long distance relationship problem! need advice

[edyc08]

i dont know what the problem with our relationship,
she's in middle east working and im in UK as a student, and hopefully to find a job here...planning to get married in 2012, but all plan is put on the side till now.To cut the story, there's a man courting her, and that's the root of the problem. I'm here and the other ones on her side,And i can tell shes falling with him. She didn't tell me about that, i just figure that out because she's always had a wrong chat or wrong send to me. I force her to tell the truth, and the truth always hurt. she say they don't have relationship but they are in good terms. It makes me worried, when i heard she says "i been trying to avoid him, but its difficult for me because i saw him everyday. Even though we've always chatting,video call, text. But its difficult for me to avoid him because i see and feel the things you do to me when he's around." I cant understand at all what happen to to her, i know shes weak and maybe to emotional through the distance in our relationship,but the other guys is taking advantage of it. She asked for me a 3 or more month without any communication, may be to think, and to choose ? at first i dont agree, but later i know she need some space to think. I dont know what she's thinking, but i broke up with her, and i said "I will give you the time you want but you must decide which of us will you keep." did i make a right decision? or it worsen the our relationship?
She always said, I love you, and i still love you.
But why does she fell for someone else?
does communication in long distance relationship isn't enough?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Long Distance Relationship

How do you deal with it?????

Is it the same as short distance relationship?????
*be honest with each other
*be faithful with each other
*trust each other
*try not to bug each other too much

by:sars_notd_virus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i've read the thread creater by sars_notd_virus
on how to deal with LDR. i guess all maybe used in the LDR.
Communication is added
,But its not enough in my situation.

[joebloggs]

time and distance can create problems
when was the last time you saw her ?

[stevewool]

if you are ment to be together then you will be, its hard for both parties, and there are so many other people offering this and that, being lonely is the hardest thing to accept, trusting each other is the most important,but if the is wanting a break from each other i would walk away , good luck

[mickcant]

She seems to be looking at her options between the two of you,
Being so far apart can really get to you, if you give her the 3 months
What then.

Please do not ignore your own gut feelings.
Mick.

[sophiamarie]

You already had that 3rd party issue before breaking up with her while you still had a constant communication, how much more without any connection at all??...creating intimacy involves consistent attention for one another and the relationship itself... and having a regular, healthy communication is always an important factor in establishing openness and making things work out despite the distance...good luck

[ghee101]

i am a living proof of how hard long distance relationship is. i can cope, he cant. in the end, i get frustrated too. we fight almost everyday. he never really trust me so every move i make, he would give it another meaning. add some people who created stories about me even before we met in person.

no matter how we resolve problems, it always comes back and haunt us. now he gets jealous of everything. im not allowed to mingle with youngsters coz i would look like im trying to be young, im not allowed to be touchy anymore when ive been that to all my friends, im not allowed to be close to guys, not even allowed to put on make up like i would be flirting left and right oh well...

when we get together, he can keep his eyes on me. that's when i can relax and be myself...hopefully.

[raynaputi]

When you're in a committed relationship, no one or nothing would make it fall apart, even the long distance won't matter (despite its ups and downs)..but once one of the party gets involve or even entertains the idea of someone would be better or there's a better relationship he/she could be into, then the current relationship is bound to end..

I'm sorry about what happened to you edyc08..you did the right thing though in breaking up with her..once a 3rd party enters the scene, especially in your situation, the one far away don't always win..

[edyc08]

time and distance can create problems
when was the last time you saw her ?

yeah your right you'll never know what time and distance can do to a relationships...
a happy ending or sad ending
last time i saw her was 8 months ago, when she's leaving the philippines, she's going to bisha in middle east to work.

if you are ment to be together then you will be, its hard for both parties, and there are so many other people offering this and that, being lonely is the hardest thing to accept, trusting each other is the most important,but if the is wanting a break from each other i would walk away , good luck

i trust her all the time, but somethings wrong and it's bothering me.
its hard for me to break up, but its unfair for me she doesn't want to break up with me.
I said to her "i'm not breaking up because i dont love you, i will break up to you so you can think clearly and realize my worth in your life." im still waiting for her decision. I bring down my pride for this relationship and it doesn't matter to what other is saying to me , i lover her so much.

