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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rosie1958 View Post
    Please do remember that your girlfriend is only 19 and still in her formulative years ....... she is clearly not able to support herself and is therefore reliant on and at the mercy of others. It sounds to me like she wants to use you, if you are happy with that, good luck to you both. Personally, I think that your relationship could be a receipe for disaster and that you should heed the advice of the other guys on here and look for a new uncomplicated girlfriend ....... Why invite trouble when there is no need?
    I know you're right, Rosie. I would probably be giving much the same advice having read my own story independently... but it is precisely because I don't think this girl is any sort of hardened user, that I'm willing to see it through. Nothwithstanding the other issues, which I feel are far more likely to ruin this relationship (as you say, age and this other guy), it is enough for me to give it a bash right now. I don't feel I've got that much to lose. It isn't like it is a LDR and I'm sending her money etc. Nor it is the case that I don't know her in the flesh. She hasn't ask me for a penny and neither does she need to. Of course, she is not well off but she has a job and she came to live in Manila independently. I've met some of her family too and they too are all basically ordinary working class folks. Again, I'm probably wrong and it is odds on that this relationship won't work out but I'm still going to give it a try as I will regret it otherwise


  2. #32
    Moderator Arthur Little's Avatar
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    As Rosie says, Paul ... the girl is still in her formative years - and clearly unsure of her own mind - so, if I were you, I'd tread very warily.


  3. #33
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    Paul, i only read some of the posts here but Graham is so obviously right!
    There are so many nice girls around i wouldn't waste a second on any that i doubted from the beginning.
    If you know somebody only a short time and there are major questions what else is gonna come up??
    i speak from experience too, i had a Pinay a coupla years back that lied to me, thankfully i found out early and as it later turned out virtually her whole life was living one BIG lie!!
    just be careful Mate.
    So many nice ones about, find one Chief!


  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manila_Paul View Post
    Thanks

    It went reasonably well. She tried to deny it at first but when I said that was it and started walking away, she relented. Lots of tears followed. She is scared of leaving this guy but certainly has feeling for him. He is an even bigger loser than I'd realised: He has 2 kids from previous relationship and has another girlfriend at the moment and 'he wants more' according to my girlfriend Which just backs up the point her friend made about him not being content with her. Geez, the .... women will put up with when they're in love! No wonder she was suspicious of my intentions too if this is her early experience of what a relationship is like.

    Anyway, it ended with her agreeing to leave him and move in with me. I just hope this guy really doesn't give much of a crap about her and isn't the jealous type.
    First of all Paul I am sorry to hear about your difficulties, and I really wish you well and hope everything works out for you.

    As for myself reading your story I have to confess I am really puzzled. I know there are other BM's who are more compassionate and understanding towards your girlfriend, pointing out that she is still young, and this fact should excuse her behaviour somewhat. I would agree, if she were 13 or 14, but she is nearly 20. She is absolutely an adult and definitely old enough to know right from wrong. All I can do is try to put myself in your shoes and see how I would react. My thought process goes something like this.

    This girl is demonstrably a liar. She has completely deceived me about this other man in her life. She has also lied about where she has been, telling me she is with friends, at parties when she is obviously with boyfriend number 1. Furthermore she is cheating on her boyfriend with me (notwithstanding the fact that her boyfriend is clearly a loser). She is unhappy with one man, but doesnt want to leave him yet. So she decides to increase her options and starts playing the numbers game. I am her backup plan, she is waiting to see if I prove to be a better choice than boyfriend number 1.

    Now what does this tell me about this girls character? Well it tells me that she is clearly capable of lying with ease. It obviously comes naturally to her or else she couldnt pull it off well. If she can lie about this, she can lie about anything. Second point is that she is clearly a cheat. Again, if she can cheat once, she can do it again. If she can cheat on boyfriend number 1, she can cheat on me just as easily. So sometime in the future when she is not happy with some part of our relationship, rather than working through it there is a strong likelihood that she will start fishing around for a 'better' choice. And as she is a liar too, then it will be no problem to her to cover her tracks. Then there are the health implications of being in a relationship with a cheating partner.......

    IMHO there simply could not be any bigger or more obvious red flags than this. I would personally avoid this girl like the plague. You make the point that this girl is putting up with a cheating boyfriend because she is in love. But from my point of view, you are doing exactly the same thing lol. Why would you want to give a girl like that a chance? You say you have nothing to lose, but truthfully as you start getting more and more involved with this girl, and your feelings develop it will become exponentially more difficult to A. spot her deceptions and B. extricate yourself from the situation. Sure its no big deal to you now, but in a year or two it could easily cause you massive heartache, among other things.

    As Rosie and Graham have pointed out, there is an abundance of genuine and lovely pinays who have good characters and would be faithful in a relationship. I know you say that at least she hasn't tried to scam you for money. But is that really a good enough reason to stay with a girl - that she hasnt tried to use you for money yet? I would humbly suggest that you are selling yourself short. You deserve a lot more than that, and imho there are many many pinays out there who are far more deserving than this girl of a good man like yourself.

    Just my two cents. My posts tend to be a bit direct, so I hope I haven't offended you.


  5. #35
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    Very wise words.

    Speaking from experience: My marriage (to a Filipina) started with deception, continued with deception and ended because of deception. Hers, I might add.


  6. #36
    Respected Member simpleHeart's Avatar
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    That was quite a summed up Malleus!!!
    Once the trust was destroyed it was hard to fixed it up...

    But still it is all up to Paul!
    Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever...


