, in particular] people still tend to imbibe more :66: than is good for them. And, believe ME, I'm NOT overreacting when I emphasise that ... all too often, the booze-fuelled :xxparty-smiley-050: CAN take an extremely nasty :xxsport-smiley-002: turn.

[aphrodite78]

hi allyn,

i was just reading your post and i can't help but feel so sorry and symphatize with you. you shouldn't really let them do this to you, and that you shouldn't suffer alone. seems to me that your husband doesn't have the balls when it comes to his family. for a start it's wrong to let your in-laws treat you like the way they are treating you and that your husband should side with you and not with them. what happened to your marriage vows?

may i ask what is your status in the uk? i know it may seem to be out of the question but it would also help what are your other options other than to go back home. are u on ilr or still on settlement visa? do u got friends where you could possibly stay for a while?
seems to me your husband needs kicking in the back side to make him realise how lucky he is that he got you.

sometimes you have to say enough is enough and be heard. you married your husband, u didn't married his family. like what others said save some money looks like you will need it soon.

[September]

I have my friend who read your thread and she is pinay, i am quite annoyed when she said sometimes they just tell the half of the story, we both dont know the full story, but here we goes, our concerened is with you Allyn

[aposhark]

For me, Allyn's husband is 100% the problem.

After the previous thread documenting the physical abuse, now these new developments seem like mental abuse.

The husband has to grow some itlogs and look after his wife; Allyn is not married to anyone else in the family, the husband has to do everything he can to help her in her new life.

These abusers make me mad :cwm23: :censored: :Brick:

So what is next? It sounds worrying.

Allyn make sure he does not try to go back on his word to move out with you.

Dear Filipina - be smart.

[cheesewiz]

sorry with your situation with your husband and husband's family.

if i am in your shoes I dont think i can't live longer with him or with them. your husband need to choose between you and his family. although you are his family now so you come first over them. I think your husband need a wake up call or you need a wake up call too:doh

Pls don't let them abuse you....do something about it before its too late

[allyn]

I have my friend who read your thread and she is pinay, i am quite annoyed when she said sometimes they just tell the half of the story, we both dont know the full story, but here we goes, our concerened is with you Allyn

hello september,
thank you very much for standing up for me and being in my side....i really apreciate your understanding and sympathy,,,
and as for your friend, please dont be annoyed at her its her opinion and right to say that, your friend is like my brother in law co worker who is filipino and said a filipina like me have pride...he seemed to be on my brother inlaw side, coz he heard my brother inlaw story, i myself felt a bit sad hearing and knowing that my co filipino is more on into the side of the person who hurt me and didnt even bother to know the real story and get to know me...but its their right to say their own opinion and we cant do anything about it..

so its okey...

its cool dont worry,,,

thanks again for the post:cwm38:

[allyn]

hello every one!!!:BouncyHappy:

thank you very much for all your sympathy:Hellooo: advice and care....

Thats another Storm that just pass by in my life and in my relationship with my husband,,,

Again thank you all for all your post and opnion, i know this will sound crazy after all the moan and complain i said in my thread...
but Even tho my husband got shortcoming,,,(even i have short coming) i still love that man, (really dont remember now why i fell in love with him) but one thing im sure right now is i still love him, please dont think bad about my husband cos he is not, he is a gentle, sweet and very friendly man, he just have some shortcoming....
And about my husband family, also please dont be annoyed at them, we both have different family background and culture, i just cant seemed to understand some of their attitude and they way they grew up but thats what they are, and since its 1 agains the whole family and since im in their territory i think im the one who should adjust more and try to understand...

Even tho my brother in law already apologize to me there still like a big elephant in the room between us whenever they (the couples) hangout in our living room and im there...i myself dont feel athome nor ateas when he is around...

Dont know how long it will last, but well see...

Ill just keep my self quite and calm this time and just look forward in moving out next year and in my holiday back in the philippines...i missed my family, maybe if i see them again ill feel better again...

thank you every one again for your post....
love you all:Hellooo:

[pennybarry]

hello every one!!!:BouncyHappy:

thank you very much for all your sympathy:Hellooo: advice and care....

Thats another Storm that just pass by in my life and in my relationship with my husband,,,

Again thank you all for all your post and opnion, i know this will sound crazy after all the moan and complain i said in my thread...
but Even tho my husband got shortcoming,,,(even i have short coming) i still love that man, (really dont remember now why i fell in love with him) but one thing im sure right now is i still love him, please dont think bad about my husband cos he is not, he is a gentle, sweet and very friendly man, he just have some shortcoming....
And about my husband family, also please dont be annoyed at them, we both have different family background and culture, i just cant seemed to understand some of their attitude and they way they grew up but thats what they are, and since its 1 agains the whole family and since im in their territory i think im the one who should adjust more and try to understand...

