Heartbroken

[softmallowgum]

This is going to be a long post, I can feel it. Leave now while you can, lol :P

I went to the UK for a month (I actually just came back earlier this week) to go and tour around and meet the guy I fell for for the first time. I know it's pretty uncommon that the girls are the one traveling to the UK since it's usually the other way around, but in our case, the guy is 2 years younger than me and is currently unemployed. I understand his situation completely and I really wanted to meet him (he was the first guy who made me fall madly in love), so I decided to risk it and just visit him over the summer.

I had all these expectations for us, thinking how if we REALLY wanted each other, being in a long distance relationship would prove challenging but still feasible in the long run. I was genuinely in love with him, thinking things can go further from an online relationship. But sadly, when I got there, I only got to spend a few hours with him and that was it. I was in his town for a week and he never even contacted me after our meeting. Not even to greet me on my birthday :( (Yeah I went the week of my birthday, instead of celebrating it with my family, I thought I could celebrate it there with him. He said he would make it the best birthday I'd ever had. Well, it turned out to be the worst :'( )

I guess he might've found me fat and unattractive (which is true but he already saw me before), or I guess he was really busy (but I don't buy it since all I ask was some time with me, even for a quick lunch or dinner). I was so distraught and so lost that time because there I was, stuck in a small town, alone with no one to talk to, feeling down and depressed. I was thinking about a lot of things and it was making me crazy.

Being the frank and honest person that am (lol), I sent him messages, telling him about all my feelings, asking him if we had a future. It took him a while to respond (it took him a week, he responded the day before I left!), but at least he told me that because we lived really far away, he can't see us having a real relationship. He said he still really liked me and he still wanted to talk online, but I just had to let go. It still just pains me to remember what he did to me, and talking again like nothing happened would crush me even more.

When I fall in love, I fall truly. Call me old fashioned and/or a crazy romantic, but I do believe love doesn't choose who we fall for. I just happened to have fallen for a British guy, so I wanted to post this here. This site helped me in some ways and I figured sharing my story might also help others... in the sense that no matter how good things are online, it can be very much different when you meet in person.

I sacrificed a lot of time and money for this. I invested a lot of feelings for him, and I expected too much from it all, hoping it can turn into a 'real' relationship. Sadly, it didn't turn out as planned and I had to learn it the hard way.

Still, I regret nothing. I was only as true and as honest as I can be. And I really did learn a lot from this, from him. I met someone during my travels there and he reminded me, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I am trying to move on now but I know it'll take me a while to get there. I often think there's no one out there for me anymore, but I'm trying to fight these thoughts.

Anyway, thanks so much for reading. It's an annoyingly long post and I'm terribly sorry :P But at least now we see it isn't mostly the guys who get used (or felt used) by Filipinas, it can go the other way around too! Hehe. (Although sometimes, I feel like I was the guy in our so-called 'relationship' since I was the one pursuing, lol :P) But yeah, heartbreak and all that spares no one as well.

To all the happily married/engaged ones here, I honestly envy you for finding the right one. May you continue to be happy and in love. And to my fellow single ones (if there are single people here lol), let's continue hoping and praying there is someone for us, and that things will go right for us soon as well. Cheers!

[karenkeith]

sorry to hear that girl..it's true that it's hard to trust to a guy nowadays..but God prepared someone for you but maybe not now..just wait and be patient.

[anonymous]

Aww, so sorry to hear that softmallowgum I believe it happened for a reason but i wish it did not came to that point though. It's just so bad of him that he even not appreciated the efforts you made just to see him when he should be the one making the first move to meet you, or even just entertain or accompany you during your stay there in UK. Anyway, you deserve someone better softmallowgum For sure there is someone out there who is going to love you truly/sincerely, someone who is willing to take the risk just to be with you and someone who will fight for his love for you regardless of those hindrances (being in a long distance rel for ex.) Just be strong and i hope you'll find the courage and strength to move on. God has a better plan for you

[zaxy]

The guy sounds like a right bad guy he could have spend a week with you as a friend and telling you to your face that no hope for a future as you far. I do hope u get over him and find a right guy for you.

