Help understanding my gf and also am i being naive?

[Ako Si Jamie]

She's saying that coz she wants u to feel guilty for making her feel like she's isnt ur priority.

maybe she is just very insecure

Either of these two or both.

[bigmarco]

Seems to me that you have a lot of experienced guys saying the same thing. She's already chasing dough and now playing mind games. There's too many Alarm bells for me considering the relationship is at such an early stage. Head for the hills

[Michael Parnham]

Hi Jello, She's a little immature and very insecure, also she's afraid to tell you what she really feels, possibly in love! With reference to P7000 per month, I would say that sounds about right also the money for uni is correct. My advice is give her the money for uni, I think she's genuine. Good Luck and let us know how things develop!!

[Ako Si Jamie]

Seems to me that you have a lot of experienced guys saying the same thing. She's already chasing dough and now playing mind games. There's to many Alarm bells for me considering the relationship is at such an early stage. Head for the hills

I'd be more worried about being taken for a financial ride Marco than her insecurity issues and the odd mind game because the way I see it, those last two go with the territory.

[gWaPito]

Seems to me that you have a lot of experienced guys saying the same thing. She's already chasing dough and now playing mind games. There's to many Alarm bells for me considering the relationship is at such an early stage. Head for the hills

Cheers bigmarco. .'chasing dough' hahaha that tickled me. .all very true along with Jamie's financial ride ..Jello, believe you me, cut your what you've lost and head elsewhere. ..really, if this is what you call love I'll prefer not to bother.
Jello, you are looking for employment in UK. ..I'd be more inclined to sort out your financial affairs first and foremost. .no good getting loved up now. .focus on work. .and if you are still hell bent on finding your dream filipina, you could do a lot worse than keeping up to speed on this forum.
Good Luck Jello

[bigmarco]

I'd be more worried about being taken for a financial ride Marco than her insecurity issues and the odd mind game because the way I see it, those last two go with the territory.

In all honesty Jamie I never got involved at the start of the thread because if it was me and I had feelings for the girl I'd have given her the 17,000php particularly as they've met.
For me it would be what happened after giving the money would have determined where the relationship went from there. For me 17,000 is a small price to pay to find out if you've got a wrongun or not.
The fact that she's now causing headaches over silly things is enough to say this is more trouble than it's worth. I agree with Gwapito if she's like that now what on earth will she be like once you get her here.

[grahamw48]

My lady has never asked me for a penny (in 18 months).

She knows I only have my fading mind and body to give.

Maybe that's why I love her.

[gWaPito]

My lady has never asked me for a penny (in 18 months).

She knows I only have my fading mind and body to give.

Maybe that's why I love her.

Nice one Graham. ..I'll have to go that route. ...I'll probably have no choice
Btw. .I've tried giving you and Bigmarco reps ..I have to share them around. .apparently, merit isn't a valid reason. .still I understand why. ..

[Ako Si Jamie]

The fact that she's now causing headaches over silly things is enough to say this is more trouble than it's worth. I agree with Gwapito if she's like that now what on earth will she be like once you get her here.

You got to remember it's an LDR so a certain amount of insecurity is expected but I do agree about the immaturity/crying having re-read the thread again. Must have missed that bit. Now that would be a worry.

[grahamw48]

Nice one Graham. ..I'll have to go that route. ...I'll probably have no choice
Btw. .I've tried giving you and Bigmarco reps ..I have to share them around. .apparently, merit isn't a valid reason. .still I understand why. ..

You'll be alright mate.

If someone as barmy as me can get through it.....

[malditako]

Hi there i wondered if someone can advise me if im the one being unreasonable in this situation:


Anyway ive been getting on well with the gf - we have to use skype and YM to communicate.

So yesterday we had a very long conversation (which is fine by me) that was about 4 or 5 hours. I told her i was going out and was also going to try finish editing her resume so said goodnight and all ok.

Next day we are talking and getting on well...she tells me some things she has kept to herself because she has been too embarrassed (family stuff) to tell me before. I'm happy she is comfortable with telling me this stuff and i try to be supportive.

Anyway she asks what i did the day before and i say i went out for a walk around the town (its a small town). She then asked me what time was this. I say it was after our conversation yesterday.

She then says why i go walking round the town and not finish editing her resume :(

So it seems she was accusing me of not bothering with doing her resume and just walking around town when i had said to her the previous day i would do the resume.


