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  1. #181
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
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    So pleased you know that they are ok, that's the biggest worry off your mind!


  2. #182
    Respected Member tiger31's Avatar
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    well I would fight her and seek full custody You have the support of your family and friends to try and get the kids because she may decide to flee the country in the near future then you will have lost them .don,t accept supervised contact because thats like admitting her claims of abuse she still has to prove your were abusive ,you family and friends will tell them your not .


  3. #183
    Respected Member SimonH's Avatar
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    Glad you could see my objective point of view earlier
    Now, on a very serious note, get yourself to a solicitor straight away as in NOW. I don't profess to know anything about the laws of the land but there must be some restraining order you can put on your wife to stop her attempting to even try and take your kids out of the country.
    Did I mention..............DO IT NOW


  4. #184
    Moderator fred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SimonH View Post
    Glad you could see my objective point of view earlier
    Now, on a very serious note, get yourself to a solicitor straight away as in NOW. I don't profess to know anything about the laws of the land but there must be some restraining order you can put on your wife to stop her attempting to even try and take your kids out of the country.
    Did I mention..............DO IT NOW


  5. #185
    Respected Member malditako's Avatar
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    i can imagine what u feeling gwapito about your kids but the message is clear that your wife wants some space with the kids away from you. Give her that space till she cools down and wait till she's ready to talk to you. Don't panic too much now that you know where they are safe and sound. Never push yourself to hard on her it wouldn't help. No problems would be solve if both parties are upset, depress, and angry. Hope things would get better for the two of you.


  6. #186
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    Quote Originally Posted by malditako View Post
    i can imagine what u feeling gwapito about your kids but the message is clear that your wife wants some space with the kids away from you. Give her that space till she cools down and wait till she's ready to talk to you. Don't panic too much now that you know where they are safe and sound. Never push yourself to hard on her it wouldn't help. No problems would be solve if both parties are upset, depress, and angry. Hope things would get better for the two of you.
    I read what you are saying. .Thanks for taking the time.

    Cheers
    Mark


  7. #187
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    It's now coming up to 54 days since I've seen and held my baby boys.

    Thus far I'm having the toughest time of my life.

    I'm having no communication...only just the other week she closed her bank account so I was unable to deposit any funds for the boys.


    The police can't do anything, the social services can't do anything.
    She called me mad to her gossiping friend, she may well have a point.

    When she left taking our boys I was beside myself with what's best described as grief. ..my daughter and neighbours help pack the toys away in their bedroom just so I could carry on with normal life. ..now I'm getting those same toys back in view. ...I pray over their cots before I sleep...I say good morning to them when I wake. . .I pray over their cots before I leave the house. .I'm finding myself talking to them while in the house.

    I only hope the people helping and giving her such bad advice can live with the damage they have done...for sure, you will receive your Judgement.

    She's refusing to reply to any of my solicitor's letters. ..she's refusing to accept the boys clothing footwear favourite toys and food. .a day or so after she left I suggested (and I'm still suggesting, although I don't think she's getting my messages) one of her friends come and collect or I cld pay for a taxi to collect. ..nothing doing, it's as if they've fell off the side of the earth.

    I'm living a hell.

    Stay strong I'm being told. All well meant,I know.

    Well, that's the update.

    Cheers
    Gwaps


  8. #188
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    Sorry to hear that mate.

    As you know, I came close to losing my lovely boy too, so I really can empathise.

    Even now, 10 years on , I'm grateful every moment of the day for his presence in my house and in my life, and remember the dark days.

    Things CAN change. Stay strong, and concentrate on being the type of guy your children would want as a father.


  9. #189
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    Quote Originally Posted by grahamw48 View Post
    Sorry to hear that mate.

    As you know, I came close to losing my lovely boy too, so I really can empathise.

    Even now, 10 years on , I'm grateful every moment of the day for his presence in my house and in my life, and remember the dark days.

