Disclaimer: By posting on this web site it is accepted that you have agreed to our Terms. Please DO NOT publish copyrighted material/pictures without the owner’s permission, you are liable for any costs incurred.


Results 1 to 25 of 25
  1. #1
    Respected Member ssbib's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Salford, England
    Posts
    177
    Rep Power
    32

    Family crisis...and I'm not there to help.

    I received bad news today. My fiance's grandmother passed away. My fiancé has just called me in floods of tears to tell me the news and there is nothing I can do to help her. I just want to be close by her so I can comfort her but I can't do that. This is new territory for us as nothing like this has happened in the past. How do you guys cope if your significant other needs you on an emotional level but you're on the other side of the planet? I can't think of anything except being here for her to talk to. I think I will send her and her family some flowers just so they know I am thinking of them at this difficult time. I'm sad also as I never got the chance to meet her Gran and now I never will.


  2. #2
    Trusted Member stevewool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    derbyshire
    Posts
    18,980
    Rep Power
    150
    There will be lots of crisis when you are not there , just by talking and listening helps, that's all you can do,
    I would not send any flowers at all, just wait and listen and maybe you may send something at a later date,
    Be prepared for lots of these things to happen when your partner is here with you too.
    You get use to this by just taking a step back and again just be there to offer advice and comfort when needed


  3. #3
    Respected Member ssbib's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Salford, England
    Posts
    177
    Rep Power
    32
    Quote Originally Posted by stevewool View Post
    There will be lots of crisis when you are not there , just by talking and listening helps, that's all you can do,
    I would not send any flowers at all, just wait and listen and maybe you may send something at a later date,
    Be prepared for lots of these things to happen when your partner is here with you too.
    You get use to this by just taking a step back and again just be there to offer advice and comfort when needed
    Thanks for that. I suppose you are right. There is not much else I can do at this time.


  4. #4
    Trusted Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Pangasinan
    Posts
    25,596
    Rep Power
    150
    Indeed.

    They all managed before they met us.


  5. #5
    Moderator Steve.r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Bongabon
    Posts
    6,520
    Rep Power
    150
    As said by Steve, there is absolutely nothing you can do, only be there to listen to your fiancée and comfort. If you have never been to a Filipino funeral before then don't think it is like here. Of course everyone is upset and emotional but everyone will be busy getting things ready for the Wake. Her Lola will be placed in her coffin and brought back to the house for 4 to 5 days before the funeral itself. Durning that time many people will attend every night at the wake when they will drink coffee, play tong-it and eat snacks provided by her family. It is not a real sad occasion, more a great rememberance of her life. All the family from everywhere will be there to visit and help.
    On the day of the funeral, the coffin will be put in a hearse or horse and cart and taken slowly to the church and all the family and friends will walk behind, maybe you have seen this before when you were there. After the service she will be taken to the cemetery and entombed. In my experience, the walk and the church are the most emotional times as this is the last time anyone will see their loved one, all you can do is support them.

    From here, you can't do much, don't send flowers as the family will already have them sorted.

    But please give my condolences to your fiancée
    If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up


  6. #6
    Respected Member Slip's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Leicestershire
    Posts
    1,468
    Rep Power
    99
    Like has been said. Just be there for her. I take it you communicate via Skype. So just make time for her.

    When my wife went to a funeral here with me earlier this year. She was telling me how very different the process is leading up to the day of the funeral and the actual funeral.

    You will find a lot of things different in her culture. Some get a bit of getting used too, but you will.


  7. #7
    Respected Member ssbib's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Salford, England
    Posts
    177
    Rep Power
    32
    Quote Originally Posted by grahamw48 View Post
    Indeed.

    They all managed before they met us.
    I know but she shouldn't have to manage now I am in her life. I just want to be there and give her a big hug.
    Quote Originally Posted by Steve.r View Post
    As said by Steve, there is absolutely nothing you can do, only be there to listen to your fiancée and comfort. If you have never been to a Filipino funeral before then don't think it is like here. Of course everyone is upset and emotional but everyone will be busy getting things ready for the Wake. Her Lola will be placed in her coffin and brought back to the house for 4 to 5 days before the funeral itself. Durning that time many people will attend every night at the wake when they will drink coffee, play tong-it and eat snacks provided by her family. It is not a real sad occasion, more a great rememberance of her life. All the family from everywhere will be there to visit and help.
    On the day of the funeral, the coffin will be put in a hearse or horse and cart and taken slowly to the church and all the family and friends will walk behind, maybe you have seen this before when you were there. After the service she will be taken to the cemetery and entombed. In my experience, the walk and the church are the most emotional times as this is the last time anyone will see their loved one, all you can do is support them.

    From here, you can't do much, don't send flowers as the family will already have them sorted.

    But please give my condolences to your fiancée
    I've vaguely heard of that. Her brother-in-law's aunt died last year and I think she went to pay her respects at that funeral but I didn't hear too much detail about it. This is the first major death in her family for a long time so I think it's going to be a new experience for her too. It sounds a lot different to the funerals here but I kind of like it, sounds good with it being a celebration. I didn't see any funerals when I was in the Philippines.

    Quote Originally Posted by Slip View Post
    Like has been said. Just be there for her. I take it you communicate via Skype. So just make time for her.

    When my wife went to a funeral here with me earlier this year. She was telling me how very different the process is leading up to the day of the funeral and the actual funeral.

    You will find a lot of things different in her culture. Some get a bit of getting used too, but you will.
    We mostly communicate via Viber but use Skype for video chats (when we can get it to work) but I'll make myself available. I'll keep myself logged in tonight so she can call me if she needs to.

