Home sickness

[mickcant]

Hello all,
Some will remember that my wife Jennifer arrived in the UK last Tuesday the 29th September.
She is very homesick, she has a close family at home in Cagayan De Oro City, and is thinking of going home.
Jennifer does have a computer at our home on the Isle of Wight, and we did buy a laptop to leave at the family home, but this is not yet online.
She has been in contact with her family via Skype and yahoo messenger with her sister going to an internet café.
She has made friends with the Filipina widow of the British man who died a few weeks ago, but she will be returning to Cebue as soon as her pension paperwork is completed.

I am retired so am not going to work and leaving her own her own.
We had been apart for 16 months since our wedding on 8th April 2008 until this week.
I realise it may take time for us to get close again.
How can I best help her?
Mick.

[James Hubbard]

Hello all,
Some will remember that my wife Jennifer arrived in the UK last Tuesday the 29th September.
She is very homesick, she has a close family at home in Cagayan De Oro City, and is thinking of going home.
Jennifer does have a computer at our home on the Isle of Wight, and we did buy a laptop to leave at the family home, but this is not yet online.
She has been in contact with her family via Skype and yahoo messenger with her sister going to an internet café.
She has made friends with the Filipina widow of the British man who died a few weeks ago, but she will be returning to Cebue as soon as her pension paperwork is completed.

I am retired so am not going to work and leaving her own her own.
We had been apart for 16 months since our wedding on 8th April 2008 until this week.
I realise it may take time for us to get close again.
How can I best help her?
Mick.

Sorry to hear that



I can imagine it would be a trying time not only for her, but also for you. I am not really sure what you can do more than you have done, I am very looking forward to the answers to what others have done, so I know for when my wife gets her visa.

[triple5]

Hi Mick, I guess it's only natural for her to be homesick to begin with, especially if this is her first time away from home. Give her some time, take her sight seeing, find things to do which will take her mind off home. Stock up the cupboards with filipino foods. How about suggesting she register here so she can make more friends.

[mickcant]

Hi Mick, I guess it's only natural for her to be homesick to begin with, especially if this is her first time away from home. Give her some time, take her sight seeing, find things to do which will take her mind off home. Stock up the cupboards with filipino foods. How about suggesting she register here so she can make more friends.

Hi, We have been to a show, gone shopping for food she likes, I will try to get her the joinn here that would help Thanks,
Mick.

[bornatbirth]

the first couple of weeks maybe the worse,just try and keep your patience.

i think exposure to her new world is best,so get out everyday and visit all the free places,the isle of wight as many?

get her online to her familyand friends and try and keep her mind busy,have you tried going to dancing lessons or something like that?

btw theres a filipino store in southampton at the top of shirley high street.

[LadyJ]

Hi Mick Sorry to hear that.. It was normal for her to be feeling homesick.
what you can do is just support her, try to take her outside of the house as much as possible ie. take her somewhere, local attractions, etc.. Let her have time to speak to her family and friends in the Phils and introduce her to some of your family and friends aswell. it probably takes a lot of time before she will get used here in UK.

I hope you and wifey will be fine.

[LEAHnew]

Hi MIck I know how she feel...it's really hard, as Bornatbirth said try to enrol her in a dance lesson or cooking, singing, whatever she wanted in my experience I limit my chats in Phil coz the more I'm chatting the more i'm missing them, so I started to make my self busy with the UK telly, my dance lesson, church activity, cooking, fil-uk forum and lastly shopping

[Sophie]

Hello all,
Some will remember that my wife Jennifer arrived in the UK last Tuesday the 29th September.
She is very homesick, she has a close family at home in Cagayan De Oro City, and is thinking of going home.
Jennifer does have a computer at our home on the Isle of Wight, and we did buy a laptop to leave at the family home, but this is not yet online.
She has been in contact with her family via Skype and yahoo messenger with her sister going to an internet café.
She has made friends with the Filipina widow of the British man who died a few weeks ago, but she will be returning to Cebue as soon as her pension paperwork is completed.

I am retired so am not going to work and leaving her own her own.
We had been apart for 16 months since our wedding on 8th April 2008 until this week.
I realise it may take time for us to get close again.
How can I best help her?
Mick.

