my gratefulness to your replies

[DebsNotts]

I am sorry I wasn't able to reply to all who advised me regarding my situation. I was really touched as people out there were also concern. Just to let all those who reply know, I tried women's aid, shelter for women and CBA but they said I should wait till it gets nearer and I did. Now it's becoming nearer... to be honest the good thing that happened is because of this I knew more how things work out here. Also I tried to be sweet to my husband and all that but he just said he all have the control over me and there is nothing I can do to but to follow him...I did tried that last year but things just didn't work...I got a nice job and I am being recognised by my company but they don't proces working visa. We also tried counselling but he said he knows more than the counsellor. Then we both tried individual counselling but again for him it does not help him at all. I am dissappointed that I left my life there to be with him but it did not work out. I tried all the things I can, writing him a letter, email, texts, giving him expensive gifts, taking him for a holiday, keeping my patience to the very end but all I get was moan, nasty remarks, cheated on me, undermining me, all sort of abuse. All I wanted was to work out my marriage. I have given more than what he deserved as my sister told me all I got back was pain and tears...I did it because I do love him...now if he don't sign my papers and for me to gohome, I have to face another difficulty of facing people in Phil that my marriage did not work out and start all over again. But we got married there so I still need annulment, and that costs as well. If he signs my paper, I could stay, come up with the money to divorce/annull and start again. this would be easy for both of us... Either way it's another start again..

[J.P]

Hi Carmen oh my god thats so sad to read of your awful situation, poor poor you, why would he do that to you?..you seem so nice and level headed..well sadly reagarding your papers there is nothing you can do if he does not sign them and were he to contact the Home Office to say you were no longer living together then they can revoke your visa so just hope he does not know where you are currently living. It seems you were just unlucky to pick a bad man, tut tut his 2nd wife already, my heart really does go out to you, he sounds so bad tempered and immature-like an attention seeker...forgive me for saying but he sounds "unstable"...just i guess count yourself lucky that you can reflect your not like that-you are much better than that EG: not unstable, bad temper, immature, attention seeker ect as he clearly his...he's got big personal problems, did something happen in his past? EG: abondened by his father ect?...what makes aman do that?...just to think you gave up your life in Phils for him and you were clearly a good wife, treating him well ect and thats how he treats you, its good you have so many Fill friends now anyway and im sure with your personality you are very popular with the Fills you live with . You know it may not be much consolation but i had a similar experience with my ex...she was crazy!...she left me and was making out i "kicked her out" of our home and even seeked attention and sympathy-self pity so much she was telling starngers on the bus how i had "kicked her out"...how shameful...she was telling so many lies and exagerating so much, talking to so many including friends and family-yup and as you can guess it was all one sided if you believed her stories and lies, nothing was her fault and according to her deluded lies she was the "victim" and had been a good wife..she was even spreading her lies on the net to all!!, i had friends i lost through her-1 of my friends Jo hated her but sadly i didnt listen to her advice regarding my unstable ex, i pity my ex though as she was truely unstable-a real personality disorder and had even spent time in Pshyicatric care back in Phils, once she was so very out of control i even had to resort to calling the police on her to get her removed from my parents home such was her out of control state of mind, sadly my overiding view of her is the fact that she had never ever grown up and was nasty to the point of evil and incappable of stabillity, thank god she is nothing in my world now-my only regret is i had a wonderful woman in my life before who was the exact opposite of her and i choose the wrong one...but gladly all is not lost and its never to late...so yeah reading your posts i truelly feel for you "Carmen"...he didnt deserve you, just remember your a great woman-wish i had met you instead of my total b of an ex!, take care
J.P

[bornatbirth]

before u sign anything get all u can from him and make sure u get all the costs to cover the annulment,sorry to hear it didnt work out make use to ur time here!

u could always get back with him and wind him up and let him hit u then get the police in to kick is butt and get ur visa to stay?

[jencha8569]

I am sorry I wasn't able to reply to all who advised me regarding my situation. I was really touched as people out there were also concern. Just to let all those who reply know, I tried women's aid, shelter for women and CBA but they said I should wait till it gets nearer and I did. Now it's becoming nearer... to be honest the good thing that happened is because of this I knew more how things work out here. Also I tried to be sweet to my husband and all that but he just said he all have the control over me and there is nothing I can do to but to follow him...I did tried that last year but things just didn't work...I got a nice job and I am being recognised by my company but they don't proces working visa. We also tried counselling but he said he knows more than the counsellor. Then we both tried individual counselling but again for him it does not help him at all. I am dissappointed that I left my life there to be with him but it did not work out. I tried all the things I can, writing him a letter, email, texts, giving him expensive gifts, taking him for a holiday, keeping my patience to the very end but all I get was moan, nasty remarks, cheated on me, undermining me, all sort of abuse. All I wanted was to work out my marriage. I have given more than what he deserved as my sister told me all I got back was pain and tears...I did it because I do love him...now if he don't sign my papers and for me to gohome, I have to face another difficulty of facing people in Phil that my marriage did not work out and start all over again. But we got married there so I still need annulment, and that costs as well. If he signs my paper, I could stay, come up with the money to divorce/annull and start again. this would be easy for both of us... Either way it's another start again..