Even tho my brother in law already apologize to me there still like a big elephant in the room between us whenever they (the couples) hangout in our living room and im there...i myself dont feel athome nor ateas when he is around...

Dont know how long it will last, but well see...

Ill just keep my self quite and calm this time and just look forward in moving out next year and in my holiday back in the philippines...i missed my family, maybe if i see them again ill feel better again...

thank you every one again for your post....
love you all:Hellooo:

Goodluck to your utmost decision Allyn! I know how friendly you are and whose your friends surrounds you. You're on the right hands.
Be thankful also of having a loving mother like I have.
We are so lucky in having them.:xxgrinning--00xx3:
Just be brave and don't be a crying lady.:D I am sure you'll learn more and more to improve. Be flexible.! Take care of yourself!

[Arthur Little]

D I am sure you'll learn more and more to improve. Be flexible.! Take care of yourself!

:Erm: ... Methinks it's the HUSBAND who has much room for improvement! But the MAIN thing is HER welfare. And she has many good friends HERE whom she can turn to should this bizarre situation continue [which I pray to God it DOESN'T!]. :rolleyes:

[Florge]

aaahhhwwww.... that's what my Dad said to my fiancee when he asked for my hand in marriage.... Dad said that if my fiancee doesn't want me and love me anymore, he just have to let me go back to Pinas... parents are like that.. they don't want to see their kids hurting...

and until today, my dad still asks me if i'm happy or not... and should he be sending me money for a ticket home.. LOL...

allyn, all the best to you and to your husband...

[September]

hello september,
thank you very much for standing up for me and being in my side....i really apreciate your understanding and sympathy,,,
and as for your friend, please dont be annoyed at her its her opinion and right to say that, your friend is like my brother in law co worker who is filipino and said a filipina like me have pride...he seemed to be on my brother inlaw side, coz he heard my brother inlaw story, i myself felt a bit sad hearing and knowing that my co filipino is more on into the side of the person who hurt me and didnt even bother to know the real story and get to know me...but its their right to say their own opinion and we cant do anything about it..

so its okey...

its cool dont worry,,,

thanks again for the post:cwm38:

Your welcome Allyn, just one thing dont let other people abuse you, love yourself b4 u love other,make sense :D

[bornatbirth]

Your welcome Allyn, just one thing dont let other people abuse you, love yourself b4 u love other,make sense :D

use a vibrator :Erm:

[filipina_owl]

this is a sad situation. Hope allyn will get over it... God bless you...

[triple5]

use a vibrator :Erm:

:icon_lol::icon_lol:

[Ladybug_sim]

hello every one!!!:BouncyHappy:

thank you very much for all your sympathy:Hellooo: advice and care....

Thats another Storm that just pass by in my life and in my relationship with my husband,,,

Again thank you all for all your post and opnion, i know this will sound crazy after all the moan and complain i said in my thread...
but Even tho my husband got shortcoming,,,(even i have short coming) i still love that man, (really dont remember now why i fell in love with him) but one thing im sure right now is i still love him, please dont think bad about my husband cos he is not, he is a gentle, sweet and very friendly man, he just have some shortcoming....
And about my husband family, also please dont be annoyed at them, we both have different family background and culture, i just cant seemed to understand some of their attitude and they way they grew up but thats what they are, and since its 1 agains the whole family and since im in their territory i think im the one who should adjust more and try to understand...

Even tho my brother in law already apologize to me there still like a big elephant in the room between us whenever they (the couples) hangout in our living room and im there...i myself dont feel athome nor ateas when he is around...

Dont know how long it will last, but well see...

Ill just keep my self quite and calm this time and just look forward in moving out next year and in my holiday back in the philippines...i missed my family, maybe if i see them again ill feel better again...

thank you every one again for your post....
love you all:Hellooo:


Hi! Allyn, I did read your post on here and yes, it is hard to say something about your situation now. I know how hard your life facing for that problem but as what I can share you that it is not good to escape or pack up things… I did missed your other tread but I believe you are brave enough to face it. To stay in other country or stay to the man we love and be part in the whole family is one of our trails in life to continue or to live on. It is the step we decided when we married right? So what ever problems or trails come, we can’t say that we need to go and leave. He/ she is part in life even the family… when we commit being part to him/her and the family we expect anything happen as it is part in our life.

Yes, they said or some other say when you married, you not marry one instead you married the whole family right? Coz what your husband or wife belong it is belong to you too .. other say give up or back to the PI … me it is not easy coz it is the life we step in and it is the family we need to build in life and as long as we can handle things we need to handle on it. Be brave and stand your self being you or being a wife …don’t leave your husband coz of that thing, he is the one need your love, need care and most of all need your understanding even he not say something on you for what his family ( father in law or brother in law) did to you as long as you are there for him what ever happen soon he will notice or think all about that you really love him …

btw.. it is hard to stay in one house lots of trouble come coz jealousy… but show to them or his family that you are a women or wife to their son you have the right to say things what is in your mind and heart …( if you cant express it to words come on your mouth you need to do a letter to them and leave it when you go back to the Philippines soon) Just an opinion ok… always remember that it is a trails in life when we got married. Other easily say things because they feel much love to the family where they are in for now and yes we loved our family too but know it is really hard.. especially they never experience how hard to deal people who will be your family that you never known if they like and love you in a long way maybe it is ok for the first time but we don’t know in the middle of the time .. can’t say still things but I think my buggy are always there for me so I’m thankful for being him and only I wish soon I can meet and know his family too….