  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malleus View Post
    First of all Paul I am sorry to hear about your difficulties, and I really wish you well and hope everything works out for you.

    As for myself reading your story I have to confess I am really puzzled. I know there are other BM's who are more compassionate and understanding towards your girlfriend, pointing out that she is still young, and this fact should excuse her behaviour somewhat. I would agree, if she were 13 or 14, but she is nearly 20. She is absolutely an adult and definitely old enough to know right from wrong. All I can do is try to put myself in your shoes and see how I would react. My thought process goes something like this.

    This girl is demonstrably a liar. She has completely deceived me about this other man in her life. She has also lied about where she has been, telling me she is with friends, at parties when she is obviously with boyfriend number 1. Furthermore she is cheating on her boyfriend with me (notwithstanding the fact that her boyfriend is clearly a loser). She is unhappy with one man, but doesnt want to leave him yet. So she decides to increase her options and starts playing the numbers game. I am her backup plan, she is waiting to see if I prove to be a better choice than boyfriend number 1.

    Now what does this tell me about this girls character? Well it tells me that she is clearly capable of lying with ease. It obviously comes naturally to her or else she couldnt pull it off well. If she can lie about this, she can lie about anything. Second point is that she is clearly a cheat. Again, if she can cheat once, she can do it again. If she can cheat on boyfriend number 1, she can cheat on me just as easily. So sometime in the future when she is not happy with some part of our relationship, rather than working through it there is a strong likelihood that she will start fishing around for a 'better' choice. And as she is a liar too, then it will be no problem to her to cover her tracks. Then there are the health implications of being in a relationship with a cheating partner.......

    IMHO there simply could not be any bigger or more obvious red flags than this. I would personally avoid this girl like the plague. You make the point that this girl is putting up with a cheating boyfriend because she is in love. But from my point of view, you are doing exactly the same thing lol. Why would you want to give a girl like that a chance? You say you have nothing to lose, but truthfully as you start getting more and more involved with this girl, and your feelings develop it will become exponentially more difficult to A. spot her deceptions and B. extricate yourself from the situation. Sure its no big deal to you now, but in a year or two it could easily cause you massive heartache, among other things.

    As Rosie and Graham have pointed out, there is an abundance of genuine and lovely pinays who have good characters and would be faithful in a relationship. I know you say that at least she hasn't tried to scam you for money. But is that really a good enough reason to stay with a girl - that she hasnt tried to use you for money yet? I would humbly suggest that you are selling yourself short. You deserve a lot more than that, and imho there are many many pinays out there who are far more deserving than this girl of a good man like yourself.

    Just my two cents. My posts tend to be a bit direct, so I hope I haven't offended you.
    No, you make some fair points. Where I think you're wrong is the stuff which suggests lots of calculation in all this. Again, I approached her working in her shop, got talking to her and asked her out on the spot. It wasn't like she went out of her way to find another man. So is not quite accurate to talk about 'fishing around' etc. What has come out in the wash since is that she didn't love this guy anymore. The issue of leaving was far more about the roots and community which she had, which was based on living with her ex.

    The issue of trust is the key one. Normally I couldn't look past this but there are so many extenuating circumstances on this that I'm willing to.

    Anyway, she has been living with me now for nearly a week and it has probabaly been one of the best weeks of my life. Wonderful. As Graham said in a previous post, the best bit is truly here!


  8. #38
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    I'm not jealous.

    Good luck to you both anyway...hope it all turns out well.


  9. #39
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    By the way, I'm firmly in the 'better to have loved and lost' school of thought on the possibility of this all going wrong.

    Quote Originally Posted by grahamw48 View Post
    I'm not jealous.

    Good luck to you both anyway...hope it all turns out well.
    Cheers!


  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manila_Paul View Post
    No, you make some fair points. Where I think you're wrong is the stuff which suggests lots of calculation in all this. Again, I approached her working in her shop, got talking to her and asked her out on the spot. It wasn't like she went out of her way to find another man. So is not quite accurate to talk about 'fishing around' etc. What has come out in the wash since is that she didn't love this guy anymore. The issue of leaving was far more about the roots and community which she had, which was based on living with her ex.

    The issue of trust is the key one. Normally I couldn't look past this but there are so many extenuating circumstances on this that I'm willing to.

    Anyway, she has been living with me now for nearly a week and it has probabaly been one of the best weeks of my life. Wonderful. As Graham said in a previous post, the best bit is truly here!
    Well then all that remains for me to say is good luck! As Graham said, I really hope it turns out well for you.

    Keep us updated if you can.


  11. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by simpleHeart View Post
    That was quite a summed up Malleus!!!
    Once the trust was destroyed it was hard to fixed it up...

    But still it is all up to Paul!
    Yes indeed. Btw I love the quote on the bottom of your post simpleHeart. Very wise and very true


  12. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malleus View Post
    Yes indeed. Btw I love the quote on the bottom of your post simpleHeart. Very wise and very true
    Thank you Malleus
    Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever...


  13. #43
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    Her friend told me it first. I asked her what she was teasing my girlfriend no reply.


  14. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rosie1958 View Post
    Please do remember that your girlfriend is only 19 and still in her formulative years ....... she is clearly not able to support herself and is therefore reliant on and at the mercy of others. It sounds to me like she wants to use you, if you are happy with that, good luck to you both. Personally, I think that your relationship could be a receipe for disaster and that you should heed the advice of the other guys on here and look for a new uncomplicated girlfriend ....... Why invite trouble when there is no need?
    Well said, Rosie1958

    Manila_Paul, hope it goes well


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