gone silent

[joebloggs]

Joe i know its the not knowing thats hard to take

i know , i've been thru the same many years ago

have you noticed any changes in her feelings towards you in the last 2yrs, were there any after you met ?

[blackcatbone]

joe this sounds unreal under the current situation but until now Jane Marie has always been very loving she said to me after i got back that when i visited her she liked me only which i can understand completely but told me after that she missed me terribly and knew i was the one to spend the rest of her life with figure that out mate if you can you're a better man than me

[Ako Si Jamie]

If you are on about my situation still and not blackcatbones then I too lost everything but my home.
The biggest lost for me was emotional and the worry of no contact for the 4 months.
I now know her family told me lies to cover up for her while she was with her boyfriend straight after we married.

She had a baby by him, then came to the UK just so she could work and send money home.

I had already helped the family a lot, including money for operations on her siblings
(Yes the treatment was/is necessary I saw it with my own eyes)

I then went through around 13 months of hell with different excuses why the visa was taking so long, I was going to visit again but she said not to as we would soon be together, she did not want me to visit because she was pregnant.

Looking back now I was stupid to be taken in, but I loved her and we were then married and I could not understand why we could not be together!
Mick.

I think most of us blokes get taken in by a woman at some point in our lives because we go with our hearts and not with our heads. Easy thing to happen.

[joebloggs]

unreal, nothing much surprises me any more on here or in life, I've seen many things on here thru the years and ones i'm been thru myself..

either shes sulking (possible but a week is along time - last time my misses had a tampo was many years ago, when she thru something at me, the most shes sulked was a day or so)

you've been scammed ( possible but you've met her, so less likely, but then even some filipinas have married and scammed their partner)

you've been used ( had no real intention of doing this to you, but for what ever reasons its gone like this)

she can't reply (inet down, no creds, etc - i doubt it always a internet cafe or a friend who can get a text to you)

shes ill or in hospital etc (doubt it again, you had an argument and get the cold shoulder)

[joebloggs]

I think most of us blokes get taken in by a woman at some point in our lives because we go with our hearts and not with our heads. Easy thing to happen.

not women, but liars, cheats or scammers, men or women

[grahamw48]

I'm going to stay single.

[Terpe]

......because we go with our hearts and not with our heads. Easy thing to happen.

This is so true, especially for me.
It's so easy to tell others what they must or must not do when we have no emotional investment. We all do it.
By the same token, we all learn our best lessons from our mistakes and failures in the past.
One thing I've learned, is understanding what I WILL do by finding out what I WILL NOT do.
And I will not give up trying to achieve compassion, calmness and a warm heart.

So looks like I'm setting myself up again

[blackcatbone]

Mickcant i feel for you mate your situation makes mine look tame by comparison are you still looking mate it would be a crying shame if you let this stop you fella

[Ako Si Jamie]

This is so true, especially for me.
It's so easy to tell others what they must or must not do when we have no emotional investment. We all do it.
By the same token, we all learn our best lessons from our mistakes and failures in the past.
One thing I've learned, is understanding what I WILL do by finding out what I WILL NOT do.
And I will not give up trying to achieve compassion, calmness and a warm heart.

So looks like I'm setting myself up again

I'll be the first to admit I was a big soft apeth towards women in my younger days but since being hurt a couple of times I said to myself I'd only show that side to a woman until I see her cards first.

Like you correctly said, it's about learning from your mistakes but some don't and create a rod for their own backs by going round in circles.

But we're all guilty of focusing on the book cover and not the content.

[Sim11UK]

Are you sure (any niggling doubts) that her husband is off the scene?
...You did say, she would do anything for her kids?
In a drastic situation, there could be adultery issues??

Family issues?
Never ever underestimate the strength the family may have over her...Like joebloggs, I've had
problems with the family before, a very miserable time.
Even as adults, the family can still win over...I had many on here, including Filipinas, saying 'she's an adult, she can make her own decisions'...not always true & I had a lot of support from other members, who recognised my situation & weren't neccessarily surprised.

Different cultures, all sorts of problems can rear their ugly head...if you really think she's worth it, then all you can do for now, is sit tight.

Hope you hear something soon.

[blackcatbone]

sim11uk thanx for your words mate i'm pretty 100% that the husband is history as far as Jane Marie is concerned. i know the family is everything to her and i did ask her before she stopped talking if it was anything to do with her and myself and she said no it was just something in the family so i'm stumped mate at the minute she is everything to me so i need to see this through i'm sitting very very tight

[blackcatbone]

see Treat them mean to keep them keen; its funny now that someones mentioned it but in my situation i remember Jane Marie saying that she enjoys an argument sometimes because it can make the 'making up' more sweet in her words. she said too much of a good thing was boring OMG maybe i just made the biggest mistake of my life Jamiexxxmaria thanx for the memory jog mate maybe i need to leave her alone there is an old saying leave them alone and they'll come home wagging their tails behind them

[grahamw48]

sim11uk thanx for your words mate i'm pretty 100% that the husband is history as far as Jane Marie is concerned. i know the family is everything to her and i did ask her before she stopped talking if it was anything to do with her and myself and she said no it was just something in the family so i'm stumped mate at the minute she is everything to me so i need to see this through i'm sitting very very tight

Be wary of male partners/ex-partners.

http://tropicalpenpals.com/blog/thin...ncs-boyfriend/

Don't know if it's been mentioned yet, but (unless you plan on emigrating to the Phils)
the father of your girlfriend's kids could well throw a spanner in the works for any future plans you may have to bring the family to the UK. He has the right to refuse giving his consent to the removal from the country of his children. Which, as a father myself I can fully empathise with.

