How to deal nicely with a poor Filipina

[keithAngel]

Ha haaaaa as soon as you arrive in Philippines you notice one thing - Everybody is good looking! The men are too! hahahaha do you not think so?

Nigel get a grip only the men in skirts

[aromulus]

I am well beyond worrying about Nigel's mental state...

[LadyJ]

a scammer is not for life, but a wife is

Backstabber...Poor Mrs Joe

Dont worry Joe your wife has a professional job now and you can just sit ur down and put your feet up and let Mrs Joe work harder until she pays all the visa fees u paid

[keithAngel]

Backstabber...Poor Mrs Joe

Dont worry Joe your wife has a professional job now and you can just sit ur down and put your feet up and let Mrs Joe work harder until she pays for your visa

Do you know where Mrs Joe has decided to send him?

[Englishman2010]

In an ideal world this would be the case, but life ain't like that eh!?

........................................................................................................................................

*** A lil post in defense of the genuinely poor pinoys! ***



People are individuals and some people find themselves in situations where money is an ongoing problem.

It's a simple fact that in some cases you're going to have to help them out due to circumstances out of their control. This help may be needed from the very start, or later on, but just because this person is maybe hinting does not make them a scammer.

I helped my future wife out before we even became sweety's heh, she was very poor, but here we are 6 years later happy and together. She's the one helping me now hah, cos now I'm poor cos of sends, pasalubong, visits and visas!

My point is, just because someone hints or outright asks for help does not make them a lesser person, or automatically make them a scammer. They may just actually need some help.

In situations like this you need to trust your instincts and keep an eye out for anything suspicious, as there are obviously a lot of scammers out there, just as there are a lot of genuine people who haven't had that much luck in life.

+1

I'm sure most of us western men have had hints dropped and been asked outright. My g/f is poor and doesnt have a job at the moment, she knows that my finances are under scrutiny due to my ongoing divorce so she rarely asks, but when she does, she knows I will give her an interrogation about why she needs it and I'm sure she realises I'm checking to see if she is genuine. Sometimes I will help and other times I wont and sometimes I will help when she's not even asking.

Before I went to the Phil's I was a lot more suspicious of why money was needed because I thought everything would be cheap over there, and of course I was warned to be on my guard for potential scams. Some things are not as cheap as you think they would be, and some items which we take for granted, like toothpaste, shampoo..etc are no cheaper. A little bit of money to me, is a lot of money to her and as long as I'm not treated like an ATM I don't mind helping out within reason.

However, I met my girlfriend in Singapore and not on a dating site. We spent about a week together there, so I already knew a great deal about her when our relationship started. I would probably be a lot more cautious if I had never actually met the girl and had struck up an online friendship.

[Arthur Little]

I would probably be a lot more cautious if I had never actually met the girl ...

... as any SENSIBLE person WOULD be!

... and had struck up an online friendship ...

... when, IMO, it would be to acquiese to such requests, by immediately dipping into one's wallet ... without REALLY knowing anything about the person asking.

[Philip]

IMO, it would be to acquiese to such requests, by immediately dipping into one's wallet ... without REALLY knowing anything about the person asking.

I did just that and it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life because helping my newly found online friend eventually led to true love. Had I not helped, it probably wouldn't have developed in to what it did because she simply would not have been able to afford to be online much, if at all.

Be cautious, but don't let that caution close the door on something potentially great.

[Arthur Little]

I did just that and it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life because helping my newly found online friend eventually led to true love. Had I not helped, it probably wouldn't have developed in to what it did because she simply would not have been able to afford to be online much, if at all.

Be cautious, but don't let that caution close the door on something potentially great.

Undoubtedly there ARE occasions when things turn out happily ... as you've just proved; nevertheless, I still adhere to the basic principle that people ought ALWAYS to be on their guard whenever they're asked for money by someone whom they've never met. I mean, it's sheer commonsense, after all!

[JonHig]

It is all a bit of a lottery really. Early on when i had been over here for just a few weeks, i lent 100000pesos to school well known to my wife. She had sent her two children by here first marriage there. They needed funds to be able to refurbish the place which needed. Cutting a very long story short, i have only recently got my money back, fighting every inch of the way for two years. They agreed in a legal document to pay back with interest within 6 months.

You have no idea what excuses they came up with along the way. A right bunch of liars they were too! It is an 'Holistic' school - what morals and qualities must they be injecting into their pupils with their hypocritical teaching?

Beware

[JonHig]

They needed funds to refurbish the school, which was certainly necessary.

Correction - sorry about that!

[IanB]

Steve,

This is what I do not completely agree with:

My Mahal is exactly as Arthur has described, she has high family and moral values.

Certainly in Thailand, and almost certainly in the Philippines, high family in my view does not automatically = high moral values. In both countries, low family does not = low moral values either!

Most corruption and murder in the Philippines comes from those people of high family, who then choose to blame the problems of the country on those of low families.

I am sure that your mahal has high moral values, as does mine. But I don't think those are because your mahal comes from a high family nor do I think that my mahal has high values because she comes from a low family.

[South-east boy]

Steve,

This is what I do not completely agree with:



Certainly in Thailand, and almost certainly in the Philippines, high family in my view does not automatically = high moral values. In both countries, low family does not = low moral values either!

Most corruption and murder in the Philippines comes from those people of high family, who then choose to blame the problems of the country on those of low families.

