How do you solve this problem?

[blackcat22]

I'm just thinking about this scenario:

You meet a nice lady in phils, you went to meet her and her family and everything was cool and all accepted u and you want to show her you're serious with her etc... and you rent a small apartment for her and furnish it up to live until maybe 6-12months when to sort out her UK VISA etc..

How do you make sure while you're apart i.e you back in UK, she is not bringing back local "lover boys" to your rented apartment to entertained etc..?


I'm not in this situation yet but I nearly was last year.

any advise how to solve this apart from maybe getting a covert 24hr private detective on her which will cost tons of money.

[coxsure]

Love may cost you money but Trust is totally free. It takes a lot of time to build up trust though.

[pennybarry]

I'm just thinking about this scenario:

You meet a nice lady in phils, you went to meet her and her family and everything was cool and all accepted u and you want to show her you're serious with her etc... and you rent a small apartment for her and furnish it up to live until maybe 6-12months when to sort out her UK VISA etc..

How do you make sure while you're apart i.e you back in UK, she is not bringing back local "lover boys" to your rented apartment to entertained etc..?


I'm not in this situation yet but I nearly was last year.

any advise how to solve this apart from maybe getting a covert 24hr private detective on her which will cost tons of money.

It sounds you rushly done something in your life and now you are worried(IMHO).

We, filipinas doesn't need to have a private detectives. It's a matter of trust but you need to know your girl better well before spending your cash and give your heart. The looser will always be the british one if they made rush decisions without knowing their girlfriend's background. For me, it is a must to a long distance relationships.

Just don't be too generous financially and heartfully.
I'm sure you know what I mean.

I have seen that situation mostly with young Pinays married to old rich japanese. They do hire detectives and they have positive result. But I seldom known pinays married to British and look for younger men and turned back to their ex BF.

[bornatbirth]

I'm just thinking about this scenario:

You meet a nice lady in phils, you went to meet her and her family and everything was cool and all accepted u and you want to show her you're serious with her etc... and you rent a small apartment for her and furnish it up to live until maybe 6-12months when to sort out her UK VISA etc..

How do you make sure while you're apart i.e you back in UK, she is not bringing back local "lover boys" to your rented apartment to entertained etc..?


I'm not in this situation yet but I nearly was last year.

any advise how to solve this apart from maybe getting a covert 24hr private detective on her which will cost tons of money.

why are you even thinking about doing the above?

why do you feel the need to rent an apartment for her and her lover to share...when she already must be living somewhere.

i know there are many filipinas from different backgrounds but wouldnt you be better off finding one you can trust.

if i was you,i would think more about the type of filipina your looking to meet

[South-east boy]

Simple, don't rent & furnish an appartment! Why do u need to? The money could be better spent on the marriage, plane flights/trips to see her and further visa costs if all goes well and she is the right one.

[joebloggs]

why are you even thinking about doing the above?

why do you feel the need to rent an apartment for her and her lover to share...when she already must be living somewhere.

i know there are many filipinas from different backgrounds but wouldnt you be better off finding one you can trust.

if i was you,i would think more about the type of filipina your looking to meet

Simple, don't rent & furnish an appartment! Why do u need to? The money could be better spent on the marriage, plane flights/trips to see her and further visa costs if all goes well and she is the right one.

why would you want to rent somewhere for her

your doubts and suspicions can cause problems and why create problems ?

[jam07]

Simple, don't rent & furnish an appartment! Why do u need to? The money could be better spent on the marriage, plane flights/trips to see her and further visa costs if all goes well and she is the right one.

[jam07]

I'm just thinking about this scenario:

You meet a nice lady in phils, you went to meet her and her family and everything was cool and all accepted u and you want to show her you're serious with her etc... and you rent a small apartment for her and furnish it up to live until maybe 6-12months when to sort out her UK VISA etc..

How do you make sure while you're apart i.e you back in UK, she is not bringing back local "lover boys" to your rented apartment to entertained etc..?


I'm not in this situation yet but I nearly was last year.

any advise how to solve this apart from maybe getting a covert 24hr private detective on her which will cost tons of money.

I dont see a point of renting an apartment for her . You dont need to do that. Its not necessary.

Its good that you are NOT in that situation now

[aromulus]

Is this for real...???

Making a rod for his own back...?

[bornatbirth]

Is this for real...???

Making a rod for his own back...?

i think hes been meeting the wrong lady

[darren-b]

I am not quite sure why most people seemed to be focused on the renting of the apartment. Money being sent by the British bf is hardly unusual, and depending on the circumstances sending extra money for an apartment might be sensible (sure it wouldn't be the first time..).