She seems to be looking at her options between the two of you,
Being so far apart can really get to you, if you give her the 3 months
What then.

Please do not ignore your own gut feelings.
Mick.

I gave her ther 3 months, so she can decide, i consider her situation.
Like me, I'm alone in this country no close friend, don't have work yet , no everything.

Thanks Mick, I didn't ignore my feelings, it's just i lover her so much. I know she have lot of problem there, like uncompensated, she work 7 days a week, she doesn't have any close friend there because all of her co nurse is not that friendly. She wants to go back to the Philippines but her boss or manager would not allow her, because she had a two year contract.

You already had that 3rd party issue before breaking up with her while you still had a constant communication, how much more without any connection at all??...creating intimacy involves consistent attention for one another and the relationship itself... and having a regular, healthy communication is always an important factor in establishing openness and making things work out despite the distance...good luck

I thinks its not a third party yet.
Yeah we have a constant communication before, i don't know what happen,
I guess she didn't want me worry about her, because like her she's alone in a foreign country.
That's why she didn't tell me everything that is going on around her.
I know that She loves me, and i lover her very much
Im still praying that all this problem would be fixed in time.

i am a living proof of how hard long distance relationship is. i can cope, he cant. in the end, i get frustrated too. we fight almost everyday. he never really trust me so every move i make, he would give it another meaning. add some people who created stories about me even before we met in person.

no matter how we resolve problems, it always comes back and haunt us. now he gets jealous of everything. im not allowed to mingle with youngsters coz i would look like im trying to be young, im not allowed to be touchy anymore when ive been that to all my friends, im not allowed to be close to guys, not even allowed to put on make up like i would be flirting left and right oh well...

when we get together, he can keep his eyes on me. that's when i can relax and be myself...hopefully.

I trust her with all i have, but still something get wrong.
we've been in your situation, but after realizing I'm to strict to her about that things, i let her do what she wants.
But our problem start right after that. I don't know where to place my self.

[sophiamarie]

When you're in a committed relationship, no one or nothing would make it fall apart, even the long distance won't matter (despite its ups and downs)..but once one of the party gets involve or even entertains the idea of someone would be better or there's a better relationship he/she could be into, then the current relationship is bound to end..

I'm sorry about what happened to you edyc08..you did the right thing though in breaking up with her..once a 3rd party enters the scene, especially in your situation, the one far away don't always win..

[edyc08]

When you're in a committed relationship, no one or nothing would make it fall apart, even the long distance won't matter (despite its ups and downs)..but once one of the party gets involve or even entertains the idea of someone would be better or there's a better relationship he/she could be into, then the current relationship is bound to end..

I'm sorry about what happened to you edyc08..you did the right thing though in breaking up with her..once a 3rd party enters the scene, especially in your situation, the one far away don't always win..

i don't know if its right...
i don't want to give her up
Im still looking forward to fixed this relationship as far as i can
It depends on her decision, if she choose the other one, Im the one who will gave up.
Even if its hard for me,
The 1st part of our plan, is here in London.
It's very hard for me to stay here, when this relationship fails!

[Steve.r]

i am a living proof of how hard long distance relationship is. i can cope, he cant. in the end, i get frustrated too. we fight almost everyday. he never really trust me so every move i make, he would give it another meaning. add some people who created stories about me even before we met in person.

no matter how we resolve problems, it always comes back and haunt us. now he gets jealous of everything. im not allowed to mingle with youngsters coz i would look like im trying to be young, im not allowed to be touchy anymore when ive been that to all my friends, im not allowed to be close to guys, not even allowed to put on make up like i would be flirting left and right oh well...

and be myself...hopefully.

Ghee ...... come on... honestly, You are backing yourself into a huge hole. I don't want to sound blunt, but you should dump this guy, he's . There are plenty of men out there who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

[KeithD]

Ghee: If you argue when apart, it'll only get worse when you are together.... you want to spend every day of your life for 20...30...40...years arguing and being unhappy?

[sars_notd_virus]

Hello Edyc!!..First of all, thank u for reading my thread about LDR,dont be too hard on yourself saying what u give is not enough...true love in a relationship comes out naturally no matter how the distance, lots of pain,happiness and emotions and should be shared together by couples.