If your girlfriend is still married, it could also take years and a great deal of expense to have the marriage annulled.

[blackcatbone]

grahamw48 well before all this happened i was planning to emigrate to RP i wouldn't dream of taking someones kids away from them even though he has very little contact with them if any. he seems to be intent on inseminating the entire population of young girls in the islands

[grahamw48]

grahamw48 well before all this happened i was planning to emigrate to RP i wouldn't dream of taking someones kids away from them even though he has very little contact with them if any. he seems to be intent on inseminating the entire population of young girls in the islands

Not sure how I should respond to that...maybe a thumbs-up smiley would be inappropriate.

[Arthur Little]

Whilst I don't altogether advocate the "Treat 'em mean ... keep 'em keen" theory - as discussed on a separate thread - I do believe you ought to try and detach yourself a bit by playing "hard to get" for a while!

[mindanao]

speaking of jane marie's age at 41. I am pretty sure that she had earned her maturity well enough and her actions for not speaking or contacting with you might be based on valid reasons for herself. So BCB, take a step back for while and see how situations move on. You are still young ,don't cry over spilled milk.

[Rosie1958]

speaking of jane marie's age at 41. I am pretty sure that she had earned her maturity well enough and her actions for not speaking or contacting with you might be based on valid reasons for herself. So BCB, take a step back for while and see how situations move on. .

I agree with Mindanao ........... she needs some space and you are not doing yourself any favours by becoming so upset and paranoid over the situation. There could be genuine reasons for not contacting you at the moment, especially if she is having a hard time herself. Hopefully, in time she will communicate with you again. If not, as hard as it seems, you will have to accept the situation and move on. ..........

[blackcatbone]

Not sure how I should respond to that...maybe a thumbs-up smiley would be inappropriate.

maybe a little graham

[blackcatbone]

Mindanao & Rosie 1958 thanx for the advice its all i can do now so we will have to see how this turns out

[blackcatbone]

Whilst I don't altogether advocate the "Treat 'em mean ... keep 'em keen" theory - as discussed on a separate thread - I do believe you ought to try and detach yourself a bit by playing "hard to get" for a while!

Arthur this seems to be the consencus of the whole community here and i intend to take that advice cheers mate

[Ako Si Jamie]

Arthur's advice is spot on. Give her something to think about.

[phoebe]

Hi Bcb,
I am new and I am female. I did post my problems here as well. Anyway, I read thru your problems and I know this going to be harsh.Firstly, you are a sweet guy who really loves Jane Maria. You are commited in this relationship. However, I do not think she loves you as much as you love her.Honestly, if a woman loves a man she will not go silent for so long .I just hope she is not playing with your emotion .Even she is sick, she still can send you a short sms to let you know she is not well but will get in touch once she is well and not to worry.A person who is sick, still think of the person whom they cared about unless she dont care for you. I hope I am wrong , but it looks like she wants to cease communication with you.
Even if she is showing her tampo is unusual to have gone on for so long ...something is not right.I am sorry being harsh here but I hope you are ready to face what is coming.I really hope she will get in contact with you soon....true love always finds its way back and if you are destined to be together it will happened .Meantime, I hope you do not loose concentration and keep yourself healthy.All the best.Sorry , if my opinion sounded harsh.

[joebloggs]

you could be right phobe, like i said b4 its not only distance that causes problems, its time, 1 visit in 2yrs people get on with their lifes ( i've been there myself kept my now misses waiting for a long time b4 i wait to see her, not good )

time will tell, but hopefully she has a good reason for acting this

[grahamw48]

you could be right phobe, like i said b4 its not only distance that causes problems, its time, 1 visit in 2yrs people get on with their lifes ( i've been there myself kept my now misses waiting for a long time b4 i wait to see her, not good )

time will tell, but hopefully she has a good reason for acting this

Have to agree.

Contributed greatly to the break-up of my marriage.

[blackcatbone]

i'm not holding much hope here i found one of her friends on facebook and talked with her yesterday she accepted my friend request and she said she would text jane to see if she could do something to help today i see she is missing from my friends list and nothing to tell me about it seems that Jane was seeing a danish guy before me but she said that it was over but i really dont believe her i think i was a fool that loved her and her kids but to her i was just a walking pound sign when i went there i gave her a large sum of money and a laptop plus buying one of her sons an electric guitar and giving Jane many other smaller presents now i find that all her kids know this dane i know i have been fooled and it hurts

[stevewool]

dont be to hard on yourself, we all have made mistakes with love but we all move on, just take a breath and see whats around the corner, try not to fall in love so quick though, just enjoy the company and who knows what may happen

[Lancashirelad]

Ive just read all of this thread I sympathize with your situation, brings back memories of a break up in my past with a uk ex.

To anyone starting a LDR i would say the best advice is that you should be involved with each others family and friends meet them as soon as possible and have access to each others email, facebook ect.

I hope you can stay positive and try not to be bitter, you sound like you deserve much better, its difficult when you have fully committed to someone then they cut you out, but if thats how she really is you really got a lucky escape.

[grahamw48]

I agree.

For anyone starting such a relationship
there is no substitute for getting over to the Phils ASAP, staying as long as possible and weighing up the situation before you build a fantasy.

I know it might sound cruel,, but you might find a better match while you're there too.

Plus...'while the cat's away', etc.

[joebloggs]

now i find that all her kids know this dane i know i have been fooled and it hurts

sorry its turned out like this, i dont know how some people can sleep at night