I am sure that your mahal has high moral values, as does mine. But I don't think those are because your mahal comes from a high family nor do I think that my mahal has high values because she comes from a low family.

I don't think Steve meant that his mahal came from a high family so therefor has high values, but by saying 'high' he just meant good - in that she has good family values and good morals.

[Arthur Little]

I don't think Steve meant that his mahal came from a high family so therefor has high values, but by saying 'high' he just meant good - in that she has good family values and good morals.

You're RIGHT, Tim ... ... he DIDN'T [Steve] ... and NOR did I! He and I BOTH meant "good, honest family values and high MORAL standards" ... decent-living, in other words ... which, ... just as in the UK, US - or indeed ANY other country in the world, for that matter - has absolutely no bearing on people's financial and/or social status!

[Arthur Little]

I would even go one stage further ... by saying that some of our own nation's most notorious cheats, s, rogues and scoundrels belong to the British aristocracy and so-called "upper classes"!!!

[English Rose]

I often didn't hear from my friend for weeks at a time because he could not afford to go to the Internet Cafe. He told me so I wouldn't think he'd lost interest in me, not because he was after money.
As to what to say to her, choose one (or more) of the following: "I'm sorry to hear about your outstanding bills. I have a few of them myself. I'm not looking forward to the gas bill which is always high in winter because of the cost of heating our houses. The temperature outside doesn't often reach double figures. A lot of us are worried about our jobs, too, because businesses are cutting right back and making people redundant. The mortgage is a worry because interest rates are at an all time low and when they rise my repayments will be four times as much." (True if you've got a tracker mortgage.)
If she stops writing, you'll know she was only after your money.
I hope this helps!

[South-east boy]

The mortgage is a worry because interest rates are at an all time low and when they rise my repayments will be four times as much." (True if you've got a tracker mortgage.)
If she stops writing, you'll know she was only after your money.
I hope this helps!

Or you could say that although the interest rates are low at the moment, when you got there's they were still high and had not come down yet, so you are still stuck on a high one. This is the truth about mine and it's very frustrating! I took the advice of all the experts and got a fixed one for 3 years just before they started to come down & down-so even the experts gave rubbish advice!

[Florge]

Arthur, I find these concepts hard to understand in a country where so many people are starving and suffer from lack of health care. I think there are two sets of moral values in the Philippines, one for the rich and one for the poor.

I admit that my experience is meagre in the Philippines, but I have seen nothing that encourages me to think otherwise. Crime is truly outrageous. Government officials treat poor people like ****. doctors and lawyers lie and sell quack medication - or kick sick people onto the streets. Prostitution and rape are common, but asking for a divorce from a man who left you for another woman is considered morally wrong.

Ask for a divorce? You are a bad woman! Ask for money? How immoral! Get sick? A potential scam!

I do not want to offend the many Filipinos out there, because very one I have met has been lovely, decent, and honest. But lets not be blind to the bad things in society over there, and lets NOT impose middle class values on poor people.

I am sorry, but I would have to agree with Arthur... poor people in the Philippines are far more decent than most kids here. If and when they scam people out for money, it is because they need to eat... if and when they sell their bodies, it is because they have to survive.. people here scam for money because they need to buy weed, booze and ciggies... Sadly, most people in the phils who scam for money for drugs are not the poor people but mostly the rich and the middle class...

[Steve.r]

You're RIGHT, Tim ... ... he DIDN'T [Steve] ... and NOR did I! He and I BOTH meant "good, honest family values and high MORAL standards" ... decent-living, in other words ... which, ... just as in the UK, US - or indeed ANY other country in the world, for that matter - has absolutely no bearing on people's financial and/or social status!

Thanks Arthur and South East, I maybe used the wrong word, you have explained what I meant to say.

[Kju&2]

It's also worth bearing in mind that a girl who is nurtured in accordance with true Filipino family values will NEVER ask for ... nor even drop hints about ... money (especially from someone she's never met!) ... because her inherent sense of moral decency (and, not least, pride) will prevent her from doing so!

I totally agree. "If there's a will there's a way". If she absolutely likes you for who you are, not for however much you can help her financially - she will find a way to get in touch. Hinting financial problems at such an early stage in a relationship is a complete no no to people who has morals regardless of race. We were also struggling financially when we were still in the Philippines but I would not even dare talk about our financial issues to my filipino suitors who were trying to court me at the time in order to get some financial help. Normal people would talk about their financial problems and worries to their family, close friends, or maybe their boss in order to maybe get a much deserved raise but not to people who just happen to like them who are not even in a serious relationship with them yet. That's like meeting someone at a train station and after a few days of flirting and casual chats - them pouring their heart and soul about their financial worries to you and telling you that they can only continue with chatting with you again if you give them a few pounds for their train ticket the next day. I am not saying that all filipinas who talk about their financial worries during the "courting" stage are all opportunists and just after your money but being a filipina, it does make me angry that some women does this to take advantage of some guys and then everyone else including me gets pigeon-holed into scam artists and opportunists because of them.

[somebody]

Well if you could buy say a load for her and buy your self a roaming smart or globe card. So she could text you for a small amount.

Like Keitha angel and fred say offer her a small amount to chat to you if suddenly she runs out way before she should have then for a small fee you may have a better idea of the situation. Of course if she is chatting to you as often as she can manage but uses the odd text for texting friends in phill possible pays for a drink while at the cafe..


If you need help with working out how much she should need to chat to you on regularly just ask on here. Someone on the site will be abale to help you for sure