Need outsiders' perspective

[bher]

aaaww... as terpe and joe said' GREAT JOB malleus.. thats an eye opener for ranger and to the other members here that will/ had experience that thing..

[ranger74]

Great response, Malleus. Thank you. You pretty much summed up everything that's going on in my head but my heart doesn't want to believe.

There is a bit more to the situation than requests for money and her trying to make me jealous, though. She has interacted with my children and my mother, she knows that I'm not well off and she sees that I'm a good man. If she's playing me, she would have to be a very cold-hearted person and that's not the impression I got at all when I was with her. If things turn out that way, I'll be shocked at how badly I judged her character.

Right now, I desperately want to talk to her and work things out but I'm trying to resist the urge to send yet another text message or email and I'll wait for her to contact me in her own time. The longer she takes to do that, the more clear it will be whether she is serious about me or not.

If it's over, I'll be crushed. And then comes the humiliation of telling my kids, family and friends that I was played for a fool and the great girl I was bringing to meet them all was with another man.

[grahamw48]

Whoa !

This is all happening very fast....too fast IMO.

You need a LOT more time together.

The signs do not look at all good to me.

Save your money for your next air ticket...and the next one after that.

Also I suggest you put your sensible head back on and have a browse on here: http://www.dragonladies.org/

She may be the most wonderful girl in the world, but then again...

[Arthur Little]

Ranger ... to the forum. Like everyone else who's responded to your thread, I wish you all the very best in this difficult dilemma. Be assured, however, that here - whatever you decide - you need never feel as though you were the 'Lone Ranger'!

[rani]

very well said malleus... so glad that you're happily moving on

communication plays a very important role to all LDRs.... so passing out for 14 hours which means no texting, emailing, sending message at fb is a joke especially if its a regular thing for both of you

a warm welcome to the forum ranger

[stevewool]

if i passed out for 14 hours i would be buried before i woke and the kids would have all

[rani]

if i passed out for 14 hours i would be buried before i woke and the kids would have all

hahaha... don't forget to add emma on your will before you passed out steve

[stevewool]

indeed Rani Emma will be added soon ,and Rani we are planning next christmas to be in the phils so if you are there a big meet up with a party too

[malditako]

as what others have said looks like this girl is milking you...how can she go out with another guy alone when she's committed to somebody else...stop sending her money and see what would she react...your relationship to her is too young to involve in sharing money...

its hard to recover from a broken heart but i guess its even harder to recover with a broken heart and a broken pocket...goodluck to u..follow ur instinct

[ranger74]

Another update: We talked for a long time today and have sorted things out. She has stayed with her original story but didn't really satisfy me as to why the calls went unanswered. I don't have enough evidence to openly accuse her of lying, so I'm going to trust that it's the truth or at least that there were only white lies. I won't be sending any more money though. The visa application has been lodged and I'll wait until we have much more time together before making any more financial investment in our relationship (other than the cost of the flights if she is approved for the visa).

We seem to be back to normal and I hope I've just had a case of LDP, but I'll definitely be a little more cautious and observant in future (without letting the paranoia get a grip). Thanks to everyone who has responded, you've been a great help and I'll give more updates in future. Hopefully happy ones

[rani]

indeed Rani Emma will be added soon ,and Rani we are planning next christmas to be in the phils so if you are there a big meet up with a party too

looking forward to christmas 2011!!!!

[rani]

i hope everything will go your way ranger.. good luck

[purple]

good luck ranger.. sending money is a big no no in an early stage of relationship no matter what the excuses are. Get to know her better as you've only met once.

like every body else, trust takes time to build as it is a strong foundation in the relationship.

[somebody]

Tottenham are still yet to beat United this century

Didn't even bother watching live as I saw Clattenburg was Refing like when we did beat you but sadly whiskeyface didn't allow clattenburg to give the goal

Plus putting Keane and Jenas in the team said lets not b other to me

Have 3 points you might need them soon when you go in to administration

[somebody]

Another update: We talked for a long time today and have sorted things out. She has stayed with her original story but didn't really satisfy me as to why the calls went unanswered. I don't have enough evidence to openly accuse her of lying, so I'm going to trust that it's the truth or at least that there were only white lies. I won't be sending any more money though. The visa application has been lodged and I'll wait until we have much more time together before making any more financial investment in our relationship (other than the cost of the flights if she is approved for the visa).

We seem to be back to normal and I hope I've just had a case of LDP, but I'll definitely be a little more cautious and observant in future (without letting the paranoia get a grip). Thanks to everyone who has responded, you've been a great help and I'll give more updates in future. Hopefully happy ones

I dont know the situation but is it worth texting saying possibly you may get a large cash sum (from a long lost aunt or bonsus at work etc) but nothing definte can I fly over but i would need to come in a few days and hey we can take the family n friends out to a restort etc. But keep stressing nothing is definte about the money, just a possibility.

See what occurs most Filipinas well lets face it most humans would love to see their Mahal at short notice regardless of the situation and would love them to share happiness and good times with family and friends (ok some family members she may not want you to meet for reasons all families have ups and downs but all of them???)