[grahamw48]

What a sad story...almost nightmarish.

The guy sounds like a total waste of space, just so unfortunate that you had to cross the world and spend a fortune finding that out.

Of course us guys take the same chance when we do things the other way round, but I'm sure that's no consolation for you.

Thanks for being brave enough to share your experience. I'm sure others can learn from it.

There will be a nice person somewhere for you, but obviously he wasn't the one.

[elve_page]

Hi softmallowgum, i know right guy for you will come in the right time just wait.
I've been waiting the right person for me for almost 5 years and he came the right time.

[marksroomspain]

What a heart breaking story softmallowgum but truly inspiring to read I was so intriuged in reading this i felt everything you must have gone through, you sound such an amazing girl and I am sure you will meet somebody who truly deserves you they say filipinas are amazing girls I know and you have just proved it through your post hope you find your true soul mate God Bless, Mark.

[Tinker]

It is really sad. I know it is not easy to move on, but you can make it. Just think of his negative side, so that you wont feel the pain that much and one day the right guy will come unexpectedly. Cheer up..

[softmallowgum]

Thank you so much for your replies. <3 I know it's gonna be hard, but I have to man up... or should I say woman up (lol), and move on :P

I really hope that in some way it can help other British/Filipino/etc people, who are planning to invest their precious time and money to meet their partners on the other side of the world. I hope it forces them to truly evaluate and really, really know the risks first. At that time, I knew there was a chance it won't work out, but I denied it over and over because I was trapped in that perfect, we'll-live-happily-ever-after fantasy.

I had to learn the hard way that reality can sometimes be so much different from the online world. There are of course a ton of successful stories, but then there are a few ones like mine that didn't turn out so well, unfortunately.

Again, thank you everyone <3 I am praying things will go well for me, and even for him (in that he doesn't do it again to others there). :P

[joebloggs]

there could be many reasons, but you would have thought he would have had the decency to spend time with you after traveling 1/2 away around the world

lack of contact , maybe he's already in a relationship? well he cant use he got no time becuase he has to work

sorry its ended like this, times a great healer softmallowgum

[softmallowgum]

That is true joebloggs. And I really do believe he had to do things at the job centre (since he is unemployed) and he had some trainings lined up at the place he volunteered in. He really was looking for a job, and he really was willing to do anything to get one. What I didn't like though was how that weekend, he mentioned his brother was at home all day so can't leave the house. Errr. Right, he had to sneak away to meet me. He's 22 already, I just found it weird. But I have no idea how they are like in that family or whatever. And as for being in a relationship already, I knew he didn't have one. But one can never be too sure these days because well, people lie.

I'm not really the type who is quick to judge and I know people have things going on in their lives we have no control over. All I know is that based on what he did to me, I really did feel hurt esp. since we were planning this months before already. :-/ A simple happy birthday on my special day would've helped too, but nothing :(

Oh well, time does heal all wounds as you said. Insensitive as it might be, but I just had to stop all contact with him now to help me recover. I figured, after all that, I deserve to at least take care and look out for myself right now.

[Lhailhani]

This is going to be a long post, I can feel it. Leave now while you can, lol :P

I went to the UK for a month (I actually just came back earlier this week) to go and tour around and meet the guy I fell for for the first time. I know it's pretty uncommon that the girls are the one traveling to the UK since it's usually the other way around, but in our case, the guy is 2 years younger than me and is currently unemployed. I understand his situation completely and I really wanted to meet him (he was the first guy who made me fall madly in love), so I decided to risk it and just visit him over the summer.