i am sorry to hear that carmen. i think all of us (women) dont want to undergo that kind of situation, we all wanted our lives to be better as much as possible than what we had before.just try and try to talk to him more if ur husband will not cooperate with you then he doesnt deserve you. uve sacrificed urself enough remember true hapiness comes from within. being happy doesnt mean u have to be with somebody else its being happy within the things goin in your life. and i know u deserve to be happy. try to communicate with ur fam and friends more for support u need that and dont hesitate to seek help on filipino agencies there and good samaritans i know
they out there somewhere..hehe
just pray carmen ask guidance to the Lord, He will help you. just remember
God will not give us problems that we cannot find ways to solve.

God Bless

Jencha

[andypaul]

!

u could always get back with him and wind him up and let him hit u then get the police in to kick is butt and get ur visa to stay?

If that back fires either get killed or seriously injured or end up in legal problems yourself for trying to provoke someone, who may also get off any assault charge for hitting you in self defence.

[eljean]

if you are in doubts...all you can do for now is stop trying and just keep saving all you earned from working then at least when you get back home you can start something back there its not the end of the world prove to him that you can still be successful in life who knows you ended up with someone whos much better than him love need not to be cruel,dont waste youre life
if you do love him let him go or let go of yourself let the love find ways for both of you....good luck and all the best

[andypaul]

if you are in doubts...all you can do for now is stop trying and just keep saving all you earned from working then at least when you get back home you can start something back there its not the end of the world prove to him that you can still be successful in life who knows you ended up with someone whos much better than him love need not to be cruel,dont waste youre life
if you do love him let him go or let go of yourself let the love find ways for both of you....good luck and all the best

Best way to move on and even get revenge is to make a go of Life without them and show them what a wonderful person you are. That it is their loss.

[jencha8569]

exactley i agree do what andypaul says and u will have a life the way u want it to.

i do hope all will be fix on ur side carmen.
keep posting and reading it will help.

be well always

[Banana]

Is their a rule against separating long posts into paragraphs on this messageboard?

The first two posts on this thread just make me not want to read them :(

[kimmi]

Is their a rule against separating long posts into paragraphs on this messageboard?

The first two posts on this thread just make me not want to read them :(

second the motion.

[walesrob]

Is their a rule against separating long posts into paragraphs on this messageboard?

The first two posts on this thread just make me not want to read them :(

This depends on Javascript being installed on the poster's computer. Without Java, all formatting is removed and it appears as one long paragraph.

[alicat]

second the motion.

[kimmi]

thanks for explaining Mod Rob..

[bornatbirth]

If that back fires either get killed or seriously injured or end up in legal problems yourself for trying to provoke someone, who may also get off any assault charge for hitting you in self defence.

did you read her other post?

do u really think she will end up dead,i pretty much doubt it?,i know its not the best advice but she wants to stay here wat do u suggest she does?she needs real prove of abuse in the relationship!

shes gonna end up back in the philippines with nothing and with annulment to settle and ur telling her to earn as much as she can before shes goes back?how about getting as much from him as she can and not working

im sorry ur relationship didnt work out but get as much as u can before u go back,goodluck

[andypaul]

did you read her other post?

do u really think she will end up dead,i pretty much doubt it?,i know its not the best advice but she wants to stay here wat do u suggest she does?she needs real prove of abuse in the relationship!

shes gonna end up back in the philippines with nothing and with annulment to settle and ur telling her to earn as much as she can before shes goes back?how about getting as much from him as she can and not working

im sorry ur relationship didnt work out but get as much as u can before u go back,goodluck

Who knows how many murders/deaths due to fights or attacks were accidents i would think a big percentage.
If the police or authorities discovered she was goading him for her own benefit then game up as well.

Maybe others can allow people with a few keystokes to let others be battered, I can't.

Maybe she ends up with loads of money and smiles or ends up in an even bigger mess with permant injuries to contend with in the Phill.