The issue is how can you be certain that you are not being cheated on (even more annoying as it your money being used..) or even just being scammed for money.

[IainBusby]

I'm just thinking about this scenario:

You meet a nice lady in phils, you went to meet her and her family and everything was cool and all accepted u and you want to show her you're serious with her etc... and you rent a small apartment for her and furnish it up to live until maybe 6-12months when to sort out her UK VISA etc..

How do you make sure while you're apart i.e you back in UK, she is not bringing back local "lover boys" to your rented apartment to entertained etc..?


I'm not in this situation yet but I nearly was last year.

any advise how to solve this apart from maybe getting a covert 24hr private detective on her which will cost tons of money.

Has she asked you to or even suggested that you rent an apartment for her? If she hasn't even asked you to do this then I think you could be making a rod for your own back. If your not 100% certain of your relationship with this girl, then I would suggest that you shouldn't rent an apartment for her or even send her money until you are.

[Northerner]

I'm just thinking about this scenario:

You meet a nice lady in phils, you went to meet her and her family and everything was cool and all accepted u and you want to show her you're serious with her etc... and you rent a small apartment for her and furnish it up to live until maybe 6-12months when to sort out her UK VISA etc..

How do you make sure while you're apart i.e you back in UK, she is not bringing back local "lover boys" to your rented apartment to entertained etc..?


I'm not in this situation yet but I nearly was last year.

any advise how to solve this apart from maybe getting a covert 24hr private detective on her which will cost tons of money.

Hmmm, I have to agree with the others on this thread. No point going to those measures just yet. spend that money on other things like plane tickets and such.

Is trust an issue?

If so, there are private detectives. But chances are they will just give you some boring log sheet of where she went and what she did. Nothing suspicious, just everyday stuff..

The fact is you will just have to trust her! She could be honest to you until 10 years from now! That is the gamble we all make when we embark on a serious relationship. Sometimes you just have to let go of that thought that says "What if she cheats on me?" and just get on with life..

What is to say you don't go to meet her in the Philippines and whilst alone meet a stunning woman and decide to cheat yourself???

Again, she is risking something to trust you too..

My advice is to always trust your instincts. If you feel there is something wrong with her then go with that instinct, but don't have doubts just for the sake of the fear of the unknown

[aposhark]

Has she asked you to or even suggested that you rent an apartment for her? If she hasn't even asked you to do this then I think you could be making a rod for your own back. If your not 100% certain of your relationship with this girl, then I would suggest that you shouldn't rent an apartment for her or even send her money until you are.

Well said Iain.

This idea of an apartment seems so wrong to me.
Why start out worrying? I thought love meant trusting each other!
Take time to get to know her in the usual way that most people have, i.e. communicate by email, phones and texts etc.
See if all is well as the time goes on.
DON'T be too hasty as you will repent at leisure.
Part of the beauty of loving and courting a Filipina is surely NOT to worry about her lovers!!!!

Trust yourself and trust her and she will surely repay your trust with affection over years, blackcat22.

[September]

Simple, dont do that, I wouldnt suggest for you to do that,

[pacificelectric]

If you fear local lover boys, make sure your gf's bed makes them run away for ever....



Otherwise I concur with all of the above....

[blackcat22]

lol, thanks for your reply

It's just a commitment to relationship gesture renting apartment and stuff

stops her eyes roving about during the difficult months which could ever last a year or so sorting out VISA.

A german mate of mine who did it said he made himself popular with local green grocers etc.. and everyone else make sure they see her in town with her

and he reckons these green grocers and neighbours will ebhis eyes and ears when he is away from phils.

[somebody]

Unless your mega rich dont start hiring appartments and what not it will mean that its expected all the time. Wheter a Pinay realises or not she most likely will want to spend as much time with her family and friends as possible. The best place to stay then if possible would be in a family home rather than her own.

Trust like others write in the thread, needs to be there between you both. How would you feel if the missus had a Private eye following you?

[somebody]

lol, thanks for your reply

It's just a commitment to relationship gesture renting apartment and stuff

stops her eyes roving about during the difficult months which could ever last a year or so sorting out VISA.

A german mate of mine who did it said he made himself popular with local green grocers etc.. and everyone else make sure they see her in town with her

and he reckons these green grocers and neighbours will ebhis eyes and ears when he is away from phils.

I hope you dont mind me being frank. But seriously thats extreme paranoia going on there

Can you trust the greengrocers?

