Views please.... latest girlfriend shenanigans!

[Manila_Paul]

Okay, so here goes.... I've been dating this girl here now for a couple of months. Met her working in a shop, I asked her out and that was that. Nothing too intense. I take it her out for lunch 2 or 3 times a week and on her day off. The plan was that I meet her parents and family in the province in a few weeks and we would be getting more serious after that.

Anyway, I have also been getting on well with one of her work colleagues, who she is quite friendly with. My girlfriend actually encouraged this. So today, out of the blue, her friend tells me that my girlfriend has been living with another man since before she met me. I'm told the relationship hasn't been going that well, particularly from the boyfriend's perspective, and that is why she was quite happy to meet me.

So I've weighed it up.....Reasons this could be true:

* I've visited some of her family on the other side of Manila but yet she hasn't once discussed me going back to her place. She claims to live with her Uncle and Aunt. So her takes me halfway across Manila to meet other family but not the Uncle and Aunt she lives with? It could well be that she hasn't seen the other family for some time but still a bit strange to never discuss taking me home?

* When we go out on her day off she claims she has to go home at 5pm. Yet I've had text from her the following day saying she has been out drinking with her friend until late? This 'home early' curfew also doesn't apply to when she finishes work earlier than her usual 9pm on some nights. This said, it could be because her aunt and uncle aren't aware she is finishing early? (or her boyfriend, of course!)

* Sex. Or the lack of it. Now, I've found Filipinas, generally speaking, once they like someone, are quite open on this front. The exception appears to be the Born Again Christians or other non-mainstream types who are a bit more serious about doctrine. My girlfriend on the other hand appears to have no interest in religion whatsoever. She certainly doesn't go to church or anything. So this isn't the reason. Also, I didn't jump on her after the first date or anything. We're talking 3 weeks here. She has told me she wants to wait until I meet her parents. I must propose to be her girlfriend in front of her parents. So is this true or it is a guilty conscience with regards to her current boyfriend? Of course, I actually want more than sex. This is why I was quite happy to wait.

* Often pulling out of meet ups on her days off. "I'm sick" and so forth.

Reasons her friend could be lying:

* A week or so back this friend told me they had a row after she had teased her too much and they weren't talking anymore. Although they seem to be getting on better since. Could this be revenge?

* She was persistent about meeting me face to face to tell me this. This raised suspicions for me. Why not just tell me by text or e-mail? Is she concerned that if I confront my girlfriend, and this is actually a lie, that she could deny she ever said anything? Whereas with a text, I have the proof. Eventually, after me constantly saying no to the face to face meeting, she told me by text.

* She has asked to borrow a relatively small sum of money from me before (P1000). Following on from the above, is she maybe looking for more and wants my girfriend out of the way? Especially now there appears to be some strain in their friendship? I have discounted the idea that she is interested in me. There have been no suggestions of this and I've met her boyfriend a few times, who she has been dating for 2 years, and she is very much in love with him. If she is a scammer, she is taking the long route.

My feeling is this... it is probably true and she probably wants to leave this guy for me. She asked early on after we started dating if she could come and live with me. Which I find slightly odd given the fact that I must meet her parents before we have sex but yet she wants to live with after about the 3rd date! But at the end of the day, why not tell me this? We could then have sorted something out. Quite possibly she can't afford to live on her own, so I can see how it would be a difficult situation for her. Or, am I just making excuses here? I should add, this girl hasn't asked me for a penny. The one exception was a small amount for a genuinely lost phone but otherwise, she hasn't asked for a penny.

Anyway, I think my mind is pretty much made up but I'd interested in hearing views on this and if there is anything I've missed that is obvious?

[simpleHeart]

For me as a girl! I would better suggest that you should have face your girlfriend or tell her to the meets up with parents. To be honest on what you feel is better than making some conclusion which bothers you most. You love her! So let her speaks...

Get the facts from her!!!

[Manila_Paul]

For me as a girl! I would better suggest that you should have face your girlfriend or tell her to the meets up with parents. To be honest on what you feel is better than making some conclusion which bothers you most. You love her! So let her speaks...

Get the facts from her!!!

Oh I intend to discuss it with her, there is no doubt about that. But I intend to go about it carefully as if her friend is telling the truth, she has done me a huge favour and I don't want to make things at work awkward for her.

[simpleHeart]

You have to work it out by investigating thorough without biased.Before drawing some conclusions let yourself be aware on what is really your gf's friend motive in telling it so, since as you've said they have some misunderstanding or "Away-kaibigan".If it is really you who she is concerned with or to put her friend in messed by this called "gossips". Then it is all up to you what weighs up!!!

[Manila_Paul]

You have to work it out by investigating thorough without biased.Before drawing some conclusions let yourself be aware on what is really your gf's friend motive in telling it so, since as you've said they have some misunderstanding or "Away-kaibigan".If it is really you who she is concerned with or to put her friend in messed by this called "gossips". Then it is all up to you what weighs up!!!