I feel a bit harassed at this because i feel a bit unappreciated as im trying to help her but she has a go at me for going for a walk when i guess i shouldve been working away on her resume..

This started a big argument where i unfortunately mention i thought she was being a bit controlling as i got the impression she was trying to tell me what to do..

She also drops into the argument stuff like

"okay i know you need to go u had lots of stuff to do sorry for spending ur hour talking to me i thought ur happy talking to me i thought too u miss me sorry to disturb you"


and

"dont worry i never ever disturb you sorry for the time that i ask for u to chat to me sorry!"

which i find bizarre as i tell her all the time i miss her and we always try to speak every single day. Okay we sometimes miss each other online because she is online at 7am uk time and i would be on later. She always says "u never online"

i find it hurtful that she would suggest i dont care or i dont want to talk to her....

just feels to me like emotional manipulation albeit she doesnt intend to do it i hope. I acknowledge that i felt harassed and felt she was accusing me. She just lost it she then goes on to say shes crying that she doesnt know me...that where is her wonderful bf...that could i leave and bring back her loving bf etc

When i offer hugs and try to be concilitary she says back she doesnt hug strangers.... she doesnt know who i am :(

Basically stuff like that whilst i am trying to be calm and rational and explain why i felt accussed and harassed...perhaps i was being over sensitive but i think she was as well.

Trying to see it from her side she maybe got so annoyed because i said yesterday i would try and finish her resume yesterday but of course today comes and i havent finished it. This has really made her that mad?

So conversation ended with no resolution really. I need to have a think about this relationship.

Typical filipina soaking eh lol....pretty normal building a ldr relationship. It will change after a few years of being together and establish security. You just got a woman who speaks what she feels...and strong enough to argue with her man.

[Michael Parnham]

Typical filipina soaking eh lol....pretty normal building a ldr relationship. It will change after a few years of being together and establish security. You just got a woman who speaks what she feels...and strong enough to argue with her man.

Your right there Grace!

[Michael Parnham]

C'mon Jello, go for it!

[London_Manila]

Surely he should act like a mas kuripot just to see if she is just after one thing
I employ this tactic and it works a treat...........

Last point i like to wear the trousers in a relationship and i dont like being henpecked

[Steve.r]

Last point i like to wear the trousers in a relationship and i dont like being henpecked

Unless he likes to be a doormat of course.

For those giving advice to 'go for it' come on.... we have all heard and witnessed the horror stories, let's advise caution here please..

[malditako]

Surely he should act like a mas kuripot just to see if she is just after one thing
I employ this tactic and it works a treat...........

Last point i like to wear the trousers in a relationship and i dont like being henpecked

i tell u what filipina ladies are always impress with a guy who's ready to spend on them no matter if you are a foreigner or just simply a filipino guy. We do love "galante" men than kuripot ones. Trust me its a fact .

[malditako]

sometimes we have to take risk into a relationship and we learn from our own mistake rather than comparing and listening to from others stories and experiences. Everything differs . If my man would say i do my resume on that day i would expect it and if it does not done i would get upset and moaning all day i guess lol.

[filbrit]

Unless he likes to be a doormat of course.

For those giving advice to 'go for it' come on.... we have all heard and witnessed the horror stories, let's advise caution here please..

I only read the last comments. I agree with Steve. Be cautious but don't give up on her too easily. Give it more time. Tell her what you exactly feel about how she has been acting and see what she's going to say. Observe if she will change. If she needs you more than doing things for her like a simple resume and loves you genuinely, she should not feel bad of what you will say. Understanding, honesty, transparency and communication are very important. Keep your eyes open for the early signs than regret things later.

When I was still chatting with my ex bf (husband now, lol), I never asked for financial help. He is a very nice guy and has done it voluntarily. I could have asked him but I did not. Not because I was trying to make a good impression, I thought it would be too much to ask. Beside I needed a man for love and not for money.

[grahamw48]

...probably why he is your husband now.

[bhem_bhem]

Surely he should act like a mas kuripot just to see if she is just after one thing
I employ this tactic and it works a treat...........

when i met my hubby, he made me believe that he is skint so every time we go out i pay the hotel, half of the food and even half of the petrol. only when i applied for my visa that i found out he's not really skint, he's just tight bugger but he has changed now that we are married (which is good)..

[Arthur Little]

...

tight bugger but he has changed now that we are married (which is good)..

... yes, it's NOW that matters, !

[bigmac]

wots a curry pot?