I had all these expectations for us, thinking how if we REALLY wanted each other, being in a long distance relationship would prove challenging but still feasible in the long run. I was genuinely in love with him, thinking things can go further from an online relationship. But sadly, when I got there, I only got to spend a few hours with him and that was it. I was in his town for a week and he never even contacted me after our meeting. Not even to greet me on my birthday :( (Yeah I went the week of my birthday, instead of celebrating it with my family, I thought I could celebrate it there with him. He said he would make it the best birthday I'd ever had. Well, it turned out to be the worst :'( )

I guess he might've found me fat and unattractive (which is true but he already saw me before), or I guess he was really busy (but I don't buy it since all I ask was some time with me, even for a quick lunch or dinner). I was so distraught and so lost that time because there I was, stuck in a small town, alone with no one to talk to, feeling down and depressed. I was thinking about a lot of things and it was making me crazy.

Being the frank and honest person that am (lol), I sent him messages, telling him about all my feelings, asking him if we had a future. It took him a while to respond (it took him a week, he responded the day before I left!), but at least he told me that because we lived really far away, he can't see us having a real relationship. He said he still really liked me and he still wanted to talk online, but I just had to let go. It still just pains me to remember what he did to me, and talking again like nothing happened would crush me even more.

When I fall in love, I fall truly. Call me old fashioned and/or a crazy romantic, but I do believe love doesn't choose who we fall for. I just happened to have fallen for a British guy, so I wanted to post this here. This site helped me in some ways and I figured sharing my story might also help others... in the sense that no matter how good things are online, it can be very much different when you meet in person.

I sacrificed a lot of time and money for this. I invested a lot of feelings for him, and I expected too much from it all, hoping it can turn into a 'real' relationship. Sadly, it didn't turn out as planned and I had to learn it the hard way.

Still, I regret nothing. I was only as true and as honest as I can be. And I really did learn a lot from this, from him. I met someone during my travels there and he reminded me, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

I am trying to move on now but I know it'll take me a while to get there. I often think there's no one out there for me anymore, but I'm trying to fight these thoughts.

Anyway, thanks so much for reading. It's an annoyingly long post and I'm terribly sorry :P But at least now we see it isn't mostly the guys who get used (or felt used) by Filipinas, it can go the other way around too! Hehe. (Although sometimes, I feel like I was the guy in our so-called 'relationship' since I was the one pursuing, lol :P) But yeah, heartbreak and all that spares no one as well.

To all the happily married/engaged ones here, I honestly envy you for finding the right one. May you continue to be happy and in love. And to my fellow single ones (if there are single people here lol), let's continue hoping and praying there is someone for us, and that things will go right for us soon as well. Cheers!

HEY! your post is not boring! i've learned somehow.. and well i am single still :P hehe

[joebloggs]

i doubt he had to go to the jobcentre everyday - unless he was on some sort of gov scheme, more likely he had to go once every 2wks to 'sign on' stating he was looking for work, he wouldn't have been there 30mins most of the time.

[softmallowgum]

HEY! your post is not boring! i've learned somehow.. and well i am single still :P hehe

hehe thanks Glad you learned something, and yey to singles lol :P May we find what (and possibly who lol) we're looking for soon :P

[softmallowgum]

i doubt he had to go to the jobcentre everyday - unless he was on some sort of gov scheme, more likely he had to go once every 2wks to 'sign on' stating he was looking for work, he wouldn't have been there 30mins most of the time.

Really? Wow no idea how that works. He just said the centre has the habit of calling him at the last minute to do stuff for them or else they will stop his money. The day I arrived, he was supposed to pick me up at the station, but the centre wanted him to attend an employ-ability skills seminar.

The more stuff I learn, the more I can see how foolish/gullible I am, oh noes :P

[Rhose]

so sad to know your story... but I admire you for being so brave, thinking you're alone in other country. Don't worry girl, you will find someone whom you deserve and think positive that your beautiful enough... it's inside look what you have and man can probably proud of you.. Go girl!!! I can see you in future posting how really lucky and bless you are because of that courage you have in yourself.