    Things CAN change. Stay strong, and concentrate on being the type of guy your children would want as a father.
    Thanks Graham

    It's what I'm doing. .I'm getting house all shipshape and the garden is ready for the boys to play with the battery powered Ferrari we bought them both for their birthdays. ..This is what I'm telling the boys in my home world.
    I was going to knock down the shed and replace the 3 piece suite. ..in fact I'd arranged for the windows to be removed for the new suite but I changed my mind the night before. ..the reason being, wanting the house looking exactly the same as before.

    I remember when we arrived back from Philippines after 6 weeks away last October. .James, the eldest, remembered everything so, I'm hoping for the same again.

    I appreciate your reply Graham.


  10. #190
    Respected Member Ako Si Jamie's Avatar
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    I don't mean to be nosey Mark but how long did you know her before you brought her over to this country?


  11. #191
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    Quote Originally Posted by jamieXXXmaria View Post
    I don't mean to be nosey Mark but how long did you know her before you brought her over to this country?
    We met online December 6 2008 Her arrival date into Heathrow is dated December 6 2009

    I first went to see her in the January, I came home in the March. ..I went out to marry her in the June, three days after the first anniversary of my dad's death. I stayed for 3 weeks only. ...I then went out again in the October arriving back here with Jane, my lovely beautiful wife on December 6 for what I thought was going to be the happiest days of my life. How full of hope we were. .especially when our beautiful boys came by way of a miracle. .I had a successful reverse vasectomy 16 after the original vasectomy. We were blessed


  12. #192
    Trusted Member Rosie1958's Avatar
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    Mark, I feel so sorry for everyone involved. It sounds like you need help to deal with your feelings and I would strongly urge you to have some counselling if you are not receiving it already.

    You take care
    Rosie


  13. #193
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
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    I just hope for your sake Mark, that time becomes the great healer, good luck for the future!


  14. #194
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rosie1958 View Post
    Mark, I feel so sorry for everyone involved. It sounds like you need help to deal with your feelings and I would strongly urge you to have some counselling if you are not receiving it already.

    You take care
    Rosie
    Hi Rosie.
    Thanks for your concern I'm coping as well as can be expected.

    I have an outpouring on here every now and then. ..that's about it

    I'm working and as always, I'm keeping busy.

    Nothing wrong in getting emotional ..I'm letting off steam. . I then get back on with my life like I have to.


  15. #195
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michael Parnham View Post
    I just hope for your sake Mark, that time becomes the great healer, good luck for the future!
    Thanks Michael. ..I'm still struggling with the 2 days I'm not working. .too much thinking! !! I've taken up running again so that's helping ..still got to come home to a dead house. ... you are right, time mostly make the pain of lose and emptiness, bearable. ...not always though Michael.


  16. #196
    Trusted Member stevewool's Avatar
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    keeping busy helps for that time only , the few hours when you are alone is the worst,
    What ever the outcome you just have to be there for yourself and the boys when they come to see you again soon


  17. #197
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    Quote Originally Posted by stevewool View Post
    keeping busy helps for that time only , the few hours when you are alone is the worst,
    What ever the outcome you just have to be there for yourself and the boys when they come to see you again soon
    Thanks Steve.


  18. #198
    Respected Member marksroomspain's Avatar
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    Hiya Buddy,

    As you may know as I have posted before that I have been following this thread all along and just hope you are close to getting some sort of result regarding access to your children.

    I cant imagine what you have gone through as having a child myself I could only just think what it would be like.

    I do hope you get good news soon and for this nightmare to end.

    God bless you,

    Mark...


  19. #199
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    Quote Originally Posted by marksroomspain View Post
    Hiya Buddy,

    As you may know as I have posted before that I have been following this thread all along and just hope you are close to getting some sort of result regarding access to your children.

    I cant imagine what you have gone through as having a child myself I could only just think what it would be like.

    I do hope you get good news soon and for this nightmare to end.

    God bless you,

    Mark...
    Thank you Mark. .I remember you saying that.
    I'm getting closer but how close I've got no idea. ..the legal process is so slow, you can't believe it. Us men haven't got a leg to stand on when up against something like this. ..it's a scandal

    I gauge my moods with music. .I've yet to pass the James Taylor ''You've got a friend'' test no matter how i feel. I'll keep trying.