[gWaPito]

Jello. ..as a couple have just said ' this is typical Filipina behaviour' I beg to differ. ..more than likely the behaviour of someone with a personality disorder. My advice is to run. ..skip the dumping bit. ..change your phone numbers and set up new email accounts.
Good luck

Steve R....I sent you a rep for your last post here. ..unfortunately the rep was sent before I cld complete my comment

I'm really happy to see all is working out for you.

[bigmarco]

My advice is to run. ..skip the dumping bit. ..change your phone numbers and set up new email accounts.
Good luck

Seconded

[grahamw48]

when i met my hubby, he made me believe that he is skint so every time we go out i pay the hotel, half of the food and even half of the petrol. only when i applied for my visa that i found out he's not really skint, he's just tight bugger but he has changed now that we are married (which is good)..

Hey !
Don't be giving away my secrets !

[bhem_bhem]

Hey !
Don't be giving away my secrets !

uh uh, too late..

[Arthur Little]

wots a curry pot?

... y'mean kuripot? Think "skinflint" or "tight-wad".

[beejudge73]

the first issue is about the money for the university few days or weeks after she was too demanding and easily became insensitive... isn't it because you didn't give what she wants? if you have given her favor do you think she wont just react that way? yes she is childish but sometimes a university student can be very mature esp if she undergoes difficulties in life. I could see that your gf is a working student usually working students are the most mature young people here in PI. You could just end up into saying I need to think for this relationship but don't you also thought of understanding him because she might be undergoing difficulties, you can tell that because u have met her here, having arguments sometimes would be a better way to get to know each other I have proven that to my husband we have sometimes petty arguments but I tell you from there we become more mature and see our weak points, or consider your age gap, language barriers. We Filipinos knows English (of course not everybody) but it doesn't mean we could have the same level as the native speakers do (English men) How can you establish a relationship if you would easily give up? maybe its just a matter of how to deal with different culture and background. You like other race so be prepared teach her how to be mature, to be sensitive rather than being tactless Or when things wont really work out with you and her next time try not to get a college level, lol at least somebody who has a career or whoever they are as long as you feel she is the one, fight for it!

[gWaPito]

the first issue is about the money for the university few days or weeks after she was too demanding and easily became insensitive... isn't it because you didn't give what she wants? if you have given her favor do you think she wont just react that way? yes she is childish but sometimes a university student can be very mature esp if she undergoes difficulties in life. I could see that your gf is a working student usually working students are the most mature young people here in PI. You could just end up into saying I need to think for this relationship but don't you also thought of understanding him because she might be undergoing difficulties, you can tell that because u have met her here, having arguments sometimes would be a better way to get to know each other I have proven that to my husband we have sometimes petty arguments but I tell you from there we become more mature and see our weak points, or consider your age gap, language barriers. We Filipinos knows English (of course not everybody) but it doesn't mean we could have the same level as the native speakers do (English men) How can you establish a relationship if you would easily give up? maybe its just a matter of how to deal with different culture and background. You like other race so be prepared teach her how to be mature, to be sensitive rather than being tactless Or when things wont really work out with you and her next time try not to get a college level, lol at least somebody who has a career or whoever they are as long as you feel she is the one, fight for it!

Hi Beejudge..Welcome to the friendly FilipinoUk forum.

Unfortunately I'm taking issue with your post. ;-)

You say it's acceptable for his girlfriend to be like she is because he didn't give into her demand.

You also say she is probably like she is because of life's difficulties. ..Hello! ..we have difficulties here as well. ..that doesn't turn the majority into nutters.

You state that the boyfriend should adapt to the culture of the girlfriend. .I beg to differ. ..they should both adapt to each others culture. ..you see, it's not all about the gf...it's a two way street.

Mutual respect to be shown by both parties. You mention arguments make couples stronger, absolutely. .I totally agree but, it can also hasten the demise of a relationship built upon a halo halo.

Perhaps the boyfriend should of gone for a girlfriend in a higher social bracket, the trouble being, those types are somewhat thin on the ground.

Even so, I'm sending you a rep for your honest contribution.

Cheers
Mark

[Ako Si Jamie]

when i met my hubby, he made me believe that he is skint so every time we go out i pay the hotel, half of the food and even half of the petrol. only when i applied for my visa that i found out he's not really skint, he's just tight bugger but he has changed now that we are married (which is good)..

He wasn't being tight just safeguarding himself, making sure you wanted him for him and not for what he could provide.

Very wise man.