[Terpe]

indeed Rani Emma will be added soon ,and Rani we are planning next christmas to be in the phils so if you are there a big meet up with a party too

Sorry Off Topic

I will also be in Phils Xmas 2011
Can I come to the party??
Promise to organise the lechon

[ranger74]

I dont know the situation but is it worth texting saying possibly you may get a large cash sum (from a long lost aunt or bonsus at work etc) but nothing definte can I fly over but i would need to come in a few days and hey we can take the family n friends out to a restort etc. But keep stressing nothing is definte about the money, just a possibility.

See what occurs most Filipinas well lets face it most humans would love to see their Mahal at short notice regardless of the situation and would love them to share happiness and good times with family and friends (ok some family members she may not want you to meet for reasons all families have ups and downs but all of them???)

I don't really want to test her trustworthiness by lying to her. If she's approved for the visa, I'll purchase the tickets for her and then we'll have the chance to spend a few months together and find out if what we have is real. If she's denied the visa, I'll go over to meet her and her family as soon as possible. I won't be sending any more money, not only because I have some doubts but because I can no longer afford to.

[Dedworth]

Best of luck ranger74. You mentioned Facebook, in my opinion a potentially dangerous site. This is what I posted a couple of months back

"I've never subscribed to any of these so called "social networking" sites as they are frequented by gossipers, con artists, wind up merchants, shysters, back stabbers etc."

[Steve.r]

If she's approved for the visa, I'll purchase the tickets for her.

I am glad you said that, DO NOT send her the money for the ticket, you purchase it for her, no matter what she says.

[baby38]

Been following this with a lot of intertest,but come to a sudden stop,whats happening now.

[LuisaKC]

She is single and 24... she's keeping her options Open. She liked u and she knows you really really like (even love) her. She may not be cheating you with someone... but She IS NOT INTO YOU AS MUCH AS YOU'RE INTO HER. The fact she didn't introduce you to her family when you wer here is one sign she is not as IN this RElationship as you are. Stop sending her money and try feel what would happen. I understand you're in a great deal of pain and confusion right now. And u learned to love her so much when you were here... and i'm sure she's nice and might be confused too right now. I know how hard it is to be in that situation believe me..confused and not knowing where you stand in someones life...but i guess the best as of now is deal with your feelings...control the jealousy first and look at things logically BEFORE YOU GO MUCH DEEPER.
When something's amiss STOP.LOOK.LISTEN.

[ranger74]

Everything's going well at the moment. Still waiting on the visa news. We've had a few really good talks in the last few days and there have been some confessions. Turns out she knew the other guy earlier than I thought and it was originally from the same dating site that we found each other. But she swears she's only met him on the few occasions that she already told me about. I'm trusting her on that.

I'm not sending any money. She started a new job this week but has let it be known that she'll be struggling until payday. I let it be known that I can't help at all and she insists that I've done too much already. I want to be able to talk openly about everything, but she steers the conversation away from that now.

She's still in contact with the other guy and insists it's a friendship. I've pointed out that a friendship goes two ways and he doesn't view it that way. She says he might have more work for her and she can use the money, so she doesn't want to burn her bridges.

I feel like she's being honest with me and I'm trying hard to accept the way things are, but I won't be happy until he's completely out of the picture. If she gets the visa, that should be the end of that, but if she doesn't I'm afraid it might drag on and on and it'll always be a problem.

As for not meeting her family, I don't view that as particularly odd or suspicious. I was there for a week and up until I arrived, it was just an online relationship. I didn't feel like meeting her family was something that necessarily had to happen. Her family definitely knows about me through facebook and the things I've had sent to her home (including a letter to her parents from my mother).

Again, I won't be sending any more money, so at this point I'm only taking an emotional risk, not a financial one. And I think she's worth it.

[ranger74]

Another quick update...

After yet another discussion on the subject, she just agreed to break off contact with him completely. Of course, there's no way to know if she really does, but i believe her and i'm very happy about it. She says that she completely understands it from my point of view and she's very apologetic for letting it go on this long. Things are looking good. Fingers crossed that we get good news from the embassy this week.

[Terpe]

ranger74
I'm so happy to hear to things seem to be looking better.
I wish all the best with the visa.

[rani]

Sorry Off Topic

I will also be in Phils Xmas 2011
Can I come to the party??
Promise to organise the lechon

would be nice to see you and other forum members here in the philippines... let's have a christmas 2011 party

[Terpe]

I will for sure contact all Phils based members for meet up. Distance no problem

[raynaputi]

count me in rani & terpe!

[Terpe]

count me in rani & terpe!

for sure

[fred]

I did post a long drawn out message in regards your dilemma but seems it didn't publish!!..(lets just blame it on the Tanduay for now)
From memory,I briefly suggested you come back over for another 2 months and get to know her again for at least that long....
Personally, after living here on and off for 30 years I would not go ahead under any other circumstances!!
Bahala ka!!

[keithAngel]

I would second freds suggestion to much "terra icognito"