    Thanks for all the short everyone.


  8. #8
    Moderator Steve.r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Bongabon
    Posts
    6,520
    Rep Power
    150
    I don't think it will be such a new experience for her. I have been to so many funerals since I have been in the Philippines and we always take the children, they always want to see the patay. So different to here where everything is so hidden and sorrowful. So sure she has been to man funerals, just not close family maybe.

    As as for video chat, download Wechat it is better and more stable that skype.
    If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up


  9. #9
    Respected Member ssbib's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Salford, England
    Posts
    177
    Rep Power
    32
    Quote Originally Posted by Steve.r View Post
    I don't think it will be such a new experience for her. I have been to so many funerals since I have been in the Philippines and we always take the children, they always want to see the patay. So different to here where everything is so hidden and sorrowful. So sure she has been to man funerals, just not close family maybe.

    As as for video chat, download Wechat it is better and more stable that skype.
    What is Patay? Never heard of that. Thanks for the recommendation of wechat, I'll check it out. Skype is good but it's always a pain to get it to connect.viber video chat has poor picture quality. Great for calls and message though.


  10. #10
    Moderator Steve.r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Bongabon
    Posts
    6,520
    Rep Power
    150
    Patay = Dead
    If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up


  11. #11
    Respected Member jonnijon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Philippines
    Posts
    1,299
    Rep Power
    112
    Sometimes lola's die three or four times, be careful.


  12. #12
    Moderator Steve.r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Bongabon
    Posts
    6,520
    Rep Power
    150
    Quote Originally Posted by jonnijon View Post
    Sometimes lola's die three or four times, be careful.
    If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up


  13. #13
    Moderator Arthur Little's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    City of Perth, Scotland
    Posts
    24,230
    Rep Power
    150
    Cannot think of anything else to add to what has been said already ... apart from joining others in offering my own condolences to your girlfriend, Phill.


  14. #14
    Trusted Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Pangasinan
    Posts
    25,596
    Rep Power
    150
    Posted on my facebook today .... I didn't ask.

    .


  15. #15
    Respected Member SimonH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Pampamga
    Posts
    3,728
    Rep Power
    150
    That party could do with livening up a bit


  16. #16
    Trusted Member stevewool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    derbyshire
    Posts
    18,980
    Rep Power
    150
    Quote Originally Posted by jonnijon View Post
    Sometimes lola's die three or four times, be careful.
    Now that is funny


  17. #17
    Trusted Member stevewool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    derbyshire
    Posts
    18,980
    Rep Power
    150
    Quote Originally Posted by grahamw48 View Post
    Posted on my facebook today .... I didn't ask.

    .
    Different to the ones I have been too here


  18. #18
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Nottinghamshire
    Posts
    11,643
    Rep Power
    150
    They are more brave than me, I've never been near a dead person or seen one, no couldn't do that


  19. #19
    Moderator Arthur Little's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    City of Perth, Scotland
    Posts
    24,230
    Rep Power
    150
    .
    Quote Originally Posted by stevewool View Post
    Different to the ones I have been to here
    ... WOW, I'll say! ... unless, of course, there's the prospect of an inheritance!


  20. #20
    Moderator Steve.r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Bongabon
    Posts
    6,520
    Rep Power
    150
    We have lost several close friends and relatives notably Charie's mum and brother over the last two years. I have lost count of the number of wakes we go to.
    If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up


  21. #21
    Respected Member Ako Si Jamie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Birmingham
    Posts
    7,191
    Rep Power
    150
    They do die quite young over there. Noticed quite a few women in their thirties on dating sites that are widowed. Preventable illnesses like diabetes can be a cause of death too which is tragic really.


  22. #22
    Moderator
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Marikina City
    Posts
    26,785
    Rep Power
    150
    Quote Originally Posted by jonnijon View Post
    Sometimes lola's die three or four times, be careful.
    Now that really tickled me


  23. #23
    Moderator
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Marikina City
    Posts
    26,785
    Rep Power
    150
    Quote Originally Posted by Steve.r View Post
    We have lost several close friends and relatives notably Charie's mum and brother over the last two years. I have lost count of the number of wakes we go to.
    We have also attended so many funerals.
    Too many close family members.

    One of my bro-in-laws just a couple of weeks ago. My wife flew to Davao alone to help organise, I stayed at home.


  24. #24
    Trusted Member stevewool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    derbyshire
    Posts
    18,980
    Rep Power
    150
    Quote Originally Posted by Michael Parnham View Post
    They are more brave than me, I've never been near a dead person or seen one, no couldn't do that
    I have been near quite a few dead people


  25. #25
    Respected Member ssbib's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Salford, England
    Posts
    177
    Rep Power
    32
    Quote Originally Posted by Arthur Little View Post
    Cannot think of anything else to add to what has been said already ... apart from joining others in offering my own condolences to your girlfriend, Phill.
    Thanks Arthur, I'm sure she will appreciate that.


Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. 2nd ship sent to help the migrant crisis
    By stevewool in forum Loose Talk, Chat and Off Topic
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 29th May 2016, 04:34
  2. Migrant crisis
    By stevewool in forum Loose Talk, Chat and Off Topic
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 15th July 2015, 10:11
  3. Man Utd facing defensive crisis
    By Win2Win in forum Sport
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 30th October 2009, 15:28
  4. identity crisis
    By sam_althea in forum Loose Talk, Chat and Off Topic
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 9th October 2008, 21:50

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Filipino Forum : Philippine Forum