Hi mick, i think the best thing you can do is be more understanding and have more patience.....which i know you are already doing,
as she will have some moments of depression from time to time or may get in some moods at times........
But you don't need to do so much really, its enough that she feels you empathize with her
and she knows you understand exactly what she feels and what she's going through.....
Its a normal phase every filipinas go through i suppose, it's a major transition,
adjusting from single to married life and in particular adjusting from life back home to new life here.....2 major changes at once.....
And people have different ways of coping and adjusting to change, some can do it quite faster and easier while some struggle a bit harder.....
What's important is to be supportive to her all the way until she gets adjusted well being here and being apart from her family back home......
And maybe you can let her join the forum, she will enjoy it here specially with many filipinas around to talk to and have fun with....

[maria_and_matt]

hmmm, what about a baby? i remember i was feeling the exact same way when i first got here. but when i got pregnant i got so busy with my lil one i forgot where i was

[KeithD]

Tell her to stop eating the home if it's making her sick!


I'll get my coat...................

[LadyJ]

Tell her to stop eating the home if it's making her sick!


I'll get my coat...................

now you lost it again

[Tawi2]

Do interesting things together mick,what are her hobbies?Concentrate on them for a while,get out and about together even if its just a walk along the beach,find social clubs you can join together,even the dreaded line-dancing is better than sitting at home when her thoughts will return to pinas,keep her active,its a new country,new circle of friends,different experiences,new life,embrace it

[KeithD]

...what are her hobbies?

I'll take a stab in the dark......SHOES!!!!

[GaryFifer]

Honestly. get her a nice little puppy

But since Jennifer met that widow, perhaps she is worried inside her heart, you will pass away soon, and she will be left alone the same as that girl. That will be hard. Just to enjoy the best times of your lifes and then start again. I supposed she can learn from the widow, but she is probably thinking. OMG that might be me. That is why she is homesick, because she wants to be near something that comforts her in dark thinking. Have you talked seriously about that?

[Tawi2]

Just "Shoes" Are shoes a hobby when we only have one pair of feet Maybe your right,maybe shopping for clothes but wouldnt that be boring I can shop for a pair of jeans and some boots in 10 minutes flat Do as gary suggested ask would she like a puppy or a kitten

[miss.piggy]

Hi Mick,

Sorry Jennifer is starting to feel sad and here's a message for her:

Hi Jennifer:

I'm Olivia. I understand how you are feeling, almost everyone (if not all of us) felt the same way you do when we flew off the Philippines. Just like you, I married an Englishman and had to live abroad since. It's been 8 years now and I still feel 'home sick' once in a while. It's normal, but you are so lucky to have Mick as he's willing to do and try anything to make you feel at home!

Join the forum, Jennifer and start making friends here. We may be virtual but that could be temporary as everyone travel once in a while and would love to meet friends all over the UK.

Best regards!

[Geraldine]

Hi!

Try to look for Pinoys in your area and make friends with them...it will help her alot coping with homesickness...try any Catholic/Christian churches. I met my 1st pinoy friends in a church then from then on I met the rest in pinoy parties. Staying at home will not help...try to go out as much as possible or just keep her busy with other things. If she can work, part time will be fine she will meet more friends.

[pennybarry]

Boredom is our best enemy.
I've been abroad for many years but still I missed my family and Pinas.
When I arrived, I joined hubby in his truck. I was so happy, I didn't feel the boredom as I was enjoying to see UK countryside by truck from London-Scotland highlands. But after 2 months joining him in his truck, I gave up. I told him I want to work hard like him.
I also enroled some short courses that time. Hubby also took me to museums, and more places to visit . That's made a big help!
Hubby loves to drive, and I enjoy joyride so we're always on the go.
Take her to historical places, introduce her your culture, history, and have a dinner date.

[IanB]

Help her to find some independence too. Public transport on the Island is good - help her to understand how to use the buses so she knows she can get around whenever she wants. Naturally she we will want to be with you a lot of the time - but I think this will help.

Also try hard to find some more filipinos nearby. Any volunteers on this forum? Failing that, visit a Thai restaurant and get to know some of the local Thai people.

[Sophie]

I'll take a stab in the dark......SHOES!!!!

LOL, you know women too well

[Tawi2]

Do shoes really make women happy?Really? Imelda had,by her own admission 1060 pairs,she must have been in heaven

[Sophie]

Do shoes really make women happy?Really? Imelda had,by her own admission 1060 pairs,she must have been in heaven

LOL, i bet she is tawi

[jane2009]

Hello all,
Some will remember that my wife Jennifer arrived in the UK last Tuesday the 29th September.
She is very homesick, she has a close family at home in Cagayan De Oro City, and is thinking of going home.
Jennifer does have a computer at our home on the Isle of Wight, and we did buy a laptop to leave at the family home, but this is not yet online.
She has been in contact with her family via Skype and yahoo messenger with her sister going to an internet café.
She has made friends with the Filipina widow of the British man who died a few weeks ago, but she will be returning to Cebue as soon as her pension paperwork is completed.