[bornatbirth]

blackcat,whats going on inside your head?,you seem to think any filipina will cheat on you as soon as you leave.

most on this forum are from the uk and married to filipinas and you dont hear many saying how they all got cheated on by there wifes.

you seem to have major trust issues,unless someone is telling you this nonsense

your friend got everyone in his gfs neighborhood to watch her,what did they report back...the price of ripe mango

[Sim11UK]

I'm not sure I'd go down this long distance relationship route, if I was you.
Your trust issues, are going to eat you up.

[jackmac452]

Blackcat, there are many Filipino ladies who you can trust Implicitly.You just have to find them, don't be downhearted by all this....I'm not trying to be big headed about my situation, but I rent and apartment for my lady and have done for nearly a year now, also I sent her about 40,000 peso's 3 month's ago to help with the food and stuff she will need, it's all tied in with my Internet banking thing and I know how much she spends...I have the problem of her NOT spending it !!! she's used up about 17,000 peso's in 3 month and I tell her to spend it....but she will not...so, some are not after the money as some outsiders always seem to think...Mate if your mind cannot trust her...well, give it all up, you'll only be hurting yourself mate..Anyway, Good luck in your endeavors..

[blackcat22]

It seems many people's answer to the problem is "save yourself the hassle don't do it, it's not necessary"


I'm mainly seeking advise from people who have done this in the past or currently i.e rent apartment for their lady and if it was favourable experience or if they later regret it and why

My caution is from what I know from many thai girls which I know some of them run many foreign bf in one go (have actually witnessed this in my little time i spent in thailand)

I suppose I could be wrong to bring the same suspicion to filipinos

[Steve.r]

My caution is from what I know from many thai girls which I know some of them run many foreign bf in one go (have actually witnessed this in my little time i spent in thailand)

I suppose I could be wrong to bring the same suspicion to filipinos

I think you use a big brush to tar a lot of people blackcat. But in the same breath, there are also many people like that the world over, here in the Uk also.
Take your time and build trust, if she lies, then the lies will surface soon enough. Personally, I don't see the point in renting somewhere, unless she is living on the street right now, but I am sure she lives with her family, so why would you even bother?

[Sim11UK]

Meet someone, gain trust, be trusting (provided there aren't obvious bad signs)...simple as that really...Just let things develop naturally.

Forget about greengrocers watching out for you, the wrong train of thought.
You have no financial obligation to house anyone....maybe possibly later, if you are gettting married, or whatever.

Plenty of happily marrieds here, because they built a relationship on trust.

[Ladybug_sim]

It seems many people's answer to the problem is "save yourself the hassle don't do it, it's not necessary"


I'm mainly seeking advise from people who have done this in the past or currently i.e rent apartment for their lady and if it was favourable experience or if they later regret it and why

My caution is from what I know from many thai girls which I know some of them run many foreign bf in one go (have actually witnessed this in my little time i spent in thailand)

I suppose I could be wrong to bring the same suspicion to filipinos

Hi! Blackcat22, Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year soon… just read your post on here and I know some of our co-members on the forum said right things but still you keep looking on how to solve the problem. As for my opinion to share too, even it is from your friend I think he did the right thing if he think it is best for his woman coz sometime we did think things that good for the one we love what ever cause or happen as long as he did the part he think best for their relationship or for his mahal… what you experience it is the things happen too when one is not too careful on having their love one ... but women are good when the one be good for them but there’s someone bad too when their life are so taught. Coz so far from now I can only say that never trust the person when you think you cant trust him/her… it is good that you know their family and to show that your friend is really serious for her but when you think that woman is not really worth for the trust or love he give then better you keep on watch for the things happen.. I never say that the things he did is not good because it is the one he think that his mahal be ok when he is far from her then the hold of love, trust, and respect as what we want to the relationship even far or near to each other.

I know that not all are good women or men but sometime we need to try what the right things we can do in life as long we can make them happy or we feel the happiness we did to them… It is not a matter what things we did too but a matter what we can do to someone we think that he/she is the right one or the one we love. Yes, sometime things too complicated lots of heartache, frustration, etc… but we keep learning for all the things in our life. There’s no such things as a perfect life, but it can be filled w/ perfect moments… we are glad if their relationship be success soon but we feel sorry when things not too good but still don’t forget life still keep going on … so keep on smile and thanks what you did or he did... think positive and what ever you he did just counted as blessing you shared to someone you known and love too ..