Just keep on posting or update here coz know we are all here to listen and help you whatever we can do or know that even we give an opinion here we are really not sure it is good or bad for you coz you are the one know what your situation to handle there .. only I say keep strong to your self and keep pray and trust to the Lord above .. all the tears you fall it is worth and counted ..life is tough and sometime not fair but we will not forget to smile ok!! :smileybigtmouth:

[Sim11UK]

Hi! Allyn, I did read your post on here and yes, it is hard to say something about your situation now. I know how hard your life facing for that problem but as what I can share you that it is not good to escape or pack up things… I did missed your other tread but I believe you are brave enough to face it. To stay in other country or stay to the man we love and be part in the whole family is one of our trails in life to continue or to live on. It is the step we decided when we married right? So what ever problems or trails come, we can’t say that we need to go and leave. He/ she is part in life even the family… when we commit being part to him/her and the family we expect anything happen as it is part in our life.

Yes, they said or some other say when you married, you not marry one instead you married the whole family right? Coz what your husband or wife belong it is belong to you too .. other say give up or back to the PI … me it is not easy coz it is the life we step in and it is the family we need to build in life and as long as we can handle things we need to handle on it. Be brave and stand your self being you or being a wife …don’t leave your husband coz of that thing, he is the one need your love, need care and most of all need your understanding even he not say something on you for what his family ( father in law or brother in law) did to you as long as you are there for him what ever happen soon he will notice or think all about that you really love him …

btw.. it is hard to stay in one house lots of trouble come coz jealousy… but show to them or his family that you are a women or wife to their son you have the right to say things what is in your mind and heart …( if you cant express it to words come on your mouth you need to do a letter to them and leave it when you go back to the Philippines soon) Just an opinion ok… always remember that it is a trails in life when we got married. Other easily say things because they feel much love to the family where they are in for now and yes we loved our family too but know it is really hard.. especially they never experience how hard to deal people who will be your family that you never known if they like and love you in a long way maybe it is ok for the first time but we don’t know in the middle of the time .. can’t say still things but I think my buggy are always there for me so I’m thankful for being him and only I wish soon I can meet and know his family too….

Just keep on posting or update here coz know we are all here to listen and help you whatever we can do or know that even we give an opinion here we are really not sure it is good or bad for you coz you are the one know what your situation to handle there .. only I say keep strong to your self and keep pray and trust to the Lord above .. all the tears you fall it is worth and counted ..life is tough but we will not forget to smile ok!! :smileybigtmouth:

Hmmmm dear wife?....But if a family member hit or abused you, I would jump to your defence, not say to you they are just joking, or you are too sensitive.
That's the trouble, he dosen't see his wifes distress.

Just hope he learns soon? :Erm:

[Ladybug_sim]

Hmmmm dear wife?....But if a family member hit or abused you, I would jump to your defence, not say to you they are just joking, or you are too sensitive.
That's the trouble, he dosen't see his wifes distress.

Just hope he learns soon? :Erm:

ahhhh ... Buggy, you are so sweet man but sometime it happen... what ever they do for you as long as you not do anything bad to them back still show them your love and respect coz time will come they will realize how nice and sweet you are being their daughter or son in law or brother and sister... hmmm i think it is a movie but yes, it is true being a filipina or a sweet and loving filipino people ...btw... i did experience it to my aunt... so i know it is really hard to handle but still need to be patient :rolleyes:

I know it is different for allyn coz she is living in other country now but still I think it is same situation wherever our life goes ... if her husband abuse or do i think it is different story and i can say you need to look the situation things you can handle still but not need to move on ... but it's family so only things to do now i think need to know and learn their weakness to gain there love and respect too.. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

[Sophie]

I know it is different for allyn coz she is living in other country now but still I think it is same situation wherever our life goes ... if her husband abuse or do i think it is different story and i can say you need to look the situation things you can handle still but not need to move on ... but it's family so only things to do now i think need to know and learn their weakness to gain there love and respect too.. :xxgrinning--00xx3:

Good point ladybug_sim :xxgrinning--00xx3:
Whether we like it or not, when couples marry, they marry each other's family as well, figuratively speaking.....
so you try your best to reach out and get along with your husband's/wife's family, win them over and get their love and respect,
but if the family is not welcoming, unpleasant and disrespectful and not treating you well despite all your efforts, then that's a different story....