A figure Joe bloggs showed that ilr was still deneyed even with abuse shown below


some stats, but not for those applying for a spouse visa, but those applying for ILR, from 2006

ILR Grant/Refusal breakdown Totals
Granted 76,655
Refused 5,285
Other 13,450
Total 95,390

and

Settlement refusal Spouse*
- Refusal Marriage/relationship terminated or no
intention to live together 300

-Refusal despite domestic violence 220

Settlement refusal other than husband or wives
- Refusal no extension granted
167

Refusal premature application 715 *** warning don't send your app more than 28 days b4 you've been in uk 2 yrs or this happens ..

[J.P]

Well Jessica, Debs Notts or whichever alias you now use, let me bring you up to date with my situation, i got married to "Tawing" in November 06 and by May 07 she had left the marital home chosing to live with other Filipinos and refusing to return "home", she lied both here on the forum and to others in person that she was "kicked out" when put simply that was not true as she left of her own accord, even in her posts here she contradicts herself regarding this, however even more wicked and spiteful of her was that she cast stories of being a "battered wife" again both on this site and in person to other Filipino and her workmates ect, now if this was true then why did she never have to attend hospital for cuts, bruises, broken bones ect? why? because it never happened, pure lies, again if it were true why was i never reported to the police and aressted?, why am i not in prison?, why am i still able to work as a care giver with vulnerable people if i was a "wife beater"...because put simply as me and her know it just never happened, how would genuine victims of domestic violence feel about her and her lies i wonder?, would they support there "sister" if they knew it was lies?, funny thing is the only time the police were called to any "domestic" between us was to remove her from my parents house on Boxing day due to her out of control behaviour!...anyway she paints me to be a wife beater, maybe this is in part to hide her adultary as she has been having an affair for sometime and guess making these stories kinda helps her justify her affair, luckily for me i know all that goes on in her life due to some "close" contacts so have been aware of her affair for sometime, kinda contradicts her "good Catholic girl" image she wishes to portray, in a way i suppose i pity her despite all her wicked lies and her cheating as i know she has a personality dissorder and can't help but lie, self pity and seek attention and at least now she is no longer my problem and the poor guy thats taken her on doesn't know what a mistake he has made-good luck mate cause you will sure need it. Anyway thanks god the divorce is now complete even she didn't respond to the petition at her old address or via her parents address, i got her new address also but as the petition went deemed service no need to enforce any further, now i am free to be with my love and she with her's...the sadest part was i was prepared to "help" her and offered her the easy way but sadly she chose the hard way and what's to come back home in Roxas City...wow!. To think i just wanted my ex to sign a bank form but true to form she lied and stubornly refused and gained nothing by this, thankfully i was easily able to sort this matter myself anyway, also she did make some claims to the police but again baseless and actually laughable, "he didn't let me spend money" "he made me sleep downstairs in the cold"...the female duty sargent at the police station actually laughed when reading this out and remarked "i will struggle to keep a straight face"...was she not ashamed coming across so weak and pathetic in making such stupid claims as an "offence"...oh well just shows her "level" i guess. Seems my ex has made herself very unpopular with many of the Filipinos here especially many find her "aloof" "cold" and "snobby" and many even see straight through her lies, does she realize this i wonder?...so many stories i've heard with perhaps one from her old address being especially funny when she went "mad" at a house guest for taking her rice from the fridge and eating it...not very generous!...hey you state above in your post that you treated your ex to a holiday? really? where to...see i remember paying my ex's flight home costs but she never paid for a holiday for me...if you were her that would be another lie and false post...but hey your "Debs Notts" and she was posting under "Carmen"...goes by the name of Tawing...damm it was you! safe flight home
Annie Mona (remember Annie?

[LEAHnew]

[aromulus]

Exactly....

But then again.......

[aposhark]

Hmmmm

I don't think I could even send a message like that.
Seems to me that sentences and paragraphs break things up nicely so lucid thoughts come out.
I can't even read long paragraphs, it has the effect of messing with MY head too

[Mrs.JMajor]

Another washed their dirty clothes in public

[KeithD]

now if this was true then why did she never have to attend hospital for cuts, bruises, broken bones ect? why? because it never happened, pure lies, again if it were true why was i never reported to the police and aressted....why am i not in prison?, why am i still able to work as a care giver with vulnerable people if i was a "wife beater"...

Same reason my sister never, fear........and the courts give her ex the kids becuase he was listed as violent!!!! So not everything follows the lines of common sense. Domestic abuse can be mental without the person doing in realising.

Pity the grammar & spell checker wasn't used