    I certainly have surprised myself though. I never thought in a million years I cld withstand all this.

    God bless you Mark along with your lady and child :-)


  20. #200
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gWaPito View Post
    Thanks Michael. ..I'm still struggling with the 2 days I'm not working. .too much thinking! !! I've taken up running again so that's helping ..still got to come home to a dead house. ... you are right, time mostly make the pain of lose and emptiness, bearable. ...not always though Michael.
    Do you have any friends locally Mark, or do you have a garden/or do any gardening? Since I arrived back in England Maritess and I have only one other couple who are friends up to now and its great to have someone to talk to on the odd occasion, even though we don't live near each other we talk on the phone now and then. With reference to my question on gardening, I mentioned it because I found that doing something creative in the garden is a great form of therapy when you are alone and I'm no gardener, but whilst Maritess has been working I've dug out a beautiful pond and stocked it up with plants and wildlife from the local canal and it's turned out really nice! Just trying to put an idea in your head for the days you are home alone Mark!


  21. #201
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michael Parnham View Post
    Do you have any friends locally Mark, or do you have a garden/or do any gardening? Since I arrived back in England Maritess and I have only one other couple who are friends up to now and its great to have someone to talk to on the odd occasion, even though we don't live near each other we talk on the phone now and then. With reference to my question on gardening, I mentioned it because I found that doing something creative in the garden is a great form of therapy when you are alone and I'm no gardener, but whilst Maritess has been working I've dug out a beautiful pond and stocked it up with plants and wildlife from the local canal and it's turned out really nice! Just trying to put an idea in your head for the days you are home alone Mark!
    Hi Michael

    Yes, i got friends and next door neighbours I can pass the day with They've come handy these last 54 days.
    I'm lucky to have such people around me. My daughter has been a God send, I can tell you...I haven't been the most deserving of dad's to her these last 4 years. I'm sure making it up now

    I do hanging baskets Michael...only summer ones..I did winter ones last season which turnt out not being a pretty sight.

    Im consumed with the running as well which means I spend time preparing meals and eating correctly.

    I'm okay Micheal..I know I come accross as a doom mechant at times...all im doing is expressing feelings which I don't do in the outside world..although I share we my daughter and mother.

    I will be contributing to the services of this forum...this place is a one in a million

    I was going to remove my shed this summer after I hung the baskets...now I will keep at least until my boys start coming back here..I want to keep the house and garden exactly the same as before they left..they will and do remember.

    I'm having a good day today..i slept well and tomorrow and Tuesday is rest days..no rain forcast


  22. #202
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    Quote Originally Posted by gWaPito View Post
    Hi Michael

    Yes, i got friends and next door neighbours I can pass the day with They've come handy these last 54 days.
    I'm lucky to have such people around me. My daughter has been a God send, I can tell you...I haven't been the most deserving of dad's to her these last 4 years. I'm sure making it up now

    I do hanging baskets Michael...only summer ones..I did winter ones last season which turnt out not being a pretty sight.

    Im consumed with the running as well which means I spend time preparing meals and eating correctly.

    I'm okay Micheal..I know I come accross as a doom mechant at times...all im doing is expressing feelings which I don't do in the outside world..although I share we my daughter and mother.

    I will be contributing to the services of this forum...this place is a one in a million

    I was going to remove my shed this summer after I hung the baskets...now I will keep at least until my boys start coming back here..I want to keep the house and garden exactly the same as before they left..they will and do remember.