If trust,fidelity,honesty is gone during Long distance relationship ,dont expect that it should be there in short distance relationship or when you are both together.
I believe you made the right decision to break up with her,..but the question is''does she really needs to prove which she would decide to choose in the future'' and what if she choose you? would you accept it ? a love on the rebound?when in the first place there should be no 3rd party involve in a relationship? I also dont believe in cooling off in a relationship specially if it involves 3rd party,the trust is gone no matter how she choose well or not.

**3rd party doesn't involve just another man/woman, it could be stress,work,family,lot of major problems,couples should share everything TWOGETHER***

[edyc08]

i read all the comments later, need to get ready for school...
thanks for reading and posting on my thread

[Terpe]

Hello Edyc!!..First of all, thank u for reading my thread about LDR,dont be too hard on yourself saying what u give is not enough...true love in a relationship comes out naturally no matter how the distance, lots of pain,happiness and emotions and should be shared together by couples.

If trust,fidelity,honesty is gone during Long distance relationship ,dont expect that it should be there in short distance relationship or when you are both together.
I believe you made the right decision to break up with her,..but the question is''does she really needs to prove which she would decide to choose in the future'' and what if she choose you? would you accept it ? a love on the rebound?when in the first place there should be no 3rd party involve in a relationship? I also dont believe in cooling off in a relationship specially if it involves 3rd party,the trust is gone no matter how she choose well or not.

**3rd party doesn't involve just another man/woman, it could be stress,work,family,lot of major problems,couples should share everything TWOGETHER***

Wise words Sars; .. wise words.

[Arthur Little]

I don't know where to place my self.

Concentrate on your studies, Edy and try - hard as it may seem - not to allow this girl's fickle behaviour play havoc with your emotions and interfere with your main objective, i.e., your eventual career prospects either here in the UK or elsewhere. You're evidently still a young man with a whole exciting future ahead of you ... don't jeopardise it for the sake of someone who clearly doesn't know what she wants!

[Terpe]

edyc08

I believe that you made the right decision.
For whatever reason, your g/f appears to want to cool the relationship down. If she is being honest with you, only you can gauge.

It does not help that you seem not to have any other outlet.
Everyone needs another outlet when the cause of pain is your usual outlet

Like Arthur says, try to concentrate and focus on your studies. Your future depends on it.

[sars_notd_virus]

Wise words Sars; .. wise words.

thanks Terpe....Charge to Experience!!

''young love''..been there,learned and grow with it.

[Arthur Little]

And to the filipino/uk forum ... where you can rely on friendly support and guidance.

[grahamw48]

What a sad story.

The girl is trapped in a situation in which she is not happy (and in the mid-east...awful place, awful culture, known for treating Filpinas like pieces of crap/slave labour, and often sexually abusing them too. )

Presumably being targetted by some predatory male who had no consideration for the fact that the lady is in an existing relationship, but taking advantage of her vulnerability and loneliness.

Then we have her partner, also in a strange land, trying to better himself and making plans for a happy future with his lady, but unable to compete on even terms with the those sniffing around her.

Who knows ?
Will she stay faithful ?
My ex-wife didn't, in similar circumstances.

Thank goodness I'm now single and unattached is all I can say.

Good luck my friend, but I recommend you stay in constant touch with her if you want any chance at all.

Having an 'agreed' temporary break is like giving her permission, even if she's been faithful to you up until now.

Remember... 'out of sight is out of mind'.
Stay in her thoughts and her life if you want her and no-one else.

[gWaPito]

From what I understand, the only reason why a nice lady from the Phil would stay in an abusive long distance relationship is because the guy with a few bricks short of a full load, is sending back money to her. It wasn't mentioned so, I guess this is the reason why she holds on.