[cheekee]

I'm sorry you came here and he hurt you like that. I would love my Filipino girl to visit here and I would spend every moment with her. I hope you meet a nice guy who deserves you.

[Arthur Little]

Sadly, something fairly similar happened to me a little more than five years ago. Having corresponded daily with a 60-year-old Irish woman ... who, like myself, had been widowed, I travelled to Dublin - where we arranged to meet in the lobby of a hotel I'd booked into the evening prior to our "assignation".

Unfortunately, I'm partially deaf - a condition worsened by air travel - particularly following short-haul flights ... in spite of my wearing hearing aids!! And this occasion, being no exception, I found myself practically stone deaf ... "floating" in almost complete silence through the airport on arrival. ... NOT a good start!

However, by next morning - as luck would have it - my hearing seemed to've improved sufficiently to enable me to be be alerted by 'Room Service' informing me my guest had arrived. So ... downstairs I trotted. Although we hadn't previously met in person, each of us instantly recognised the other from our respective photos on the Dating Site. Having exchanged the usual pleasantries, she then, somewhat apologetically, asked if I could direct her to the 'Ladies'. ... nothing unusual in that, ... needs must ... especially after a lengthy car journey. But when she came back [eventually] she was holding a cigarette packet in her hand and, without a word, indicated she was going outside for a fag. Strange thing for someone to do on initial acquaintance, I felt ... though, again, fair enough ... she maybe needed something to calm possible underlying feelings of nervousness. So I patiently waited ... and waited ... and ...

... after 20 minutes (more than double the time it takes to smoke a single cigarette!) I stepped outside ... glanced up, down and across both sides of the street. Alas ... she was nowhere to be seen! Thoroughly pissed~off ... I trudged upstairs to "lick my wounds" ... only to be summoned back to Reception some time later, to take a call from a relative of hers ... explaining (whatever her name was - can't remember now - best forgotten anyroads! ) had had to be driven back home due to feeling unwell ... or some other excuse.

Without further ado, I hastily packed, checked out of the hotel and headed straight for the airport ... where I'd hoped to be able to utilise the return portion of my ticket (costing seventy~odd quid) 3 days earlier than scheduled - all to no avail - leaving me stranded on the other side of the Irish Sea until the end of the week ... unless I was prepared to stump up twice the amount I'd paid in the first place. ... bloody Ryanair! Needless to say, I wasn't ... and spent the rest of that week sightseeing - ALONE!

Rarely - if ever - had I been "stood up" in the past. So, once back home, I decided to contact the person responsible for leading me on this particular "wild goose chase" ... seeking a proper explanation for her sudden, unladylike behavior in going "AWOL" as it were. Whereupon she insinuated the photo I'd used on the dating site must've been at least 10 years old ... the cheeky bitch ... when, in fact, it was taken only three years previously - since which time, I assured her, I hadn't changed. Hmph ... with hindsight, I ought to have retorted that if she'd cared to glance at herself in the mirror during her long sojourn to the hotel toilet earlier that week - instead of (as I suspect) using her mobile to call her driver in order to "beat a hasty retreat" - it would've been patently obvious she was no spring chicken! But - ever the gentleman - I didn't.

[Stuart]

Hi softmallowgum, writing that took courage,.. but I'm pleased you took the time to do it. The fact you travelled all that way to meet this guy shows what a great person you are. I'll be honest with you! You deserve someone better than the man who let you down.... I think you've had a lucky escape. Trust me is some one wants to meet you. They will make the time... This person is a waste of space!!!! Don't waste your time losing sleep over him... Be honest and sincere and you will find a person that will appreciate the rare gem you are! Good luck and best wishes.... Let us all know how you get on!