I am retired so am not going to work and leaving her own her own.
We had been apart for 16 months since our wedding on 8th April 2008 until this week.
I realise it may take time for us to get close again.
How can I best help her?
Mick.

Hi Mick,
thats normal for all pinay get homesick when they arrived in a new country...and you are the stage of adjusment but everything will be fine...
Anyway! we are not very far, we just moved here in gosport a month ago maybe we could met each other i came from davao city so your wife and me could speak bisaya..heheheh...just pm me if she want somebody to talk with..i will give my email add...keep in touch...

[aromulus]

A spot of retail therapy works wonders......

D&G
Versace
Lacoste
DKNY
Guess
Fossil
Chanel

[James Hubbard]

A spot of retail therapy works wonders......

D&G
Versace
Lacoste
DKNY
Guess
Fossil
Chanel

That is what my wife would suggest also

Although, I'd prefer the other italian designer Primark

[aromulus]

That is what my wife would suggest also

Although, I'd prefer the other italian designer Primark

Meet somewhere a third of the way and visit Matalan....

[James Hubbard]

Meet somewhere a third of the way and visit Matalan....

Matalan - "Where function kills fashion dead"

[aromulus]

Matalan - "Where function kills fashion dead"

It can be adapted Blue Peter's style......

Bit of sticky back plastic here, couple of clips there.... A bog roll on the side......

[James Hubbard]

It can be adapted Blue Peter's style......

Bit of sticky back plastic here, couple of clips there.... A bog roll on the side......

LoLz

[ginapeterb]

Hello Mick

Well it looks like a wealth of advice has been added here for your wife's only to be expected home sickness, in truth, tell your wife, we Brits also feel homesickness, when we get back from Philippines.

I feel it all the time, my poor Gina gets this most years, and this is her 5th year in UK living and working, I anticipated that my girl would be home sick in the first few weeks, its a massive change of surroundings and culture, its the small things that we do not think of that contribute to bouts of chronic home sickness.

For example, the deafly silence of some villages and towns in UK, when people have shot off to work, I was just thinking today, when i was out in rural Suffolk, just how quiet some of these villages are, you rarely see anyone, its not like CDO, where your wife comes from, no jeepneys, no trikes, or noisy buses, plying around the streets, no vendors, selling everything known to man, its the noise and hustle and bustle of Philippine life that gives the impression that UK is a boring place to live, where no one talks to anyone else.

And if we do happen to see our neighbor, we quickly pretend that we dont see them, and look the other way, not so in the Philippines, people stop to chat, pass the time of day, and go off and do things together, hence your wife being in a barkada, or group of freinds, will greatly enhance her well being and let her settle in gradually.

I made a point as funds allowed at the time, to booking my Gina flight home at Christmas, and insisted she went back and spent the time with her family, just so she had the first 3 months here in UK, she read quite alot, and yes its true, she did not enjoy those first 3 months very much, most of the time she was waiting for me to come home from work, I felt for her then, but over time, the home sickness dissapears gradually, as your wife integrates into society.

There is I am afraid no quick fix for this, telling her to go to the library, the town, this and that only goes so far, but in the end, time is the deciding factor, I have seen and heard of many stories where some Filipinas, just never adapt to life in the UK, some go back, having talked about chronic isolation, no life, boring, quiet, nothing to do, and many Filipinas complain of this.

Sometimes, no matter what we do, its never enough, showing attention, and comfort and support is the best thing you can do, promising that you will do something at the weekend, or take them out for a trip, retail shopping at the local mall, can often help, as someone has rather amusingly added, a trip to department stores that sell well known labels help, but not all Filipinas are turned on by designer shopping.

So its really a matter of what does your girl like to do, talking to her family in Philippines on a regular basis helps, you can pick up one of those 3 network, skype phones, and its unlimited calling on skype, anywhere in UK, these sometimes bring the family closer, plus as you have said, yahoo chatting helps as well, but ultimately, time as I said is the deciding factor.

Your doing your best at present, and we wish you well with it.