I suspect the misunderstanding is almost certainly over this issue though. Her friend told me about it first. I asked her what she was teasing my girlfriend about ... no reply. I asked my girlfriend the same.... no reply. She didn't want to discuss it at all. Friends of her friends have also, with hindsight, said things to me that suggest they know as well. This was before I'd even been told.

This said, I'm going to give her a chance to show that I'm wrong but it is very difficult not to be bias to start with. Or at the very least, it is hard not to have a gut instinct.

[malditako]

be warned...some filipinas can be so envious and tend to ruin what others have...whats her intention of telling all this to you...weather this gossip is true or not as your gf's friend she shoudn't involve herself with you and your gf.

[Lancashirelad]

be warned...some filipinas can be so envious and tend to ruin what others have...whats her intention of telling all this to you...weather this gossip is true or not as your gf's friend she shoudn't involve herself with you and your gf.

^^^^^^ Disagree^^^^^^
If you showed her friendship and she repaid it by giving some honest information, i think thats a good thing. Just imagine you discovered this 6 months down the line it would be much worse. I think you need have a discussion with your Gf about this maybe as a consequence she will fall out with her friend, but thats not your fault!

[grahamw48]

I think you need a new girlfriend.

How many thousands in Manila ?

This sounds like hard work to me....and it's supposed to be the best bit !

[sars_notd_virus]

Anyway, I think my mind is pretty much made up but I'd interested in hearing views on this and if there is anything I've missed that is obvious?

I think the three of you should meet (you,your gf and her friend) and talk about it openly then start it from there,there is no good hearing one side of the story it will leave you with a doubt and not good in a relationship.

[keithAngel]

I you record it with there permision and put it up on u tube we can all give you further insights

I think Graham has it about right there is always things we bring from the past but if its the present and unspoken no chance trust your intuition

[Manila_Paul]

I think you need a new girlfriend.

How many thousands in Manila ?

This sounds like hard work to me....and it's supposed to be the best bit !

Yep, this was exact initial reaction. But you how it is. You get attached. I know this girl isn't a hardened user or cheat. She is only 19. In fact, that may be half the problem here. Too young and lacking in maturity. Along with her mate.

[Manila_Paul]

I you record it with there permision and put it up on u tube we can all give you further insights

I suspect all you'd end up seeing is two young attractive Filipinas wrestling each other on the ground.... Oh hold on a minute..

I think it would be more to my advantage not to get them together. Coppers keep suspects apart for good reason, after all. After some investigation I'm just going to ask my girlfriend straight out if she is living with someone already and see what I get back.

[keithAngel]

I would just buy some chocolates and anounce you want to visit where she lives in a now in which she is about to go "home" to meet the aunt uncle etc see what the reaction is dont necasarily do it and watch out for texting if she says yes

[grahamw48]

Paul -

I agree, preferably in the taxi to her home.

Careful though....remember that poor unsuspecting Brit who was killed by the jealous local b/f last year.

[Tawi2]

I'm just going to ask my girlfriend straight out if she is living with someone already and see what I get back.

Thats the best bet,the thing with her friend could stem from jealousy however,misinformation and disinformation to upset the applecart,you have lived there and in Honkers long enough so you know the scoreShe could actually still be with the boyfriend,wouldnt be the first time thats happened,I knew a pinay married with two kids who later married an old italian guy with the tacit approval of her pinoy hubby so she could work in Europe and send cash back to the family home,theres nowt as strange as folks

[Manila_Paul]

Okay, well, I spoke with her friend at length tonight and there is no way she is lying. It appears she has rationalised it by saying that we are not boyfriend and girlfriend yet, until I go to the province and propose to be her girlfriend in front of her parents (none of her family know about the other guy). Then she is going to leave this guy. I have no doubt she has fallen for me in a big way. Yet this other guy is now the elephant in the room. As I suspected, she is scared of leaving him/doesn't have the cash for her own place.

My feeling at the moment is to confront her and tell her to leave him now and maybe we can work something out. Again, she is no hardened user. If anthing, she comes across as desperately insecure. The guy she is with sounds like a bit of arsehole, in all honesty. No wonder she wanted to move in with me so quickly!

[Manila_Paul]

Paul -

I agree, preferably in the taxi to her home.

Careful though....remember that poor unsuspecting Brit who was killed by the jealous local b/f last year.

haha, yeah, I've heard of plenty of those stories. Both ways. They take it bad here.

I really don't need to do anything this now though as I have all the evidence I need. When I confront her I'm fairly sure she'll admit it. If she's stupid enough to deny it then it'll be 'see ya later'.

[lovelyme]

talk to her immediately. if she really likes/loves you, she'll make a way to leave the guy despite of her situation. whether u end up together or not, at least u have communicated your concerns with her. communication and honesty are essential in every relationship.

good luck

[gWaPito]

I think you need a new girlfriend.