[imagine]

im so sorry reading your story, what an hole he is,
i can appreciate the costs involved for you is Enormous in comparison to what it seems to us, though for many of us its still a lot,
how brave you are and what a treasure you are for the real mr right thats yet to come along.
i wish my lady was able to come to see me,i know i'd be over the moon,
next time you let mr right come to you and show you he's genuine

[Arthur Little]

Mariel ... my story ended up longer than yours. Yours, though, easily puts mine in the shade ... being the heart~rending tale of an young lady prepared to travel to the other side of the world at HUGE financial and - more importantly - emotional expense to herself, for the sake of a spineless jerk, lacking even in the common decency of acknowledging her presence. And in that sense, each of our stories are similar ... laying aside the vast differences in the respective distances involved.

Such misfortunes are no respecter of persons or gender ... they can - and often do -affect young, old, middle-aged, male or female alike, as we've seen. But we can simply put them down to experience and move on with our lives ... as I did. And within a year, I found myself corresponding regularly with a Filipina to whom I've been happily married since December 2008.

So ... if I can do it in my sixties ... you can in your twenties, Mariel.

[Rosie1958]

Just read this sad story and feel so sorry to learn of your experiences, Mariel. Stringing someone along for whatever reason is not acceptable and this guy should be ashamed of himself. I do wonder what there was to actually love about him but I guess hindsight is a wonderful thing........

I am sure that you have learnt from your experience but would suggest that if you do come across another guy that you both webcam as soon as you can and well before you meet so that expectations are set as a lot can be gained from body language and facial expressions.

Good luck in your search for love and happiness

[softmallowgum]

Aww, thank you so much everyone. <3 I'm moving on now and I'm now focusing all of my attention and energy on getting a better job (I need to save again! lol :P)

imagine: Hehe, well I really do hope I do find someone who will sacrifice all that to me too :P If someone does, I will be forever thankful

Arthur Little: Arthur, thank you so much for sharing your story too. And don't think my story puts yours in the shade. I believe every hurt or pain we experience are all equally hard, regardless of how it came about. We all have different stories, but the sadness, the hurt and the pain we feel are all somewhat the same. It's part of the beauty of human experience

Thanks again everyone. Huuugs!

[softmallowgum]

Just read this sad story and feel so sorry to learn of your experiences, Mariel. Stringing someone along for whatever reason is not acceptable and this guy should be ashamed of himself. I do wonder what there was to actually love about him but I guess hindsight is a wonderful thing........

I am sure that you have learnt from your experience but would suggest that if you do come across another guy that you both webcam as soon as you can and well before you meet so that expectations are set as a lot can be gained from body language and facial expressions.

Good luck in your search for love and happiness

Thank you Rosie <3 We have constantly communicated and webcammed, and he really was a nice guy (or at least I thought he was lol). We've known each other for a little less than a year before I went there and we know a lot about each other. Sadly, it didn't work out. Things change and people change, and I'm okay with that now.

And yes, lesson learned hehe

Thanks again <3

[softmallowgum]

I'm sorry you came here and he hurt you like that. I would love my Filipino girl to visit here and I would spend every moment with her. I hope you meet a nice guy who deserves you.

Your girl is one lucky girl then Good luck in that as well!

[softmallowgum]

Thank you also Rhose and Stuart for your kind words as well It really means a lot

[MissAna]

it's so sad to hear your story . everything happen for a reason so don't give up . Who knows ,your Mr. Right is just there close to you , so keep your heart and eyes open

[Marie]

sad story but everything happened for a reason so just be patient, time will come someone is waiting for you out there....you're too young ...wish you good luck....God Bless my dear

[mickcant]

Hello softmallowgum
You were so very unlucky to had met such a man
The fact that you traveled here to the UK to meet him, was brave and showed your genuine commitment.

For him then to more or less ignore you and use such feeble excuses shows you he is not worthy of your friendship let alone progress to a relationship.

I married a Filipina in 2008 who used me for money, a visa and for me to bring her here to the UK, plus she was unfaithful after our wedding which resulted in a child that was not mine.

If I had had the fortune to had met a girl more like you my life would be much happier now.

Take care, you will find a more worthy man.
Mick.

[eliza]

Don't trust for love at sight couse you a blind. .