    I'm having a good day today..i slept well and tomorrow and Tuesday is rest days..no rain forcast
    Glad to know you're doing OK
    I pray improvements will be just around the corner.
    Your daughter sounds like a gem


  23. #203
    Respected Member tiger31's Avatar
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    mark look up alienation syndrome on google its recognised in the U.S but strangely enough not here in the U.K be prepaired for it as I went through the same thing with my ex and 3 kids I know they are still young yet but as they are living with your ex this may well happen to you .your ex sounds like a person who will try to put you through this I hope the write up helps you ok good luck m8


  24. #204
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiger31 View Post
    mark look up alienation syndrome on google its recognised in the U.S but strangely enough not here in the U.K be prepaired for it as I went through the same thing with my ex and 3 kids I know they are still young yet but as they are living with your ex this may well happen to you .your ex sounds like a person who will try to put you through this I hope the write up helps you ok good luck m8
    Thanks Brian.
    All bases are covered....After I told my solicitor the whole lot my solicitor told me what was going to happen and how.
    They've seen it all before. .an old saying I know but, in my case, the truth will come out and justice will be got for our babies.

    It's all about the greater good of the boys Brian. ..the boys need both parents ..and both parents to be amicable. .because we have to. .I can't be deleted I can't be wiped away not matter how much she wants a younger dad with a long future for the boys.


  25. #205
    Respected Member Michael Parnham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gWaPito View Post
    Hi Michael

    Yes, i got friends and next door neighbours I can pass the day with They've come handy these last 54 days.
    I'm lucky to have such people around me. My daughter has been a God send, I can tell you...I haven't been the most deserving of dad's to her these last 4 years. I'm sure making it up now

    I do hanging baskets Michael...only summer ones..I did winter ones last season which turnt out not being a pretty sight.

    Im consumed with the running as well which means I spend time preparing meals and eating correctly.

    I'm okay Micheal..I know I come accross as a doom mechant at times...all im doing is expressing feelings which I don't do in the outside world..although I share we my daughter and mother.

    I will be contributing to the services of this forum...this place is a one in a million

    I was going to remove my shed this summer after I hung the baskets...now I will keep at least until my boys start coming back here..I want to keep the house and garden exactly the same as before they left..they will and do remember.

    I'm having a good day today..i slept well and tomorrow and Tuesday is rest days..no rain forcast
    Thank's Mark, just keep making the most of the rest days, as I said before time is a great healer!


  26. #206
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    Frustration! !! Or cld well be despair
    Another £500 solicitor bill dropped through my door this morning. This all due to being uncooperative. This brings it thus far to 3k ...monies that cld of gone on the boys and going towards paying off mortgage by the time im 65 so then the boys will have it. .as I've said all along.

    Why she wants to grind me into dust is beyond me.

    I just hope caffcass can be a positive influence on her as opposed to the nonsense she's been fed getting since she left, taking our babies 60 days ago.

    Please God bless the 4 of us


  27. #207
    Respected Member tiger31's Avatar
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    I hate to say this mark but your going to be spending lots more money and if she keeps duckin and diving its all going to be for nothing .you need to tell her no more money for her and the kids unless she starts to co-operate as you can,t afford to keep feeding the lawyers thats what they want you to do btw ive been through all this crap spent loads of money and still did,nt get to see my kids.court orders are not worth the paper they are printed on m8 no judge will jail a mother of kids for breaking court orders .so you may need another approach but what that is I do not know looks like your in for a rough ride here I feel sorry for you I really do .


  28. #208
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    Mark, I'd have to agree with Tiger on this one. You've already spent a big amount with your solicitor. Perhaps you need to sit with them and discuss what they see as next steps, how much it will cost, how long it will take and exactly what the outcome(s) will be.
    They should really be providing you with quotations for their actions for agreement to go ahead or hold.
    What are your intentions if and when you have no further funding for the solicitors.
    Time for reassessment I feel. No harm or weakness in that.


  29. #209
    Trusted Member stevewool's Avatar
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    have you any idea what she is wanting, if you can find out that then you will know what to spend, if its within reason , there are no winners in this, pay up say bye for now to all that you thought you had and move on, harsh words but its the words that she and you will understand


  30. #210
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    I disagree it seems that Gwap has no option but to follow the legal route to secure access to his kids - any finances will be dealt with at the divorce stage. He mentioned CAFCASS who are basically "social workers" appointed by the court where kids are involved. They will be looking at both parties' living conditions etc


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