How many thousands in Manila ?

This sounds like hard work to me....and it's supposed to be the best bit !

Have to agree with Graham unless of course you are already loved up.

Moral of the story, pick more wisely

[Manila_Paul]

Have to agree with Graham unless of course you are already loved up.

Moral of the story, pick more wisely

I couldn't have got much unlucky really. She was simply a nice shop assistant. I got talking to her and liked her. And that was that. I couldn't have possibly imagined this.

[Terpe]

I couldn't have got much unlucky really. She was simply a nice shop assistant. I got talking to her and liked her. And that was that. I couldn't have possibly imagined this.

For sure I'm not the best person to be giving relationship advice, but I've really learnt a lot since going to the Phils and most importantly since being a member on this forum.
But I say this is too high maintenance.

Paul, I read your earlier posting on relationships in Phils and Hong Kong and your advice to others, you should know better. The words "Physician, heal thyself" come to mind.

Think very carefully about you really want out of this.......if anything.

No offence intended Paul, even though the way I put the words down may seem so.

It's easy to out now than later unless your already 'gone'

[pacificelectric]

Of course, I actually want more than sex.

You mean, there is more than sex? Wow!

[Manila_Paul]

For sure I'm not the best person to be giving relationship advice, but I've really learnt a lot since going to the Phils and most importantly since being a member on this forum.
But I say this is too high maintenance.

Paul, I read your earlier posting on relationships in Phils and Hong Kong and your advice to others, you should know better. The words "Physician, heal thyself" come to mind.

Think very carefully about you really want out of this.......if anything.

No offence intended Paul, even though the way I put the words down may seem so.

It's easy to out now than later unless your already 'gone'

Gone mate, completely gone.

And yeah, just illustrates the point I was making on the potential hassles here as compared with somewhere like Hong Kong. But really, I was going to be here for a time and I was single and I find it is actually harder *not* to get involved here in that circumstance!

Anyway, I'm going to drop the bomb later and see how she reacts.

[worthingmale]

good luck

[Manila_Paul]

good luck

Thanks

It went reasonably well. She tried to deny it at first but when I said that was it and started walking away, she relented. Lots of tears followed. She is scared of leaving this guy but certainly has feeling for him. He is an even bigger loser than I'd realised: He has 2 kids from previous relationship and has another girlfriend at the moment and 'he wants more' according to my girlfriend Which just backs up the point her friend made about him not being content with her. Geez, the .... women will put up with when they're in love! No wonder she was suspicious of my intentions too if this is her early experience of what a relationship is like.

Anyway, it ended with her agreeing to leave him and move in with me. I just hope this guy really doesn't give much of a crap about her and isn't the jealous type.

[simpleHeart]

I'm glad it went well. Hopefully you don't have any problem to the guy who she previously with...Best of luck Paul

[Manila_Paul]

I'm glad it went well. Hopefully you don't have any problem to the guy who she previously with...Best of luck Paul

Thanks Simple Heart. My main worry now is more to what extent she is going to be on the rebound from this guy.

[Terpe]

I sincerely wish you Good Luck Paul

Take care.

[sars_notd_virus]

Thanks

It went reasonably well. She tried to deny it at first but when I said that was it and started walking away, she relented. Lots of tears followed. She is scared of leaving this guy but certainly has feeling for him. He is an even bigger loser than I'd realised: He has 2 kids from previous relationship and has another girlfriend at the moment and 'he wants more' according to my girlfriend Which just backs up the point her friend made about him not being content with her. Geez, the .... women will put up with when they're in love! No wonder she was suspicious of my intentions too if this is her early experience of what a relationship is like.

Anyway, it ended with her agreeing to leave him and move in with me. I just hope this guy really doesn't give much of a crap about her and isn't the jealous type.

My main worry now is more to what extent she is going to be on the rebound from this guy.

Obviously,your gf chose you for practical reason to get away with this guy which you said she still has a feeling,wonder what feeling is that?must be love?if she is scared with him she got all the right reasons to move out before she met you and give herself a time to heal...its completely up to you how you can manage this 'love on the rebound',..just be careful!!

[Rosie1958]

Obviously,your gf chose you for practical reason to get away with this guy which you said she still has a feeling,wonder what feeling is that?must be love?if she is scared with him she got all the right reasons to move out before she met you and give herself a time to heal...its completely up to you how you can manage this 'love on the rebound',..just be careful!!

Please do remember that your girlfriend is only 19 and still in her formulative years ....... she is clearly not able to support herself and is therefore reliant on and at the mercy of others. It sounds to me like she wants to use you, if you are happy with that, good luck to you both. Personally, I think that your relationship could be a receipe for disaster and that you should heed the advice of the other guys on here and look for a new uncomplicated girlfriend ....... Why invite trouble when there is no need?