[malditako]

Concentrate on your studies, Edy and try - hard as it may seem - not to allow this girl's fickle behaviour play havoc with your emotions and interfere with your main objective, i.e., your eventual career prospects either here in the UK or elsewhere. You're evidently still a young man with a whole exciting future ahead of you ... don't jeopardise it for the sake of someone who clearly doesn't know what she wants!

so true

[malditako]

i am a living proof of how hard long distance relationship is. i can cope, he cant. in the end, i get frustrated too. we fight almost everyday. he never really trust me so every move i make, he would give it another meaning. add some people who created stories about me even before we met in person.

no matter how we resolve problems, it always comes back and haunt us. now he gets jealous of everything. im not allowed to mingle with youngsters coz i would look like im trying to be young, im not allowed to be touchy anymore when ive been that to all my friends, im not allowed to be close to guys, not even allowed to put on make up like i would be flirting left and right oh well...

when we get together, he can keep his eyes on me. that's when i can relax and be myself...hopefully.

oh dear..wonder how you manage that ghee...next time he would tell you..dont go out from that door lol... sounds no good to me

[Terpe]

i am a living proof of how hard long distance relationship is. i can cope, he cant. in the end, i get frustrated too. we fight almost everyday. he never really trust me so every move i make, he would give it another meaning. add some people who created stories about me even before we met in person.

no matter how we resolve problems, it always comes back and haunt us. now he gets jealous of everything. im not allowed to mingle with youngsters coz i would look like im trying to be young, im not allowed to be touchy anymore when ive been that to all my friends, im not allowed to be close to guys, not even allowed to put on make up like i would be flirting left and right oh well...

when we get together, he can keep his eyes on me. that's when i can relax and be myself...hopefully.

ghee101, I don't know anything about your story I'm afraid. But from your post I would have to agee with gparry.

I fear that you have already shown many weakness for your b/f to exploit.

The future together may not be as relaxed as you feel.

Please ghee, try to think more on this relationship. It does not seem healthy.

[joebloggs]

i am a living proof of how hard long distance relationship is. i can cope, he cant. in the end, i get frustrated too. we fight almost everyday. he never really trust me so every move i make, he would give it another meaning. add some people who created stories about me even before we met in person.

no matter how we resolve problems, it always comes back and haunt us. now he gets jealous of everything. im not allowed to mingle with youngsters coz i would look like im trying to be young, im not allowed to be touchy anymore when ive been that to all my friends, im not allowed to be close to guys, not even allowed to put on make up like i would be flirting left and right oh well...

when we get together, he can keep his eyes on me. that's when i can relax and be myself...hopefully.

what's it goinmg to be like once your married and after you've been married for a number of years

[grahamw48]

i am a living proof of how hard long distance relationship is. i can cope, he cant. in the end, i get frustrated too. we fight almost everyday. he never really trust me so every move i make, he would give it another meaning. add some people who created stories about me even before we met in person.

no matter how we resolve problems, it always comes back and haunt us. now he gets jealous of everything. im not allowed to mingle with youngsters coz i would look like im trying to be young, im not allowed to be touchy anymore when ive been that to all my friends, im not allowed to be close to guys, not even allowed to put on make up like i would be flirting left and right oh well...

when we get together, he can keep his eyes on me. that's when i can relax and be myself...hopefully.

And you are still in this relationship ???

If so, I am shocked !

(Sorry...hope you're not offended by that)

[Steve.r]

'There are none so blind as those who do not want to see'

[mickcant]

'There are none so blind as those who do not want to see'

Steve, I agree with that becouse as we know I was also one of them
We come out of it but at a high cost
Mick.

[Steve.r]

Steve, I agree with that becouse as we know I was also one of them
We come out of it but at a high cost
Mick.

Mick, I never even thought about your situation. You did learn the hard way, and with a huge cost to your pocket and emotonally. Ghee, on the other hand has the time to get out now, before she makes that mistake ..... but she wont listen to our warnings, and we cannot make her see reason. I, for one am quite sad about that.

[mickcant]

Mick, I never even thought about your situation. You did learn the hard way, and with a huge cost to your pocket and emotonally. Ghee, on the other hand has the time to get out now, before she makes that mistake ..... but she wont listen to our warnings, and we cannot make her see reason. I, for one am quite sad about that.

I too was given warnings, but thought Jennifer returned my love and that all would be ok when we were together, WRONG it was then edivedent even to me that she did not want to be with me, she only ever wanted the money and visa

She told many lies and did trip herself up in the end, you need a good memory to keep telling lies.
Mick.