Awww it's so small and cute!
This refers to when your new girlfriend takes it upon herself to talk about your cock like it's a pet, listen love, using the words 'small' and 'cute' towards a man is like us saying the words 'fat' and 'ugly' to you.......just suck it and leave the small talk out of it.
Sorry sir have you got another form of payment, your card is declined.
Happens to the best of us, you know your broke but you say something like 'oh silly me I brought the wrong card I'll be back later' and laugh as you walk away, but crying inside because you spent the rent.
I wish you were gay
When a gay friend you have known since you were 4 spits out this line one Sunday morning after a night out.
I'm pregnant
OK so if you're in love or happily married it's OK, but generally speaking those words let out a howling scream in your brain knowing that your beer and football has gone, and the sleepless nights and a liquid producing 5lb blood bag has replaced it, oh and don't forget the financial ruin.
Women farting
An occasional anal 'pip' is fine but a full on 3+ second air biscuit is reserved only for us.
X factor
Watching under achieved pub singers try and fight for survival by crying and saying there doing it for there dead dad is crap telly for a bloke, If medieval weaponry was involved then maybe.