Happy New Year to all

[SteveTalaga]

It seems many people's answer to the problem is "save yourself the hassle don't do it, it's not necessary"


I'm mainly seeking advise from people who have done this in the past or currently i.e rent apartment for their lady and if it was favourable experience or if they later regret it and why

My caution is from what I know from many thai girls which I know some of them run many foreign bf in one go (have actually witnessed this in my little time i spent in thailand)

I suppose I could be wrong to bring the same suspicion to filipinos

I agree with many other replies here that you shouldn't rent an apartment for her if she doesn't really need it at this stage of your relationship but I do think that you shouldn't consider Filipinos to be the same as Thai. GENERALLY SPERAKING Thai girls are far more materialistic than Filipinas. I read an excellent book recently (Private Dancer) which talks about Thai girls and their relationships with foreigners and the trust and suspicion issues that you describe. Whilst there are some similarities with any and all races, generally speaking Filipinas are far more caring than Thai girls and love you rather than your assets.

[triple5]

I agree with many other replies here that you shouldn't rent an apartment for her if she doesn't really need it at this stage of your relationship but I do think that you shouldn't consider Filipinos to be the same as Thai. GENERALLY SPERAKING Thai girls are far more materialistic than Filipinas. I read an excellent book recently (Private Dancer) which talks about Thai girls and their relationships with foreigners and the trust and suspicion issues that you describe. Whilst there are some similarities with any and all races, generally speaking Filipinas are far more caring than Thai girls and love you rather than your assets.

Private Dancer is about a Thai bar girl and is a work of fiction, so to judge your perceptions of Thai girls on that isn't really fair. A lot of westerners get involved with Thai bar girls and get ripped off, then have this mindset that all Thai girls are only after one thing. Same as in any country you'll always get your golddiggers. Where did you get the idea that thais are more materialistic than pinays?

[maindyshelley]

You won't need to solve any problem if you won't create any. Let her stay in a family home. In a Filipino culture, we're used to having the men (father, borther, husband) work away from home, and yes, mostly abroad..but their wives remain faithful to them.

Don't even bother hiring detectives, it just shows how you don't trust her. and if you even entertain such thoughts, don't bother being with the girl. It simply shows you have no trust.

The people here are right, take it slowly..meet her family and friends, then you'll know her. I don't particularly like gfs asking their foreign bfs for money.

I hope when you meet someone new, you won't be in the same predicament you were almost in last time.

best of luck to you!

[somebody]

It seems many people's answer to the problem is "save yourself the hassle don't do it, it's not necessary"


I'm mainly seeking advise from people who have done this in the past or currently i.e rent apartment for their lady and if it was favourable experience or if they later regret it and why

My caution is from what I know from many thai girls which I know some of them run many foreign bf in one go (have actually witnessed this in my little time i spent in thailand)

I suppose I could be wrong to bring the same suspicion to filipinos

I like many others did not rent the wifeto be (at the time) an appartment we did look into it me suggesting and pushing for more than the Wife.
Strangely i ended up paying for the Wifes Mum and her younger siblings to move into rented accomdation for a short period in the local town but that was due to a family emegency. The money went where it should and they were very grateful to be assited and I was honoured to be in the situation to help them. Several years later the mother in law was able to host us when in Italy and was grateful still for the help at the time

Its to easy to say yes or no to should you provide an appartment. It depends on so many factors.

But if you have just met a Lady and still dont feel you know her well enough risking the outlay of rent is to me a little silly. A years rent in phill is still quite a sum of money and does that mean you will pay all her other living expenses.
What level of housing and support is she used to now and what would you providse would this then cause issues when she ends up in a run of the mill house in the UK not living the makati life style Or is it just a place to put her head and basic support which if your involved with someone is the least you can do morally?

Although thanks to this site and others I was very cautious by the time I was supporting the Wife if she needed help (the fact she could stop working and learned English to a far higher level plus spend a lot of time with her family was a massive bonsus to this day )

When I helped the family out I knew them well and I didn't even need to think abnout it once i knew all the facts.

If its to help your Mahal who you love and trust then go ahead but be warned if you set the standard to high.

With regards trust whatever anyone on here says you can never trust a fellow human 100 percent all human beings have the abilty to cheat, lie or simply decide they dont want to be with another human. To be honest its there right as it is with you.

All you can do is bulid as a high level of trust and lets be honest so many human interactions in social and the business world depend on people trusting others..

So in a nutshell.

Providing a apartment.

1. Are you both in love?

2. will the level of accomdation and support be the same or bettered once in the UK?

3. can you afford it if it does go wrong?

4. What happens if it all turns sour? Do you simply stop paying the rent/support straight off or?